If you've been single as long as I have, you begin to notice just how repetitious the dating cycle can be. All the swiping and scrolling. Matching and meeting. Dipping and dodging texts. I could do this blindfolded.
Still, nothing quite prepares you for the moment where you must decide that you've come to the end of the road with your old flame and it's time to become strangers once again. But just how do you do it?
I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to dating and navigating through the "talking phase," if I see that things are going nowhere fast, I'm quick to chuck the deuces up in the privacy of my bedroom and erase his brief existence with a swift swipe-and-delete motion. It may sound harsh, but I'm a part of the legion of millennial women who believe that men should just let us ghost in peace. I mean, why draw things out with a mere stranger? Granted, we all have our personal downfalls because you can only hide behind filters for so long, but a red flag is a red flag no matter where or how it's posted.
Maybe you've been talking to a guy for a week, and before you can even get to the first date, he's sending you unsolicited pictures of his private area from an array of absurd angles. Or, say you all made it to date number two and your conversation was interrupted by a FaceTime from "Baby Mama," and you notice a nervous tick that wasn't there five minutes ago. Warning signs noted, you've come to the decision that, "Yeah, I'm never going to see this guy again."
Thank God for ghosting.
Back when terrestrial modes of communication were the go-to, people actually had to come "face to face" with their insignificant other and "talk things out." Hard pass. Thanks to the internet's ability of making us everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, disappearing off the face of the earth with zero guilt has been made that much easier. You just decide to cease communication with someone and leave it in God's hands.
Still, when it comes to the matters of the heart, one must tread these shallow waters with caution, especially where karma can become involved. Here's how to ghost while keeping it classy:
Sooner Than Later is Better
How do you respectfully bow out during the early stages of dating? Have you ever ghosted or been ghosted? Share your story in the comments down below.
Featured image via Giphy
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Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
When Is the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023?
Mercury enters Capricorn on Dec. 1 and goes retrograde on Dec. 13. Mercury retrograde then moves into Sagittarius on Dec. 23, where it will finish its retrograde motion until Jan. 1, 2024. Mercury wants to send a message at the end of this year, and the message, “Get things together before the new year because you can’t bring old energy into new blessings.”
Read: Your December 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Fresh Starts And Pushing Boundaries
Mercury Retrograde December 2023 & Its Meaning
Mercury retrograde happens a few times every year and throughout different signs and modalities. This year, Mercury’s retrogrades were giving earth signs a run for their money, as its transits were in these signs this year. This Mercury retrograde transit is a little different, as it moves into a fire sign at the end of its transit, signifying a shift being made before the year ends.
Use this Mercury retrograde to put the past behind you, to get things in order, especially financially, and to be a little more responsible. This is not the most favorable time to sign contracts, travel without planning thoroughly, overcommit, or rush things.
Mercury retrograde is overall a time to gain inspiration, rest more, refocus your thoughts, and give yourself time to stand on new ground.
Read below to see how this Mercury Retrograde transit will be affecting you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
What the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023 Has in Store for Your Sign
Getty ImagesWhat the Final Mercury Retrograde of 2023 Has in Store for Your Sign
ARIES
Career and professional matters come into focus for you during this Mercury retrograde, and you are thinking all about your long-term goals right now, Aries. It’s about being okay with cheering yourself on for a while, with or without that same recognition from others. Know that what you have accomplished for yourself is just as worthy of support, and it will come when it needs to. Honor your skills and your talents, be willing to learn more, and continue to expect and believe in your blessings in life.
With the energy of this Mercury retrograde, you could be experiencing some misunderstandings with authority figures, clients, or peers in your working environment. Feelings of not being understood or appreciated for the work you are doing can come up for you during this time, and you are seeking some stability and assurance in your career right now. Patience and discernment at work are necessary, and you’ll want to go over the work you produce thoroughly during this time.
