How Entrepreneur Tory Dene Integrates Fitness Into Motherhood
xoNecole's Moms Who Inspire series highlights modern-day moms mastering all the tasks on their plate, from day to day responsibilities to ensuring their children are kind, educated and well-rounded human beings. Each mother describes their inspiration, their health and wellness routine, and how they maintain their sense of selves while being the superwoman we all know and love.
"I never really ate bad before becoming a mom, but motherhood made me more cautious about what I was putting in my body and what I was feeding my son."
26-year-old boutique owner Tory Dene is often surrounded by men. By day, she is a custom clothier in men's suits and by night, she tends to her son, 20-month-old Asher. But don't be fooled, Tory was taught by her mother to be a woman who rules her household. "My mother taught me to eat clean. We didn't eat a lot of fast food growing up, and my mom works out religiously to this day. So, I just followed in her footsteps. She's 50 and looks amazing!"
Tory Dene/Instagram
Tory may also co-own the Atlanta women's boutique Shop Fetch, but whenever she has time, Tory and Asher are usually outdoors living an active lifestyle. Even as a toddler, Asher already enjoys basketball with his mom and Tory plans to teach him some of the sports she played as a child, including soccer and softball.
Below Tory shares how careful planning and organization allow her to have relaxed mornings, work more productively, and keep an overall healthy lifestyle.
Tory Dene/Instagram
On what motherhood means to her:
"Being a mother wasn't planned. But when I found out I was going to be a mom, I instantly fell in love with my baby. Motherhood is not pretty at all. I don't get any privacy, I don't get much rest, and most of my days are filled with, 'Stop, don't do that'… but I wouldn't change a thing. He makes me want to be better and he keeps me on my toes."
On how her mother inspired her fitness routine:
"My mom is my fitness inspiration. She doesn't eat any fried foods or sweets and she works out religiously. She raised my sister and me on home-cooked meals. We didn't eat out much, but when we did it was quality meals. I also love the fact that she's not only healthy physically, but also healthy mentally. My mom meditates every morning."
Tory Dene/Instagram
On what a typical day looks like:
"Because I make sure everything I need is prepared the night before, my mornings are pretty relaxed. After I pick my son up from school, I spend time with him inside practicing the alphabet or outside playing basketball. When we come inside for the evening, I go back to working until I fall asleep."
On how her son changed her wellness routine:
"I take my son outside every day so he can maintain an active lifestyle, and when I workout at home he'll try and mock what I do. It's the cutest thing! He loves basketball so much. We have a little hoop at the house so his dad and I can play with him inside to keep him constantly active."
On preserving the characteristics of the woman she was before becoming a mother:
"I'm a mother, but I still like to get out and enjoy my social life. I like to plan my work and social life so I don't give one aspect too much or too little time. I'm still young and I like to hang out with my girls and my man from time to time."
Tory Dene/Instagram
On practicing self-care:
"As with most mothers, I try to get a decent amount of rest (and that rarely happens). I like spending time with others, but it's also important for me to have my alone time to just unwind and 'get to know me' again. I work out about four times a week and maintain a decent diet. I'm human so I do have my cheat days… I love wings!"
On the greatest lesson motherhood has taught her:
"Before becoming a mom I wasn't patient, and then I became the mother of a stubborn son. Needless to say, my son is now teaching me patience. I also tend to panic, and having a toddler doesn't ease the feeling. Just like other toddlers, Asher gets into everything!"
To keep up with Tory and Asher, follow her on Instagram.
Christine Carter is a voice for millennial moms (and uniquely, young black female professionals and mothers). She has been featured in and guest contributed to several global digital publications, including Forbes, TIME, Health, Ebony, Black Bride, Inc., Women's Health and many others.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
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Featured image by Maskot/Getty Images