How This Business Owner Is Loving Herself Through Fibroids
Love Yours' co-founder Mia Banks is what happens when purpose and pain blossom into passion. The southern girl was born in Dallas, TX and raised in a small town near Little Rock, AR and much like many of us, Mia had planned out her whole life. With dreams of taking over the soundwaves, she studied Speech Communication at Missouri Western State University and further at Howard University, leading to her first paid position in radio as a board operator for WPGC 95.5.
One thing she never planned was being diagnosed with uterine fibroids.
According to the National Institute of Health, between 80 and 90 percent of African-American women will develop fibroids by age 50. The medical community describes uterine fibroids as noncancerous growths of the uterus. They can range in number and size from a single growth to multiple growths, and from very small to large. For Mia, she didn't realize anything was wrong with her periods intially despite feeling like they were a "whole production." She'd be so fatigued during the day that she'd have to spend her 30-minute lunch break taking a nap. She wore super-sized pads during the day and large overnight pads at night, with the extra protection of sleeping with a towel underneath her out of fear she'd ruin her sheets while she slept.
One day, at the start of her daily 50-minute work commute, she bled so badly it soaked through her pad, underwear, and dress pants. That's when she knew something wasn't right.
During an annual women's wellness visit, her OB/GYN felt a mass – leaving her to think she was pregnant because her uterus had expanded to the size of a 25-week pregnancy. After countless appointments, specialized ultrasounds, self-research and communicating with other women who suffered from the same diagnosis, she decided to have surgery in 2015 to have eight fibroids removed. Having experienced a diagnosis that affected her self-esteem, Mia knew she needed to create something that would uplift women when they are at their most vulnerable. Through her experience, Love Yours was born.
Love Yours Subscription Box - Winter 2019 EditionLove Yours
Co-created with her business partner Lydia Page, Love Yours is a subscription box that creates a quarterly experience reminding women everywhere to love themselves wholly, inclusive of their body, journey, mind and spirit. Each box contains a self-care ritual, packed with all things wellness, beauty, and skincare products specifically curated to help women love themselves more.
We had a chance to talk with Mia about living an authentic life, diligently pursuing her passions, and being persistent in fulfilling her purpose all while looking good and having fun.
What inspired you to create Love Yours?
I was inspired to create Love Yours with my business bestie Lydia Page because we both were at a crux of life. I was ready to dig deeper to pursue my dream of starting my own business that catered to women interested in beauty, "bossin' up" and blossoming at this thing called life. After a couple of meetings, Lydia came up with the name "Love Yours" to remind women everywhere to love all that they are no matter where there are in life.
How has having fibroids affected your life in both your personal life and in business?
Having fibroids has affected my life in a variety of ways but thank God it doesn't affect me as negatively as it once did being four years post-op from my myomectomy. Within my personal life, full disclosure: it hindered my sex life. I did not enjoy sex whatsoever. I literally used to question myself and ask what was wrong with me? I even asked my boyfriend. Like, it was a real self-esteem blow. I couldn't lie on my stomach to sleep and when I lied on my back, I felt a tugging sensation. And I could never get a flat stomach, even though I was working out 3-4 times a week then.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"I did not enjoy sex whatsoever. I literally used to question myself and ask what was wrong with me? I even asked my boyfriend."
What advice do you have for women suffering from fibroids?
Do your own research and make the best decision for you! Get a second and even third opinion if you feel the need. Also, do not allow any doctor to make you believe that a hysterectomy is the only solution, especially if you desire to have children. Google is your friend. I researched and researched. I discovered that women have so many more options today. I even joined an online support group. I researched and tried holistic options as well. Ultimately, I did what was best for me and my well-being, and that is what I'd encourage women who are suffering today.
Also, talk to your moms, grandmothers, sisters, [and] friends because your support group is usually a lot closer than we think, as most Black women suffer in silence. I learned a lot about other women in my immediate family who experienced issues with fibroids as well. Know that no procedure is a 100% cure because sadly, in most cases, the fibroids may return. Unfortunately, a few fibroids have returned for me, but they are significantly smaller in size and number. Hence, I'm now focusing on eating better and really focusing on more natural, holistic options this time around because I at least want to take home a baby or two the next time I'm cut open.