This Mercury retro ends with the energy moving into your 9th house, and your mind is somewhere else entirely by the end of the year, which helps you relax without putting too much pressure on yourself.
TAURUS
This Mercury retrograde for you, Taurus, is about taking things slow, enjoying your time, and not rushing plans or adventures. You may be feeling a little more restless during this transit, but use this time to get your body moving rather than lead towards impulsion. With this Mercury retrograde occurring in your 9th house of adventure, travel, and the higher mind, there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been guiding you towards without the chatter of others. This isn’t the best time to travel, but it is a good time to explore in ways that you can.
Know that plans change and paths detour, but they are often blessings in disguise rather than true hindrances to our lives. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born, and you are looking at your beliefs, truths, and values right now. At the end of this transit, Mercury retro will be helping you bring things into focus financially, and some of the inspirations and adventures you were musing over at the beginning of this transit are moving through the planning stages now.
GEMINI
This Mercury retrograde for you, is a transformative experience, Gemini. Mercury retrogrades always hit a little closer to home for you since Mercury is your chart ruler, but this one is especially being felt as it’s happening in your 8th house of depth, rebirth, sensuality, and intimacy. Mercury will be bringing the focus on where your energy has been spent and if it’s benefiting you and your empowerment in life, or limiting you.
It’s about asking for what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world, and knowing that you deserve just that.
Once Mercury goes direct on Jan. 1, 2024, you are going to feel more clarity and empowerment in your life and feel like you have cleared the way for more blessings to enter. However, before Mercury goes direct, it will briefly move into Sagittarius, your sister sign, and relationship matters are once again being brought up for you to clear and understand for the better. This transit is about breaking down the walls you’ve had around your mind and allowing a new perspective to be born.
CANCER
Mercury will be retrograde in your opposite sign, Capricorn, making this retrograde transit about your relationships in life, Cancer. You are focused on where the love has been and where you still want it to grow, and it’s about being patient with your efforts. You could be experiencing some miscommunications within your one-on-one partnerships during this transit, and will be understanding your own mirror and triggers better. Relationship dynamics are shifting, trust that they will shift into a better position for love to thrive.
The end of this transit involved Mercury moving into your 6th house of health, work, and daily routine, and this is the energy you are re-working in your life as the year comes to an end. Old health concerns may reappear during this time so that you can get another chance at greater health, healing, and understanding of your body. Overall, you are finding a way to create new, beneficial systems in your life during this transit.
LEO
Taking care of your health and honoring your time and energy is a priority right now, Leo. With this Mercury retrograde, this is a good time to strengthen a skill, dive into a subject you want to know more about, and put a little more focus on your overall well-being. You especially value being of service right now and will have the energy to get things done, but be careful with errors and double-check your work thoroughly.
Once Mercury goes direct on Jan. 1, 2024, you are going to start seeing more improvements at work, forward movement with projects, and more balance with your peers and within your everyday life. Before Mercury retro comes to a close, however, it moves into your 5th house of romance for a brief period, and your heart may be a little more confused as the year ends. Be careful with smoke and mirrors appearing as fate, and know that romance that takes its time to develop is just as valuable to you right now.
VIRGO
This Mercury retrograde transit for you has to do with love, romance, and your sense of happiness in life right now. You may be finding that things that once made you happy are a little lackluster now, and you are moving through a journey of listening to your heart more. If you haven’t been prioritizing your happiness, hobbies, or leisure time, this matter will be becoming more pressing for you now.
Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and romantically come up at this time to be reviewed, healed, and understood better.
Once Mercury goes direct from this transit you will have a better understanding of what makes you happy, making it easier for you to create those spaces. The end of this Mercury retrograde for you is all about the home, and you are entering 2024 with some new ideas about your home life, emotional world, and sense of stability, and you will be breaking new ground in the new year, Virgo.
