I Discovered My Beauty Through Loving A Birthmark I Hated
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Kenehilwe Libate's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
"What Happened to Your Face?"
These are words that I've heard uttered throughout my entire life.
Growing up, I lived with my grandmother as an only child. I was often around cousins, who were like siblings, so I was never treated any differently than how they interacted with everyone else. In fact, never noticed that I had a distinctive look until I played with other children outside of home. Eventually, I was always asked about my birthmark—which is when I realised I was unlike others.
Primary school was the worst. I was bullied and called more names than I can even count. I remember going home crying to my mom telling her about being teased. She would always gently remind me that the mark on my face was a gift from God, and that He created me this way because I was special.
Traumatized from the teasing, I developed a habit of not making much eye contact with anyone. It wasn't until I moved on to high school that I started to work on my confidence. Most of my peers would tell me that I was beautiful and that I should embrace my birthmark, but it all fell on deaf ears. I remember times when my friends would complain about strangers staring, and I wouldn't even notice. I had instinctively learned to block it all out over the years.
So, although I credit my friends for giving me confidence to love my birthmark, I knew I had to make the choice to find and value its beauty on my own. I began to focus on just that.
The Glow Up: From Birthmark to Beauty Mark
College was my glow-up season. I graduated and received my Financial Management Sciences degree, and began working as a Senior Finance Business Analyst for a global corporation. This is also one of the times I truly realised that my birthmark was striking—not because I was told; it was all me. And I started taking my self-esteem into my own hands.
I began noticing a weird dynamic developing: me learning to appreciate compliments for something that I had been tormented for my entire life. It was a struggle to adjust to. It's as if I suddenly became a swan and everyone around me shifted from wondering what was on my face, to loving what was on my face.
It admittedly took time to learn to balance the two, but I learned to receive it all. And just thinking about it, I knew I had come such a long way.
Courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
I would reminisce about the time I decided to try my luck with television, and ultimately was crushed, when the agency told me I would not be accepted in the industry. I remembered the time curiosity got the best of me and used concealer to see how I would look without my mark—which I just thought I looked really weird and that was the last time I did such a crazy act.
All this built up to a turning point for me. And affirmations were key. This made me take charge of how I defined my birthmark.
I changed how I referred to my mark: from a birthmark to a beauty mark that made me who I am. I began to embrace being described as "Kenehilwe with a birthmark." But most importantly, I learned that beauty cannot be boxed; it is what you make it—as long as you look and feel good on your terms.
Courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
And I certainly feel good.
Free At Last.
It took me forever to fully embrace who I am. The wear and tear over the years caused me to be diagnosed with anxiety so I had to learn coping mechanisms to keep me going. I pray, a whole lot. I have learned that having a conversation with God about how I am feeling helps me. I cry if there is a need to, I meditate—which that, and the occasional jog, keeps me going as well.
Listen ladies, we are doing great. We must learn to embrace our beauty, no matter how different, and this will snowball into helping others overcome their insecurities without us even noticing. We are changing the world. Ignore all the people who once said that you will not succeed because you look a certain way.
Do not fall into the trap of conformity. God made you unique for a special reason. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Looking at society now, I see that what was deemed as "normal" back then, has changed completely, which makes me so happy. If I can lead a movement in a tiny piece of that change, I know I have done my part. I even hope that those of us with birthmarks can be celebrated more often, as we continue to silently struggle with people asking if "we're hurt" or "painted our faces."
Today, I aspire to be an individual who has a positive impact on others, despite obstacles. I dream of mentoring and changing lives of young black women in corporate that were not prepared for the "big world". I yearn to continue to be a reliable, positive, and honest friend. I value these characteristics in myself.
And every moment I took to build myself up, and the forced effort I took to strengthen my confidence, has come to peak fruition. Last year, I was even chosen as one of the faces of an alcoholic brand's women empowerment campaign.
