10 Ways To Reach Your Goals In Life & Love
Goal-setting is at its highest point around the first of the year. But all too often, the grind of our everyday routines distract us from reaching the finish line. Before we know it, days turn into months, in what seems like the blink of an eye, and we end up putting our dreams on hold until the countdown of a new year. According to a study by the University of Scranton and published in December in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, 92 percent of people who set goals as New Year's resolutions fail to achieve them. I've been guilty of this myself, in the past, so I know just how frustrating it can be. But instead of staying stagnant and continuing to let my dreams fall by the wayside, I wanted to know the secrets of the 8 percent of those who do achieve their goals. I did some research on the habits of successful people and this is what I found.
1.Real change begins with a shift in mindset.
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As a communication researcher, I love seeing what I call "the mindset movement". What most people refer to as a shift in mindset is actually derived from a combination of theories known as cognitive reframing, or looking differently at a person, situation, or relationship and intrapersonal communication or self-talk. Most people apply these concepts in the form of an affirmation, a short statement that offers encouragement and support. Using affirmations to replace negative thoughts with positivity is a great way to rearrange your thoughts. Changes in your mindset, even small ones, can be used over time to help you cope with problems, embrace change, and move you in the direction towards reaching your goals.
2.Get clear about what you want.
When setting a goal, it's important to understand what exactly you're working towards. For example, if you're looking to improve your love life, ask yourself some key questions like: Am I looking for a committed relationship or do I want companionship, instead? Am I ready for a long-term relationship or a close friendship? When you don't really know what you're looking for, then you may not recognize it once it shows up. Oftentimes, it's easier to identify what we don't want but we're unclear about what we do want. This is why it's important to seek clarity. Eliminate vagueness.
3.Make a plan & write it down.
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I didn't always understand the importance of having a written plan but now I see it as a way to organize my ideas, and it serves as a tangible representation of my thoughts. I've also learned that it helps to have physical evidence of your goal. Vision boards, checklists, or daily planners work well for personal ideas. And business plans are usually required for aspiring entrepreneurs. While I've used this strategy in my romantic life by making a "bucket list" of what I want in a future partner, this idea can be extended to specify your goals, whether it's getting into shape, meditating, or writing a book.
The key to a great plan is to be specific, so try creating a plan that specifies when, where and how often you plan to work on your goal. Instead of just saying, "I want to work out," you could write something like, "I plan to work out at the gym for 30 minutes on Tuesday and Thursday of next week." Once you have it on your calendar, or somewhere you can see it, it's no longer an idea but something you are responsible for checking off your list.
4.Save money to fund your dream.
Whether it's a dream vacation or starting a new business venture, your goal will likely require some kind of cash flow. I like to use what I call the trade technique where you trade the money that you would usually spend on one monthly expense, for another. For example, if you are someone who subscribes to a monthly subscription box, manicures, or haircare, you'll use the money from those expenses to go towards your "vacation fund". It's not easy, but it's worth it knowing that your money is going towards something more valuable than acrylics.
5.Find a coach, mentor, or accountability partner.
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These days, you can find a person for everything from financial advising to career planning. I, myself, work as a Breakup Coach so I recognize the value of having a checks and balances system in place. Not only do coaches hold you accountable and provide support, but we also seek to help our clients maximize their potential with positive feedback and practical strategies to reach their desired results.
6.Set small goals.
Experts suggest when you have a long-term goal, like writing a book, that it's best to break down your goals into more short-term ones. For example, if you want to be a writer, set a weekly goal for a certain number of words you'd like to write. This does two things: first, it creates a sense of immediate gratification because you've completed something you set out to do. Second, it coincides with the bigger picture of writing your book and gets you one step closer to your goal.
7.Celebrate success, no matter how small.
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It's helpful to acknowledge the progress you're making towards your goals. Celebrating your accomplishments can remind you of how far you've come and motivate you to continue on. You can do this by cutting a deal with yourself. Decide if you do 'X' by 'Y' then you'll reward yourself with 'Z'. Take time to reflect on what you accomplished. A win is a win.
8.Send yourself a reminder.
Write yourself a letter (or an email) in the future and schedule it to send to yourself on a certain date. You can do this in one of two ways. First, you can write a letter to your future self to remind you of your goals and deadlines you set for yourself. It may even help you remember ideas that have slipped your mind. You can also write yourself a "love letter" just to check on yourself, love on yourself, and encourage yourself. Remember to be kind to your future self and remind yourself how proud you are of everything you have accomplished.
9.Take a break if you need to.
ShutterstockBurnout is a real thing so taking time to reset or tweak your original plan may be necessary. Just be sure that if you take a break, you establish a timeline for getting back to work. When I was going through my breakup, I gave myself a designated amount of time to cry. I decided that I could cry for a day, a whole day if I needed to, but then I'd pick myself back up the following day and get back to my routine. That doesn't mean I didn't cry again after that day, likewise, you may need another time to step away and reset again, but the important thing is to not allow your break to become permanent.