What does Love Yours mean to you? And what do you hope for women to gain from the box?
Love Yours means loving all of you – unapologetically. Love your past, present and future because all of those experiences make up who you are and what you contribute to the world. Love Yours is about girls and women being confident to be their authentic selves, courageous to pursue their dreams and clear about who they are as a female. Love Yours also embodies collaboration and support amongst women; we need each other to survive and thrive. I hope that women everywhere no longer feel guilty for putting themselves first. Self-care is self-love, and we can't adequately take care of our families and other responsibilities, if we don't first take care of ourselves.
Click here for a 10% discount on your Love Yours subscription.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"Love Yours means loving all of you – unapologetically. Love your past, present and future because all of those experiences make up who you are and what you contribute to the world."
How do you balance your career and self-care?
This is an evolving process. I've learned to #lovemyselfmore by giving myself grace. Sometimes it's as simple as indulging in a sweet treat and reminding myself that it's okay to "eat the cake." Other times it has to be very intentional, like scheduling a full-body massage two times a month or setting time aside on my calendar for meditation and prayer. Honestly, that is what works best for me with my demanding work schedule, I must put it on my calendar and treat self-care like any other task. It is my responsibility to take care of me.
Can you share a time you felt lost and how you made it through?
There was a time while living in Washington, DC that I was unemployed and felt completely lost and didn't know up from down. Full transparency, I was slightly depressed as a small town Southern girl living in the big city, no longer in graduate school, no longer calling home for a loan and really having to figure things out on my own. That period really forced me to level up and show up for myself. Thank God for my genuine relationships and my commitment to maintaining those relationships mutually.
Eventually, as with almost every "down moment" of life, I made it back into the light. One day, I simply spoke up and asked a friend of mine if he knew of anyone who was hiring for part-time work, and he connected me with a private school on Capitol Hill that was looking for after-school care coordinators. I applied and received that job, and it turned out to be just the boost I needed to get myself back going. Not to mention I had a great confidant and roommate who was both supportive and reminded me of my talents. I connected with a church family that was literally a Godsend and reminded me that it will all work out for my good. Life will always give us exactly what we need when we need it, we just have to pay attention and go with the flow when circumstances are out of our control.
Image courtesy of Mia Banks
"Life will always give us exactly what we need when we need it, we just have to pay attention and go with the flow when circumstances are out of our control."
If you had to choose three words to describe your life, what would they be and why?
Covered – I truly cannot answer this question without giving all glory, thanks and honor to God. I have numerous times from childhood to now when I can remember when I was down to my last – I even had a car accident where I could've lost my life -- but God saved me. I'm covered by God's grace, and that means I must share that grace with others through my daily actions, personal and professional brand. That's why I'm so sincere about Love Yours uplifting women.
Hustlher – I've always had to work hard for everything. I've never been given anything. Since I was 18, I've worked two jobs. I currently work three jobs – radio personality, HR professional and freelance makeup artist. I learned the importance of hard work and never making excuses from my mother.
Ambitious – I've always been taught to dream big and do everything I can to make my dreams a reality. I'm very ambitious. From grade school to now. I have high goals that I will achieve as long as I remain committed, true to me and secure in my abilities. That last part is an ongoing fight. I will win.
Keep up with Mia's journey on social media!
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I thought my friendships in my thirties would look like an episode of Girlfriendsor Living Single. That we’d be meeting up, getting drinks at a sexy local bar, having dinner together in each other's homes, and taking trips like the Housewives shows we’d watched since we were teenagers. My reality has been the polar opposite of that. My friendships have changed drastically and for a while, I felt like I was on my own.
In my mid-twenties, I started going to therapy, started a business that took off, and I started setting boundaries about how I wanted to be treated as a person. From there some friendships changed drastically, for better and worse. Friends who couldn’t understand or accept the new me were removed, and drifted off, and then there were beautiful changes that put distance between my friends and me. My best friend married and had children young, college friends moved away, job offers took other friends across the country, and I found myself face to face with a form of loneliness that I’d never experienced.
In my thirties, I started asking myself questions about what my friendships would look like, if these changes in dynamics would just be my new normal, or if I would find a new set of girlfriends that I could do life with.
Don’t get me wrong, do my friends call me? Yes. Do they check on me? Yes. Are they cheering the loudest for me with every win? Absolutely, but I also can’t tell you the last time we met up for drinks or if we’ve ever taken the girls' trip we’ve been talking about for the past decade. For some time, I thought perhaps this was the trade-off for choosing a different path, not being able to have friends in this phase of life, or that at some point I’d create a new friend group, and while I pray for the latter, discussions with women who were experiencing similar shifts showed me that we all are no longer relatable in some way to your friends.
Whether you’re the friend who got married early, embarked on a healing journey, started a thriving business, moved away from your small town, or are at a low point in life and can’t relate because you’re the friend struggling - we’re all experiencing some form of a shift in our friendships. Digger deeper into this subject matter with women from all across the country, I’ve discovered that we are not alone and we are all experiencing loneliness and transition.
1.There is a need for friends who get that life is a juggling act.
"I've always been obsessed with the idea of sisterhood. My mom is one of 10 children five boys, five girls so I had a lot of aunts that were around growing up. My mom had the same two best friends since she was like in high school in her early 20s, so I just thought like oh I'm gonna go to college and you know I'm gonna find these lifelong friends. I joined a sorority and other organizations where friendship and companionship was at the helm of that and I think you know fast forward to me graduating college, and starting life as an adult away from a lot of those friendships that I created, I realized adulthood is extremely lonely.
"Navigating friendships in your 20s versus your 30s is like comparing apples and oranges, seriously. In my 20s, it was all about exploration – career, relationships, you name it. We were all on different paths, some searching for love, others for adventure, and a few just figuring out what they wanted. I was right there with them, soaking up every moment of freedom and self-discovery. I don’t think that exploration stops in your 30’s but the tools you need and the paths you need to take are a lot clearer.
"Personally, things shifted fast for me in my 30s. I welcomed a child, got engaged, and suddenly, priorities were rearranged quicker than you can say 'adulting.' Self-awareness kicked in, and I realized I needed friends who were on the same page – willing to grow, heal, and understand the complexities of life. Nowadays, it's all about quality over quantity. I've trimmed down my circle to those who bring joy, understanding, and, most importantly, reciprocity. Yeah, it was tough saying goodbye to some old friends, but it had to be done for my own peace of mind.
"In this crazy world where time is the most precious commodity, I'm all about spending it with those who uplift and support me – friends who get that life's a juggling act and offer grace when needed."
- Leticia Owens, 34, Las Vegas, Nevada
2.There is a maturity that either brings friends together or takes them apart.
"As someone who has traversed most of my thirties now, what I’ve really seen from 30 to almost 38 is the cycling of friendships that can sometimes happen when people have different commitments to their own personal growth. I think some of the friendships that I have chosen to leave behind in my earlier thirties were a result of that person not pulling their weight in the relationship from the perspective of not even seeing how their behavior plays a role in the dynamic and how hurtful it might be.
"Some people come to that at a young age and even in their twenties, but some people take longer. There’s an emotional and relational maturity that either brings people together or brings about separation. Your thirties can bring about a lot of changes to friendships, marriage, children, helping your parents if they’re older and now need assistance financially, all of the other relationships have an impact on our relationships."
- Allie, 38, California
3.There's a knowing that motherhood changes how you maintain and make connections.
"I was a new mother at 21, trying to figure out my relationship, navigate a career, and figure out my life so I had to adjust quickly. In my twenties, I partied hard and at one point with the clothes that I had on the day before to make sure I got dressed up at work. I enjoyed my life and when I decided I was gonna be a mom and wife, I didn’t think about if I was gonna miss this life, it was like time to shift gears. I was clubbing because I was tryna run from shit. I don’t have a life that I have to run from anymore.
"As you start to evolve in your life and then your relationships shift, you wanna still keep the connection but at some point, for different friends, you don’t evolve with them. But at times making new friends is just as hard so you’d rather stay stagnant with the people that are already there. It’s not as easy. Then you’re making friends with moms because your kids want to have playdates so you’re entering into a dynamic with this person for your kids, not because it’s a genuine connection.
