Your January Horoscopes Are All About Regaining Your Power
Happy New Year! The month and decade begin on a high note with Mars moving into free-spirited Sagittarius, giving us the push we need to shoot for the stars. As we ride the waves of eclipse season, energies may be a little chaotic. Lean into your faith in a higher plan and surrender with grace around the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse.
After spending the past five months retro, Uranus finally goes direct, requiring us to be flexible with the shifts taking place during this pivotal month. Matters of the heart get revived with a sense of magic as Venus begins her transit through Pisces on the 13th. Most of the action takes place in Aquarius for the rest of the month, inviting us to embrace our weird, connect with our tribe, and make a mark on the planet while we're here.
Check out what's in store for your zodiac sign in the month ahead!
Aries
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The fire gets lit beneath your ass as Mars begins its transit through Sagittarius on the 3rd, getting you hyper-focused on soaking up as much knowledge about your truth as possible—whether that's your spiritual beliefs, political views, or sense of morality. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse crashes over you with some deep feels related to your home life and family matters, granting you clarity about which generational patterns you need to clear out. This could also indicate a time in which you change residences. Uranus goes direct on the same day and it's time to hit the ground running with all of those great money-making ideas you've been sitting on since August.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces and love matters take on a more quiet, private approach with you likely spending more time tucked away in silky sheets with your lover. If you're single and looking, you could wind up meeting someone that shares similar spiritual beliefs and practices. Mercury moves into innovative Aquarius on the 16th with the Sun following behind on the 20th. It's time to reconnect with those like-minded individuals that make you feel like you're not "the crazy one". Keep in mind, that there are people just as weird as you are. The New Moon on the 24th could mark the beginning of a beautiful, new friendship that validates the visionary that you truly are.
Taurus
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The new year begins with fiery Mars moving into Sagittarius, heightening your sexual desires and encouraging you to explore any inhibitions that hold you back from embracing your prowess. If you've got any outstanding debt, now is a good time to conquer it (or at least strategize a plan for getting out of it). Eclipse season is ushered in by the Full Moon on the 10th may stir up some tension between you and your siblings. Strive to see beyond your projections of others and into their emotional wounds instead. Compassionate communication is your superpower around this time. On the same day, Uranus goes direct in your sign helping you feel more confident about marching to the beat of your own drum. You may even decide to revamp your appearance unexpectedly by dyeing your hair or splurging on a more eccentric wardrobe.
Around the middle of the month, Venus moves into sentimental Pisces to sweeten up your friendships and restore your faith in the bigger vision you're co-creating with the Universe. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius, enhancing your business acumen by gifting you with foresight to strategize your way to success. The Sun moves into this part of your chart on the 20th, helping you stand out amongst the competition, thanks to your leading-edge approach to your work. Recognition, or even a promotion, may be in store for your accomplishments around the New Moon on the 24th. Your influence is reaching new heights as well as your social media following. Use your power wisely.
Gemini
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January kicks off with Mars moving into Sagittarius, heating up your significant relationships. The desire is strong and so are your opinions. Keep in mind that your truth isn't necessarily the truth. It's OK to share what you think without it turning into an argument (unless debating is a form of foreplay for you). Also, be mindful of pushy clients or business partners during this transit and do your best to temper your frustrations dealing with the constraints that others place on you. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse brings your focus to money matters. Become more aware of your emotional states and how they affect the way that you spend money. Uranus goes direct on the same day, enhancing your psychic gifts. Pay attention to your dreams as they hold the key to some genius ideas and a peek into what's coming your way.
Venus moves into dreamy Pisces on the 13th, rekindling the sparks between you and your work. You may be on the receiving end of praises for the creative or spiritual works that you offer. When it comes to love, you may connect with someone in the same line of work as you. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius with the Sun following behind on the 20th, enhancing your inquisitive mind with knowledge that you're soaking up on the internet. Going back to school is something worth considering as well with the New Moon giving you the push to submit those applications. This is also a good time to sign up for that online seminar, start writing that book, or prepare to teach others about one of the many areas of your expertise.