10. Stay the course.
Consistency. In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear explains the importance of consistency and describes how breakthrough moments can change the trajectory of our goals. The moments leading up to the breakthrough are what the author calls the "plateau of latent potential." Clear uses the analogy of an ice cube to illustrate how shifts in temperature from 29 to 31 degrees seem to do nothing in terms of melting. But with the increase of just one more degree (to 32 degrees), the ice cube begins to melt.
Just as we can't see the inner workings of molecules in an ice cube, it's important to remember that while we may not always see the process working, that doesn't mean it's not. If you get a chance to read his book, I think you'll find it's packed with tips for successfully creating habits.
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Also known as The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw for her relentless love of shoes and emotionally unavailable men, DeJa K. Johnson is unapologetic in her pursuits to find love, happiness, and orgasms. A graduate of UA Little Rock, DeJa earned a Master's degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. She is also the founder of TheBreakupSpace.com, a safe space for men and women who need help getting over the loss of a romantic relationship. To connect, you can find her on all social media @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw or send her an email to love@TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com.
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
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“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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The first Full Moon of 2024 is on January 25, and we are letting go of all that no longer serves us. This Full Moon will be in Leo, and it’s only fitting we start the year on a confident tone like this fire sign. This Full Moon is all about releasing past versions of yourself that were aligned with self-doubt, honoring the gift of who you are, and choosing to forgive. When the Moon is in Leo, emotions run high, and you can expect people to speak their truth, open up emotionally, and connect deeper to the heart. An opportunity for reflection and redirection is being given now, and this Full Moon is a powerful one.
What Full Moons Mean in Astrology
Full Moons are the time of the month to let go, heal, renew, and rest. They are a time when matters from the past month come full circle, and when you get to gain some much-needed clarity needed for closure. The past month comes into focus during a Full Moon, and what you were once just initiating or pondering over prior, is now illuminated. Whereas New Moons are a time to set intentions, Full Moons are a time to seek gratitude for what you already have. With this Full Moon being a Wolf Moon, this particular Full Moon signifies a time of fulfillment, awakening, and recognition.
The First Full Moon of 2024
During the Full Moon, take time to acknowledge how worthy you are to live in your truth, to love yourself unconditionally, and to be confident in what you have built and are building for yourself. As the Aquarius Sun opposes the Leo Moon, we are being reminded that loving yourself isn’t selfish, and being in this energy only attracts those who recognize the love within you and match that. Let go of anything that makes you feel unworthy of all that you are capable of or want for yourself, and give gratitude to where you do feel authentic love.
Full Moon In Leo: How The First Full Moon Of 2024 Will Affect Each Zodiac Sign
Read for your sun, moon, and rising sign below, to see how this Full Moon will be illuminating your life.
1.ARIES
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in fellow fire sign, Leo, and things are heating up for you in regard to romance right now, Aries. This Leo Full Moon will be moving through your 5th house of love, joy, pleasure, and self-expression, and this is an exciting time for you overall. More opportunities for fun, creativity, and entertainment come to fruition for you now, and your heart is opening to the love that is here for you.
Life is coming full circle, and your heart is getting a clear view of how much love you are truly worthy of.
The clarity you are gaining this Full Moon is healing things for you in love and is creating an opening for a fresh start to take place for you in life. Luck is on your side during this Full Moon.
2.TAURUS
This Full Moon is bringing matters of the home to the front and center of your life, Taurus. You may be feeling some conflicting energy here with family and close loved ones as you seek to let go of any misunderstandings or miscommunications that have left you feeling unstable. This is a time for gaining some much-needed clarity when it comes to your support systems and sense of safety in life, and you are getting the opportunity to regroup and maintain that.
This is a very karmic time for you overall, with this Full Moon being in your 4th house of destiny, and a lot is changing and coming to light when it comes to your foundations in life. Honor your need for more rest and nurture, and reset if you need to.
3.GEMINI
The Leo Full Moon is a time of culmination for you financially and when it comes to communication matters, Gemini. Past hard work and efforts have come to fruition for you now, and you are seeing your due rewards and recognition. Abundance is blooming, and you have everything you need beside you. Allow yourself to consider how one culmination can lead to many other doors that will open, and know the successes you are seeing right now are only the beginning of what is possible for you.
Honor your goals and inspirations, communicate from the heart, and connect with like-minded souls with whom you resonate. Messages and divine guidance are coming in for you during this Full Moon, and you are creating space for dreams to be fulfilled.
4.CANCER
You are letting go of fears and aligning with self-trust and abundance during this Full Moon, Cancer. This Full Moon for you is reminding you to be patient on what you are building for yourself and to trust that your intentions will see manifestation when they are ready to. This is a good time to plan long-term financially, pay off any debts, clean out your purse or wallet, and clear things up in this area of your life.
Remember the gifts that come from valuing yourself rather than valuing what you have, and be confident in where you stand right now.
