I Gave Myself 365 Days To Transform My Life
As I stepped on the scale a few months ago, I felt complete disassociation with the number staring back at me. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. How could I let myself get to the point I was at? I was officially 50+ pounds heavier than my normal weight. Looking in the mirror terrified me. This body was a foreign land; I wasn't familiar with it at all.
I began to look for quick fixes, Googling multiple versions of "how to lose xx pounds in xx days" and "the fastest way to lose weight". I was determined to do any and everything to 'snap back'. If I could have done a 'return to sender' on this extra 'package', I'm carrying, I would have. After my frantic search turned up fruitless, I began to reflect on how I got to where I was and why I was in such a hurry to 'undo' it.
The truth is, I was trying to gain control of my mental health battle, so my physical health fell by the wayside. And my rush to get back to my prime physical appearance was all about preserving an image that didn't show how bruised I was.
Anyone who suffers from depression can tell you, when you're knee-deep in an 'episode', operating like a normal human being doesn't feel like an option. Routines come undone, to-do lists remain full, and don't even think about trying to get me to be social. Days, weeks, and months can feel like you're wandering around aimlessly with no purpose. You don't concern yourself with healthy eating, let alone getting up and going to the grocery store. And similar to my case, you may even self-medicate with wine.
You rarely see the damage you're doing to yourself when you're in the storm, but when you come out on the other side, seeing the havoc that was wrecked can be devastating.
And nothing could be truer for how I felt looking at myself in the mirror and stepping on that scale.
So, I took a step back and made a promise to myself. I would dedicate the next 365 days to improving my entire wellness – mental, physical, and spiritual health. And over the last two months, I've learned some things that have helped me stay consistent and committed to being a better me.
Create Goals and Set Intentions
The first thing I did when I started my wellness journey was determined precisely what I wanted to accomplish and why. The why is important because often we set goals that don't really serve us in a realistic or conducive manner. When I determined what my goals were, I made sure they were things that would truly elevate me to the next level in life and were not just fleeting desires of the moment. I also gave myself smaller goals that would aid me in making sure I could accomplish my larger goals.
Challenge Yourself But Don’t Be Unrealistic
When I decided it was time to get myself back in physical shape, I tried to look for shortcuts and fast solutions. I immediately thought of all the women, especially celebrities, who gained a ton of weight after having a kid and snapped back into shape what seemed almost in a mere few months. Foolishly, I wanted it to be that simple for me. I joined a six-week fitness program, which they advertised would help me lose a ton of weight. And guess what? I didn't.
When the program ended, I realized I didn't need to measure my progress by someone's insane standards and instead of looking at it as a failure, I looked at it as the jumpstart of my wellness journey. My expectations and perspective shifted, and I feel less pressure to meet an impractical goal.
Keep Track Of Where You Are In Your Wellness Journey
As part of my process, I've been regimented in journaling, and I use an app called Habit Share to mark my progress. The app keeps me accountable by sending reminders and allowing me to mark the days I've made progress towards my goals. Something about seeing the days I've made great strides motivates me to keep going and reach that one-year finish line.
Be Kind To Yourself
Issa Rae Hype GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyWe often give so many other people grace and forget to give it to ourselves. There have been times where my friends have commented on their appearance and insecurities, and I've had to remind them to give themselves some leeway. But for some reason, I wasn't doing this for myself. I've had to get real and develop self-compassion. I went through severe depression and survived. The reality is some people don't. Instead of beating myself up for the flaws I don't like about myself, I've learned to see them as signs of surviving my battle.
Don’t Rush The Process. Revel In It.
In the spirit of complete transparency, this journey has often left me frustrated. Oftentimes, I really want to get to the end of this 365 days. Hell, sometimes I wish it was tomorrow. But the deeper I get into this process, the more I learn, the more I accept, and the greater I love myself. My patience has grown, and with that wisdom and strength. I can genuinely say a better me is emerging.
Originally published on The Golden Life
Featured image by Shutterstock
Toni is a former accountant turned travel writer from Washington, D.C. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter for tips and tricks on all things travel (@the_goldenlife_).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Nara Smith Hate Has Everything To Do With You — Nothing To Do With Her
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that TikTok would become such a big part of my life. I mean, I talked big shit, real big shit when it initially blew up. But I've come to love it! It's like Pinterest but in video format and somehow way better than YouTube (if you're ADHD) – a one-stop shop for inspiring everything from home decor to dinner recipes. And that's exactly what Nara Smith is! Foodie inspiration at its finest. Yet, she's caught so much backlash, and I can't figure out why.