Cancer
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The beginning of the month brings your focus to your daily routines and with Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd, you'll be itching to make some changes. Do your best to stay grounded while still inviting more variety into your schedule to make you feel more alive. Also be mindful of workplace drama and err on the side of caution when sharing your religious or political views during this transit. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in your sign wipes the slate clean as you exhale the bullshit that's been lingering in your life, whether it's a mindset, habits, a job, or a relationship. Uranus goes direct on the same day, helping you feel more confident about the unique perspective that you bring to your social network or friend group. This is also a good time to explore some innovative ways to secure the bag via social media.
On the 13th, Venus moves into idealistic Pisces, inviting you to merge with your spiritual beliefs more deeply. Honor your truth—whatever that is for you. Fall in love with the process of learning more about yourself and your place in the world. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius which has you spilling all of your feels on social media. The Sun moves into this same part of your chart on the 20th, reminding you of the importance of sharing your vulnerabilities and embracing your humanity. The New Moon on the 24th serves as a reset in your approach to nurturing more intimacy with your social network and friends. Allowing yourself to fully be seen can be scary but it's necessary to experience more fulfilling connections.
Leo
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The new year begins with Mars moving into your sister sign, Sagittarius, on the 3rd. You're feeling sexy, adventurous, and ready to mingle. Spice up your life with romance and take that suitor up on that opportunity to get flewed out. If you haven't been feeling inspired, your creativity will flow a lot more easily during this transit. On the 10th, a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse helps you break through subconscious conditioning that inhibits you from embracing your emotions and receiving the nurturing you deserve. Pull out the Kleenex and schedule that therapy session to hash out those mommy issues. Rebellious Uranus goes direct on the same day and you could be on the receiving end of some surprise recognition for your work from a higher up.
The planet of love, and money, moves into sweet Pisces on the 13th, making you a magnet for financial support that seemingly falls from the heavens. When it comes to matters of the heart, you and bae are merging in mind, body, and spirit. If things have been rocky, couples therapy could be just what you both need to forgive each other and move forward. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius and you're focused on partnering up with more like-minded folks in love and business. As the Sun transitions into this same part of your chart, you're being recognized for your brilliant vision, making this an opportune time to whip out that proposal. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th inviting you to sign your name on the dotted line to solidify a new business relationship or to tie the knot.
Virgo
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The New Year kicks off with Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd, making you restless for an adventure. If you're able to manage it, this is a good time to take a vacay to a new place that will stimulate your mind. Getting in touch with your ancestral roots is also favorable during this transit and you may feel pulled to visit the "Motherland" (wherever that is for you). On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse illuminates your creative and romantic blocks. What do you need to feel secure enough to express yourself and to experience more pleasure? Innovative Uranus goes direct on the same day inviting you to implement those genius ideas you've been sitting on since August. It's time to get in your bag!
The planet of love moves into ethereal Pisces on the 13th and your relationship gets all the more magical. You could find yourself feeling deeply connected to your partner through your shared spiritual beliefs and practices. If you work within the healing or spiritual arts, an influx of clients and partnerships are on the table. On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius, making you a social butterfly amongst the workplace. Your curiosity about people is your superpower this month. The Sun moves into the same part of your chart on the 20th, encouraging you to get more organized especially if you create social media content for yourself or others. January winds down with an exciting New Moon on the 24th, inviting you to implement new habits and routines that can benefit your health.
Libra
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Happy New Year! The month gets going with Mars moving into fiery Sagittarius, giving you the extra oomph you need to get through those school assignments or make some progress with your business, thanks to social media. If you're feeling restless, a staycation could be just what you need to satisfy your wanderlust. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse invites you to reassess whether your career goals are in alignment with what brings you a sense of security (both financially and emotionally). A big achievement of yours may finally be recognized around this time as well. Spontaneous Uranus goes direct the same day, helping you shift your money mindset from broke bitch to boss bitch.
