

Jada Pinkett Smith Is Over The Stigma Of Vaginas
Jada Pinkett Smith is not afraid to tell it like it is. For much of the last year and beyond, the inquisitive supermom has used her popular platform to bring the tough conversations to the forefront and speak openly about a wide range of topics that others may find uncomfortable--whether on her Instagram page, which has over 10 million followers, or her Red Table Talk series. Subjects such as open relationships, infidelity, racism, and even her own family problems are quite literally on the table, no pun intended.
But a recent episode featuring Jada, and her co-hosts, daughter Willow and mom, Adrienne Banfield-Norris, may have been one of the most pearl-clutching yet: an episode of them getting their vaginas cleansed.
Red Table Talk/Facebook Watch
She says:
"We are going to steam our vaginas. Yes, we're gonna steam our vaginas on camera. I ordered some kits from a really beautiful young Black woman who owns her own business. So we're gonna head on up and we're gonna get started. Let's go get steamed, ladies!"
Additionally, the women openly discuss the benefits of the age-old practice, and how it is important for women to celebrate their anatomy despite it being considered "taboo."
She continues:
"I'm sure boys sit around all day talking about their penises. I mean, that's why I'm telling you right now I don't want to hear nothing about this show. It being TMI and all that, 'cause if you can listen to all these little rap artists talk and abuse the vagina, you sure as hell can watch women give it honor and praise. And spend quality time, so I don't want to hear it. They'll be like, 'It's TMI. Oh, my God.' And I don't really care because we have to change the narrative around the vagina, and women have to take it back."
Well said, sis. Well said.
The word 'vagina' is a Latin word that translates to 'sheath' or 'scabbard', and it was used to describe these items until it began to be applied to describe the female anatomy. For hundreds and hundreds of years, it was thought that men and women had the same sexual organs, but that a woman's was simply facing inward instead of outward. That was until some Greek physician came along and explained the difference...kinda.
"Think first, please, of the man's turned in and extending inward...If this should happen, the scrotum would necessarily take the place of the uteri."
Basically, he's stating that if a man's penis and testicles were turned upwards inside a woman, the scrotum would be the uterus and the penis would be the vagina. This theory continued to be popular until around the 1500s, when anatomists were able to get a better look at the female body and produce drawings of the reproductive system. But listen, by that time, the damage was done, and people were hella confused, likely causing the initial shame and secretive nature surrounding the vag that exists today.
But Jada isn't trying to hear all that, she wants women to take the word 'vagina' back.
Not va-jay-jay, not hoo-ha, not the yoni. The vagina.
And this isn't the first time Jada has made the vagina the star of the Red Table Talk. Back in 2018, she revealed she had undergone three non-surgical procedures of vaginal rejuvenation that took years off her vagina.
"When I tell you my yoni is like a 16-year-old, I'm not kidding. I'm talking about the outside. It looks like a little beautiful peach."
She then took her mom to meet with owner Kelly Rainey, who performed the procedure.
Rainey went on to explain that she recommends vaginal rejuvenation to fix issues with dryness, incontinence and pain during sex, along with altering the outside appearance.
The process, which uses a wand that moves in and out of the vagina, "introduces heat which stimulates cellular turnover, which makes you feel younger again and it gets tighter and nicer and functions like it did when we were back in our 20s."
Well, alright then.
So, in 2021, here's to taking back our vaginas, and saying so. Unapologetically.
Watch the full episode, also starring Queen Afua, below:
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Featured image via Roy Rochlin/Getty Images
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images