Looking back, I just laugh about the times I didn't accept my full self. Now, it's funny that I sometimes forget which side my birthmark is on.
To keep up with Kenehilwe and her journey, follow her on Instagram @keneliberty.
Featured image courtesy of Kenehilwe Libate
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
From Heartbreak To Healing: The Multifaceted Journey Of Nazanin Mandi
Nazanin Mandi is never out of options.
About a year ago, the 37-year-old life coach and actress was navigating life after divorce and determined to experience homeownership for the first time as a single woman. She’d been married to the R&B singer Miguel for three years, following a long-term relationship that started when she was 18 years old. But, in 2022, she filed for divorce. It was certainly the most public change she made but, in reality, it was just one of many decisions to refocus and reach her full potential in recent years.
“During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been,” she says in an xoNecole exclusive.
Still, as Mandi worked to get to know herself and her needs during this new phase of life, she realized the home she’d purchased wasn’t a good fit. Overwhelmed by the echoing of her voice in the spacious home, she had a breakdown and called her cousin, who immediately suggested she lease the home and live somewhere else. “I woke up in my house, and I was like, ‘This is not it for me,” she says. “All those years, I had been accustomed to living a certain way [and] in a certain house, so I bought myself a house like [my old home]. But my family was not the same. Waking up in that house by myself, it highlighted the divorce. I was like, ‘Oh, no, we can’t do this. This is not it.’ My life has changed, so my choices need to change.” At that moment, Mandi became open to the idea that there wasn’t one set way to achieve ownership on her own.
“I feel so much better. I’m in a smaller place. My best friend lives a minute from me and I can walk to her house,” she tells me during a Zoom interview from her home one recent afternoon in early February. In the past two years, she hasn’t just been advising other people on varying circumstances, she’s also been healing herself.
"During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been."
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If supporters began following Nazanin Mandi because of her conventional beauty or the contagious, bright, white smile she often wears in many of her photos, that’s likely not the reason they’ve stuck around. Instead, she’s amassed a following based on her transparency about her own anxiety and depression, along with the encouraging messages of self-acceptance, gratitude, ambition, and humility that are often sprinkled into her social media posts.
In an era where looking at Instagram photos of models can often lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, Nazanin Mandi is determined to be more than eye candy. She’s food for her follower’s souls, too.
Since being recruited to model while dining at an In-N-Out at 10 years old, Mandi has worked in many areas of entertainment. The Valencia, California native has modeled for brands such as Olay, Savage X Fenty, and Good American. As a teen, she sang at Carnegie Hall and auditioned for season 1 of American Idol, making it all the way to Hollywood before producers disqualified her for lying about her age. (Mandi was 15 at the time, and contestants had to be at least 16 years old.) Mandi has acted, too, including appearing on Disney’s That’s So Raven as a teenager and on the BET+ series Games People Play and the Prime series Á La Carte in more recent years.
In recent years, though, she’s also expanded her professional goals outside of entertainment, too. After becoming a certified life coach in 2020, Mandi launched the membership platform You Bloome in 2022 with the hopes of providing wellness services to others, including her self-published gratitude journal. “I wish I had access to something like You Bloome earlier in my own life,” she writes on the company’s website. The actress, who has been forthcoming about her struggles with anxiety and depression, has never had a life coach, but credits therapy as a tool that “really, really saved me and it laid the foundation to who I am becoming.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
"I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself."
While she’s always had a nurturing personality, Mandi says her interest in becoming a life coach was inspired by the women who would message her for advice on social media. “I would answer them back. It really sparked a fire within myself to help people,” she says.
You Bloome currently has three membership tiers, ranging in price from $2.99 to $39.99 per month. The highest tier offers a motivational text message twice a week, two live, group coaching sessions per month, and more. “We get emotional. We cry. We laugh. It’s really beautiful. I’ve built close relationships with my members through this. It’s been inspiring both ways,” Mandi says of the sessions. Still, the founder says she hopes to take on more motivational and keynote speaking opportunities in the future with the hopes of impacting as many people as possible.