This Full Moon is giving you clarity on financial matters, clearing things up here, and helping you see where you can grow, let go, and replan.
5.LEO
The first Full Moon of the year is happening in your sign, and it’s setting the tone for the spotlight that is going to be on you this year, and also on the major culminations and changes you will be moving through as well. With this Full Moon occurring in your 1st house of self, this is one of the most important Full Moons of the year for you. A lot is wrapping up for you at this time; past goals are coming full circle, and you will soon be beginning anew in your personal life.
This is a time of being seen, recognized, and supported, and for seeing yourself with new clarity, love, and acceptance as well. This is a good Full Moon to honor your renewed passions and interests in life and to do what feels good for you right now.
6.VIRGO
Passion and creativity are high for you during this Full Moon, and things are especially inspiring for you right now, Virgo. This Full Moon will be happening at the very bottom of your chart, and you are going through a major release and regrouping in your life. You are letting go of any heaviness that has been weighing you down and keeping you stuck and uninspired, and are seeing the gifts in showing up and being confident to put yourself out there.
You deserve to be heard and you deserve to take up space, and you are letting go of shying away or isolating yourself from potential connections and opportunities. You are living in your truth and doing things your way right now, and this Full Moon is a time of healing through self-love.
7.LIBRA
The Leo Full Moon is a chance at clarity and acceptance, Libra. This Full Moon will be in your 11th house of friendship, community, hopes, and dreams; and you are getting the full picture on these matters right now. During this Full Moon, you are thinking about your destiny, life purpose, who you surround yourself with, and what your overall dreams are in life. Circumstances within your friendships, social circle, or finances may be changing right now, and you could feel more pressure to hold onto things that need to be let go of for now.
Closures happening in your life during this Full Moon, but they are leading to more fulfilling experiences for you. Know that what ends or transforms for you right now is helping you gain a new perspective and facilitate the manifestation of your dreams.
8.SCORPIO
This Full Moon is all about your career and professional goals, reputation, and achievements. Scorpio, you are getting a clearer view of what accomplishments you can settle into now, and which goals don’t make sense for you anymore. You may be feeling more pressure to perform, to complete projects, or to be in a more successful state than you currently feel. Allow yourself to gain a new perspective, and to believe in yourself and what dreams you want to go after in life, no matter how impossible they may seem to you now.
You are on your own timeline, and there is a lot to be grateful for here.
This Full Moon overall is helping you do a major let go of what’s been hindering your personal growth and is giving you the space and freedom to forge a new path for yourself. Think more long-term right now and give yourself grace.
9.SAGITTARIUS
There is a lot to grasp during this Full Moon, and you need some time and space to do so, Sag. This Full Moon is occurring in your 9th house of perspective, expansion, travel, and the higher mind- and is the time to get aligned and get centered. You are thinking a lot about your belief systems and which ones have been serving you or limiting you, and are getting some much-needed personal clarity. This is a good time to find healthy ways to mentally heal, gain peace of mind, and be in spaces where you don’t have to overthink.
This is a more spiritual, intuitive, and eye-opening time for you, as you awaken to more than you could have ever dreamed of. Take a moment of gratitude for all that’s become clear to you, and keep the faith.
10.CAPRICORN
Everything is coming into balance for you right now, Capricorn. This is a Full Moon where the clarity you gain changes everything moving forward, and one when your past investments are seeing a return. What you have been putting your time, energy, and dedication into is coming full circle, and you are recognizing where your commitments have served you well, and which ones have felt more like time wasted. You are ready to make some important decisions right now, and you are being supported as you do so.
Financially, you may be seeing some wins now as well, as you are being recognized for your savvy mindset and ambitious energy. You are ready to let go of past fears and are overcoming a lot during this Full Moon.
11.AQUARIUS
Aquarius Season is underway, and the first Full Moon of the year happens in your sister sign, Leo. With this Leo Full Moon, love is the focus, and relationship matters are coming full circle for you right now. This Full Moon is a time to let go of what’s been keeping you away from feeling more connected and in tune with your relationships, and to give this area of your life more of your attention. Romance wants to bloom for you now, but you may need to let go, forgive the past, and create some space to allow more of that energy in.
This Full Moon is teaching you to be confident in love and to know that you deserve all the good you dream of here. Life is reflecting to you how you have been feeling within, and you are coming to some conclusions on what you want to do from here.
12.PISCES
This is an exciting Full Moon for you Pisces, and a time when things begin to move forward again where they were once stagnant. The Full Moon is transiting your 6th house of health, work, and daily routines, and you are moving through a culmination here in your life. You are focused on taking care of your well-being, doing things that benefit your body, handling your responsibilities, and letting go of any unhealthy habits that have been restricting you in any way.
You are ready to let go of what isn’t serving in mind, body, and soul overall right now, and this is positively benefiting you. There is a lot of growth taking place in your life during this Full Moon, and support is coming in for you.
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