I Gave Myself 365 Days To Transform My Life
As I stepped on the scale a few months ago, I felt complete disassociation with the number staring back at me. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. How could I let myself get to the point I was at? I was officially 50+ pounds heavier than my normal weight. Looking in the mirror terrified me. This body was a foreign land; I wasn't familiar with it at all.
I began to look for quick fixes, Googling multiple versions of "how to lose xx pounds in xx days" and "the fastest way to lose weight". I was determined to do any and everything to 'snap back'. If I could have done a 'return to sender' on this extra 'package', I'm carrying, I would have. After my frantic search turned up fruitless, I began to reflect on how I got to where I was and why I was in such a hurry to 'undo' it.
The truth is, I was trying to gain control of my mental health battle, so my physical health fell by the wayside. And my rush to get back to my prime physical appearance was all about preserving an image that didn't show how bruised I was.
Anyone who suffers from depression can tell you, when you're knee-deep in an 'episode', operating like a normal human being doesn't feel like an option. Routines come undone, to-do lists remain full, and don't even think about trying to get me to be social. Days, weeks, and months can feel like you're wandering around aimlessly with no purpose. You don't concern yourself with healthy eating, let alone getting up and going to the grocery store. And similar to my case, you may even self-medicate with wine.
You rarely see the damage you're doing to yourself when you're in the storm, but when you come out on the other side, seeing the havoc that was wrecked can be devastating.
And nothing could be truer for how I felt looking at myself in the mirror and stepping on that scale.
So, I took a step back and made a promise to myself. I would dedicate the next 365 days to improving my entire wellness – mental, physical, and spiritual health. And over the last two months, I've learned some things that have helped me stay consistent and committed to being a better me.
Create Goals and Set Intentions
The first thing I did when I started my wellness journey was determined precisely what I wanted to accomplish and why. The why is important because often we set goals that don't really serve us in a realistic or conducive manner. When I determined what my goals were, I made sure they were things that would truly elevate me to the next level in life and were not just fleeting desires of the moment. I also gave myself smaller goals that would aid me in making sure I could accomplish my larger goals.
Challenge Yourself But Don’t Be Unrealistic
When I decided it was time to get myself back in physical shape, I tried to look for shortcuts and fast solutions. I immediately thought of all the women, especially celebrities, who gained a ton of weight after having a kid and snapped back into shape what seemed almost in a mere few months. Foolishly, I wanted it to be that simple for me. I joined a six-week fitness program, which they advertised would help me lose a ton of weight. And guess what? I didn't.
When the program ended, I realized I didn't need to measure my progress by someone's insane standards and instead of looking at it as a failure, I looked at it as the jumpstart of my wellness journey. My expectations and perspective shifted, and I feel less pressure to meet an impractical goal.
Keep Track Of Where You Are In Your Wellness Journey
As part of my process, I've been regimented in journaling, and I use an app called Habit Share to mark my progress. The app keeps me accountable by sending reminders and allowing me to mark the days I've made progress towards my goals. Something about seeing the days I've made great strides motivates me to keep going and reach that one-year finish line.
Be Kind To Yourself
Issa Rae Hype GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyWe often give so many other people grace and forget to give it to ourselves. There have been times where my friends have commented on their appearance and insecurities, and I've had to remind them to give themselves some leeway. But for some reason, I wasn't doing this for myself. I've had to get real and develop self-compassion. I went through severe depression and survived. The reality is some people don't. Instead of beating myself up for the flaws I don't like about myself, I've learned to see them as signs of surviving my battle.
Don’t Rush The Process. Revel In It.
In the spirit of complete transparency, this journey has often left me frustrated. Oftentimes, I really want to get to the end of this 365 days. Hell, sometimes I wish it was tomorrow. But the deeper I get into this process, the more I learn, the more I accept, and the greater I love myself. My patience has grown, and with that wisdom and strength. I can genuinely say a better me is emerging.
Originally published on The Golden Life
Featured image by Shutterstock
Toni is a former accountant turned travel writer from Washington, D.C. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter for tips and tricks on all things travel (@the_goldenlife_).
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage