I Discovered My Beauty Through Loving A Birthmark I Hated
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Kenehilwe Libate's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
"What Happened to Your Face?"
These are words that I've heard uttered throughout my entire life.
Growing up, I lived with my grandmother as an only child. I was often around cousins, who were like siblings, so I was never treated any differently than how they interacted with everyone else. In fact, never noticed that I had a distinctive look until I played with other children outside of home. Eventually, I was always asked about my birthmark—which is when I realised I was unlike others.
Primary school was the worst. I was bullied and called more names than I can even count. I remember going home crying to my mom telling her about being teased. She would always gently remind me that the mark on my face was a gift from God, and that He created me this way because I was special.
Traumatized from the teasing, I developed a habit of not making much eye contact with anyone. It wasn't until I moved on to high school that I started to work on my confidence. Most of my peers would tell me that I was beautiful and that I should embrace my birthmark, but it all fell on deaf ears. I remember times when my friends would complain about strangers staring, and I wouldn't even notice. I had instinctively learned to block it all out over the years.
So, although I credit my friends for giving me confidence to love my birthmark, I knew I had to make the choice to find and value its beauty on my own. I began to focus on just that.
The Glow Up: From Birthmark to Beauty Mark
College was my glow-up season. I graduated and received my Financial Management Sciences degree, and began working as a Senior Finance Business Analyst for a global corporation. This is also one of the times I truly realised that my birthmark was striking—not because I was told; it was all me. And I started taking my self-esteem into my own hands.
I began noticing a weird dynamic developing: me learning to appreciate compliments for something that I had been tormented for my entire life. It was a struggle to adjust to. It's as if I suddenly became a swan and everyone around me shifted from wondering what was on my face, to loving what was on my face.
It admittedly took time to learn to balance the two, but I learned to receive it all. And just thinking about it, I knew I had come such a long way.
Courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
I would reminisce about the time I decided to try my luck with television, and ultimately was crushed, when the agency told me I would not be accepted in the industry. I remembered the time curiosity got the best of me and used concealer to see how I would look without my mark—which I just thought I looked really weird and that was the last time I did such a crazy act.
All this built up to a turning point for me. And affirmations were key. This made me take charge of how I defined my birthmark.
I changed how I referred to my mark: from a birthmark to a beauty mark that made me who I am. I began to embrace being described as "Kenehilwe with a birthmark." But most importantly, I learned that beauty cannot be boxed; it is what you make it—as long as you look and feel good on your terms.
Courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
And I certainly feel good.
Free At Last.
It took me forever to fully embrace who I am. The wear and tear over the years caused me to be diagnosed with anxiety so I had to learn coping mechanisms to keep me going. I pray, a whole lot. I have learned that having a conversation with God about how I am feeling helps me. I cry if there is a need to, I meditate—which that, and the occasional jog, keeps me going as well.
Listen ladies, we are doing great. We must learn to embrace our beauty, no matter how different, and this will snowball into helping others overcome their insecurities without us even noticing. We are changing the world. Ignore all the people who once said that you will not succeed because you look a certain way.
Do not fall into the trap of conformity. God made you unique for a special reason. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Looking at society now, I see that what was deemed as "normal" back then, has changed completely, which makes me so happy. If I can lead a movement in a tiny piece of that change, I know I have done my part. I even hope that those of us with birthmarks can be celebrated more often, as we continue to silently struggle with people asking if "we're hurt" or "painted our faces."
Today, I aspire to be an individual who has a positive impact on others, despite obstacles. I dream of mentoring and changing lives of young black women in corporate that were not prepared for the "big world". I yearn to continue to be a reliable, positive, and honest friend. I value these characteristics in myself.
And every moment I took to build myself up, and the forced effort I took to strengthen my confidence, has come to peak fruition. Last year, I was even chosen as one of the faces of an alcoholic brand's women empowerment campaign.
Looking back, I just laugh about the times I didn't accept my full self. Now, it's funny that I sometimes forget which side my birthmark is on.
To keep up with Kenehilwe and her journey, follow her on Instagram @keneliberty.
Featured image courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty