Your January Horoscopes Are All About Regaining Your Power
Happy New Year! The month and decade begin on a high note with Mars moving into free-spirited Sagittarius, giving us the push we need to shoot for the stars. As we ride the waves of eclipse season, energies may be a little chaotic. Lean into your faith in a higher plan and surrender with grace around the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse.
After spending the past five months retro, Uranus finally goes direct, requiring us to be flexible with the shifts taking place during this pivotal month. Matters of the heart get revived with a sense of magic as Venus begins her transit through Pisces on the 13th. Most of the action takes place in Aquarius for the rest of the month, inviting us to embrace our weird, connect with our tribe, and make a mark on the planet while we're here.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead!
Aries
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The fire gets lit beneath your ass as Mars begins its transit through Sagittarius on the 3rd, getting you hyper-focused on soaking up as much knowledge about your truth as possible—whether that's your spiritual beliefs, political views, or sense of morality. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse crashes over you with some deep feels related to your home life and family matters, granting you clarity about which generational patterns you need to clear out. This could also indicate a time in which you change residences. Uranus goes direct on the same day and it's time to hit the ground running with all of those great money-making ideas you've been sitting on since August.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces and love matters take on a more quiet, private approach with you likely spending more time tucked away in silky sheets with your lover. If you're single and looking, you could wind up meeting someone that shares similar spiritual beliefs and practices. Mercury moves into innovative Aquarius on the 16th with the Sun following behind on the 20th. It's time to reconnect with those like-minded individuals that make you feel like you're not "the crazy one". Keep in mind, that there are people just as weird as you are. The New Moon on the 24th could mark the beginning of a beautiful, new friendship that validates the visionary that you truly are.
Taurus
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The new year begins with fiery Mars moving into Sagittarius, heightening your sexual desires and encouraging you to explore any inhibitions that hold you back from embracing your prowess. If you've got any outstanding debt, now is a good time to conquer it (or at least strategize a plan for getting out of it). Eclipse season is ushered in by the Full Moon on the 10th may stir up some tension between you and your siblings. Strive to see beyond your projections of others and into their emotional wounds instead. Compassionate communication is your superpower around this time. On the same day, Uranus goes direct in your sign helping you feel more confident about marching to the beat of your own drum. You may even decide to revamp your appearance unexpectedly by dyeing your hair or splurging on a more eccentric wardrobe.
Around the middle of the month, Venus moves into sentimental Pisces to sweeten up your friendships and restore your faith in the bigger vision you're co-creating with the Universe. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius, enhancing your business acumen by gifting you with foresight to strategize your way to success. The Sun moves into this part of your chart on the 20th, helping you stand out amongst the competition, thanks to your leading-edge approach to your work. Recognition, or even a promotion, may be in store for your accomplishments around the New Moon on the 24th. Your influence is reaching new heights as well as your social media following. Use your power wisely.
Gemini
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January kicks off with Mars moving into Sagittarius, heating up your significant relationships. The desire is strong and so are your opinions. Keep in mind that your truth isn't necessarily the truth. It's OK to share what you think without it turning into an argument (unless debating is a form of foreplay for you). Also, be mindful of pushy clients or business partners during this transit and do your best to temper your frustrations dealing with the constraints that others place on you. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse brings your focus to money matters. Become more aware of your emotional states and how they affect the way that you spend money. Uranus goes direct on the same day, enhancing your psychic gifts. Pay attention to your dreams as they hold the key to some genius ideas and a peek into what's coming your way.
Venus moves into dreamy Pisces on the 13th, rekindling the sparks between you and your work. You may be on the receiving end of praises for the creative or spiritual works that you offer. When it comes to love, you may connect with someone in the same line of work as you. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius with the Sun following behind on the 20th, enhancing your inquisitive mind with knowledge that you're soaking up on the internet. Going back to school is something worth considering as well with the New Moon giving you the push to submit those applications. This is also a good time to sign up for that online seminar, start writing that book, or prepare to teach others about one of the many areas of your expertise.
Cancer
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The beginning of the month brings your focus to your daily routines and with Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd, you'll be itching to make some changes. Do your best to stay grounded while still inviting more variety into your schedule to make you feel more alive. Also be mindful of workplace drama and err on the side of caution when sharing your religious or political views during this transit. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your sign wipes the slate clean as you exhale the bullshit that's been lingering in your life, whether it's a mindset, habits, a job, or a relationship. Uranus goes direct on the same day, helping you feel more confident about the unique perspective that you bring to your social network or friend group. This is also a good time to explore some innovative ways to secure the bag via social media.
On the 13th, Venus moves into idealistic Pisces, inviting you to merge with your spiritual beliefs more deeply. Honor your truth—whatever that is for you. Fall in love with the process of learning more about yourself and your place in the world. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius which has you spilling all of your feels on social media. The Sun moves into this same part of your chart on the 20th, reminding you of the importance of sharing your vulnerabilities and embracing your humanity. The New Moon on the 24th serves as a reset in your approach to nurturing more intimacy with your social network and friends. Allowing yourself to fully be seen can be scary but it's necessary to experience more fulfilling connections.
Leo
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The new year begins with Mars moving into your sister sign, Sagittarius, on the 3rd. You're feeling sexy, adventurous, and ready to mingle. Spice up your life with romance and take that suitor up on that opportunity to get flewed out. If you haven't been feeling inspired, your creativity will flow a lot more easily during this transit. On the 10th, a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse helps you break through subconscious conditioning that inhibits you from embracing your emotions and receiving the nurturing you deserve. Pull out the Kleenex and schedule that therapy session to hash out those mommy issues. Rebellious Uranus goes direct on the same day and you could be on the receiving end of some surprise recognition for your work from a higher up.
The planet of love, and money, moves into sweet Pisces on the 13th, making you a magnet for financial support that seemingly falls from the heavens. When it comes to matters of the heart, you and bae are merging in mind, body, and spirit. If things have been rocky, couples therapy could be just what you both need to forgive each other and move forward. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius and you're focused on partnering up with more like-minded folks in love and business. As the Sun transitions into this same part of your chart, you're being recognized for your brilliant vision, making this an opportune time to whip out that proposal. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th inviting you to sign your name on the dotted line to solidify a new business relationship or to tie the knot.
Virgo
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The New Year kicks off with Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd, making you restless for an adventure. If you're able to manage it, this is a good time to take a vacay to a new place that will stimulate your mind. Getting in touch with your ancestral roots is also favorable during this transit and you may feel pulled to visit the "Motherland" (wherever that is for you). On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminates your creative and romantic blocks. What do you need to feel secure enough to express yourself and to experience more pleasure? Innovative Uranus goes direct on the same day inviting you to implement those genius ideas you've been sitting on since August. It's time to get in your bag!
The planet of love moves into ethereal Pisces on the 13th and your relationship gets all the more magical. You could find yourself feeling deeply connected to your partner through your shared spiritual beliefs and practices. If you work within the healing or spiritual arts, an influx of clients and partnerships are on the table. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius, making you a social butterfly amongst the workplace. Your curiosity about people is your superpower this month. The Sun moves into the same part of your chart on the 20th, encouraging you to get more organized especially if you create social media content for yourself or others. January winds down with an exciting New Moon on the 24th, inviting you to implement new habits and routines that can benefit your health.
Libra
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Happy New Year! The month gets going with Mars moving into fiery Sagittarius, giving you the extra oomph you need to get through those school assignments or make some progress with your business, thanks to social media. If you're feeling restless, a staycation could be just what you need to satisfy your wanderlust. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse invites you to reassess whether your career goals are in alignment with what brings you a sense of security (both financially and emotionally). A big achievement of yours may finally be recognized around this time as well. Spontaneous Uranus goes direct the same day, helping you shift your money mindset from broke bitch to boss bitch.
Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into self-sacrificial Pisces, encouraging you to stand firm in those boundaries you've been developing. It's time to fall back in love with the work you do on a daily basis. Delegate those arduous tasks to the expert and stick to what you know (and enjoy). When it comes to love, you may get lucky meeting someone at the office or at the gym. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius, flooding you with genius ideas for creative projects. This energy may have you feeling anxious, so do your best to stay grounded as you turn your vision into a reality. On the 20th, the Sun moves into the same part of your chart, inviting you to indulge in some adventure and romance. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to let your inner child flourish by recommitting to those dreams you've swept under the rug.
Scorpio
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Money matters are your primary focus at the start of the year as Mars begins its transit through Sagittarius on the 3rd. The hustler spirit is bestowed upon you, so make the most out of this energy. Also spend some time figuring out what financial freedom means to you. This could involve you seeking employment opportunities that offer you the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world (as long as there's a wifi connection, of course). On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse marks the ending of a chapter within your spiritual development which could require you to ditch some old beliefs and practices that just ain't it for you anymore. Remember—there is no guru outside of you. Uranus, the great awakener, goes direct on the same day, encouraging you to join forces with people that value your weird.
On the 13th, Venus begins her transit through gentle Pisces to sweeten up your life with some much-needed romance. Are you ready to be swept off your feet? If not, channel your hopeless romantic vibes into a creative project that you can share just in time for V-Day next month. Halfway through the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius stirring up a bit of friction in the household or amongst your family. You all have the same goal but just different ways of reaching the destination. The Sun moving into this same part of your chart on the 20th reminds you to focus on the bigger picture. If you're searching the market for your dream home, this is a good time to connect with a professional who knows their stuff. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th, helping you restore the harmony for the greater good of everyone involved.
Sagittarius
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The new year takes off with Mars moving into your sign on the 3rd, giving you a pick-me-up after partying hard during your birthday season. Take advantage of this potent energy to knock out your to-do list and anything else that requires a lot of effort. You may feel a little more irritable than usual during this transit, so find some healthy ways to blow off the steam. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse invites you to face your demons with a tender approach. In layman's terms, it's OK to cry, babe. Let yourself release those pent up feels related to issues with your mom or a lack of nurturing growing up. Uranus goes direct after a five-month retrograde on the same day. Time is money. Do what you must to create a more efficient schedule for yourself.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces, encouraging you to beautify your home. When it comes to romance, you'll most likely want to lay low with bae in the comfort of your humble abode. Mercury moves into Aquarius on the 16th, gifting you with the gift of gab. It's time to make your debut on IG live to talk yo shit. A few days later, the Sun moves into the same part of your chart, making you super popular on social media. Use your power of influence for something bigger than yourself. The New Moon on the 24th inspires you to share your unconventional ideas, trusting that they'll resonate with the right people. Sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to create some change. If anyone is down for the cause, it's you.
Capricorn
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Happy New Year (and birthday for the January Cappies)! The month begins with energetic Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd which has the potential to bring up some hidden frustrations to the surface. Triggered, much? Find some healthy outlets to express your anger to avoid unnecessary drama. Lean into whatever keeps you balanced spiritually to navigate this transit with more ease. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse brings a huge revelation to the light, regarding a key relationship whether romantic or business. If the connection hasn't been working, it will likely dissolve around this time, granting you with a new perspective on how to approach your partnerships moving forward. Uranus, the great awakener, goes direct on the same day, encouraging you to think outside of the box when it comes to romance and creativity.
Venus, planet of love and money, moves into intuitive Pisces on the 13th and you could be getting lucky with online dating. Maybe it's time to respond to that message that's been hanging out in your DMs. When it comes to securing the bag, you could experience an increase in funds if you're promoting something for healing purposes. How can you connect with your audience on an emotional level that makes them want to invest in your brand? On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius and you're talking business (but what's new?) that could bring you long-term security. With the Sun moving into the same part of your chart, you're advised to evaluate whether you're receiving a return on your investment. The New Moon on the 24th invites in a new opportunity that is more in alignment with your true value.
Aquarius
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The new year has finally arrived (as well as your birthday if you were born in January). In the beginning of the month, you'll find much of your energy exerted towards reconnecting with friends and social networks. Be mindful of competition among your circle. Everyone has something unique and amazing to bring to the table. Utilize each other's strengths to strategize any group projects you're working on. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 10th helps you recognize which habits you need to ditch that ultimately drain you. How are you overextending yourself to the point that you're neglecting your own well-being? Give yourself the nurturing you deserve on a regular basis and notice how much your health improves. On the same day, Uranus goes direct helping you revolutionize your money mindset which ultimately has a ripple effect on your family as well. Call in the realizations needed to shift your lineage's energy from poverty to prosperity. Dare to take a risk and pave the way for a new relationship with your finances and family.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces bringing in more money and more opportunities especially if you work in the healing/spiritual arts. This transit invites you to explore ways to increase your income that give you a deeper sense of purpose. And no, you don't have to sacrifice your earning potential by doing work that you love! Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into your sign which will keep you busy and social in the weeks to come. Your birthday season officially begins on the 20th with a New Moon on the 24th reminding you to make a wish. Where do you see yourself a year from now? Dream big, babe. The world is yours.