Your ruling planet, Venus, moves into self-sacrificial Pisces, encouraging you to stand firm in those boundaries you've been developing. It's time to fall back in love with the work you do on a daily basis. Delegate those arduous tasks to the expert and stick to what you know (and enjoy). When it comes to love, you may get lucky meeting someone at the office or at the gym. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius, flooding you with genius ideas for creative projects. This energy may have you feeling anxious, so do your best to stay grounded as you turn your vision into a reality. On the 20th, the Sun moves into the same part of your chart, inviting you to indulge in some adventure and romance. The New Moon on the 24th encourages you to let your inner child flourish by recommitting to those dreams you've swept under the rug.
Scorpio
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Money matters are your primary focus at the start of the year as Mars begins its transit through Sagittarius on the 3rd. The hustler spirit is bestowed upon you, so make the most out of this energy. Also spend some time figuring out what financial freedom means to you. This could involve you seeking employment opportunities that offer you the flexibility to work from anywhere in the world (as long as there's a wifi connection, of course). On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse marks the ending of a chapter within your spiritual development which could require you to ditch some old beliefs and practices that just ain't it for you anymore. Remember—there is no guru outside of you. Uranus, the great awakener, goes direct on the same day, encouraging you to join forces with people that value your weird.
On the 13th, Venus begins her transit through gentle Pisces to sweeten up your life with some much-needed romance. Are you ready to be swept off your feet? If not, channel your hopeless romantic vibes into a creative project that you can share just in time for V-Day next month. Halfway through the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius stirring up a bit of friction in the household or amongst your family. You all have the same goal but just different ways of reaching the destination. The Sun moving into this same part of your chart on the 20th reminds you to focus on the bigger picture. If you're searching the market for your dream home, this is a good time to connect with a professional who knows their stuff. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th, helping you restore the harmony for the greater good of everyone involved.
Sagittarius
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The new year takes off with Mars moving into your sign on the 3rd, giving you a pick-me-up after partying hard during your birthday season. Take advantage of this potent energy to knock out your to-do list and anything else that requires a lot of effort. You may feel a little more irritable than usual during this transit, so find some healthy ways to blow off the steam. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse invites you to face your demons with a tender approach. In layman's terms, it's OK to cry, babe. Let yourself release those pent up feels related to issues with your mom or a lack of nurturing growing up. Uranus goes direct after a five-month retrograde on the same day. Time is money. Do what you must to create a more efficient schedule for yourself.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces, encouraging you to beautify your home. When it comes to romance, you'll most likely want to lay low with bae in the comfort of your humble abode. Mercury moves into Aquarius on the 16th, gifting you with the gift of gab. It's time to make your debut on IG live to talk yo shit. A few days later, the Sun moves into the same part of your chart, making you super popular on social media. Use your power of influence for something bigger than yourself. The New Moon on the 24th inspires you to share your unconventional ideas, trusting that they'll resonate with the right people. Sometimes you have to ruffle some feathers to create some change. If anyone is down for the cause, it's you.
Capricorn
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
Happy New Year (and birthday for the January Cappies)! The month begins with energetic Mars moving into Sagittarius on the 3rd which has the potential to bring up some hidden frustrations to the surface. Triggered, much? Find some healthy outlets to express your anger to avoid unnecessary drama. Lean into whatever keeps you balanced spiritually to navigate this transit with more ease. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse brings a huge revelation to the light, regarding a key relationship whether romantic or business. If the connection hasn't been working, it will likely dissolve around this time, granting you with a new perspective on how to approach your partnerships moving forward. Uranus, the great awakener, goes direct on the same day, encouraging you to think outside of the box when it comes to romance and creativity.
Venus, planet of love and money, moves into intuitive Pisces on the 13th and you could be getting lucky with online dating. Maybe it's time to respond to that message that's been hanging out in your DMs. When it comes to securing the bag, you could experience an increase in funds if you're promoting something for healing purposes. How can you connect with your audience on an emotional level that makes them want to invest in your brand? On the 16th, Mercury moves into Aquarius and you're talking business (but what's new?) that could bring you long-term security. With the Sun moving into the same part of your chart, you're advised to evaluate whether you're receiving a return on your investment. The New Moon on the 24th invites in a new opportunity that is more in alignment with your true value.
