How This Business Owner Is Loving Herself Through Fibroids
Love Yours' co-founder Mia Banks is what happens when purpose and pain blossom into passion. The southern girl was born in Dallas, TX and raised in a small town near Little Rock, AR and much like many of us, Mia had planned out her whole life. With dreams of taking over the soundwaves, she studied Speech Communication at Missouri Western State University and further at Howard University, leading to her first paid position in radio as a board operator for WPGC 95.5.
One thing she never planned was being diagnosed with uterine fibroids.
According to the National Institute of Health, between 80 and 90 percent of African-American women will develop fibroids by age 50. The medical community describes uterine fibroids as noncancerous growths of the uterus. They can range in number and size from a single growth to multiple growths, and from very small to large. For Mia, she didn't realize anything was wrong with her periods intially despite feeling like they were a "whole production." She'd be so fatigued during the day that she'd have to spend her 30-minute lunch break taking a nap. She wore super-sized pads during the day and large overnight pads at night, with the extra protection of sleeping with a towel underneath her out of fear she'd ruin her sheets while she slept.
One day, at the start of her daily 50-minute work commute, she bled so badly it soaked through her pad, underwear, and dress pants. That's when she knew something wasn't right.
During an annual women's wellness visit, her OB/GYN felt a mass – leaving her to think she was pregnant because her uterus had expanded to the size of a 25-week pregnancy. After countless appointments, specialized ultrasounds, self-research and communicating with other women who suffered from the same diagnosis, she decided to have surgery in 2015 to have eight fibroids removed. Having experienced a diagnosis that affected her self-esteem, Mia knew she needed to create something that would uplift women when they are at their most vulnerable. Through her experience, Love Yours was born.
Love Yours Subscription Box - Winter 2019 EditionLove Yours
Co-created with her business partner Lydia Page, Love Yours is a subscription box that creates a quarterly experience reminding women everywhere to love themselves wholly, inclusive of their body, journey, mind and spirit. Each box contains a self-care ritual, packed with all things wellness, beauty, and skincare products specifically curated to help women love themselves more.
We had a chance to talk with Mia about living an authentic life, diligently pursuing her passions, and being persistent in fulfilling her purpose all while looking good and having fun.
What inspired you to create Love Yours?
I was inspired to create Love Yours with my business bestie Lydia Page because we both were at a crux of life. I was ready to dig deeper to pursue my dream of starting my own business that catered to women interested in beauty, "bossin' up" and blossoming at this thing called life. After a couple of meetings, Lydia came up with the name "Love Yours" to remind women everywhere to love all that they are no matter where there are in life.
How has having fibroids affected your life in both your personal life and in business?
Having fibroids has affected my life in a variety of ways but thank God it doesn't affect me as negatively as it once did being four years post-op from my myomectomy. Within my personal life, full disclosure: it hindered my sex life. I did not enjoy sex whatsoever. I literally used to question myself and ask what was wrong with me? I even asked my boyfriend. Like, it was a real self-esteem blow. I couldn't lie on my stomach to sleep and when I lied on my back, I felt a tugging sensation. And I could never get a flat stomach, even though I was working out 3-4 times a week then.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"I did not enjoy sex whatsoever. I literally used to question myself and ask what was wrong with me? I even asked my boyfriend."
What advice do you have for women suffering from fibroids?
Do your own research and make the best decision for you! Get a second and even third opinion if you feel the need. Also, do not allow any doctor to make you believe that a hysterectomy is the only solution, especially if you desire to have children. Google is your friend. I researched and researched. I discovered that women have so many more options today. I even joined an online support group. I researched and tried holistic options as well. Ultimately, I did what was best for me and my well-being, and that is what I'd encourage women who are suffering today.
Also, talk to your moms, grandmothers, sisters, [and] friends because your support group is usually a lot closer than we think, as most Black women suffer in silence. I learned a lot about other women in my immediate family who experienced issues with fibroids as well. Know that no procedure is a 100% cure because sadly, in most cases, the fibroids may return. Unfortunately, a few fibroids have returned for me, but they are significantly smaller in size and number. Hence, I'm now focusing on eating better and really focusing on more natural, holistic options this time around because I at least want to take home a baby or two the next time I'm cut open.
What does Love Yours mean to you? And what do you hope for women to gain from the box?
Love Yours means loving all of you – unapologetically. Love your past, present and future because all of those experiences make up who you are and what you contribute to the world. Love Yours is about girls and women being confident to be their authentic selves, courageous to pursue their dreams and clear about who they are as a female. Love Yours also embodies collaboration and support amongst women; we need each other to survive and thrive. I hope that women everywhere no longer feel guilty for putting themselves first. Self-care is self-love, and we can't adequately take care of our families and other responsibilities, if we don't first take care of ourselves.
Click here for a 10% discount on your Love Yours subscription.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"Love Yours means loving all of you – unapologetically. Love your past, present and future because all of those experiences make up who you are and what you contribute to the world."
How do you balance your career and self-care?
