I Learned The Importance Of Self-Care After Being Diagnosed With Bell's Palsy
Since I was a teenager, I've been conditioned to be independent and ambitious. Against some family members and friends' advice, I applied to a more selective university and was accepted. Upon graduation, I relocated to urban Northern Virginia instead of returning to rural hometown Virginia. And when it came to building a finance career, I was focused on promotions and paychecks. But being a go-getter came with a whole other set of responsibilities that I had to fulfill that weren't even my own.
Much like a scene from an episode of Being Mary Jane, “Purging and Cleansing", when Kara pretty much tells MJ that she can't be the head of everyone's household. If you follow the show, you know MJ not only takes care of her own home, but she also maintains order in her parents' home, including supplementing her family's financial downfalls and acting as the family spokesperson to deliver the news everyone else needs to say but no one wants to deliver.
Last season, her brother Patrick, who is a recovering drug addict, takes a prescription drug to get him through the day. So MJ stages an intervention at her parents' home on their behalf, but ends up being the one taking her niece, Patrick's daughter D'Asia, to and from school. Kara tells MJ that she's taken on her parents' fight in addition to starting a new chapter in her career, not to mention still dealing with the aftermath of a breakup, her best friend Lisa's death, and her extortionist CeCe's never-ending demands.
“And then everybody's gonna turn around and wonder why you drowned," Kara says.
Or sometimes they don't.
When I lived long-distance, I, too, filled financial gaps by making periodic deposits in accounts, but I also received family's mail to interpret the fine print on documents, completed forms and made calls on their behalf to resolve issues, and found myself in the middle of disputes. At times I grew resentful. I asked myself why nearly every phone call ended with a problem. And I often wondered why none of the other adults could make decisions, until of course they messed something up, and I had to be the one to research it and fix it. But things were at least manageable from a distance. It wasn't until I returned to my home to launch a writing career that I became overwhelmed.
There were family members in my house, one with the most cute, bubbly, inquisitive child, and since I freelance from home, I inadvertently fell into the "live-in nanny" trap. I turned into the person to get the child dressed and on the bus and the person to get her off. And eventually the default person to babysit period because the assumption was I had no real job, which to most is defined as one inside a brick and mortar establishment with a time clock. In the meantime, I was grinding to get more published bylines and my own deposits. I was up beyond midnight and up again by 7 a.m. for bus duty. With everything I already had going on, I was barely staying afloat.
One weekend, I helped a cousin make last minute preparations for her wedding. I recall having a dull ache behind my right ear during the rehearsal dinner, and for the next two days I kept biting the inside right of my lip. Throughout the reception, I enjoyed my freedom for the first time in weeks, but I noticed the puzzled looks and unusual concern for my well-being.
“Are you OK?" most asked.
“Yes! If one mo' person asks me that question…!" I retorted.
The next morning, the mother of the new bride cooked a huge brunch. I remember taking my first plate outside and glancing at my image in a car window while laughing. It looked “funny" but I thought, Aren't all reflections distorted? My second plate was an awesome loaded omelet to order. This time I sat in the family room trying to relish the combination of spinach, fresh tomatoes, and pungent onions, but when I tried to lick my lips, my tongue couldn't reach the right side of my mouth!
I rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I looked normal.
Smile.
Then I realized my mouth only moved on the left. In fact, not only did my mouth not stretch to the right, I couldn't blink my right eye independent of my left one!
My cousin and I quietly exited the house of 50 guests – thinking I was having a stroke – and rushed to the emergency room where the doctor ultimately diagnosed me with Bell's Palsy, a temporary paralysis or weakness on one side of the face.
“I don't know what type of stress you're under," she says, “but I suggest you eliminate it."
She prescribed an antibiotic in case it was caused by some sort of infection and a 10-day steroid regimen. I later learned the pain behind my ear was the first symptom.
I returned home with the intent of resting for a few weeks.
“Can you get her off the bus?" my relative asked a day or two later.
I looked at her, incredulously. Did she not see my damn face? I'm not healed! “Are you going somewhere or something?"
“No," she responded.
It was that moment I realized I had to change my environment if I wanted to get better.
It took a pirate patch and three more weeks before I could blink my eye, and a few more months for my vision to not blur when staring at the computer and for me to drink without drooling or have a normal smile again.
It was a scary moment, but the experience taught me the meaning of self-care and that it's more than hair appointments and spa treatments. I also learned that although I may feel guilty, I can't give away all of me even if I think I have a little bit to spare.
The idea of a strong Black woman is a proven fact; the one of I-can-do-everything-because-I-am-Superwoman is a dangerous myth.
As I continued to watch the conversation between Kara and MJ play out, I caught myself nodding in agreement. “You need to be a little selfish right now," she says. “You need to see who else is capable of showing up."
But more importantly, I need to stop saving folks who don't care if I sink or swim. It's really okay for me to just say, “No."
Featured image by Shutterstock
I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line CÉCRED & Here's My Honest Review
Beyoncé is snatching our wallets yet again with her latest business venture CÉCRED. In 2023, the Texas native hinted at a potential haircare line when she posted this photo causing fans to speculate that her next project would be focused on her famous tresses - they were right. Her haircare line Cécred launched on February 20 with her first drop called The Foundation Collection which focuses on haircare first, and I can only assume that a style product line for colored-treated hair will likely follow since Beyoncé is known for slaying various shades of blonde.
As a super fan since the early 2000s, it was only right that I give an honest review of the full line and purchase the Super Fan Bundle (retailed at $265) which includes the full product line of the 8 products, as well as a branded cosmetic bag. If you’re thinking, “Girl that bundle is too pricey for me,” I can assure you that for the value you're getting, the price is quite reasonable. This bundle was an intentional and marketable way to allow consumers to experience every Cécred product.
The brand messaging surrounding Cécred has been salon-inspired, and rightfully so as an ode to Beyoncé’s upbringing growing up in her mother’s hair salon in Houston. This line is backed by science and licensed cosmetologists showing that she’s done her research and appointed the experts. Cécred's IG feed has been filled with images and videos inside of hair salons including some videos of Ms. Tina herself assisting in the styling of beauty experts who visited Cécred's private salon to have the VIP treatment!
Now, have I seen influencers, consumers, and beauty stylists using the Foundation Collection at home? Yes, but I thought it was best to experience Cécred with my go-to cosmetologist who also happens to be my Auntie Tawana. She has been my educator and go-to for hair knowledge since I was a child and has had a hand in my mom's hair health which has always been goals for me. As a little girl, my Saturdays were spent sitting in her hair salon while my mama got her hair done as I patiently waited reading Jet and ESSENCE, ever so carefully eavesdropping on the conversations of the ladies who were coming for much more than just a beauty routine, but an experience.
I’d fall asleep on the plush couch in the waiting area flipping through magazines while listening to the sultry sounds of Maxwell. And I had my first lesson in breakup empowerment when I heard Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard It All Before.” So there was no other place for me to go than to see her, and because I’m her niece, I was able to visit her private salon in her home that she calls The After Hours where upon arrival I was greeted with my favorite Black-owned sparkling Rosé, candles lit, and my aunt’s breakdown of Cécred.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
But let me refocus and share my salon experience as I tried Cécred for the first time.
If You’re Wondering…Who is Cécred For?
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
When news of Beyoncé potentially launching a beauty brand hit the internet, there were a bunch of predictions of what and who the line would be marketed towards and if she’d have any wig care products as she’s known for slaying her units! But she went in a totally different direction which I love, and I’m going to tell you why. Critics have questioned if Beyoncé should be venturing into the haircare industry because she is often seen in weaves and wigs, but true Beyoncé fans know that she has healthy hair and that, like many Black women, experiments with various styles.
Cécred was created for all hair types and textures, including straight to coily, virgin, color-treated, chemically processed, and heat-styled. As a Black woman who has worn wigs, had chemically processed hair, heat-styled, natural, and color-treated hair, let me tell you, this was no easy feat! The amount of money I’ve spent on my hair through its various changes just on product alone, forget styling has been astronomical.
Cécred is serving the needs of various hair types in textures and I truly believe that this is going to make Beyoncé a true competitor in the hair industry amongst brands that are comparable such as OUAI and Olaplex. Both competitor brands have similar items at a higher price point and unlike Cécred, their products and brand messaging haven’t always felt inclusive to Black women and other hair types.
Cécred has been tested inclusively and the reviews from various hair types and backgrounds of consumers are allowing the brand to stand out.
I Tried Beyoncé's Haircare Line Cécred: My Honest Review
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
My hair has never felt cleaner and it shined for well over a week following the styling (but the oil should be used sparingly if like me, oil can weigh down your hair.) Immediately when my hair touched the sink, my aunt told me that she saw all the dirt and oils lifting from my hair when she applied the clarifying shampoo. As a girl who loves my curls, I am often judgy when I use any other shampoo and conditioner aside from Pattern, but not this time.
When my aunt guided my hands across my hair, she showed me how my curls weren’t tangled, and how she didn’t need to comb out my curls before applying the moisturizing deep conditioner or the deconstructing treatment mask.
Yasmine Jameelah/xoNecole
She applied each step with care and walked me through the process, and to my surprise, the hair mask wasn’t thick - but through trial and error as a natural girl, I’ve learned that a thick mask doesn’t always equal what’s best for your hair. She styled me with a silk press that left my hair with shine and I can honestly say that each step of the line is needed especially if you are someone who changes up your hair and deals with breakage. If your hair is healthy, you can opt out of the reconstructing treatment mask but I recommend taking the product line to your salon, having a discussion with your stylist on where your hair health needs improvement, and then purchasing based on that.
We know ourselves better than anyone else, but your stylist knows your hair better than you do. I like to lead with their knowledge first and then incorporate what my hair goals are. If you’re a girly who’s committed to hair health and has either the discipline to incorporate each step at home or can bring your products to the salon, Cécred is for you no matter if you’re a silk press or a wash-and-go naturalist.
Give Cécred a try, I’ll be using the line for my hair appointments until it runs out and if I see long-term results, it will be added to the beauty regimen indefinitely.
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Featured image courtesy of CÉCRED