Aquarius
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
The new year has finally arrived (as well as your birthday if you were born in January). In the beginning of the month, you'll find much of your energy exerted towards reconnecting with friends and social networks. Be mindful of competition among your circle. Everyone has something unique and amazing to bring to the table. Utilize each other's strengths to strategize any group projects you're working on. The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse on the 10th helps you recognize which habits you need to ditch that ultimately drain you. How are you overextending yourself to the point that you're neglecting your own well-being? Give yourself the nurturing you deserve on a regular basis and notice how much your health improves. On the same day, Uranus goes direct helping you revolutionize your money mindset which ultimately has a ripple effect on your family as well. Call in the realizations needed to shift your lineage's energy from poverty to prosperity. Dare to take a risk and pave the way for a new relationship with your finances and family.
On the 13th, Venus moves into Pisces bringing in more money and more opportunities especially if you work in the healing/spiritual arts. This transit invites you to explore ways to increase your income that give you a deeper sense of purpose. And no, you don't have to sacrifice your earning potential by doing work that you love! Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into your sign which will keep you busy and social in the weeks to come. Your birthday season officially begins on the 20th with a New Moon on the 24th reminding you to make a wish. Where do you see yourself a year from now? Dream big, babe. The world is yours.
Pisces
Laci Jordan/xoNecole
January kicks off with passionate Mars moving into free-spirited Sagittarius on the 3rd, getting you motivated for success. You've got what it takes to make your presence and contributions known in the professional world. On the 10th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Cancer illuminates how you need to nurture your inner child and creativity. Make more time for play and pleasure as these things are just as vital to your well-being as a good night's sleep. This energy could also reveal how you're sabotaging yourself in romance by consistently pursuing people that are unwilling to receive or give love. Stop rehashing your mommy issues with the people you date. As you learn how to nurture yourself more, the people in your life will reciprocate the energy. On the same day, Uranus goes direct helping you innovate the way you share your gifts and talents with the world.
You're receiving a lot of attention, and maybe some extra coin, when Venus moves into your sign on the 13th. This is a good time to revamp your appearance or wardrobe as well. Your confidence will be at an all-time high, making this the perfect energy for getting into some money magic. Around the middle of the month, Mercury moves into Aquarius, activating your dream world with reminders of your destiny. Take it easy as you spend time reflecting, and reconnecting, with a deeper sense of purpose. On the 20th, the Sun moves into Aquarius and your mind is buzzing with ideas, insights, and downloads. Ground yourself to process this information with more ease. Sleep is your best friend during this time. The month winds down with a New Moon on the 24th encouraging you to embrace the endings that must take place before you begin your new solar year.
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Feature Photo by Laci Jordan/xoNecole
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This Couple Almost Let Their 8-Year Age Gap Keep Them From Finding Love With One Another
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
I’m willing to bet that this is not the first time you’ve seen this couple. Dalen Spratt is a television producer, owner of a tailored men's suit line, and creator of Ghost Brothers: Haunted Houseguests, which is currently streaming on Destination America. Stacey Spratt is also a serial entrepreneur, focusing mostly on events and the nonprofit world, and she is the owner of two award-winning craft beer bars called Harlem Hops. But their accolades are not what united them.
The couple met years ago at their alma mater, Clark Atlanta University, when they were still working to create the life they have now, and if you had told them then that they’d eventually tie the knot, the pair probably would’ve laughed in your face.
Today, they’re new parents, flourishing in their careers, and each others’ “teammates.” When desiring love, Dalen recommends not looking to other couples for advice. And Stacey advises staying true to what you want. “Don’t put age or limitations on love and children. If God could do it for me, why can’t he do it for you?”
Here's How We Met.
