This Couple Fell In Love At First Sight. A Decade Later, They’re On A Forever Honeymoon.
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Anybody who's ever told you love at first sight was a myth was a damn lie and you can tell them Jasmine and Alex Sweet said it.
The couple initially met during their junior year of college and a decade and almost three years of marriage later, Jasmine and Alex are out here proving that Black love is alive and well in these streets and we love to see it. The duo, who make it their mission to honeymoon at least once a year, recently sat down with xoNecole and broke down the beginnings of their modern-day love story and explained that the secret to a successful long-term commitment is coming to the table as a whole ass person.
"Alex and I have always been pretty complete individuals. We didn't complete each other necessarily. We enhanced one another, and that's what made our situation unique," Jasmine shared. "We both worked really hard at who we were and appreciate each other for it. I think that's why we weren't afraid of the commitment. It was like, 'I got this because we got this!'"
"Alex and I have always been pretty complete individuals. We didn't complete each other necessarily. We enhanced one another, and that's what made our situation unique."
Despite spending months apart while chasing their dreams, the couple says that because they were focused on both their commitment to themselves and one another, they were able to pass every test with flying colors. "We were individually taking care of business to set ourselves up for each other. We weren't in a rush to get married. We were in a rush to prepare ourselves for life in general––job transitions, friends and family woes, but we were committed to each other. It was a soul tie that even we haven't been able to explain."
We talked more with Jasmine and Alex about falling in love at first sight, becoming the best version of themselves for one another, and how they've made the last two years feel like a never-ending honeymoon.
Here's what we learned:
How They Met
Jasmine: We met in college at the University of Memphis. I was pledging Alpha Kappa Alpha and he was pledging Alpha Phi Alpha in 2009. They crossed before my line did, and I saw him at a university talent show. I was hosting the event when I saw him in the crowd. I'd been pretty active on campus in different leadership roles and had never seen him before.
Later, I found out he ran track! Athletes don't get out much! As he and his line brothers were strolling around the talent show, I told my line sisters, "I want the one no one knows!" (laughs) I'd been in college for three years and was convinced my husband was nowhere to be found until I saw Alex! Little did I know, he was from Memphis and well-known! But that didn't change my mind about him!
Alex: We met in college, officially at a restaurant near the campus of the U of M. The story of how we exchanged information, as well as our first dance, is a legendary story.
First Impressions
Jasmine: I loved him from the start! Alex is the epitome of his last name––SWEET! I honestly don't know how I got so lucky. He was suave and sweet at the same time and that intrigued me. Well-spoken! Gentle! Honest! Funny! Sooooo loving.
Alex: When I first saw her, I instantly knew she was the flyest lady I have ever seen. I just wanted to be in her presence at all times, and still do.
Instant Attraction
Jasmine: No, It was love at first sight! Ha! Something in my soul felt it.
Alex: Instant. From that day, 10 years ago, the only thing I wanted to do was to be with her. I started seeing her in my dreams for the future. I knew my life was going to change forever, she was going to be in it. Crazy when I think about it, but that's how falling in love felt to me.
"From that day, 10 years ago, the only thing I wanted to do was to be with her. I started seeing her in my dreams for the future. I knew my life was going to change forever, she was going to be in it. Crazy when I think about it, but that's how falling in love felt to me."
First Date
Jasmine: My memory fails me [about our first date]. When it comes to us because we lived so much life together and grown up together. Our first phone conversation was on Christmas Eve. He'd had my phone number for two weeks, and hadn't called. I was over him! Then, he called while he was building his little brother's toys for Christmas. I melted over the phone.
We talked all night until the sun came up. I was home in Jackson for Christmas break, but when I got back to the University of Memphis campus, I invited him over. He came and there we were talking all night again. He was it for me.
Making It Official
Jasmine: It didn't take us very long to make things official. I remember the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was February 5, 2010. He actually gave a formal speech about how he didn't want to play any games. As cliche as it sounds, he was dead serious. I was shocked that he named everything that he loved about me and how he wanted to grow with me. He was 19 and I was 20. How could this be? Where had he been the first three years of college? I often felt like he was too good to be true, but he was real and it felt so good. Alex is a calm-spirited individual who is so loyal, and if he gives you his word, he means it.
"It didn't take us very long to make things official. I remember the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was February 5, 2010. He actually gave a formal speech about how he didn't want to play any games. As cliche as it sounds, he was dead serious. I was shocked that he named everything that he loved about me and how he wanted to grow with me. He was 19 and I was 20."
Alex: This a true black college love story. Two individuals in their respected organizations meet at a college party and share a moment on the dance floor together. Nothing is said, he leaves only to find her later. I was the initiator. I wanted her to know from that point on, it's Alex and Jasmine. We dated. We still date. We went to the parties together in college holding hands. We still go out holding hands into the lounge, movies, or just through the mall.
The One
Jasmine: I hate being away from Alex. 10 years later and I die a little inside at the thought of him not being here. I lost my dad a few years ago. He and my mom were married for 42 years. I sometimes just stare at Alex and think about what our long-term lives look like. Then, I say a little prayer and just surrender thoughts of forever with him. That's love.
Alex: Once a person changes the way you look on the world and life, and realizing in every moment you want that person in the picture, you know [they are the one]––at least I did.
"I lost my dad a few years ago. He and my mom were married for 42 years. I sometimes just stare at Alex and think about what our long-term lives look like. Then, I say a little prayer and just surrender thoughts of forever with him. That's love."
The Sweetest Thing
Jasmine: I love that Alex has a vibrant spirit. There isn't a dull day in my house. I come home to music thumping through the house every day. He's laughing and joyful.
Alex: Jasmine has an energy that fills the room. She makes me feel like the most important person in the world. I also love how she allows me to make her feel like the Queen she is. A perfect balance.
Love Lessons
Jasmine: Love is the best adventure of our lifetime and you have to love fearlessly. He is my person and I'll go to war for him at all costs.
Alex: This team we have [is] the best team I could ask for in this game of life. True love will have you doing whatever it takes to live the best life with each other.
Overcoming Challenges
Jasmine: We've encountered a particular issue that I won't speak of that challenged our love, but it was such a strong one that it challenged us in a way that we loved even harder. We welcome challenges because we learned how to let the Devil know who's in charge. Our marriage counselors, Rob and Robin have taught us techniques to recognize when we're letting external forces control the narrative. Now, we ward them out immediately. Don't come for our house.
"We welcome challenges because we learned how to let the Devil know who's in charge. Our marriage counselors, Rob and Robin have taught us techniques to recognize when we're letting external forces control the narrative. Now, we ward them out immediately. Don't come for our house."
Alex: Patience and understanding. We have to remind ourselves, we are only human. And at the end of the day, we have to understand we may think differently of a lot of things, we share the same goal of loving each other to the best of our ability.
For more Jasmine and Alex, follow them on Instagram!
Featured image by @jasminesweet.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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In The Bedroom, Kelly Rowland Is A Self-Professed 'Sensualist.' That's Sexy AF
As a professional writer, I actually got my start in the entertainment industry. Between that and being somewhat of a music industry child as well (kind of a long story), I learned a long time ago not to get up in the hype of celebrity culture or to fall victim to celebrity worship. That’s why, I am very intentional about not speaking on famous people as if I know them. Whenever I do speak on them, I prefer to use what they’ve said or something that was actual news as a teachable moment — for the most part, no more, no less.
So, when it comes to Kelly Rowland, specifically, I don’t know her and won’t speak on her as if I do. What I will say is based on how she moves and interviews that I’ve caught her in, I appreciate her — and her marriage — on a few levels.
I Turn My Camera On with Lance Gross | Kelly Rowland | L/Studio created be Lexuswww.youtube.com
As a marriage life coach for close to 20 years at this point, I find her relationship with her husband, Tim Witherspoon, to be… “refreshing” is the word that comes to mind. I think that’s why I took extra special note when she said in a fairly recent interview that she considers herself, sexually, to be a sensualist. Since I deal with bedroom issues quite a bit with couples, I like how she broke the word down. I also thought that by sharing it with y’all, it might help some of you figure out how to get more of what you want from your own partner…since you might actually be a sensualist, too. Whether you know it or…not (yet).
What Is a Sensualist? Across the Board.
Talk that talk, sis. Okay, so you heard Kelly’s definition of a sensualist. That said, if you’ve ever read even a few of my pieces before, you know that I like to unpack layers of things — because most things have them. A sensualist. What Kelly said, on many levels, is right on the mark. However, let’s go a bit deeper.
By (dictionary) definition, a sensualist is someone who really enjoys pleasure and typically uses all of their senses in order to experience it. When it comes to intimacy, sensuality is a part of the reason why I write articles like “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” because if there is one act where, if you bring in sight, touch, hearing, smell and taste into the dynamic, you’re almost guaranteed that it’s not going to disappoint, it’s coitus.
Still, in order to understand what it means to be a sensualist in a sexual way, I think it’s super important to explain that it applies to your being, even before you step into the bedroom.
For instance, while reading a blog post entitled “The Hard Work of Being a Sensualist,” I really appreciated how the author said that a main mantra for true sensualists is to “live in the moment” and that you must be willing to put in the intentionality and effort to figure out who you are and what you like — and that requires a continuous level of curiosity and exploration.
Why is that so essential when it comes to sex? Because, unfortunately, we live in a culture where a lot of people think that someone is automatically “bad in bed” if they don’t know how to satisfy their partner when, the irony to all of that is, you can’t expect someone to “get you there” when you don’t even know what your foundational and innermost sexual needs are. Honestly, that’s a big part of the reason why I’m such a fan of things like sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) and vaginal mapping (check out “Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey”), it’s because they are practices that encourage you to become a sex student of your own self.
