Here's How To Increase Vaginal Lubrication. Naturally.
So, before getting into how to naturally produce more vaginal lubrication, I think it's important to put on record that, when it comes to what comes out of our vagina, there's discharge, there's cervical fluid and then there's lubrication which typically happens whenever you're sexually aroused. Discharge (and to a certain extent, cervical fluid; they both tend to change somewhat throughout the month) is fluid that comes out of your vagina and consists of cells from your cervix and vagina, along with bacteria, mucus and water. Lubrication—you know, "getting wet"—is all about what happens when you're either strongly physically attracted to someone or you're in the act of foreplay. Today, we're gonna touch on how to keep the latter (sexual arousal-related fluids) flowing.
Foreplay is certainly one of the best ways to ensure that you are able to get and stay wet so that sex can be more comfortable and pleasurable for you. And, of course, there's definitely nothing wrong with using manufactured lubricant to get the job done. Still, it's also wise to keep in mind that there are things that you can do, health-wise, from the natural side of things, that can keep everything going…just as you would like it to too. So, if you're someone who lives by the motto "the wetter, the better" when it comes to sex, here are 10 ways that can help you with attaining this particular goal.
1. Drink More Water
Did you know that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated? That they only consume about 2 ½ cups of water each day? You can check out "10 Overlooked Signs That You're Dehydrated" to get a good idea of why being dehydrated tends to be so problematic. In the meantime, I'm pretty sure you can put two and two together as it relates to how not having enough H2O in your system can cause your vagina to become like the Sahara up in there. Drinking eight glasses of water each day is the traditional recommendation when it comes to staying properly hydrated. "She" will definitely thank you if you adhere.
2. Exercise 2-4 Times a Week
No matter how you're trying to improve your overall health and well-being, you're going to have a hard time finding an article that doesn't mention exercise as one way to do it. As far as lubricating your vagina is concerned, cardio, 2-3 times a week, for 20-45 minutes at a time, is great because it helps to get your blood circulation going. Your body needs this to happen because that's how your system gets the consistent oxygen and nutrients that it requires. Blood flow to your nether regions is important, especially when it comes to sexual arousal because it can intensify your orgasms. Plus, exercising also helps to keep your hormones balanced. The more balanced they are, the easier it will be for your vagina to get and remain lubricated. So, definitely make working out a part of your daily routine.
3. Take a Vitamin D Supplement
Because we've got melanin in us, it's more difficult for our bodies to produce Vitamin D. As a result, one study cites that as much as 76 percent of the American Black population is Vitamin D deficient. We need Vitamin D because it helps to strengthen our bones and muscles, helps to fight bodily inflammation and it can even assist in preventing type 1 and 2 diabetes. Not only that but there is more and more data coming out to support the fact Vitamin D that can also help to protect us—yes, Black people—from getting COVID-19. And just why does your vagina need it? Word on the street is, if you take Vitamin D in supplement form, daily, for eight weeks, you should notice less vaginal dryness and more lubrication.
Since Vitamin D is beneficial in so many other ways, it definitely can't hurt to give it a shot.
4. Also, Take a Vitamin E One While You’re at It
While we're on the topic of supplements, another one that you may want to take is Vitamin E. One of the best things about this particular vitamin is it's an awesome antioxidant that helps to protect your cells from experiencing damage. As it specifically relates to your vagina, Vitamin E has the ability to reduce vaginal atrophy-related issues. Vaginal atrophy is what happens when the walls of your vagina start to thin which can lead to dryness. In fact, the results of Vitamin E increase significantly when they are paired with Vitamin D, so hopefully that's the inspiration you need in order to take both.
5. Add Some Sea Buckthorn Oil to Your Regimen
Something that I try to do is provide a heads up on various things that may not be brought up often. In walks, sea buckthorn oil. Long story short, it's an oil that is extracted from berries that come from the sea buckthorn plant. It's actually an oil that is very popular in Ayurvedic and traditional Chinese medicines. Aside from being packed with antioxidants, sea buckthorn oil is full of mono and polyunsaturated fat which are healthy fats. This makes the oil good for your heart. It's also able to help to prevent diabetes, boost your immunity, protect your skin from UV damage, fight cancer cells and help to keep your liver in top condition. Sea buckthorn oil makes the cut in this article because it's so hydrating that it can help to relieve vaginal dryness over time. Taking it daily, for three months, should result in your experiencing noticeable improvements.