This is an evolving process. I've learned to #lovemyselfmore by giving myself grace. Sometimes it's as simple as indulging in a sweet treat and reminding myself that it's okay to "eat the cake." Other times it has to be very intentional, like scheduling a full-body massage two times a month or setting time aside on my calendar for meditation and prayer. Honestly, that is what works best for me with my demanding work schedule, I must put it on my calendar and treat self-care like any other task. It is my responsibility to take care of me.
Can you share a time you felt lost and how you made it through?
There was a time while living in Washington, DC that I was unemployed and felt completely lost and didn't know up from down. Full transparency, I was slightly depressed as a small town Southern girl living in the big city, no longer in graduate school, no longer calling home for a loan and really having to figure things out on my own. That period really forced me to level up and show up for myself. Thank God for my genuine relationships and my commitment to maintaining those relationships mutually.
Eventually, as with almost every "down moment" of life, I made it back into the light. One day, I simply spoke up and asked a friend of mine if he knew of anyone who was hiring for part-time work, and he connected me with a private school on Capitol Hill that was looking for after-school care coordinators. I applied and received that job, and it turned out to be just the boost I needed to get myself back going. Not to mention I had a great confidant and roommate who was both supportive and reminded me of my talents. I connected with a church family that was literally a Godsend and reminded me that it will all work out for my good. Life will always give us exactly what we need when we need it, we just have to pay attention and go with the flow when circumstances are out of our control.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"Life will always give us exactly what we need when we need it, we just have to pay attention and go with the flow when circumstances are out of our control."
If you had to choose three words to describe your life, what would they be and why?
Covered – I truly cannot answer this question without giving all glory, thanks and honor to God. I have numerous times from childhood to now when I can remember when I was down to my last – I even had a car accident where I could've lost my life -- but God saved me. I'm covered by God's grace, and that means I must share that grace with others through my daily actions, personal and professional brand. That's why I'm so sincere about Love Yours uplifting women.
Hustlher – I've always had to work hard for everything. I've never been given anything. Since I was 18, I've worked two jobs. I currently work three jobs – radio personality, HR professional and freelance makeup artist. I learned the importance of hard work and never making excuses from my mother.
Ambitious – I've always been taught to dream big and do everything I can to make my dreams a reality. I'm very ambitious. From grade school to now. I have high goals that I will achieve as long as I remain committed, true to me and secure in my abilities. That last part is an ongoing fight. I will win.
Keep up with Mia's journey on social media!
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
Jada Pinkett Smith On How Psychedelics Saved Her Life & The Status Of Her Marriage To Will Smith
Jada Pinkett Smith is speaking her piece on the status of her marriage with longtime love Will Smith. On the heels of releasing her highly anticipated memoir, Worthy, Jada is gracing the cover of PEOPLE and sharing the truth about her mental health struggles throughout the years, the infamous Oscars slap, and her marriage.
According to the 52-year-old author, though she seemed to "have it all" in life - the riches, the fame, the love, the family, there was a part of her that couldn't escape her past traumas and depression that plagued her early on in her career. "While I was really living the dream, I hit a huge wall — a massive amount of depression. I think that I looked at having outside sources to supplement for the voids that I was feeling inside," she told PEOPLE.
By the time she turned 40, she had encountered her breaking point and spiraled so deeply that she saw no way out for herself aside from death. She went on to say that she heard voices in her head telling her to end her life and that told her of her unworthiness, pulling her deeper into her depression. "I started looking for places, cliffs where I could have an accident because I didn't want my kids to think that their mother had committed suicide.”
Jada credited friends of her son Jaden for putting her on to ayahuasca, a powerful and traditional plant-based brew used for shamanic and healing rituals known for its psychoactive properties. She said partaking in ayahuasca changed her profoundly and "the suicidal thoughts completely went away."
"Ayahuasca helped me, it gave me a new intimate relationship with myself that I had never had before," she told the outlet about her first time taking the psychedelic. Keep reading for more key takeaways from Jada's PEOPLE exclusive.
Jada Pinkett Smith on the status of her marriage to Will Smith:
In what might have been a shocking revelation to most, Jada revealed to the world that she and Will have actually been separated for the past six years, going on seven years. She explained the status of their 26-year marriage to PEOPLE:
“We’re still figuring it out. We’ve been doing some really heavy-duty work together. We just got deep love for each other and we are going to figure out what that looks like for us.”
Amy Sussman/WireImage
Jada on how her relationship with Will Smith caused her to abandon her mental health:
As her star in Hollywood was rising thanks to starring roles in projects like A Different World, Jason's Lyric, and Set It Off, Jada revealed that she was taking Prozac and being treated for depression and suicidal ideation. Meeting Will would cause her to develop a false sense of not needing to take care of her mental health.
"Once I met Will, I completely abandoned my mental health. I was so intoxicated by him and our dynamic. I really felt like I'm cured," she said to PEOPLE. "He became the drug."
Albert L. Ortega/Getty Images
Jada Pinkett Smith on the self-acceptance her kids have taught her:
"My children, they’re little gurus," she told the mag of her kids, bonus son Trey, 30, Jaden, 25, and Willow, 22. "They’ve taught me a deep sense of self-acceptance.”