Pisces
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January kicks off with passionate Mars moving into free-spirited Sagittarius on the 3rd, getting you motivated for success. You've got what it takes to make your presence and contributions known in the professional world. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Cancer illuminates how you need to nurture your inner child and creativity. Make more time for play and pleasure as these things are just as vital to your well-being as a good night's sleep. This energy could also reveal how you're sabotaging yourself in romance by consistently pursuing people that are unwilling to receive or give love. Stop rehashing your mommy issues with the people you date. As you learn how to nurture yourself more, the people in your life will reciprocate the energy. On the same day, Uranus goes direct helping you innovate the way you share your gifts and talents with the world.
You're receiving a lot of attention, and maybe some extra coin, when Venus moves into your sign on the 13th. This is a good time to revamp your appearance or wardrobe as well. Your confidence will be at an all-time high, making this the perfect energy for getting into some money magic. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius, activating your dream world with reminders of your destiny. Take it easy as you spend time reflecting, and reconnecting, with a deeper sense of purpose. On the 20th, the Sun moves into Aquarius and your mind is buzzing with ideas, insights, and downloads. Ground yourself to process this information with more ease. Sleep is your best friend during this time. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th encouraging you to embrace the endings that must take place before you begin your new solar year.
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Feature Photo by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Behind The Veil: Brides Get Real About The Hidden Cost Of Wedding Planning
As more attention and concern has been given to mental health over the past few years, the trend seems to have taken its time when it comes to wedding planning. Though one of the most joyous times of a woman’s life, becoming a bride also includes a lot of stress—and most social media content glosses over it.
“I scrubbed TikTok for the better part of a year, and 90% of the content is just about saving money, what not to do and trends,” one bride recalled. “But there was really nothing about how to take care of yourself.”
Extensive research has been done on the state of the modern wedding, and the financial findings alone are enough to cause strain. According to research from The Wedding Report, U.S. wedding costs rose by 3% in 2023 to over $30,000, which is nearly half the country’s average salary. In a study of almost 10,000 couples conducted by The Knot, wedding costs in large cities like New York and Los Angeles peaked at $63,000 and $48,000, respectively.
“I feel like they're taking advantage of a happy moment,” another bride admits. “We hire photographers on the daily, we hire videographers on the daily. We know what a normal day rate is. But just because you put the term 'wedding' on it, the prices are doubled.”
The Knot’s study also includes stats that put interpersonal stress into perspective. With the average wedding including 115 guests, most couples also had at least eight bridesmaids and groomsmen. The study also confirmed that 75% of couples’ foremost concern was whether or not their “guests are well taken care of and have a good time.” All of this can put inordinate pressure on relationships—so much so that couples seek therapy.
“I don't think people really talk about things like, ‘Hey, perhaps you should be in therapy while you're doing this,’” yet another bride confesses. “Of course, some people are in premarital therapy, but I had to be in individual therapy right around the time of the wedding planning as well because it was just a burnout situation.”
In an effort to share more authentic stories about the wedding planning process, we asked four brides to anonymously share their experiences. From destination weddings to a pandemic micro wedding, here is the real tea on just how much a wedding can affect one’s mental health.
raisazwart/ Getty Images
BRIDE #1
There’s a lie that they tell you, that destination weddings are cheaper—they're not. The amount of money that was due upfront for things was definitely a stressor. Even with my fiancé and I collectively grossing over $200,000, I knew I was going to have to get a second job if I wanted things the way that I wanted them.
For my bachelorette, I was met with a lot of resistance from my bridesmaids out the gate. There were just too many opinions for me; it got to the point where I was so fed up with my bridal party that I had other friends outside of my wedding party helping me with things. There were even bridesmaids who were actually cool with each other at first, and now don't deal with each other at all. I also just look at certain friendships differently now.
