How To Take Things Slow With A Guy In Dating
You met a guy. You like him. He appears to like you too. You guys are casually dating and it's a vibe. You've been down this road and it hasn't worked out in the past but this time feels different. He seems different. You're ready to throw caution to the wind and fast track this whole situation. Be honest with yourself though, has attempting to fast track the relationship worked in your favor in the past? If not, it may be time to try a different approach and take things slow with the guy you're dating.
There are multiple benefits to taking things at a slower pace in the beginning of a relationship. For starters, it allows you to see if you genuinely like this person or if it's just exciting because it's new. It also allows you to see beneath the surface and see who you're really dating and what their true motives are. Most importantly, it gives you time to catch all of the red flags and also allows time to build a genuine friendship. So, how do you take things slow when dating someone you like? Let's get into it.
How To Take Things Slow With A Guy
1.Date Other People
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I know you really like him but listen, until you and that man choose to be exclusive, you are a free agent sis! A lot of the time pacing in the beginning of a relationship can be compromised because you put all of your energy into acting like a girlfriend before the commitment, which is counterproductive if you ask me. Dating other people will not only force you to take things slowly, but it will also help you discover what (and who) you really like while you date.
2.Space It Out
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I know you want to see him every single day but if you want to keep things at a nice slow pace, resist the urge and space out the time you spend together. Besides, you won't have time anyway because you're going to be dating other people, remember? Even if you decide not to go the date other people route, you can use the time spent apart to pour into your life, your friends, and your passions. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and it also allows you to become a fuller, more vibrant you when you do see each other.
3.Do Different Things
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To avoid falling into a comfortable and familiar routine in the beginning stages of dating, avoid doing the same things. Yes, I know you like that Mexican restaurant he took you to on your first date but getting into a routine screams coupledom, and well before the commitment, sis. Go to different places and try different activities. It will help you get to know each other better but at a slow and steady pace.
4.No Sex
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Well, at least not in the beginning. Having sex too soon is the ultimate way to move way too fast. It can also be the ultimate way to put a stop to things as well. When we have sex, the body releases hormones that makes you feel bonded to the person you're sleeping with. Even if they aren't good for you, you can end up intertwined just because good sex has you looking at the relationship through a filter instead of in a real way. If your goal is to move slowly and really get to know the guy, avoid sleeping with him until you know what you want or don't want from him. And never use sex as a bargaining chip. No, just no.
5.No “We” Talk
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In the beginning, it's important to not talk about the future as it pertains to you two. That doesn't mean that you can't ask questions to gauge what he is looking for or about where he sees himself in the future but don't start planning a life with him. Let me give you an example. Years ago, I met this guy. We went on one date and the next week he invited me to go on a cruise with him and his family. The cruise was in six months. Spoiler alert, I excused myself from that situation expeditiously. "We" talk can be dreamy, and it's easy to put the cart before the horse when you're excited about the prospect of new love, but use the future talk as sparingly as possible until you decide where you are going in the future and if it includes one another.
6.Live Your Life
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Remember that thing you had before you met him? Yes, your life. Go and do that. Before you met this great guy you had friends, a job, and interests. That means no moving plans around with girlfriends to accommodate the last-minute opening for him or waiting by your phone in hopes that he'll have plans for you on a Friday night. You are the prize sis, live your life like one. The right guy won't feel intimidated by your busy-ness, instead he'll rise to the challenge of getting to know you. The absolute best way to take things slow with a guy is to simply live your life and let him get in where he fits in.
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
How We Met: Serial Entrepreneurship And Travel Are At The Center Of This Couple's Love Story
How We Metis a series where xoNecole talks about love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Oftentimes, people say love and business don't mix, but this couple is one another's yin and yang in a journey to live their best life and achieve financial freedom through entrepreneurship. James and Deanna Robinson connected on ambition, confidence, and go-getter initiative from the very start. Both serial entrepreneurs have seen success in their respective fields and have even partnered up for joint ventures where each brings their unique strengths to the table.
"I can bring the deal to the table," James said.
"And I’m the closer," Deanna added.
"I’m not the type to send out the emails and things like that. She’s on top of that part. When we’re out, she’s quiet. I’ll be there networking. I feel like that’s where I’m strong," James continued.
"We almost missed the interview today," Deanna added with a laugh. "I gotta be in the field," James said.
Deanna launched FabBody Fitness more than a decade ago, empowering a lucrative market via her Maryland-based women's-only gym. The founder of the FabBody Retreat now works as a health and wellness advocate with corporate and private clients. James got skin in the game as a chef and went on to launch three of his own KitchenCray restaurants. He also recently launched Technology Partners LLC, which offers construction, demolition, IT, and other related services. Beyond their individual ventures, they're also real estate investors and own a black car service.
The couple, who met in 2013 and wed in 2017, shared how they manage running multiple businesses while still keeping the fire alive in their marriage, the challenges they've faced as balancing love, businesses, and parenting, and why they're the ideal partners in ventures and in life.
Serial entrepreneurs James and Deanna Robinson share why they're the ideal partners in ventures and in life.
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How We Met
Deanna: I used to do these client appreciation pool parties. We actually met at one of my pool parties. His company was doing a sponsorship of some of the food items. This is when I had my gym, so it was for all my personal training clients.
James: The thing that attracted me was that she had her own business, she was doing something so I could learn from her. And I thought she looked good.