“They love every part of me. The level of love, unconditional love that they have for me and their dad. And it's one thing to want to be the person that gives that unconditional love. And then there's, to be the recipient of that.”
For the full cover story and photos, head over to PEOPLE here.
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Feel Seasonal Depression Creeping In? Here's How To Bounce Back And Thrive At Work
Things have been a bit on the stressful and crazy side of the world lately. Between the storms, political turmoil, economic challenges, and usual everyday life life-ing, it can be really easy to slip into seasonal depression, especially when having to thrive at work this fall. And if you've had an amazing summer---traveling, brunching, and enjoying the outdoors--- the transition into a different work routine of enduring colder temperatures and being indoors more often can be tough.
Even if fall is your least favorite time of year, this is a great opportunity to shift your perspective and think about ways you can make the last quarter of the year count. Try these tips:
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1. Continue to get outside and travel during the fall season.
Who said you need to stay indoors just because the days are shorter and the nights are colder? Throw on those thermals, light that outdoor fire pit, and gather around with friends and family regardless. If you can, make your space more accommodating to enjoy the fall weather and outdoor activities, such as adding an electric fireplace in your home for cozy vibes, setting up a tea or coffee station on your kitchen island, or adding a few ambient string lights and some fall decor to your patio space (whether small or large). Many people also play sports, walk, or jog outdoors during the fall and into the winter, which can have health benefits.
I wouldn't dare hang out anywhere outdoors when it's less than 60 degrees, but I found that when I'm fashionably prepared (i.e., wearing my favorite faux fur, puffer vest, and/or boots) and I'm in good company, I can embrace what I thought was cheesy fall-themed cocktails or the cold breeze. I'd even venture out and go for walks in the fall. It actually became enjoyable and therapeutic.
And if you love taking trips, fall (especially in October and November) is an off-peak travel season, which means prices often drop. You can find great fares for a fall trip to your favorite international destinations that often have warm weather year-round, and you can even plan shorter trips to U.S. cities where the weather is a bit warmer.
2. Focus on a specific short-term goal and write a plan to accomplish by December.
Any time you can focus on something you want to do that will advance your career (or your overall life), it can offer a sense of purpose and accomplishment to get out of the mental rut that can come with a change in seasons.
Whether it's to close a deal, save up a certain amount of your paycheck to treat yourself or re-brand what you offer via social or a new website, find a project to focus on that will enhance your professional experience or quality of life.
If you want to commit to advanced education or courses to upgrade your skills, now's the time to do that. Get locked in, mentally, to a goal that you can feel proud of accomplishing and that will distract you from the dreariness that can be the fall season. Write down goals, create a vision board, or work with a mentor who can keep you accountable and focused.
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3. Change your environment or work remote a few days per week.
If possible, get out of the office and take more breaks. Enjoy fresh air, music, or a sweet treat during these times. It sounds corny and typical, but it's worked for me. As much as we take this for granted, being indoors in a cubicle or home office while it's cloudy, rainy, or cold out can become boring and draining. Talk to your manager to see if you can work outside your office a few days a week or a month. Take baby steps and consider their deliverables and obligations when pitching for this.
And, this might sound extreme to some (so if it doesn't apply, scroll on by), but relocate if you have to. Years ago, after a season of working in New York full-time, I went to work remote in southeastern Virginia. I didn't really want to be in warm weather all year, but I couldn't stomach the extreme weather conditions of the fall and into winter any longer.
If your job isn't accommodating and you have the flexibility, look for other jobs at companies where you can shift environments when the seasons change. You don't necessarily have to say, "Hey, in the fall, I want to be out of the office and work from home," but present your case in a way that's professional, considers the impact of your working elsewhere, and offers tangible benefits like better productivity, a focus on mental wellness, or continuing your track record of success.
4. Seek professional help via a counselor or licensed therapist and feel the feels.
I know, I know. We hear a lot about getting therapy, and sometimes it can seem like a headache within itself to actually find someone who's a good fit, is affordable, and won't waste your time. However, seasonal depression can be a seriously debilitating thing, and it's a good idea to talk to a professional to brainstorm ways to overcome or cope. It's also super-empowering to be seen and heard and not feel like you're overwhelmed with demotivation and sluggishness.
Through therapy, I learned how to spot seasonal depression at the onset when I felt demotivated or couldn't really get my creative juices flowing at work. We'd troubleshoot what I could do to pivot and how to know when to sit in the feels and go through the motions or when to do the total opposite, get out of my head, and take action for a solution. I only found healthy ways to cope through therapy because there were certain strategies my therapist knew about that I'd been unaware of.
I've never been a huge fan of fall or winter, but I've found that breathing techniques, visualization, exercise, and embracing doing new things in those seasons have truly been helpful. I've also given in to romanticizing fall by decorating my home and shopping the trends (even if it's just one very subtle touch of decor or incorporation of a fashion trend). I now enjoy all that season brings while getting my rest and unapologetically prepping for creative and mental hibernation in the winter.
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