Let the trolls tell it, and it has everything to do with her being Mormon. There's so much concern about her being part of a religion that, allegedly, dislikes Black people. Newsflash! Nara is a big girl who can make her own decisions. So, I find it weird that the internet cares more about a harmful community (while also causing harm via trolling) that would most certainly be most harmful to 22-year-old Nara, who interacts with the religion regularly.
@naraazizasmith he asked for it the next day again so this might become a staple 🫶🏽 #easyrecipes #homemade #pizza #bbqchicken #fypシ #marriage #homecooking
Particularly because she's only guilty of posting cooking videos – she doesn't speak on her religion. So, if it is Mormon propaganda, it's very subtle because a million and one women are cooking for TikTok, myself included. If a woman cooking for TikTok is the problem, why have we never had an issue with cooking shows with female leads? I watched a woman double fry White Castle burgers for her husband on TikTok, and no one batted an eyelash! Not one of these other cooking women is being harassed in the manner that Nara is.
And, because I don't think you all harass actual Christian influencers in this manner, I simply cannot believe that is what all the beef is about.
Furthermore, and to my knowledge, she has a modeling career. She has our own money. And, part of that money is the check that TikTok cuts for engagement. With that information, at best, we can assume Nara is an aesthetic but that aesthetic is not aligned with #tradwife life. Forget the aforementioned points -- the pregnant belly alone hanging out of crop tops makes the #tradwife “point” moot. (A quarter of trad wife life is the visual aesthetic–it’s cosplaying a 1950s white wife through and through – so be fucking for real.) It seems that there's been this narrative created simply because people do not like her.
@naraazizasmith do we like the time stamps?🫶🏽 #easyrecipes #whatieatinaday #fulldayofeating #pregnant #pregnancycravings #fypシ #homecooking
Let's call a spade a spade. What we're witnessing is racism, colorism, envy – crabs in a barrel bullshit.
Nara smith wasn’t broke or jobless when she met him, she definitely still isn’t broke and jobless now. She’s literally a runway model that still has modeling gigs, a social media career and a rich father. They think she’s a stay at home mum because she’s making food videos😭 https://t.co/ePOvTWWrTQ
— Sunrise⁸ 🎀🏴☠️ (@__sunriseii) March 14, 2024
Nara is married to Lucky Blue Smith, a fashion model who gained a lot of popularity in the early 2010s due to a massive social media presence, especially on Tumblr. Many are threatened by the idea that this Black woman is leading a life of leisure in the company of a white man, especially with some level of fame. This goes for white and Black women who dislike her. In a 2021 interview, FKA Twigs highlighted a sentiment amid the backlash she received from her time dating Robert Pattinson, that I imagine to be similar – the fantasy his fans had of seeing him with "someone white and blonde."
As for the hate from other Black women, there appears to be some cognitive dissonance. Black women who claim to want a soft life but have not achieved it for one reason or another. Because if you've tried to prepare anything that Nara cooks, it's not much more time-consuming than any other type of weekly meal prep.
"Why is this woman cooking in a gown? Why is she being extra making the bread from scratch?"
It's simply because she can. Because isn't that what feminism is about? The right to fucking choose!
@naraazizasmith drooling watching this😮💨 #baking #husbandwife #pregnancycravings #easyrecipes #coupletok #fypシ #homecooking #cookies
But, at the end of the day, there's a lot of groupthink around Nara. I think it's all misplaced, and ironically, I think it further proves how easily the general public can be converted into cult members. Perhaps, that explains their concerns with Mormon propoganda – understanding how vulnerable they view themselves (this is sarcasm).
Not once have I watched Nara's content and had a strong urge to convert to Mormonism. But, instead, I watch and feel inspired to make as much at home as possible based on my bandwidth. She makes it look easy, and as someone who has spent the past month indulging myself and my baby in fresh bread and cinnamon rolls, inspired by her content – it's satisfying to know I'm able to subsidize the preservative and cost of certain treats.
While making bread in beautiful gowns is not realistic, I do think if you let her inspire you, you can find that some of the other aspects of her lifestyle are within reach.
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Featured image via Nara Smith/ Instagram