I Tried Photo Therapy & It Reawakened My Sexuality
I don't keep nudes on my iPhone to send to potential suitors. I once went out with my mom to a nightclub and criticized her for being too flirtatious. My nickname in high school was "Prissy Chrissy", and the one mortifying time I tried to take seductive photos for a boyfriend, I had to have them printed at CVS.
I'm not a sexual woman.
Much of my discomfort with being sexual lies in the fact that when I was 11 years old, I wore a C-cup bra. My classmates (and even one of my teachers) would comment that my outfits exposed my curves, even when I wore the same outfits as other pre-teens. I've always been very confident academically… and I've always feared strangers won't look past my body to see my intelligence.
The other blatant factor is that I'm a Black woman, and like many Black girls, I was subjected to sexualization. I hated that just because of my body, I was held to a different standard and misunderstood. But that didn't make me hate those who sexualized me; instead, it made me hate my body. Hate me. I spent over 20 years of my life trying to be smaller, prettier, and more reserved.
I never thought at 34 years old, a direct message from a photo therapist would emancipate my sexuality.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Amber Gillian is a Black mother of three who contacted me after reading my book, MOM AF. Amber shared that she, too, believed in the empowerment of mothers and asked me if I'd ever done a phototherapy shoot. "Hell no," I replied, "But I do therapy regularly!" I joked.
Amber proceeded to educate me on what she called phototherapy. As a photographer and licensed mental health therapist, Amber provided mothers - especially Black moms - with an immersive experience, hearing their challenges, and then capturing their truth through the camera. She was drawn to it after finding her life as a woman was overshadowed by the responsibilities of being a caretaker.
"Black women rarely have the opportunity to be sexual, and when we do, we're oversexualized. We're either given a choice to talk about our 'WAP' or be complete virgins," Amber added.
She'd gotten my attention as (even though I was a mother of two) I'd been emotionally behaving like the latter all my life. So even though I was fearful, I booked it. I knew I needed to come out of my shell, so I agreed to a session. I thought I'd take a few photos in a button-down shirt and never show them to a soul.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
What I didn't expect was for the session to be rooted as equally in therapy as it was in photography. Before Amber even touched the camera, we discussed what the definition of the word sexy was for me, my experiences with capturing my sexuality in the past, even my labor and delivery experiences. She told me about the types of mothers she'd worked with- some were undergoing IVF, had postpartum depression and perinatal mood and anxiety disorders, and were even battling the grief of infertility.
She provided a personal makeup artist, Logan, that aligned with my aesthetic, made sure my favorite snacks and drinks were available to me, and frequently asked if I needed breaks. I admitted that before the photoshoot for a week, I starved myself, juicing and eating salads to appear smaller for the camera.
At that moment, I had my first breakthrough with Amber: I equated starving my body to starving my children, which I would NEVER do. Yet here I was, doing it to myself under the guise of beauty. For a "greater good". I realized I was living in the "greater good" already - I had a body that had produced two children, run 5Ks, and beat high cholesterol.
We talked about the partner's role in a woman's sexuality, and as it turns out, it's relatively small. Perhaps even nonexistent. I learned from Amber that a man shouldn't validate my sexuality, just as they don't validate my intelligence or ability to nurture. In fact, Amber didn't bring up or discuss men at all until I brought them into the conversation.
Amber Gillian/Courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Amber also told me why women should turn to female photo therapists to uncover their sexuality over male boudoir photographers. She once had a client who booked an appointment with a male photographer who required her to send nudes before he photographed her. Amber told the client she'd heard that before about male photographers, but that practice was unacceptable.
I started the photography portion of the session asking for privacy to change into the lingerie; by the end of the session, I was so comfortable I had a complete conversation with Amber in the same room while undressed.
We all hear in the media that women should be more body positive; I've seen the Instagram models with about 16 ounces of body fat on their stomach preaching it. But I've never seen myself in them because their bodies didn't look like mine, in complexion and stature. I also didn't fully understand how being body positive can help a woman tap into her sexual confidence.
It wasn't until my session with Amber that I learned the trick isn't to be like them. It's to respect and honor me.