How did you meet?
Dalen: We met in 2005 when she was advising the Greek sororities and fraternities in college. She was old as hell in college, and I was a young buck (laughs). Everybody had a crush on her, but I didn’t think much of it. Then, in 2007, we were in the same grad school class, but she still wasn’t trying to see me then either. I had to catch her five years ago; I was very patient.
Stacey: Yeah, everybody in our grad school class called him Young, Fresh to Death because he was always dressed in B-school (what CAU affectionately refers to as business major classes), and we’d just wear sweatpants (laughs).
So, I know Dalen was always attracted to you. But what about you? Did your attraction to him develop over time?
Stacey: So 2006-2008 – all the years went by. I don’t think we were really thinking about each other at all back then. Years later, I had an event in Dallas, and I booked him to be a speaker. Then, a few years ago, Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: "If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you." But I still thought he was too young at the time, and he started pulling receipts. Taraji P. Henson was dating someone young at the time, Gabrielle Union–
Dalen: First of all, I didn’t do that. You did that.
Stacey: Okay, I did. I thought he was a cutie pie, but that age thing was on my mind!
"Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: 'If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you.'"
Courtesy
Talk to me about the first date. How did he change your mind?
Stacey: Our first date was at Tin Lizzy's in Atlanta. During that time, he was living in Dallas, so it was long-distance. But he came into town, and we just had a good time. We talked a lot, which we still do. It wasn’t anything fantastic.
Dalen: Don’t downplay our first date.
Then, walk me through your courtship. How did you get to the next level? What was that conversation like?
Stacey: I think he knew at age 43 or 44 I wasn’t playing around. But also, I think it just naturally progressed.
Dalen: Yeah, it just happened naturally. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t think initially either one of us thought it would be as serious as it was. She thought I was too young and I wasn’t ready for marriage, kids, and all that. I think we both thought we were just hanging out. But after spending so much time together, a lot of stuff started happening. Like, she had to have surgery early on. It wasn’t just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That’s why we still don’t have an anniversary date because we never really asked.
"It wasn't just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That's why we still don't have an anniversary date because we never really asked."
What made you want to commit to each other?
Dalen: The moment I knew Stacey was for me was from a phone call. I don’t really like talking on the phone, and I can be really blunt sometimes. But we were talking, and I said, ‘I don’t really feel like talking anymore.’ And she was just like, okay, and hung up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, and she understood that. It sounds bad, but that’s how I knew she just got me. I felt like she could get my random awkward moments, and she does to this day.
Stacey: For me, I liked him as a person. Even when times get rough and tough, I could still like him as a human. He is my best friend. We have time. We laugh until we cry, and it’s just always like that. Even when we get pissed at each other, something happens, and we fix it. Also, how he treats his mother. That’s a momma’s boy, but I’m a daddy’s girl – so I get it. I know how I want to be treated, and I see how he is with her and that’s beautiful.
What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourself through loving your partner in this relationship?
Dalen: I grew up an only child and she grew up with siblings. So, when you have someone who is used to doing things by themselves, there is definitely a learning curve when you get into a serious relationship. It’s funny now, but it was definitely a process.
Stacey: I agree – definitely the only child thing. There’s times I look at him like, did you ever live with anyone else? That comes from being momma's baby, too. I have to say, my “mother-in-love” spoiled him. But also with Axel (their daughter), that brings another level of patience.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
What was the biggest challenge that you had to overcome together?
Dalen: We’ve gone through a lot within the years we’ve been together. We suffered two miscarriages – I’d say that’s the biggest.
Stacey: Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me. I was wondering if I can’t carry [a child] what that looks like for us. We had very real conversations pretty early in our relationship.
"Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me."
What do you fight the most about?
Dalen: Nagging. Stacey nags; she’s a complainer. She’s that momma that will look in a room and just hunt for something to complain about. Like, I’m worried for Axel when she's in high school.
Stacey: It’s because I like things to be in place. He leaves stuff all over the place. I can tell where he’s been in the house because something is left around. So he says I’m nagging – but it’s like, just get your stuff.