6. Consume Some Fatty Acids
Omega-3-6-9 are all considered to be fatty acids. Fatty acids are good for you because they help to build your cell membranes. Specifically, omega-3 fats can fight inflammation, strengthen your heart and decrease liver fat. Omega-6 can help to fight off chronic diseases. Omega-9 is one that your body naturally produces; it also fights off inflammation. If you eat foods that are high in omega-3 like fish, walnuts, and chia seeds and take an evening primrose oil supplement (something that I am a huge fan of) for your omega-6 fix (by the way, foods that contain this fatty acid include sunflower seeds, almonds, and cashews), they both can help to increase vaginal lubrication; especially if you're currently going through menopause.
7. Have Some Isoflavones
Sometimes vaginal dryness is the direct result of being lower in estrogen than you should be. One way to combat this particular issue is to consume more isoflavones which, at the end of the day, are nothing more than plant-based estrogen. Foods that contain soy have isoflavones in them. However, if you're not a big soy person, green peas, cherries, celery, peanuts, lima beans, chickpeas and flaxseeds contain a lower amount of isoflavones than soy does; still, they do have a good amount of isoflavones in them. Drinking some red clover tea or taking a red clover supplement is another route that you can take. Just make sure to run that one by your doctor first because sometimes red clover is so powerful that it can affect your birth control's potency.
8. Up Your Protein
Long story short, protein is a macronutrient that helps to build muscle mass. That's not all, though. Protein is necessary because our hair and nails are made up of protein. We also need protein to keep our bones strong, boost our metabolism, lower our blood pressure, repair body tissues and oxygenate our system.
Your vagina could use some protein because a lot of protein-based foods contain amino acids that produce collagen. Collagen helps to give your vagina more elasticity which improves your vagina's ability to produce more lubrication. Foods that are high in protein include red meat, poultry, fish, eggs and yogurt (also check out "Vegetarian Or Vegan? Check Out These High Protein Foods.").
9. Stand Up More Often
You know, there are a lot of articles out in cyberspace that basically say "sitting is the new smoking". One of the reasons why is because sitting for hours on end can affect our posture which can affect our blood circulation and I've already touched on how that can cause your vagina to produce less lubrication than it needs to. A remedy? Stand up more often throughout the day. On your breaks and during your lunch hour, get away from your desk and walk around a bit. Every 15-20 minutes or so, stand up and stretch for a couple of minutes. If you're conducting a meeting, opt for standing rather than sitting if you can. Standing is a simple way to get more blood flowing through your body which can help you from head-to-hip-to toe.
10. Manage Your Stress
Something else that can definitely get your hormones totally out of wack is stress. And again, when your hormones are all topsy-turvy, it can make vaginal lubrication so much more of a challenge. That's why it's important to get no less than 6-8 hours of sleep, to do things that you enjoy, practice self-care, chill out sometimes, and—oh, the irony—have sex. All of these things will keep you calm so that the juices can flow. Yes, sis. Quite literally.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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This TikToker Explains Why An 'Upcycled' Husband Is The Wave If You Want To Get Married In Your 30s
Single woman here! So, I spend a lot of time thinking about dating. And these days, I mean that quite literally. But I will say that I’ve been thinking about it and thinking about strategy for when I’m back out there. Hello! Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. And I’m tired of throwing Stouffer’s spaghetti at the wall when I’m trying to make some shit straight out of Italy.
So, of course, the TikTok algorithm did what it does best and put me in the way of TikToker, Marshana Spavento, and the concept of an “upcycled” husband. She met (on Bumble, for the modern girlies) her husband at 37 and married him when she was 38, which some might look at as moving too fast, but it is also what people mean when they say “when men know – they know.”
Yes, I know we skipped a few beats here, going from dating to marriage, but just stay with me. Spavento talks not only about how, for women in their thirties looking to get married, an upcycled husband is the wave you want to ride. But, what’s more, she offers some helpful tips on how to get there based on her personal journey – dating intentionally, centering self-improvement, and not adhering to conversations about going dutch if what you desire is a “provider-type.”
What Is an Upcycled Husband?
@marshanadahlia Upcycled Husbands RULE!!!!! Trust me! Come join the second wives club! #UpcycledHusband #SecondWife #SecondWivesClub #Divorce #LoveAfterDivorce #DatingOver30 #DatingOver40 #Marriage #IntentionalDating #Dating #DatingTips #DatingAdvice #UpcycledWife #OnlineDating
According to Spavento, an “upcycled” husband can be defined as the following:
- Been a divorcee for anywhere from two to four years.
- Holds himself accountable for his role in the divorce.
- Doesn’t badmouth his ex-wife. He’s not scorned.
- He wants to get out there again and do things better. He’s learned, and he’s willing.
What Is a Recycled Husband?
Alternatively, she defines a “recycled” husband as the following:
- Married a handful of times.
- Continue making the same mistakes.
- May talk negatively about their ex or may have even lost custody of their children.
- Bitter, angry, etc, are signature traits.
