Ghosting: How To Be A Woman About It
If you've been single as long as I have, you begin to notice just how repetitious the dating cycle can be. All the swiping and scrolling. Matching and meeting. Dipping and dodging texts. I could do this blindfolded.
Still, nothing quite prepares you for the moment where you must decide that you've come to the end of the road with your old flame and it's time to become strangers once again. But just how do you do it?
I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to dating and navigating through the "talking phase," if I see that things are going nowhere fast, I'm quick to chuck the deuces up in the privacy of my bedroom and erase his brief existence with a swift swipe-and-delete motion. It may sound harsh, but I'm a part of the legion of millennial women who believe that men should just let us ghost in peace. I mean, why draw things out with a mere stranger? Granted, we all have our personal downfalls because you can only hide behind filters for so long, but a red flag is a red flag no matter where or how it's posted.
Maybe you've been talking to a guy for a week, and before you can even get to the first date, he's sending you unsolicited pictures of his private area from an array of absurd angles. Or, say you all made it to date number two and your conversation was interrupted by a FaceTime from "Baby Mama," and you notice a nervous tick that wasn't there five minutes ago. Warning signs noted, you've come to the decision that, "Yeah, I'm never going to see this guy again."
Thank God for ghosting.
Back when terrestrial modes of communication were the go-to, people actually had to come "face to face" with their insignificant other and "talk things out." Hard pass. Thanks to the internet's ability of making us everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, disappearing off the face of the earth with zero guilt has been made that much easier. You just decide to cease communication with someone and leave it in God's hands.
Still, when it comes to the matters of the heart, one must tread these shallow waters with caution, especially where karma can become involved. Here's how to ghost while keeping it classy:
Ghosting Doesn’t Discriminate
The universe has a divine way of balancing itself out, you know: reaping and sowing, the spreading of Juju, what goes around comes around or whatever you prefer to call it. That being said, don't get mad if thou who ghosts gets ghosted. I've been the recipient of a ghosting act and all I can say is, "Ouch." This isn't to scare you into committing to someone you couldn't care less about, it's simply a cautionary reminder to be kind about your phantom-like departure on the way out. Refrain from the subtweeting and subliminal attacks. They no longer matter to you, so let them go in peace.
How do you respectfully bow out during the early stages of dating? Have you ever ghosted or been ghosted? Share your story in the comments down below.
Featured image via Giphy
- Why Good People Ghost: The Rise Of A Dishonest Dating Culture ... ›
- This Is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much | Psychology Today ›
- Why I ghost on people I'm dating - Business Insider ›
- This New Dating Trend Is Even Worse Than Ghosting | HuffPost ›
- Ghosting, Caspering and six new dating terms you've never heard of ... ›
- Ghosting in Dating... Can't We All Just Grow Up? | HuffPost ›
- What is ghosting and where does the dating term come from? All ... ›
- 7 Signs Someone Is About To Ghost On You, Because You Should ... ›
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
Singer Muni Long is opening up about a recent health discovery.
The “Hrs & Hrs” artist recently shared a transparent update about her health on Twitter revealing that she has been diagnosed with autism.
“So apparently I’m autistic, and my free self is the version of me that I began repressing at the age of 22 because it made people highly uncomfortable,” she wrote. “It started first with me doing insane amounts of drugs and then when that didn’t work I just held it in. Which led to lupus.”
So apparently I’m autistic, and my free self is the version of me that I began repressing at the age of 22 because it made people highly uncomfortable. It started first with me doing insane amounts of drugs and then when that didn’t work I just held it in. Which led to lupus.
— My name is MUNI (@munilong) December 3, 2023
Long went on to share that in order to cope with the challenges of the autoimmune disease, she needs to release their emotions. However, the mention of autism has brought on a sense of disbelief in the situation.
“And now the lupus has gotten to a point where it’s effectively impossible to contain,” she continued. “And in order to free myself from the rollercoaster that is autoimmune disease, I have to let my emotions, thoughts and feelings out…. But…. Autism! OMG WTF THIS IS SO WACK.”
And now the lupus has gotten to a point where it’s effectively impossible to contain. And in order to free myself from the rollercoaster that is autoimmune disease, I have to let my emotions, thoughts and feelings out…. But…. Autism! OMG WTF THIS IS SO WACK 😭
— My name is MUNI (@munilong) December 3, 2023
According to Cleveland Clinic, autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disease typically diagnosed during childhood. Those with autism can exhibit challenges in social interaction and communication, along with atypical patterns of activities and behaviors.
While the news has been shocking for the songwriter to come to terms with, the diagnosis has given her a sense of relief, “But at least knowing I am autistic explains SO MUCH.”
In the last year, the Grammy winner has remained open about her health with her fans. In a 2022 interview onBlack Girl Stuff, Long discussed the challenges she has faced living with lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease.
“Lupus is a stress-related disease. It’s a silent, invisible struggle ’cause you can’t see it. You wake up in the morning and you look just fine, but you really feel like you got ran over by a train…,” she shared. “There’s a lot of different things that I’ve experienced with this diagnosis, everything from hair loss to skin rashes. Being in this business is vainglorious, so that affects my output so much.”
“When I feel good, I look good, I produce well. When I feel like crap, and I gotta go out… Even something as small as someone touching my arm, it hurts. But I gotta smile, and I gotta talk to people when I don’t feel like talking,” she adds.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Leon Bennett/Getty Images for BET