"I also think that it’s ironic because the same feelings that your single friends are having about not being able to have fun with you, that feeling of emptiness there is twofold. I’m a mom but I’m a person first. I’m now married with three kids and now my friends are having children too so I’m watching my friends struggle with motherhood and they don’t always come to me for advice. But as they evolve as mothers they have a level of understanding for the shit that I went through.
"Granted I sacrificed to be a young mother, but I was also able to excel in my career and go back to school with the help of my husband. He's an amazing dad and partner and with him, I know I know if I drop the ball, he’s catching it."
- Tania, 31, New Jersey
4.There is a coming into yourself that causes you to release what no longer aligns.
"Friendships change because you begin to come into yourself. You begin to understand that you're an individual that has your own needs, values, likes, wants, etc. and those friendships that were cultivated in high school and college are often no longer aligned with who you want to be. And unfortunately what happens is that we start to break away from the old versions of ourselves and what the people who love us expected us to be.
"My relationships started to change when I stopped pleasing people and I asked myself if was I still friends with this person based on the length of time that we’ve been friends, rather than was this person in alignment with what I wanted out of life."
- Brittany, 31, New York City
5.There is a need for more grace as you grow and evolve.
"We don’t extend enough grace to our friends and I feel we need to remember to. Sometimes we extend more grace to a toxic person we are 'dating' than the friend who is there to pick the pieces up after that person exits stage left. It has been great for me thus far and that’s only because my friends and I respect each other and I mean respect where we are in life i.e. marriage, kids careers, etc, and respect that our time and what we dedicate our time to may not always be to each other physically but we show up mentally and spiritually through prayer and sometimes FaceTime or phone calls.
'If you are expecting your friendships to be the same [as] they were when you were in your 20s or teenagers it shows that you're not pushing each other to grow and evolve."
- Dasia Brown, 34, New Jersey
6.There is a change in how and when you connect due to availability and changes in priorities.
"Just this weekend I shared a post that said I am not the club friend anymore I am the spa friend, the brunch friend, the travel friend. Overall I know that part of friendships is connecting on social outings and when those no longer align if there isn’t real substance to the friendship it can start to fade. Another thing is how in our 30s, life starts really life-ing and our availability and priorities change, making it a little more challenging in how and when we connect.
"I’m grateful for friends who give each other grace but [I] will add [that] my immediate friend group no one is a mom yet. My mom friends are way more limited and it’s understandable but I’ve noticed the change from once becoming a mom and how things become one-sided in willingness to understand their needs. I think the solid friends try their best to show up or at least be fully present in the 15 minutes they do have to spare."
- Delila, 37, New York City
7.There is less hanging out and the concept of what makes a good friend shifts.
"Friendships change in your thirties for many reasons. Priorities, time, money, comparing lives, extremely different lifestyles. I’m a great friend so all mine love me… but I’m also not hanging out like I did 5-10 years ago."
- Destiny, 35, Delaware
8.There are challenges when no one is on the same journey at the same time.
"One of the biggest challenges is when people are settling into their careers, getting married, having kids, and no one is going to be on the same journey at the same time. You might have a friend that’s already married with kids, and you might be career-driven and single. You want to go out to happy hour and your friend with kids gotta see if your friend with the husband and the kids is available.
"In that same vein, that friend might also have mom friends that want to go on playdates and are more available to hang out with each other because they are able to do stuff together with the kids, but if you’re on two different paths it’s definitely a challenge."
- Quadira, 30, New Jersey
9.There is a release of friendships that might be holding you back.
"Based on my personal experience the lives of friends - Black women; either verge or diverge based on a major event. For example, your bestie becomes a teen mom in college, someone’s career takes off drastically compared to the others, someone couples or marries younger, or someone adopts a new faith or becomes stronger in their faith. Someone starts to heal generational trauma via therapy. A friend picks up an alcohol or drug abuse problem. Someone suffers a profound loss. I mean the list goes on. And depending on where each friend is in their life those things can make or break a friendship.
"You may even stray and try to come back and strengthen the bond but ultimately what happens to us is often a feeling of 'this happened to me and such and such wasn’t even there forreal.' Or after you/they have a major event see some unhealthy traits that have always existed and you ignored for the sake of friendship but where you are going in life won’t allow you to ignore it any longer.