- They’re willing to remarry but at your expense.
What Is a Downcycled Husband?
Morsa Images/ Getty Images
Lastly, there’s the “downcycled” husband who will essentially marry you just to throw you a bone. They’re not typically provider types but more often the 50-50 type. Sent straight from hell to ruin you – so run, girl! As the TikTok suggests, he’s not worth talking about, but the last thing to note is he’s very likely “homeless and only, probably, with you because he needs a place to stay.”
But the husband starts with you, friend (I’m talking to myself, too). Her entire page is dedicated to all the ways in which you can intentionally date. In fact, she more recently discusses how the “lottery method” in dating isn’t something she likes and how she did the work to get all that she has.
I’m going to share the intentional mindset shifts that stood out most to me are the ways in which you must show up for yourself, first!
1. Do the (Healing) Work
Spavento highly recommends going to therapy in order to work on yourself. As you’ll know, therapy is not simply for deeply traumatized people. My favorite thing to mention to people is what’s known as little ‘t’ trauma versus big ‘t’ trauma. Trauma is subjective, and the load carried doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some trauma is not as glaring to our subconscious, much less to the external world.
What I’m trying to say is don’t denounce therapy because your trauma isn’t more on the opposite spectrum. Go for the little shit because a million little things are just as heavy as one big thing or traumatic event.
2. Invest in Elevated Hobbies
This one is my favorite and something I’ve been trying to expand my bandwidth to include, anyway. I have a girlfriend who wakes up on Saturdays to go to a floral arranging class, and that’s when it hit me that we’re at that age! Truthfully, I love that these types of activities are being integrated in addition to brunch because going all in for a drunken brunch can get exhausting. Nevertheless, this is a great example of an elevated hobby.
While your hobbies shouldn’t center on finding a man, you do want to ensure your hobbies bring value to the lifestyle that you desire.
Learning how to arrange flowers is a great skill for hosting dinner parties and creating a loved living space. Not only are those things that center our feminine energy, but they attract the type of man who desires a homemaking wife.
Spavento highly recommends this, and both before and after meeting her husband continues to do things such as learn secondary languages. She speaks very highly of the benefits of picking up a second language. And, honestly, anyone with eyes can see the benefits as well. I mean, think of all the ways it elevates your career. Now, imagine how it can contribute to your everyday life. Worldly and well-traveled are skills that are valuable to both yourself and a high-value man.
3. Remember, Omission is Your Bestie
Take this with a grain of salt. But, essentially, you shouldn’t share how men in the past have wronged you. While this isn’t new advice, I really enjoyed the reframes that she offers in her video “Do NOT Lead With Your Pain.” As a single mother to a one-year-old, I curiously asked her what she would suggest saying since it’s very obvious that there’s clearly a story there. My good sis suggested telling men, “[The] relationship didn’t work due to wanting different things from life and his deeply personal issues, but you wish him the best.”
The reason it’s best to abstain from divulging these details has a lot to do with the unfortunate way that people will use these as a benchmark for how to treat you.
I’m going to use myself again here, but I often see the rhetoric from men that it’s ridiculous that a woman would have a trash baby’s father and then demand more from the next man. And, very often, they express that they’re uninterested in stepping up to be better for a woman that they essentially have written off due to her previously poor decisions and the decreased value after being shitted on by another man. But I guarantee that they’d still date her. And, in this scenario, it’s theorized that they would care for her based on the care they perceive she’s deserving of.
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Candice Adowole and Etiquette Lessons
Now, Spavento took etiquette lessons in Switzerland, but she is certainly aware of the investment and privilege that’s required to do such a thing. In that regard, she challenges you to invest in yourself and do a little searching to find something local or seek out tips online.
She also counters the “independent woman” culture with Candice Adewole’s Feminine Renaissance University, which is an online course. Alternatively, Adewole has inexpensive books and provides a condensed version of her teachings. The three books that she recommends are 1) A Black Girl’s Guide to Being Blissfully Feminine, 2) A Girl’s Guide to Being a Lady in Waiting, and 3) The Black Girl’s Guide to Living, Loving, and Traveling Abroad.
For all the talk about a soft life and such, it’s not discussed enough how, for Black women, leading a soft life is a learned behavior. That unwavering independence must be reworked to allow us to be vulnerable and so many other things. Otherwise, it’s rather challenging to attract a man who can also provide us with a soft life – the upcycled husband that we all deserve. I think that the fastest way to a soft life is to immerse yourself in soft life behaviors that include being well-rounded, well-read, and well-traveled.
And ultimately, as she reminds us, there’s no downside to elevating yourself. The worst thing that could happen from any of this is you come out on the other side better, and who doesn’t want that?
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