Christine Michel Carter is the bestselling author of MOM AF. Featured in The New York Times and The Washington Post, she has been called "the voice of millennial moms."
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image courtesy of Christine Michel Carter
Christine Carter is a voice for millennial moms (and uniquely, young black female professionals and mothers). She has been featured in and guest contributed to several global digital publications, including Forbes, TIME, Health, Ebony, Black Bride, Inc., Women's Health and many others.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Signature Spring Scents That Are Great For Your Health & Well-Being
Something that I definitely got from my father is a nonstop curiosity for random information. Yeah, it’s pretty common for me to be in the middle of doing something and, out of absolutely nowhere, a thought will pop up in my head. One like, Why is the sense of smell so important anyway?
According to science, smell affects appetite, plays a role in determining how things taste to us, sends warning signals about potential danger (like if you happen to smell smoke before seeing it), influences our libido, helps to stabilize our emotions (wild, right?) and, as far as aromatherapy goes, various scents can help to improve your overall health and well-being (hence the motivation for today’s title).
That said, since we’re well into the spring season now, I wanted to take a moment to share with you some spring-like scents (10 to be exact) that not only complement this time of year amazingly well, they can also help you to feel better, on a few different levels too.
My two cents: find a high-quality essential oil and either wear one or blend a couple of ‘em. That way, you can get the long-lasting effects as the temperature (and humidity) begin to increase. You’ll smell divine and be helping out your system at the same time.
1. Mandarin
Getty Images
A scent that is very “springy” is anything that resembles citrus fruit — and mandarin certainly qualifies. As far as benefits go, not only can it help to put you in a better mood while reviving you both physically and emotionally, but mandarin is also great at detoxing your system, increasing your blood circulation, and serving as a sedative if you’re feeling anxious or, as of late, you’ve been having a difficult time falling asleep. And since it also helps to reduce stress levels, if you like how oranges smell anyway, look at all that it can do for you if you decide to actually wear the scent.
2. Peonies
Getty Images
Speaking of citrus, a flower that’s in full bloom during the spring is the peony. If you’ve ever smelled one before, it has a bit of a sweet and citrusy fragrance to it. In herb form, white peonies are full of phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) which can be beneficial if you are going through menopause and you need a bit of an all-natural estrogen boost. The root has also been helpful when it comes to treating anxiety and depression. As an essential oil, it’s loaded with antioxidants that are great for your skin. And, since they are also on the citrusy side, the scent of peonies can help to put you into a relaxed state, similar to how mandarin can/will.
3. Bergamot
Getty Images
Sweet. Floral. Lime-like. Those are some of the best ways to describe what bergamot smells like. As far as benefits go, many people like bergamot because its anti-inflammatory properties help to speed up the healing of pimples. Plus, hair-wise, it soothes an irritated scalp, softens hair, and can even potentially help your hair grow longer. There are also studies to support that bergamot helps to decrease pain levels, lower your blood pressure, heal psoriasis, and even reduce abdominal fat.
However, from what I’ve read, there is a heads-up to keep in mind here: If you plan on using bergamot essential oil before spending a considerable amount of time outdoors, wait 12 hours before doing so. Apparently, it’s not the most user-friendly when it comes to avoiding sunburn. Interesting.
4. Magnolia
Getty Images
If you want a scent that’s kind of like a rose-meets-a lemon-meets-some musk, magnolia is exactly what you are looking for. In extract form, it helps to treat gingivitis (just for the record). Outside of that, it’s effective as it relates to bringing relief to menstrual cramps, soothing coughs, helping with respiratory issues (hey, it is peak allergy season, after all), and lowering cortisol levels in your system. Another thing that’s worth taking note of when it comes to magnolia is that since it can also help to improve your quality of sleep, many women who are going through menopause are big fans of it too.