And, she’s hoping to do all of this while continuing to explore a career as an entertainer.
At this point in her life, Mandi says she’s gained enough perspective on modeling, music, and acting to realize what she wants to prioritize moving forward. “We are going full force with acting,” she says, noting her goal is “to book a series regular or a film that impacts my career and the world.” She plans to continue to model, too, but has no desire to pursue music.
“I don’t want any part of that because I know what that life entails,” she says. “I don’t want to tour. I don’t want to do any of that. That is not where my heart is at.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If you ask Mandi, she’ll tell you she feels most comfortable in front of a camera, but she’ll also admit that she’s recently experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when thinking about her acting career. “I think it’s a fear of not succeeding,” she says. If anything, she adds, she’s harder on herself now than she’s ever been. “There were distractions before. There’s no distractions now,” she says. “I’m putting pressure on myself for no reason.”
This is where the life coach’s own personal healing comes into play. Mandi says she’s learning recently that “slow progress is still big progress at the end of the day.”
“Currently, I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself,” she adds.
Still, one of Mandi’s strengths is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to limit herself to just one passion. From working as a life coach to pursuing acting, she has given herself grace to explore all other dreams.
“We can be allowed to be many different things in this lifetime,” she says. “As people, our identities are allowed to expand. Don’t put us in a fucking box. I cannot live that way anymore.”
For more of Nazanin, follow her on Instagram @nazaninmandi.
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Featured image by Solmaz Saberi
'Raising Kanan''s Hailey Kilgore Talks Seeing Herself In Jukebox & Broadway Background
Hailey Kilgore, who has brought the character Jukebox to life on Power Book III: Raising Kanan for the past three seasons, was working hard in show business long before landing the role on coveted Starz franchise. She's already a Tony- and Grammy-nominated talent whose credits include the Jennifer Hudson-led Aretha Franklin biopic Respect and the Tony-winning revival of Once on This Island.
Hailey may play a teen on the Mekai Curtis-centered series but she's been training in singing, acting, and performance since the tender age of 9—that's 16 years now. If you take a look at her social media profiles, it will almost make you do a double take as her real personality couldn't be further from what's depicted on the show—proving just how talented she really is. The Broadway veteran, who is gearing up to release her first album, is what many would describe a girl's girl wearing loads of sequins, gowns, and serving face!
This will prompt you to dig a little deeper to find out more about the girl who is a multi-hyphenate and earned two major nominations before even making it on the big screen.
Getty Images
xoNecole caught up Hailey as season 3 came to an end and was surprised to learn that although they may be completely different people, her real life is mirroring what's going on with Jukebox in Raising Kanan. "I really made the epiphany season 3." She continued, "[Jukebox] just wants to be seen. She works so hard, she's a really sweet girl. She has a beautiful spirit and she just wants people to see her—to see how hard she works. I feel that right now. I'm like, please just see me. I know you love Jukebox...but there's a super cool girl in here and she's got a lot to say. A lot to contribute to the world artistically."
She even delved more into her background, telling us about the extensive training and hard work she's put in to get to this point. "I started training when I was 9. I trained in acting, singing, and performance." She further explained, "I did my first job when I was 12, so I've been doing this for awhile. Performing is what I love. I've always said I wanted to be Beyoncé when I grew up...I'm really blessed to have the resume and the background that I do."
The latest season of Power Book III: Raising Kanan has come to a close but in true fashion, Hailey is still hard at work. Her first single "Drama Queen" is out now and her debut album will be released on May 3. It's safe to say that Hailey is having her moment. One can't deny that she's worked hard for it and we can't wait to see what's next!
Watch the full interview below.
Hailey Kilgore AKA Jukebox on 'Raising Kanan' Talks Broadway Background
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Featured image by Getty Images