LIBRA
Mercury retrograde for you right now is all about getting back to the basics and being more practical, Libra. Spending time with family and loved ones is where your mind is right now, but also may be what’s causing you the disruption. You are taking a look at your foundations, where you are feeling that support in your life, and where you want to continue to grow your roots. Your emotional well-being is a priority, and your safe spaces are where to be to get through this.
Your stability in life and how you feel grounded in it all are in focus right now, and this is a good time to declutter, finish that home project, and bring peace into the home and surroundings. The end of this Mercury retro involves how you have been communicating, and some people from the past may be coming in for some last words. Think things through, honor your truth, and communicate from the heart.
SCORPIO
Mercury retrograde will be moving through your house of communication, and miscommunications and misunderstandings with others are more likely now. The influence for you during this transit is about overcoming previous communication challenges and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard or connected to others. You could be taking things a little more personally during this Mercury retrograde, and giving yourself more patience, love, and self-acceptance is needed now.
This will be an inspiring time for you, nonetheless, and journaling and writing are favored right now. The second half of this Mercury retro will be in your 2nd house of finances, and with the mental clarity you have been working towards as of late; you are now looking to see this clear focus in your finances, earnings, and earning potentials. This Mercury retrograde for you overall is about strengthening your confidence in yourself in it all, Scorpio.
SAGITTARIUS
Mercury retrograde will be putting things into focus financially for you, Sagittarius. With this being the last Mercury retrograde of the year, you are taking a look at your entire financial journey this year, and recreating new goals for yourself moving forward. You may be seeing some errors in your spending or may need to spend a little more at the end of the year, and financially, you are going through a certain closure right now.
Overall, this has to do with your values and how worthy you see yourself as living the abundant life of your dreams.
You are focusing more on the giving and receiving in your life during this time and finding greater balance here. On Dec. 23, Mercury enters your sign until Jan. 7, 2024, and will be direct on Jan. 1, 2024. Mercury in Sag is a firecracker, and anything will be less than settled during this time, but the fire that is burning is leading you to a clearer path.
CAPRICORN
Mercury retrograde begins in your sign and in your 1st house of self, Capricorn. This Mercury retrograde transit may feel a little more intense for you than most, but it will also feel more personally empowering for you as well with the way it impacts your chart. This is the type for you to take a look at the entire year that’s been, to decide on what this means for you, and to stand by your authentic truths. Don’t doubt your progress right now, and trust that your path is right for you because it is yours alone.
This Mercury retrograde for you overall is about being consistent with your personal growth and about getting your ducks in a row. On Dec. 23, Mercury retro leaves your sign and enters Sag, and you get to walk into the new year with a little less weight on your shoulders and your heart. You are seeing closures as this transit comes to an end; you are letting go of the past for good.
AQUARIUS
Life is coming full circle for you this Mercury retrograde as you close one door and prepare to walk through a new one. You may be feeling a little more emotional and in tune with your inner world during this transit, as it’s occurring at the very bottom of your chart, where everything is hidden, including the things you may necessarily not want to bring up.
This isn’t the time to entertain the past or see things better than they were, but it is the time to accept, process, and heal from them. What’s being brought up for you now is doing so so that you can experience an emotional renewal in your life, and this is the time to give yourself the space to process and heal. By the end of this transit, Mercury moves into the house your sign rules over, and you get a little push to rewrite your story and create your future.
PISCES
Mercury goes retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, and you could be feeling a lack of inspiration in your life for the time being. This doesn’t mean it isn’t there; you may just have to look a little harder to see it.
This Mercury Retrograde is allowing you to re-think some of your long-term goals to see if they still apply to you now and is helping you really examine and get the full picture.
Friendships could be experiencing a shift, but the strong ones will make it with you into the new year. Past goals, future goals, and their progress all come up for review for you during this time, and this allows you to see where you can put more intention and effort into them.
The end of this transit involves Mercury moving into your 10th house of career, and you are ending the year looking to bring things to fruition in your professional and social worlds.
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