Ever Tried To Get That Old Thing Back? 4 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off
This season of Insecure just keeps getting more and more spicy. We went from Molly and Andrew keeping it hella hot in the bedroom in Mexico last week to Issa and Lawrence getting freaky in the sheets in Inglewood this week. That's right, Issa and Lawrence had the reunion we've all been anticipating—that is, unless you're team Nathan. Either way, this episode written by Natasha Rothwell, the actress who plays Kelli, gave us all the feels and a welcome escape from the pain the Black community is experiencing right now in the wake of George Floyd's death and the deaths of countless others. #RIPGeorgeFloyd #ICantBreathe #BlackLivesMatter
pic.twitter.com/j5beSYC3yT
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) May 31, 2020
Here's the recap…
We saw Lawrence call up Issa to meet up last week and this week we finally got to see that meet up. It was perfect… almost. Distracting from all the rekindling and nostalgia was Condola and Lawrence's pending plans to meet up with her later that night. That was until things with Issa turned into a sleepover and Condola became a non-factor… at least for the night.
Watching this episode was such a sweet experience, it showed that whatever past issues Issa and Lawrence had just melted away and you got lost in their honest expression of Black love. It was a beautiful sight to see during times like these. BUT was getting that old thing back worth it? We'll have to wait till Insecure Sunday to see, but in the meantime let's talk about backtracking to exes or old flames.
Full disclosure, I wasn't sold on Issa and Lawrence reuniting (Lawrence Hive, forgive me), but then I saw the growth they both exhibited and may be having a change of heart. Although, Condola's urgency to talk has me STRESSED. But while we balance our breathing exercises and fighting for justice, I asked Insecure fans their thoughts:
Have you ever backtracked to an ex or old situation? Pros? Cons?
I’m Good Luv, Enjoy
"I once backtracked to an old flame. OK not once but many times, far too many times (laughs). What did it bring me? The same thing every time. Nothing. The best advice I can give is next time they hit you up or you feel like going backwards, hit them with the 'I'm good luv enjoy!'" –Sgt. Simone VictorU.S. Army
Don't Be The Side Chick If You Were Originally The Main
"I'm guilty. The comfort of backtracking to an ex has been a part of my past. I think there are so many factors that play a role in making this decision. I know when I watched this episode and saw it leaning towards Issa staying the night, I was like, 'noooo' but, I get it. Sometimes, you just need a temporary companion and we convince ourselves that at least we don't have to add a new person if we're still able to get that old thing back, even if it's just for a night. I'll start with the cons: 1) It opens the door to emotions that might not be mutually matched. You can't predict how that interaction, whether sexually or straight platonic, will affect you afterwards. 2) If you're longing for that ex because you're lonely or your other boo is not available, chances are you have to continue working on yourself a bit more. Leave them and any other prospect alone for that matter. Do you, boo! 3) Analyze how you both made it back into each other's lives and be mindful of their situations outside of you. Don't be the side chick if you were originally the main. Just don't do it.
"The pros: 1) If it's mutual and you both found the maturity to release the cause and purpose of why you broke up like Lawrence and Issa did, maybe it would help the growth of a newfound relationship. 2) Stepping into the past leaves no room for adding another mistake into your present. Possibly (laughs). 3) Sometimes after a breakup, we don't take accountability for ourselves. We are so quick to blame. Taking the time to backtrack after a breakup can help you understand things about yourself that maybe your feelings wouldn't allow earlier on. You can analyze and apply for your future—not necessarily with that person.
"Either way, don't act on emotions ONLY when you find yourself backed into a corner with your ex. Someone, perhaps both parties, have to be able to figure out how to get out of that 'corner.'"—Saphia Louise, photographer/poet
Same Old, Same Old
"I definitely backtracked before, but I see no pros in it. Old situations are old situations for a reason." –Marco Cayetano,Sales, Vast Auto
What’s The Reason? (Cardi B Voice)
"I'm sure a lot of us received random texts from old flames once the pandemic hit. Was it them genuinely checking up on you, reflecting on their wrongs, or pure boredom?!
"Yes, I've backtracked, and it never ends well. You spend so much time wondering what if, and maybe they've changed. When in hindsight, there was a reason we never lasted in the first place. Issa and Lawrence... well I guess we'll have to wait until episode 9." –Marie Lewis, Social Media Manager
Featured image by HBO/Insecure
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
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Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images