Deanna: I had known about him before we met. At that time he didn’t have any restaurants. He was doing catering and pop-up events. What attracted me to him was that he was a businessman and that he was very ambitious and that I could learn from him as well.
First Date
Deanna: It was to this French restaurant called La Diplomat in D.C. The most memorable thing about that date to me was we ordered a dish called foie gras and I wasn’t a foodie then. Quite different to now. I had no idea with foie gras was, but I was still open to trying stuff. I tried it and hated it. Now, I actually really like it. That always sticks out to me, when we sit down at a restaurant now to order it, we think about that first date when I had that with him and I despised it. After that, it was one of the things I admired about him as well is that he opened up my palette for food.
James: I didn’t know she didn’t like it. I didn’t know if she was a foodie or not. I’ve been a chef for 21 years, always into food so I just took her somewhere I know nobody was taking her. That stuck out to me—that she wasn’t a foodie.
Deanna: [Laughs] I was into oxtail and curry goat.
"The thing that attracted me was that she had her own business, she was doing something so I could learn from her," James explained.
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The One
Deanna: What sticks out to me is we started really dating in September–the pool party was that August—and that’s always a rough time around the holidays because you just never know, like, ‘Are we gifting each other?’ or ‘What level of gift should we do?’ I had decided I was not going to get him a gift. I always felt like in relationships I was always the one doing too much.
The first time I decided not to do too much, was the time he decided to give me a gift. I felt horrible because he got me a really cute gift. It was, like, some perfume, or something. I didn’t get him anything. That’s when I knew. I had actually scaled myself back from being the kind person I was when all along I should’ve just continued to do what I do and the right person would accept it and it would be reciprocated.
James: I probably got it just by listening to her. She’s a real family-[oriented] person and holidays are important to them.
Deanna: His love language is acts of service and mine is quality time.
Favorite Way To Spend Quality Time
Deanna: We like to plan trips so that we have something to look forward to, so even when one or both of us are really busy, we know that in the next few weeks, we’re going to this place and it’s just going to be us. And it’s even better when we plan a long haul trip to a totally different time zone so that means when we’re up and doing stuff, everybody else might be sleep, so we won’t be on our phones or people won’t be calling as much for business. So really travel has been one of the ways we can kind of do the work-life balance.
Travel’s definitely one [way to keep the spark alive], and I think, going out to eat— trying new foods.
James: And we’ve got the baby. When we go places, we’re trying to call her on FaceTime. I remember when we went to Italy and our friend had a baby and we were so annoyed, like, ‘She keeps talking about the baby,’ and now we do that. [Laughs]. You’ve got that little 2-year-old baby that you love, so that’s one of the hardest parts, too, with entrepreneurship and us working. We’re not depending on a steady [9-to-5] check. We have to create something to go out and get, and we’re spending time away from the wife and your kid, and they want their own individual time as well. Building a family is not easy.
"We’re not depending on a steady check. We have to create something to go out and get, and we’re spending time away from the wife and your kid, and they want their own individual time as well. Building a family is not easy."
"We like to plan trips so that we have something to look forward to," Deanna shared about the couple's love for travel.
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Overcoming Challenges As Married Entrepreneurs
Deanna: It's about making sure we prioritize that quality time. As a business owner, especially when your business is still in the growth stages, it’s important that we’re both grinding—especially for him. He’s got businesses in different states and events in other countries. He’s got to travel a lot. So it’s really important for us—and really tough for us—to make sure we’re carving out that time for family and making sure that we are spending quality time.
Even just being present is not always necessarily quality time—trying to stay off our phones when we have business on our phones and we need to answer that text message and send this invoice. So that’s been a challenge. It’s something we have gotten better at.
James: I like to make money and live a certain lifestyle now, and I have to be the one speaking the truth, like ‘Hey, you want this quality time, but we’ve got bills to pay.’ So, we have to figure [out] what’s going to work. If we’re going to live like this, one of us is going to have to be out in the field working and putting stuff together—building stuff up. I’m not saying we’re going to be doing that forever, but at least we gotta build a foundation, and make sure things are in place and systems are in place that work. That doesn’t happen overnight.
I feel like the older you get, more things start to change. In the beginning you can have one vision and later you can have another vision. Or 10 years later you might [say], I’m done. So, you just gotta learn and grow, because nobody’s going to stay the same every year. You have to communicate and be vocal and let the person know, ‘These are my goals, too.’
The more you stay together, the more you have to communicate and [talk about] the direction.
Favorite Traits
Deanna: He has a great sense of humor and I really like his swag. It’s a confidence. Even just his fashion sense—it’s very different and he doesn’t care what other people think about it. Of course, his ambition goes into that swag-iness as well.
James: I wish I had that way [of how] she’s close with her family. She's [very caring]. She grew up with her parents and around love. I didn’t. I’m learning from her to really be a super family-loving person. I’m not the same person I was when I met her.
I [grew up] in foster care. My grandmother took me in. I grew up in shelters. She didn’t have to go through all that stuff. I can be like ‘Forget this. I’m done. On to the next,’ but she has that trait where she can be patient and understanding. One of the things I learned is giving people the benefit of the doubt. I used to cut people off. … As I grew, I learned to give more benefit of the doubt to people. That trait of hers rubbed off on me and made me a better person.
For more information on Deanna and James Robinson and their businesses, follow their respective pages on Instagram @deannarobinsonfit and @kitchencray.
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