Then there’s just way too much pressure on brides to look perfect—to be skinny, to have flawless skin, to have the whitest teeth, to have the best hair. I really feel like that was a stressor. I was trying to stay consistent in the gym; I was doing it as much as possible. I spent so much money on skincare, new body scrubs, lotions, and oils, trying to make sure that I was perfect. I also made sure I got my teeth whitened every three months. It got to the point where I was dreading getting my dress fitted because I wasn't the weight or the shape that I felt like I needed to be in order to be ‘perfect.’
"Then there’s just way too much pressure on brides to look perfect—to be skinny, to have flawless skin, to have the whitest teeth, to have the best hair. I really feel like that was a stressor."
My partner and I were in couples counseling at the same time that we were wedding planning. And I think, for the most part, he was involved as much as he was going to be. But then, he lost his mom, and the entire weight of the wedding fell on me. A couple of months before the wedding, I had a breakdown. It was too much to carry. I definitely took on this superwoman armor, and it stressed me the fuck out.
Days before we left, we had our last counseling session. My fiancé and I had a really, really long conversation about what we weren't going to allow to ruin the weekend for us. I just let it go—all the shit that upset me, all the things that pissed me off, even the things that were happening while I was there, I let it go.
A destination wedding was one of the things that we agreed on long ago. We knew that we always wanted to do that. And honestly, we had a fucking blast. For the entire process to be as hellish as it was, the weekend was great. Thank God.
BRIDE #2
Planning a wedding—especially one during the pandemic—was so stressful. My wedding was supposed to be in May 2020, and I canceled the wedding because of the pandemic. But then August 2020 rolled around, and I was like, ‘You know what? Let's just do something small.’ So, I planned my micro wedding in two weeks.
Initially, I had about 250 people that were invited to the wedding. So scaling down to just 30 people was honestly the hardest thing, and I actually lost friends because of it. Honestly, it shocked me, the entitlement that people had, and it just made me look at them differently. I was like, ‘You know what? I'm actually grateful that this happened because maybe I don't need you in my life.’
But to be honest, I think that the pandemic helped me out. With my original wedding plan, I was adding so many things onto the bill because I wanted it to look good for social media, so much so that I was racking up almost $100,000 for my bill. I had to keep reminding myself that it was one day, and spending that much money on a one-day event was actually ridiculous. I only spent $10,000 on my micro wedding, and I feel like that's pretty good. I learned throughout the process that I was being charged more for having a wedding. So, I rented out a Peerspace and I told her it was just a nice dinner for friends and family, that we were already married and were just celebrating. She had no clue that I was walking down the aisle on her rooftop.
As a social media influencer, I knew that tons of photos would be taken, and I would have to post them. I had a crossbite on my two front teeth, and I was so stressed out about how I would look in photos. So, I got Invisalign before the wedding. I also found a hair stylist quickly for my microwedding and she did my wig—but she did such a bad job. I was like, ‘Oh my God, this is so embarrassing. People are gonna see me in my photos on my wedding day with this horrible, horrendous wig.’ I had to pluck it so much more. When I got the photos from the photographer, I told him that he could not post them until I edited them.
If I could give advice to other brides, I would say make sure you do it for you and your partner, nobody else. In the beginning, there were too many people in my ear. Once I started to realize that it was mine and my fiancé’s big day, and it was just us who mattered, that's what shifted everything for me. So don't lean into the pressures of pleasing other people and social media, just do what you think is right and what you truly, truly want.
Serhii Sobolevskyi/ Getty Images
BRIDE #3
The day you get engaged, there’s the attention and the immediate questions: ‘Do you have a date in mind?’ ‘Where are you gonna do it?’ And it was like, ‘I literally just got engaged, can I have one day?’ I got engaged on New Year's Eve and I didn't announce it until April—and that's because I was pressured.
I also didn't want a wedding. I didn't plan my wedding; my mom and family did that because that's what they wanted. So the venue, the flowers, the cake, they did all that because I didn't care. Back when things were going my way, I said I just wanted to do something small in a garden. The only thing I cared about was my dress because I knew my dress was going to be the main thing that was photographed. I always wanted a pink dress; I knew when I chose pink that it was going to be like, ‘Hmm, that's interesting.’