And here’s the thing: when you learn to slow down, be more gracious, and remain open to figuring out all of what makes you sexually tick, it causes you to extend that same kind of energy to your partner, which makes the experience so much richer — and more real. This is how a sensualist thinks.
Oh, and the “living in the moment” part? That is simply all about being present. You’re not worrying about the past (which means that, sexually, you aren’t comparing your current partner to anyone else — eh hem), nor are you preoccupied with or obsessing over the future — and that includes not worrying about if you’re gonna orgasm or not because yes, technically, even 10 minutes from now is the future. Being present is simply taking every moment that you are in IN and letting things flow naturally. This, too, is the mind of a sensualist.
And what makes it easier to be this type of individual? Kelly covered it. When it comes to sex, begin by cultivating the type of atmosphere where all of your senses are in a state of tranquility so that you’re not stressing, overthinking, or lacking self-sexual confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem” and “These 10 Hacks Will Help You Love Your Body More”).
This means asking yourself, “When it comes to sex, what do I like to look at? How do I prefer to be touched? What sounds do I like to hear, and how do I want to be spoken to? What scents arouse me? Do I like sexual condiments like honey, whipped cream, and fudge, or do I prefer the taste of my partner?” True sensualists make the time to ask themselves these things, figure out the answers, and then convey them to their partner. Know what else? They also make the time to ask their partner what would turn them into a sensualist as well because, remember, sensualists are curious…sensualists explore.
Now that you know what comes with being a sensualist, do you get why Kelly said that she is able to fully surrender during the act of sex because she’s a sensualist? Honestly, it speaks more to who she is as a woman than what is happening outside of her. She knows who she is, and what brings her pleasure, and she’s able to articulate that so that her sexual needs can be fully met. Excellent.
5 Ways That You Can Become a (Better) Sensualist
GiphySo, what if you’re new to the whole sensualist thing, and you’d like to get to the point and place where you can confidently profess that you actually are one? If that is indeed the case... here are five tips.
1. Learn the difference between sensual and sexy. Sexy is about something or one being sexually exciting. Being sensual is about pleasing the senses. It’s important to keep this point in mind because, even on the days when you might not feel your sexiest (or your partner might not appear his sexiest), you can still be sensual. There are always things that a sensualist can do to get into the mood — because more than just sight is involved when it comes to them. That’s a part of what makes them so dope.
2. Have “sex meetings” with your partner. Y’all be all up in your bed talking about bills and work (I really wish y’all would stop doing that, too; bedrooms should be for sex and sleep only). Why not pillow talk about sex instead? Google articles on sex and (verbally) share them with your partner. Talk about something that you recently discovered turns you on. Express what you’d like to explore more, sexually, together. A lot of us have heard that sex is the ultimate form of communication. The interesting thing about that is when it comes to their partner, so few people clearly and concisely discuss sex with them.
3. Be okay with planning sex sometimes. I promise you, I don’t get why so many folks frown on sex that’s on a schedule. Life is not a soap opera, and planning simply means that you are prioritizing. And when you prioritize, you can create the setting that you want to get all five of your senses going. You know, just recently, someone reminded me of an article that I wrote for the platform a while back entitled, “What Is 'Comfy Sex'? How Can You Get More Of It?” Yeah, to get all of what you need, sometimes you’ve got to put some forethought and execution into it. Like they say, “If you build it, they will come” — or y’all will cum (in this instance).
4. Choose to not take the joy and delight out of sex. Is this a “wild card” tip? Eh. Perhaps. It’s still relevant, though, because pleasure is defined by “joy” and “delight” and honestly, a lot of people have a ho-hum sex life because they go into it without a sense of humor, without emotionally connecting to their partner, without wanting to simply CHILL OUT to see how things go. If you’re inflexible (I mean mentally), if you’re tense, if you only have one end goal in mind all of the time (orgasm) — true sexual pleasure is going to be quite difficult for you.
5. Learn how to “be present,” in general. You can’t be all over the place in every other facet of your world and then up and think that you can be present in the bedroom on a whim. Being in the moment requires doing so all of the time. This means that you should be open to meditation, reducing screen time, deep breathing, being gentle with yourself (and others), and making peace that if you did your best, in the moment, that’s all you can do; let the chips fall where they may, chile.
See? When you take a moment to take it all in, being a sensualist is more than just a notion, and Kelly said more than just a mouthful. If you want to become a master of it in the bedroom, become a student of it in life.
So…are you a sensualist or not?
If not, when it comes to sex, imagine all of the possibilities, if you were.
Lawd…LAWD.
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Featured image by Don Arnold/WireImage