Issa Rae Says Procrastinating Makes Her Work Harder & I Can Totally Relate
A lazy man works twice as hard, and according to Issa Rae, a procrastinating woman will secure twice the bag. The 34-year-old Insecure creator recently spoke at POPSUGAR's Play/Ground event and spilled the secret sauce on how to be a self-made mogul from the ground-up and honey, we are taking notes.
Here are three things we learned about being a boss and creating a successful career from scratch.
Embrace Your Doubt
One thing that keeps Issa Rae focused and overflowing with ideas is self-doubt. Issa pointed out that it's important to know your worth, but it's also important to stay on your toes. Pressure makes diamonds, and Issa Rae applies that pressure all damn day:
"Doubting myself is what drives me. A part of me hates being underestimated but loves to be underestimated because I'm driven by proving people wrong. That's the Capricorn in me. 'Oh, you don't think I can do this? Let me show you.' There's so much fun in that."
Never Limit Yourself
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The most important thing to have when on the chaotic quest to achieving your wildest dreams is intention. God has blessed us all with a number of talents, and it's a total waste of his gifts to only focus on one. According to Issa Rae, as she continues to progress in her career, she never limits herself when it comes to what's next. She said:
"I always think about what I want to do next. I want to be able to create other people's projects, finance other people's projects, have a studio, [and] do things outside of entertainment. I don't like being limited. That is my worst nightmare. I want to be able to flex other muscles and see what else I can do."
It's OK To Procrastinate
All work and no play makes me a very dull girl, and an even sh*ttier writer. To Issa, part of her secret to overcoming a creative block is allowing herself at least one day every week to let her mind wander. She said:
"I allow myself one day a week to procrastinate because it's inevitable. Allowing myself a procrastination day makes me really, really want to work the next day because I'm like, 'Oh, I wasted a whole day' … And I'm just really more driven."
Refuse To Fall Prey To The Con Of Comparison
Procrastinating on a big deadline is much different than taking the time to clock out altogether. Self-care isn't a luxury, issa necessity, and Issa says she is adamant about making time to chill out sometimes. Log out of social media, put your phone on do no disturb, and be proud of what you've accomplished lately.
Constantly being "plugged in" can cause you to fall victim to the con of comparison, and Issa Rae shared that she can totally relate. During the chat, Issa shared the one piece of advice she would give to herself:
"I would tell her to chill — to stop comparing herself to other people. I compare myself a lot to others. Sometimes, we feel like, 'Why is that not my opportunity?' But what's meant for you is meant for only you. You get anxious. You feel like everybody's surpassing you, and everybody's doing better than you are. That's just not the case. Everybody has their own journey, and your journey is yours."
Read everything Issa had to say a POPSUGAR's Play/Ground here!
Featured image by Monica Schipper/Getty Images for POPSUGAR and Reed Exhibitions
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Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How To Tell If You're Disciplining Your Child Or Seeking Revenge
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
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Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images