5. Peppermint
Getty Images
As far as the smell of peppermint goes, it’s kind of hard to describe. It’s sharp. It’s invigorating. It leaves a cool sensation whenever you get a close whiff of it. Anyway, believe it or not, even though peppermint candy is popular during the holiday season, growth-wise, it doesn’t do well in the cold. Spring and summer are more of its thing. That said, peppermint is good for you if you’re looking for some migraine or headache relief, you’re trying to unclog your sinuses, you need an energy boost throughout the day or you’re looking to treat a bout of seasonal allergies (check out “Honey, Probiotics & Other Natural Remedies For Seasonal Allergies”). Since peppermint can also help with making menstrual cramps less of a pain, of course, it had to go on the list.
6. Lily of the Valley
Getty Images
I’m not sure if it’s because of the lemon nuances, the sweetness of it all, or the fact that it’s got a bit of a spicy kick to it but, if there’s one scent that some find to be “signature spring,” Lily of the Valley would be the one. What I personally find to be pretty wild is the fact that, with all of the health benefits that come from using it, it’s not talked about more often. Benefits like what? Well, for starters, it helps to even skin tone and reduce the appearance of scars.
Beyond that, it helps to lessen chest pains, keeps your digestive system running smoothly, decreases symptoms that are directly associated with depression, and can help to treat UTIs (urinary tract infections) too. You know, the woman in the Song of Solomon once said, “I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.” (Song of Solomon 2:1) If one flower (and its scent) can do all of this, she definitely said a mouthful.
7. Tulips
Getty Images
Personally, my favorite flower is a tulip. Not really sure why; I just appreciate how tulips look. Now as far as scents go, it’s kind of like a mixture of honey, fresh grass, and a hint of citrus. According to the Herb Society of America, tulips can help to moisturize your skin, can bring relief to insect bites and they contain diuretic and antiseptic properties that can help to speed up the healing process of a cold.
Oh, and if you happen to be someone who prefers to go as natural as possible when it comes to makeup, it’s not uncommon to turn red tulips (or any flower of your choice, really) into a blush by crushing the petals. You can learn more about how to do that here.
8. Spearmint
Getty Images
Taste-wise, if I had to choose between peppermint and spearmint, I’d probably go with spearmint; it tastes sweeter. Scent-wise, it’s actually a lot like peppermint although not quite as strong. When it comes to your health, if you’re looking for something that is full of antioxidants that is able to boost your memory, improve digestion issues, lower your blood sugar levels, fight bacterial infections, and even slow down the growth of facial hair (in women), spearmint can do that for you. Since some reports say that it can help to balance out your hormones as well as help to make morning sickness more bearable, if anything should be considered to be a “women’s health scent,” spearmint would be it.
9. Lilacs
Getty Images
Lilacs are pretty cool. On the symbolism tip, white ones represent purity, purple ones represent spirituality and the ones that come with blue trim are all about tranquility. Their smell is pretty soft and feminine — somewhat like the Lily of the Valley yet a lot more subtle; some say that they are able to pick up almonds and roses from it as well. Your skin will like lilacs due to their antibacterial and antifungal properties. This flower is also helpful thanks to its ability to protect your skin from damaging UV rays and help your system to heal from fungal infections.
10. Lavender
Getty Images
If there is a scent on the list that you probably saw coming, it’s lavender. Its smell is light and fresh (kind of like new linens) with a bit of sweetness and herbal undertones to it. A part of the reason why I decided to put this one at the end is because, on some levels, it’s like saving the best for last due to all of the things that it can do for you:
- Lower stress levels
- Relieve asthma-related symptoms
- Improve sleep
- Promote hair growth
- Help to heal fungus infections
- Make hot flashes (in menopausal women) easier to bear
- Speed up the healing process of breakouts
- Boost your moods
- Reduce menstrual discomfort
- Naturally treat headaches
And that truly is just for starters! No…really.
___
You know, fairly recently, Harper's BAZAAR published, “The 17 Best Spring Perfumes to Keep in Rotation” and listen, if perfume is your thing, it’s got some good ones on here. Personally, I will always be about essential oils because of the aromatherapy and other benefits that they provide.
So, as you’re figuring out what you want your own signature spring scent to be this year, at least consider trying one of these 10. You’ll smell delightful and be doing wonderful things for your health too. Happy Spring, y’all!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by alvaro gonzalez/Getty Images