"I just turned 38 and about 3/4 years ago I had a nagging feeling that it was time to shed a 20-plus-year friendship. I avoided it so long, we fell out twice in a huge way and I, being avoidant, put off the difficult conversation and ignored so much until I couldn’t. We were like sisters and the aftermath was much more than I could have expected but I’ve never felt lighter and more free and I think in your thirties you realize time is of the essence and the things you’ve accepted no longer suit you. Initially, we think of romantic relationships but sometimes it’s the platonic friendship that is what’s holding you back."
- Sydney, 38, Ohio
10.There is a realization that no investment to the friendship is too big or too small.
"I think friendships and relationships change in our thirties because most of us enter an elevated era of prioritization and a different style of communication. This is especially true if you have a partner. Even more so with children. Marriage is an investment. Children are an investment. Friendships are too and it’s easier to invest into people who get that sometimes you can only deposit a penny… sometimes you might be in the red and other times it’s emotional payday. So you hang out with more moms or parents. More married friends, etc.
"Your single friends also stop checking in as much and inviting you places. So you feel like you can relate less, as I’m sure they feel the same. You can’t communicate as often and at length because of work or family or life. And not everyone gets that. As your life evolves, your expectations change, and what you’re able to give changes too. When friends are in different places, they can’t always understand those changes and those relationships become unsustainable. There are so many things, but mostly life happens."
- Denisse, 34, Mississippi
11.There is a hyperfocus on family, career, and love.
"I think the dynamics do change even before you hit 30. I would say late 20s, even maybe early if people went through anything like I did with my friend group from high school. Think about it: we are trying to navigate what we want to do with our lives concerning career, and love, and discover who we are, and what God put us on this Earth for, and a lot of us really aren’t taught what friendships look like as adults because some of our parents don’t have friends who come over all the time, who feel like a part of the community.
"It’s a hyper-focus on family and career and love. School doesn’t help either cause nothing really prepares you for how you nurture friendships long distance, what happens when you realize you and a friend are no longer aligned (they were a season vs. forever), or envy jumps out when you start doing what they perceive as better than some of them."
- Cydney, 33, North Carolina
12.There is a change in how you prioritize friendships that is dictated by major life shifts.
"I’m like one of the last in my friend group in Copenhagen to have kids - and I feel like that just shifted so much for us/our group when everybody started having kids. More difficult to make plans, weekends are very different. But now that I have Naya [my child] it obviously makes sense.
"I feel like there is just so much that’s shifting in our thirties, whether career, serious boyfriends or marriage, kids, moving out of town, etc. Like life gets serious somehow lol and it’s challenging to prioritize your friendships in the same way you could in your twenties! I have a girlfriend back home who used to live just a block away and we’d always like go grocery shopping together and watch movies in bed and have sleepovers etc, and I honestly miss that so much."
- Caroline, 33, Denmark
13.There is acceptance that everyone can't maintain a long-distance friendship.
"For me, one friendship dynamic changed by me moving and the person I was tight with was unable to support a long-distance friendship. It went from twice a week at least two hours of calls to 10-minute check-ins every few weeks."
- Januarie, 34, Michigan
14.There is a tendency for hesitation when making new friends.
"I experienced a friendship breakup when I turned 30 after 12 years. It has caused me to be hesitant with making new friends and categorize people for being in my life for specific reasons instead of being 'deep connections' kind of friend."
- Kiara, 33, Ohio
15.There is knowledge that friendships are inconvenient and that the right friends will show up and show out for you.
"As a disclaimer, I’m antisocial. In my thirties I’ve noticed I’ve changed some random hard rules I’ve always had for the sake of maintaining my friendships. I’ve been taking more trips, I’ve been driving distances of up to two hours to grab lunch if they’re near. Like a light randomly clicked like these people are very important to me my silly 'boundaries' will cause more harm than good. I can look up and we’re so distant or I’m attending a funeral. Like if nothing is physically stopping me from showing up then it’s up!
"Also, I have realized and been practicing the appreciation aspect for them. I’m a married mom of two. The people have taken planes and trains to celebrate me. Their accomplishments aren’t always marriage and kids and I'm gonna appreciate it too even if they don’t make a big deal of it."
- Lala, 31, New York City
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