What are your love languages?
Dalen: Stacey is gifts all day.
Stacey: *thinks*
Dalen: We’ve talked about this. xoNecole is about to cause problems in our home (laughs).
Stacey: Obviously I love you. *thinks again* It’s words of affirmation.
Dalen: That’s it.
What’s your favorite thing about each other?
Dalen: I’ve always respected her business-mindedness. That may sound superficial, but it’s not because I’ve never been with someone who thinks like me. It’s one of my most treasured things about her. I remember one day, I was just running through ideas with her, and each time Stacey had a suggestion on how I could make it better. It’s just very comforting. She takes whatever I’m doing and elevates it – including me.
Stacey: I love Dalen’s hustle and creativity. He’s been on multiple shows, and he continues to create, produce, and reinvent himself and the product he’s putting out. I love that we can create together and bounce things off each other. Even though we may be in different arenas, there’s nothing he can’t offer me great advice about. I love that drive.
Finally, how did you know it was love?
Dalen: Well – she said it – first. (laughs)
Stacey: And he looked at me and smiled! He didn’t say it back. We were on a trip, out of the country.
Dalen: We were arguing when she said it, and she just threw it out.
Stacey: But we continue to do that. We’ve spent holidays and everything outside of the country.
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Oh, the infamous man-child. Some of us have had the pain of encountering a man who has the mental and emotional maturity of a petulant child. I know I have. Between the weaponized incompetence, arrested development, lack of self-awareness, lack of impulse control, and lack of introspection that tend to come with this type of partner, the jokes can write themselves in the pursuit of a relationship with an evolved man who can actually meet you at your level.
As women, we are encouraged to keep our standards high, which ordinarily allows the man-child to stay in the wild where he belongs. Even though the current state of our dating pool is not giving what it needs to give all the way through here, standards and boundaries have long served as effective tools in weeding through the “potential” and showing suitors the door if they aren’t on our level.
But let’s be real; sometimes, an unworthy partner can fall through the cracks as their “representative” takes the lead during the courtship stage. Months and sometimes years later, you might not even realize the full breadth of what you’re dealing with until the proverbial mask begins to slip. Instead of being a help, he’s more of a hindrance. Instead of being an equal, he’s more of a dependent. And instead of being invested in the commitment of a relationship, he’s more into indulging in laziness and low-effort tendencies.
In essence, a man child, also commonly referred to as Peter Pan Syndrome, is a man who is stunted (read: emotionally immature) and refuses to grow up. Instead of feeling like you have a partner, you end up falling into the role of a second mama, and who wants that?
Be prepared to run, not walk, if any of the following signs apply to your guy.
1.They lack purpose and/or direction.
Who was it that said a man with no direction can’t lead you anywhere? Whoever said it deserves credit for doing the Lord’s work and then some. Purpose is how you know fulfillment. Direction sets the tone for the path you are taking in life. Without either or both, you can find yourself squarely in a dead-end relationship with a man who isn’t capable of leading the relationship. More than that, being directionless can manifest in other detrimental ways to the way he leads his own life. This can look like not having routines, procrastinating like a mutha, or even avoiding self-work or self-improvement.
The man-child is just going with the flow and taking one day at a time. While being present is always a gift, the man you’re with shouldn’t be afraid of setting long-term goals so that his present can inform his future.
2.They become paralyzed at the sound of a commitment.
“What is marriage? It’s just a piece of paper. Why do we need to move in together? Everything is going fine just the way it is.”
Being strung along is too common when engaging with a man-child. Common relationship steps considered to be pivotal in moving the relationship forward are things they wince at or things that they just act very indifferent about. It’s not an act, it’s a refusal to commit to the commitment, a paradoxical reality the man-child can write the book about. It’s why questions of moving in together or marriage are things Mr. Go With the Flow can see himself doing without.
