

Once upon a time, I was broke as hell. Not just broke, but broke as hell. Broke is when you have more month left than money. Broke as hell is when you continuously have more week left than money.
My brokest point came after I was laid off from my job at an S&P 500 listed company in 2011. I decided it was time to “give back" and joined Americorp. As a result, I was earning $13,500 annually and living in New York City. This wasn't the only time in my life I was broke before I decided to change my relationship with money, “broke" was a familiar situation.
By 2015, I had turned my situation around and was making nearly $80,000 a year. I got comfortable with my new income, took a couple of bucket list trips and launched my own company. But I will never forget the days I claimed I was “fasting" so that I didn't have to explain not having lunch because the truth was, I couldn't afford it.
As the saying goes, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," and there is a bright side to my days of penny pinching.
I learned valuable lessons when I was broke that I will carry with me throughout my life, and that I believe will help anyone who's in a financial struggle.
Humility Goes A Long Way
I drove a Lexus in college and it's safe to say that I was feeling myself, not exactly Kanye status, but I had a very healthy sense of self. Fast forward to 2011 when my vehicle had been towed for unpaid tickets, and I didn't even have enough money for train fare to get to work -- it was a much-deserved slice of humble pie.
Through my experience I began to understand what it was like to live paycheck to paycheck. While I wasn't exactly sitting in the front seat of the struggle bus, I began to understand what it felt like to question whether or not you'd be able to make ends meet. As a result, I started judging others less. I became thankful for the opportunities I had been afforded, and realized that nothing in this world is given and shouldn't be taken for granted.
You Have To Learn To Legally Hustle
Have you ever felt a job was below you? Right after college, I refused to take jobs that didn't require a college degree--that is until student loan reps started calling. During times of crying broke, I did jobs that I would have previously never given a second glance, and I created income streams using my skills. I sold cars, wrote term papers for college students, learned to bartend, and I even became a photo booth operator at events and private parties. There's something empowering about learning that you have "hustle" in you and that you can make cute ass lemon drop cookies when life throws you lemon peels.
Related: Six Tips For Getting Your Side Hustle Off The Ground In 2019
There Is A Difference Between Friends & Associates
In 2011, my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't have a legitimate savings account; I barely had a bank account. A few months prior, my best friend had lost her job and was owed back pay by unemployment. As soon as she received her back pay, she purchased me a plane ticket home and see my grandfather. He passed less than a month later.
I not only learned who my friends were because of their generosity, but also because of their desire to actually be around me when we weren't having fun or spending our coins in a club. Mother Oprah said it best, "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." There are several people who opted not to ride the bus with me and I am beyond grateful that I learned what their intentions were early on.
Maximize & Value Resources
When you don't have money to do traditional twenty-something things, let alone paying your rent, an evolved version of first world "fight or flight" begins to occur. For me, "flight" was returning home to North Carolina, and I wasn't about to let New York City get the best of me. While I didn't become a freegan (although I knew plenty of people who were), I got creative with my life.
A friend and I did a "dining out fast". We committed to only dining out if someone else was picking up the bill. I cut my drinking bill down to zero. If I was going out, it was to open bar events. I started shopping at thrift stores and participating in clothing swaps. I effectively utilized my resources to make my money stretch. To this day, I cut corners where it makes sense. For example, I haven't had cable in five years and I've gotten really good at doing my own manicures.
One of the beautiful things about struggle is that you never know how strong and capable you are until you are challenged.
That's when you learn what you are really made of. Being broke changed my heart and life for the better. Now, would I ever want to be that broke again? Meeeehhh. Not by choice. I think I've had enough of being broke for a lifetime. What are some lessons you learned (or are learning) when you were broke?
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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