Matopeda Bride was making my dress in Nigeria. Do you understand how stressful it is doing something with somebody that lives in Nigeria? We had to find that sweet spot of time to talk because everything was done over WhatsApp. I didn't get my dress until the week before my wedding, and when I got the dress, it didn't fit. We were panicking a little bit, so much so that I forgot to buy wedding shoes. But when it all came together, that was probably what I was most proud of, because everybody said no to that pink dress and I was like ‘I don't care.’
I also had a zillion workarounds because I was not playing with these people taking advantage of brides. They rip brides off so bad. It's unfair because if you go to a makeup artist and just say you want soft glam, that's $80. But for a wedding? I was being quoted around $1,500 to $2,000 for that same $80 face. So I brought my homegirl, and she did my makeup for free. Wedding cakes were priced around the same, like $1,000 to $1,500. I ordered a white cake from Publix, it might have been like 100 bucks. My mom is a florist, so she put the flowers on the cake and then we ended up doing a cupcake tower around the side.
"They rip brides off so bad. It's unfair because if you go to a makeup artist and just say you want soft glam, that's $80. But for a wedding? I was being quoted around $1,500 to $2,000 for that same $80 face."
I also had no idea—and I'm grateful that they did not tell me—that there was tension between my bridesmaids. Once the wedding was over, I saw the text thread, and it really put a lot of things in perspective for me, because I saw who was willing, who was not responsive, and who wouldn't do things they were supposed to do. Initially, with the garden wedding, it was just going to be me and my fiancé. I didn't want a bridal party.
On the day of, I was so tired of being at a wedding that I left my reception, and I went to the back to talk to a friend. I was like, ‘This is too much.’ I really don't believe half the brides that have these big, obnoxious weddings even want to be there! I've been seeing a lot of content with brides saying, ‘Okay, this is too much. I'm gonna go somewhere and decompress.’
A bride should make sure that she is centered and has a full awareness of who she is and what she would like, and stand firm in that. Just be authentic, be you, and I think you'll be able to deal with it all a little bit better. Every time I hear that somebody bent just a little bit to accommodate people, there were always regrets.
BRIDE #4
I knew I wanted to have a destination wedding before I even had a boyfriend. I've been to destination weddings, and I had so much fun. But mine was a battle with me and my mom, because she was like, ‘Oh, your grandmothers won't be able to come and certain family members won't be able to fly.’ And I was okay with that. I was just like, ‘Well, in this instance it's about me and what I want.’
We had two ceremonies: an American one and a Nigerian one. How we saved money with two weddings was that for the Nigerian one, we didn't feed people. We were like, ‘We're not paying for two receptions.’ Normally, when you go to a traditional Nigerian wedding, they feed people at both, and it gets really, really expensive. But we did it at an all-inclusive resort, so we were like, ‘We'll do the ceremony, and then y'all can go on the resort and go get some food.’
I'm not Nigerian, my husband is, so I let his family handle all that. I ended up having to step in and be the middle man between our wedding party and his family because they wanted us to wear a certain fabric. We got all the fabric from Nigeria, so we had to get everyone's measurements and all that tedious stuff. That's what was complicated. We had to wear the geles, the headwraps, and we didn't know how to tie the geles. So I had to figure out how to get the geles pre-made for the girls because I wanted to do that. That was a big thing for me because this was my only time to have a cultural wedding.
With relationships, it's like people don't know how to not make it about themselves. People also weren't realizing that when they kept asking me for stuff, they were making my life harder. I'm in the middle of planning a wedding, and you're asking me for answers that I've already sent, which is just inconsiderate at the end of the day. I think that's the most frustrating part, and that's why you lose friends, because people wait until the last minute to do things, and they make it harder on you.
People were coming up to me like, ‘Are you having something borrowed? Something blue?’ No. Why am I stressing myself out over that? Because that's a tradition? We need to normalize people being different. Historically, if you're different, you're outcasted, but if that's what I want, I want what I want. I didn't want a garter. I didn't want to do a garter toss. I didn't do the bouquet thing or none of that. When it came to the reception outfit, people were like, ‘Why aren't you getting a dress?’ I didn't want a dress; I wore a white suit. I wore a white suit with a sexy lingerie bodysuit underneath because that's me. With some Jordans, because I'm a sneaker person.
Managing my mental health was about creating boundaries. I think I did a great job of creating boundaries throughout the whole process—I was very stern on what I wanted and what I didn't want.
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