A reluctance to truly commit could also be why the relationship might feel like it’s not on solid ground. He prefers to run instead of resolve and sometimes waivers under the weight of what should be viewed as a simple mistake. And if you don’t want to feel stuck in a loop of are we or aren’t we, or worse, plateaued forever, you might be better off letting the runner be the track star he so aspires to be.
3.They rarely (if ever) take initiative in big things and small things.
Whew, chile, can’t you just feel the brunt of emotional labor brimming from this one? Whether it’s meal planning for groceries during the week or even planning dates and trips, hell, even your own birthday – everything seems to fall squarely on your shoulders to get done. More than that, you know if you didn’t take care of it, it wouldn’t get done. A relationship is not a one-person effort, so there is no reason why you can see that things around the house need to get done or things in the relationship need to be maintained, but your partner cannot.
Newsflash: they are okay with being willfully ignorant and might even be serving you a side of weaponized incompetence on purpose.
A healthy partner is willing to look at your mental and emotional well-being and take the initiative to take things off your plate, not burden you with the task of upkeeping most if not all, of the expectations of a household. Let alone a thriving relationship.
4.They always have an excuse.
Couldn’t wash the dishes or clean the bathroom today? Excuse. Couldn’t communicate they’d be running late? Excuse. Couldn’t pick up the kids on time? Excuse. Couldn’t create a meaningful idea for his turn to do date night? Excuse. Couldn’t get groceries done this time but wants to eat? Excuse. Couldn’t be bothered to cook tonight? Excuse. Any behavior deemed bad or unreasonable that they have done? Of course, an excuse. Whatever the instance may be, the ownership is severely lacking with this one, and the blame is always on someone or something else that will rarely (if ever) have anything to do with them.
There’s even an excuse about why past relationships didn’t work out, and surprise, surprise, their exes are almost always the cause. Early on, the blame game with his excuses applies to everything and everyone outside of them. Just know, eventually, he’ll also blame you. Speaking of which, this brings me to my next point…
5.They can’t take accountability if their life depends on it.
Maybe he shuts down when you bring up anything remotely serious or shrugs it off as not being able to do “negative emotions.” Maybe he downright denies it when you mention something he has said or done is hurtful to you. Maybe he acts defensive or doesn’t allow you to take up space in the conversation and instantly dishes out a rebuttal. Something he did is not acceptable under the light of accountability, and so it becomes about what you did to him. You’re being “too sensitive,” that’s not what he meant, you’re “overthinking.”
Maybe all of this points to the man-child you’re clearly dealing with is one that refuses to take responsibility for his actions or his words when it comes to you. He deflects instead of owning, whether it’s his bad behavior or his own emotions. Who wants that?
6.They have standards that they can’t or won’t meet themselves.
It starts with a comment or two here or there while you’re out and about, but they make it known how high their standards are regarding cleanliness or upkeep. But let them get into a relationship with you, and the unsolicited criticisms about how you are and how you move are never-ending. It can start with something seemingly small, like commenting on your cooking despite not ever lifting a finger to cook a meal themselves. The complaints themselves are self-serving because while they attach a lot of expectations to you, they never have any intention of meeting their own strict morals or high standards.
Said man-child might also appear withdrawn or “pout” when things aren’t happening “his way.” It’s almost as though they want you to fit squarely into what they believe a partner should be, say, or do, all while knowing they have no desire to also meet those standards.
Honorable mention to the version of these types that are able to dish it but can’t take it and lash out whenever they feel remotely offended. Pot, meet kettle.
7.They are still attached to the teet.
Sometimes, the makings of a man-child and a mama’s boy do overlap, and honestly, when you think of the refusal to grow up or be responsible in both types, you can probably understand why. In the case of a man-child, this can also manifest as relying on his mom to cook his meals and do his laundry, or calling her for every little thing.
It could also look like wanting to be the center of attention at all times and questioning why he is not the focus when he wants you both to do something he wants to do. Mr. Man-Child is used to being doted after by his mother figure, and wants you to fill her shoes, and wants you to be just as self-sacrificing as she is/was while doing it.
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