It's Okay Not To Talk To Toxic Parents

It is a terrible misconception that society pressures us to talk to our parents when they really don't make us feel all that great after the

Love & Relationships

I remember pursuing the Cosmo snapchat as I do everyday, and they had an article about misconceptions in your 20's. One of the those misconceptions was, "If your parents make you miserable, you don't have to force yourself to talk to them."

 

I was literally flabbergasted because I am dealing with this struggle now. Society tells to us to cherish, respect, and love our parents.

But what happens, when your parents do not do the same in return?

It is a terrible misconception that society pressures us to talk to our parents when they really don't make us feel all that great after the conversation a lot of times. You hang up the phone or leave the conversation more frustrated and sadder than when you enter the situation. Life is way too short to fill them with too many suppose to's & should be filled with doing things that make us feel good.

Honestly, talking to one of my parents always ends in either a) tears, b) anger, c) frustration, or d) all the above. Why do I constantly allow myself to be surrounded by so much negativity and bad vibes? Because people tell me I should do so because they are my parent, but when do you start to do what is for the betterment of yourself and not for others? Do you allow yourself to feel like a punching bag or constantly in turmoil because you feel some sort of obligation and you continue to be upset and sad?

It took me years, honestly, to get to this point of understanding that I could love that parent from a distance and begin to put my feelings first. I don't have to feel this sense of obligation to talk to them everyday or week, when most times their intent is to hurt if they are in a mood. With this one parent, I would find myself constantly blaming myself for our constant strife & took all their ill-willed words to heart. Feeling as if all those words were true.

It got a whole lot better for me to remove myself from that poisonous energy, once I was independent and living on my own. There were no looming threats or constant fears of bare essentials to better myself being taken from me, i.e. having my cell phone turned off, my car being taken, tuition not being paid for, or getting kicked out of the family house, (all of which have happened).

Once that was eliminated from the equation, it made it easier for me to say to myself,

[Tweet ""Look, I love you, but I don't always have to talk to you.""]

No one needs negative energy and constant drama in their lives. If your family brings that to your atmosphere, let it go. I am telling you, you will live a much better and more stress-free life. I know it sounds cruel and unfeeling, but sometimes you have to love people from afar. I've learned that sometimes people do not know how to love properly because they were never truly taught from their own parents to love, and this all becomes a systematic effect that leads to you & your parent's relationship.

I addressed the problems with my parent multiple times. I have even suggested therapy sessions, but the sessions would never happen. The emotional abuse would begin again and I was stuck at square one. I finally made the decision to start loving myself, when the effects of that parent's actions spilled over to my love life, friendships, and professional life. It was hard to distance myself from the people who raised me, but as an adult I realized that if something is toxic and breaks your spirit, you have to learn to let go.

Once you have addressed the problem, and offered the avenues for help, and they still refuse to take it that help...you have to let people find their own path.

Just a couple tips to remember:

1) You always have to love yourself more. I know you want to help, but you can't risk your own mental & physical health to be at stake.

2) You have to learn how to love people from a distance. Sometimes you want to help, but sometimes you have to help yourself & step away from the situation.

3) Whenever you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, take deep breathes and remove yourself from the situation.

Always remember self-love & self-appreciation is the most important.


If you have any personal stories that you'd like to share with the readers of xoNecole, please submit your essays to editor@xonecole.com for a chance to have your voice heard and your story featured!

Sign up today and be the first to get notified on new updates, exclusive events, retreats and giveaways!

More Posts

If you've ever seen the classic African-American film, The Five Heartbeats, you know that the scene when the leading men get their dreams stolen by The (whitewashing, song-stealing) Five Horseman is a real-life tear jerker. Like in any movie based in that time period, it was made abundantly clear that black creatives had gotten the short end of the stick for decades. Before Elvis Presley, Little Richard was the crowned king of Rock & Roll. And before Moschino teamed up with Sephora, Raynell Steward, affectionately known as Supa Cent, created The Crayon Case.

Keep reading... Show less

On the morning of November 5, 2016 when I discovered Donald J. Trump would now be the leader of the free world, I, like hundreds of thousands of other Americans, was hurt in real life.

Keep reading... Show less

Heading off on vacation can mean more sex for couples or those looking for a getaway love with no strings attached. More than 50 percent of people say they are more likely to be intimate with their bae while on vacation than they are at home, and 12 percent of Americans are down to have a fling when they hit their destination. If you're not booed up or you're taking a trip without your love — that doesn't mean you can't still have a good time.

Keep reading... Show less

People often talk about how lonely it is at the top, but what they rarely talk about is how quiet it can be during the climb.

For Nichole Lynel however, it's a feeling she knows all too well. As we chat, the quietness that surrounds her while sitting on the floor awaiting movers to arrive at her old showroom serves only as a reminder of her own entrepreneurial journey. "Everybody is willing to help you when you're the underdog but when you have a chance of really succeeding, it gets a lot quieter," she revealed.

Keep reading... Show less

As I stood in a spread-eagle stance with a female TSA agent using the back of her hand to check my crotch for weapons, I thought to myself, What the hell? Even though I know she meant no harm and was only doing her job, my personal space felt violated. Since I had experienced this so many times in the past, I guess I never thought twice about it. Until now.

Keep reading... Show less

I'm an island girl at heart.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews
Latest Posts