The Hairstyles Naturalistas Herald As Their Go-Tos When It's Hot Out
While summer is by far my favorite season, I hate worrying about my hair during this time of the year. The extremely high temperatures and humidity usually have my natural hair doing everything but what I need it to do which is just sit there and be cute. This summer (well pretty much since the beginning of the quarantine), box braids have been clutch! I am no professional but thanks to tutorials on YouTube, I have been able to successfully install box braids. By "successful", I mean they are not falling out. They are far from perfect so if you happen to see me in these streets in my box braids, just make sure you are social distancing––please and thank you.
Rather than torture you with pictures of my box braids, I reached out to 6 of my favorite naturalistas and got the tea on their go-to style when it's hot outside.
Angell
Angell, a blogger, photographer, educator, and business owner, said without hesitation that her go-to style for too-hot days is the top bun. "Honestly it's easy and foolproof. I don't like hair sticking to my face and humidity has a way of taking my curls to the next level in a bad way. I can go from cute, curly fro to, 'Did she stick her finger in a socket?' in less than an hour in humidity."
Follow Angell on Instagram @lifeofanangell_.
Kia Marie
Digital creator Kia Marie shared that her go-to style to stay cute while beating the heat is definitely her signature frohawk. "It takes me less than five minutes to do and with the humidity on 100 in NY, styles just don't stand a chance. Because of this I've been focusing less on perfectly defined stretched hair, so the frohawk is great."
Kia even has a frohawk tutorial on her Instagram page so you can try it at home!
Follow Kia on Instagram @thenotoriouskia.
Melissa Chanel
Lifestyle content creator and blogger Melissa Chanel said that her go-to style when it is hot and humid are mini twists. "[I] love using Cantu's new Flaxseed Smoothing Hair Wax and Flaxseed Smoothing Cream Gel when rocking this look. It's easy and can usually last me for about two weeks. Both are available at Target!"
Follow Melissa on Instagram @melissachanel.
Shiquita
Blogger and content creator Shiquita says that her go-to summer style would have to be some variation of the top knot. "It's the perfect way to keep my thick natural hair off of my neck when I know I'm going to be sweating. I love rocking a top knot with bangs but can't stand hair in my face. So, I prefer to rock it with 'side bangs'. It's not only a cute look but also very functional when trying to beat the summer heat."
Follow Shiquita on Instagram @unconventionalsouthernbelle.
Tiffany
Digital creator and mom-to-be Tiffany Laiben shared that her go-to hairstyle on a hot and humid day is definitely a sleek, slicked-back bun. "I love how it can be dressed up or dressed down. But most importantly, it's out of your way, and there's no hair touching you!"
Tiffany further expounded on her preferred protective style by sharing a brief how-to for those who might want to achieve a similar look: "I make sure to add leave-in conditioner throughout my head and detangle before slicking back into a low ponytail. I then braid or twist the ponytail hair and wrap into a tight bun. You can rock a middle part, a side part, or no part at all with it slicked back. You can also do intricate edges to add some flare to it, and voila! A super easy, chic look!"
Follow Tiffany on Instagram @tiffanylaibhen.
Yvette
When it comes to her go-to hot-and-humid hairstyle, model and content creator Yvette Corinne shared that her choice is a protective style favorite: "Short, chunky 90s braids to be exact!"
Follow Yvette on Instagram @yvettecorinne.
Featured image by Instagram/@thenotoriouskia.
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
Featured image by skynesher/Getty Images
