Praise Yeezus! You've met "the one."
This person is everything you've ever wanted in a partner, and more. Your new boo has you so sprung
that you've shaved your legs for them, and found yourself saying crazy ish like "Eat your heart out Beyoncé," while uploading Instagram pics of you and your bae.
The problem? Your new partner's kids are Soldiers for Satan. The kids are so bad that you've dreamt about laying them flat out on the floor like Manny Pacquiao at the end of his last fight with Floyd Mayweather.
But hold on to your lacefront and relax before you snap on them, or get arrested for felony child abuse. There are a few things you have to remember before you let your anger get the best of you.
1. IS YOUR PARTNER WORTH IT
You shouldn't get yourself involved with your bae's children if you don't see the relationship going anywhere. A "hello" and "goodbye" is all you need to be saying to someone else's kids if you're involved in a meaningless relationship. If you're in a "going nowhere" relationship with a "do nothing" partner, don't extend yourself. Your boo isn't worth the trouble.
If your partner doesn't see your relationship going far, or they just want to take things slowly, then you should avoid your partner's kids until you know if you two will have a future together.
2. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
So let's say your bae is worth you addressing their kid's nasty ass behavior. Then you shouldn't talk to anyone else about your partner's kids before you have a chance to address it with your partner first. Not momma, daddy, your "day one," or anyone else. Tell your partner straight up that you're not feeling their kid's behavior, and you want to know what you can do to improve your relationship with them.
Your partner may ask you to chill out until their kids can get to know you a little bit. Remember that a lot of kids can't articulate their feelings that well. This is why you need to be patient, and let your partner lead the way to integrating you into his preexisting familial life.
3. YOUR PARTNER IS A PARENT FIRST
You probably read that and thought, "Bish I know that!" But did you remember that when you were complaining that your partner wasn't spending enough time with you? Just saying.
If your partner has joint-custody of their child(ren), then their priority is being a parent first. That means that bae is going to want to spend as much time as they can with their kids on weekends, or whenever they made arrangements with their former partner. Relax, and let your partner take the lead when it comes to including you in their visitation plans with the kids.
4. YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE ADJUSTING TO A NEW RELATIONSHIP
If they're old enough, your partner's kids are probably going to remind you that you just popped up like "Hey, I'm the new boo," overnight. As annoying as it is to hear, there's some truth to the statement.
Your partner's kids have to get used to seeing mom/dad's new bae, and that's going to take some time. Encourage your partner to start a routine that includes you and their kids, so they can get used to seeing you more. Try a Sunday dinner with bae and the kids, weekend trips to the movies, or a "Girls v.s. Guys" competition with the The Michael Jackson Experience video game.
4. BE THE MATURE ONE!
Some kids will take you there. All the way there. You probably didn't know where "there" was until your partner's kid used Siri to redirect you "there."
So before you attempt to slap the crap out of your partner's kid, or tell them something that will end with you and his baby's mother beating the crap out of each other for the pleasure of the World Star Hip-Hop audience, remember who the adult is in this situation. If they are under the age of 10, talk to them on their level, and try to get them to articulate their feelings. By on their level, I don't mean slapping your partner's kid like this guy in the gif above. I mean sitting them down and having a conversation with them at the table.
If they're over 10, be firm and tell them straight up that you'd prefer not to be disrespected. If that doesn't work, *diplomatically* handle the issue by addressing it with the parents.
If that doesn't work, or if baby's momma/daddy isn't the kind of person who likes diplomacy, let the kid
have that one point. Then bring up their funky attitudes when you bring home treats, and politely tell them that they can't have any because you, "Don't break bread with disloyal folks." If they have a heart, they'll remember it.
If they don't have a heart, I suggest you hide all the sharp objects. That kid may need some professional help.
6. TRY COUNSELING
There's nothing wrong with family counseling, and maybe counseling can help uncover a deep issue that needs to be addressed. You never know if a child is devastated because their parents are no longer together. Or hell, maybe you're the problem. Either way, counseling is a win-win for everyone. If the child is not the problem, and you're the one with issues, let a professional give you advice on how to maturely handle your problems, so that you can grow as a person.
7. PUT EVERYTHING OUT IN THE OPEN
I used to work for Navy SEALs, and one of them told me a story about how everything that I just listed above did not work.
Well my friend, who was basically a surveillance tech, decided to surveil his own house. Without telling you what he did (because it could possibly start an investigation) he put a tight reign on his house and made sure that no secrets came in or went out of the house without him knowing them first. And they had some heavy secrets!
Use your imagination with what he did exactly, but he made sure that if everyone was going to hate each other, they were going to do it out in the open. If his step-son felt some kind of way, he was free to say how he felt. But he couldn't lie about anything (once again, my friend was surveilling his house).
This forced his step-son realize that he was the most important person in the relationship, and that everyone was trying to work together for his benefit. So his step-son relaxed a little. Thankfully, my friend is still married.
In other words, back your partner's kid into a corner with strategy.
Have you ever loved someone, but hated their kid's behavior? Tell us how you handled things in the comments.