As amazing as it is to be feeling ourselves (cue Beyonce), it's more beneficial to know ourselves first above anything. When it comes to masking a fake smile and having our "pretty on fleek", we as women have our male counterparts beat when it comes to wearing a disguise.
In order for an individual to master the art of leveling up, they have to fully understand how the decisions we make affect every facet of our lives. That's in body, mind, spirit and them good ol' finances too. The process of introspection can be a pain in the bum, but it's necessary if we want to excel to higher heights.
Your life could either be a vibe or a downright disappointment. That's all based on you and how you choose to live it.
We've all heard the phrase, "what you place your focus on, you magnify" and, as cliché as it may be, it couldn't be truer. Our perspective shapes our reality and being cognizant of our choices, surroundings, situations, and people in our corner can put you on another level of boss babe. It's not always easy to stay focused, but being able to identify the who, what, where, when, and why can help us remain on-track and bossed up like never before. Here are 3 surefire ways to keep your self-awareness in-check.
1.Be Present
Far too many times, we place our focus on the would've, could've, should'ves when we are missing out on the lesson being presented to us right here and right now. To be truly present in the moment, we have to place our attention on what's currently at hand. Take, for instance, if we are always rushing to get up to go to work and are in an even bigger rush to get off work, we miss the opportunity to fully live in what happened during our day.
We're unable to analyze how our day was, how it made us feel, what triggers it may have brought up, and what we could have accomplished or done better. It's all about recognition baby. You have to make a conscious choice to live in the now. When it comes down to being present, we have to allow ourselves literal breathing room so that we can take a step back and assess what's going on in our lives.
2.Embrace Change
Boyz II Men said it best, "It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday." But we have to realize the longer we hold on to the past, the longer we stunt our own growth in the areas we wish to prevail in. Every chapter in our life requires a different version of you to show up. You can't expect the 18-year-old version of you to understand the moves that you make now at 30-something. That's simply due to the fact that you've changed and grown due to life experiences. Some for better and some, unfortunately, for worse.
Change is bound to happen and there's nothing we can do to prevent that. But what we can do is assess what changes were made for better or worse and use the process of elimination to decide whether or not those changes you see are the ones you wish to exist.
3.Explore Your Emotions
Life can make you clap your hands, wanna dance, or just outright stomp (Kirk Franklin said that). Our emotional states tell us a lot about what areas need to be tapped into more. Learning through our emotions allows us the opportunity to reflect on what challenges we need to overcome or simply if we are in a good space at the time. You don't have to shout it out to the moon and sky above, but you do need to have a conversation with yourself about what's going on inside of that mind and body of yours.
The more we ignore how we are feeling, the more trapped we become in our own mind. Open communication with self and with others can really help with letting go of our fears and make room for peace within.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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Sounds like something out of a novel, right? xoNecole had the opportunity to chat with the lovely couple about their wedding, reconnecting, and having a second chance at love.
Photo courtesy of Kai and Hicham Bouhmad
Kai and Hicham on Meeting for the First Time
Kai and Hicham got married on February 14, 2023, in Honolulu, Hawaii in an intimate ceremony, and plan on having a reception in Morocco, Hicham’s home country, later on. One of their wedding guests was the person responsible for their union, Hicham’s friend Karim. Kai reflected on that day when they met.
“I was at a party, and a guy walked in and was like, what’s going on in here? And I was like, well, this is a salon party for the salon that just opened, and they had free food and stuff, and I was like do you want some food?” Kai shares.
When they began talking, Karim brought up Hicham. “He was like, 'I have a friend that I want to introduce you to if you’re single,' and I said, ‘Yeah, that sounds cool.’ So, he was like, 'Well, I’m gonna send you his Facebook information. If you guys can talk on Facebook and see how you guys like each other.' So, that was six years ago, and we talked, and we got along pretty well, and then we started dating.”
Kai and Hicham Describe Their First Date
Because both of them are into the arts, they decided to go to the movies on their first date. At that time, Loving was in theaters, and according to Kai, she knew when she saw him that she wanted to marry him. “I just had that feeling,” she reveals.
Hicham also recalls their “wonderful” date that extended after the movies at a nearby restaurant. “It was a wonderful moment when we made eye contact,” he says.
Photo courtesy of Kai and Hicham Bouhmad
Their Breakup and Reconnection
While Kai saw Hicham as her husband, she wasn’t ready to settle down, but Hicham was. So, they decided to go their separate ways, and Kai began traveling the world. But little did she know that six years later, she would see him again. This time, Kai was visiting an art gallery that had just opened up and began talking to the art gallery owner.
“She [art gallery owner] said, ‘I’m having an art opening, the studio just opened, and we’re having a party next week, and you should come, and my boyfriend has a lot of friends, maybe I’ll introduce you to some of his friends,’ and I was like ‘Oh, okay,’ Kai recalls.
“And at this time, I had already booked my ticket to go to Morocco to explore by myself, solo travel. So I said, 'Oh yeah, this will be fun.' This was in April, and my trip to Morocco was just in August. So, I said, ‘Yeah, I’ll come to your little party, I’m there.’ I’m talking, and then she said 'Oh, my boyfriend is here, and here’s one of his friends.' One of his friends was Hicham.”
This happened on April 23, 2022, and they have been together ever since.
The Engagement
When Hicham reappeared in her life, Kai knew she was now ready to settle down. “I honestly got tired of doing stuff by myself. I was tired, everything I have to do by myself, and I just got tired of that,” Kai explains. “I just felt like I really wanted a partner who’s really supportive and generous and kind, and I really wanted a partner that was by my side.
One of the ways that Hicham convinced Kai to give him another shot was when he wore a cactus shirt to her house, which showed the journalist how much he paid attention to her. “I love cactuses ‘cause it reminds me of the desert. It’s bohemian, I love desert cactuses. When he showed up with a cactus shirt on, I just could not resist,” she says. “That sounds cheesy and cliche and might sound silly, but it just symbolized that he knows me deeply and what I love and paid attention to stuff I care about even though it was silly. That meant a lot.”
Not long after, Hicham knew it was time to pop the question. “Kai gave me [an] indication that she was ready, and so that’s how that all happened.” He continues, “dropping hints, and she was pretty much ready, and I proposed to her.”
Kai admits that they planned their engagement together, including ring shopping, engagement photos, etc.
Photo courtesy of Kai and Hicham Bouhmad
Advice on Finding Love Again
This is both Kai’s and Hicham’s second marriages, and they gave advice on finding love the second time around. They both share the same sentiment about being open and optimistic. Both come from different cultural backgrounds and while that alone could have held them back from pursuing one another, they were open to love.
“Get out of your comfort zone and don’t limit yourself and don’t fear to fail because from failure you learn to build yourself up,” Hicham says.
And at the end of the day, it’s important to establish a friendship first. “Another [piece of] advice, just make sure you like the person,” Kai says, “and that’s really important because you have to make sure even if you have a disagreement or arguments, at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, do I like this person? And just make sure you really like them.”
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Feature image courtesy of Kai and Hicham Bouhmad
