Here Are The Dating Trends That You Need To Avoid At All Costs
Goodness. Life used to be so simple (annoying but still simple) back when all we had to really worry about was some dude possibly ghosting us. Now it seems like not one week goes by when there isn't a new cray-cray dating trend that's gone viral.
Well, out of all of the ones that I've researched (or a single woman has talked to me about), there are seven that have made me exclaim — and yes, I'm yelling this — ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
Just as a heads up, unfortunately, these are the kinds of trends that you typically won't pick up on until after it happens to you. By then, you're already pissed with a touch of jaded.
As an act of service, what I'm going to try to do is not only define what they are, but provide a red flag that you should look out for beforehand so that you don't have to fall victim to any of this total and utter foolishness.
Haunting.
Something that I oftentimes say is, "If it's God, you'll run into your ex at Kroger. If it's you, you'll look them up on Facebook." Haunting kind of co-signs on this point. It's when you and someone connect — on and offline — go out, end things but they're still trying to engage you on social media.
What sucks about this is they attempt to do it in a very passive-aggressive kind of way — liking your photos but not commenting on them. Checking out all of your IG stories but never calling or texting. It's "haunting" because if you're still emotionally-attached in any kind of way, you can really get a read on whether or not they are too.
How to Avoid This: There's no cardinal rule that says that just because you know someone that you have to be social media connected to them. If you're like most people, a lot of details of your life are shared online, so before you accept someone's request to follow you, think about if you'd want to stay connected even if you were to stop dating each other. If you're not sure, wait until you are.
Breadcrumbing.
I can't remember where I heard it, but the author of this quote deserves the offering plate passed to them a couple of times— "The problem with accepting the crumbs of a man is you're always left hungry." A breadcrumber is someone who gives just enough to keep you hanging on but not enough to establish anything lasting or even really real. It's emotional manipulation at its finest.
This is something that narcissists like to do because it's more about feeding their ego than meeting your needs. And a narcissist? You need to run from them at all costs!
How to Avoid This: Be clear about what your wants and needs are before going on your first date. If you make it to Date #3, state some of them. If there is no effort being made into meeting some of them, that's your first clue that he's probably a breadcrumber and that he probably doesn't see you as more than a…duck.
Curving.
Ugh. Another word for curving is "evil". Only, it's in a subtle kind of way. It's kind of akin to ghosting, only it takes a lot longer to catch on to what's going on. You text and he takes two days to respond. While on a call, he mentions getting together soon but a week later, no concrete plans are made. This cycle continues to happen and it drives you crazy because you can't really tell if they are into you — or not.
How to Avoid This: When you have your first couple of conversations, explain that you're big on communication. That poor communication is kind of a deal-breaker for you. If he wants you in his life, he'll take note. If he's on the fence, his communication will be lukewarm, which is sending the message that he's "iffy" about you. I'm pretty sure you can take it from there.
Mosting.
Doing the absolute most. We've all said that phrase about someone before. Well, as far as dating goes, when someone is "mosting" you, it means that they're dishing out PLENTY of compliments in the attempts to convince you that they are oh so into you.
What's wrong with that? Nothin'. Other than the fact that they don't mean half of what they're saying and/or they're saying the same thing to five other chicks too.
How to Avoid This: Let's go to the Good Book on this one: "He who speaks flattery to his friends, even the eyes of his children will fail." (Job 17:5 NKJV) I have an ex who once said something to me that was like 10 sermons in one sentence— "Your problem is you receive confirmations like they are revelations."
His point? Never be so grateful for what a man thinks of you that you overlook signs that are pointing to him sneaking around, not being honest or simply playing around with your heart.
Trust me, if you've got a strong sense of self-worth, you'll pick up on "most-ers" quicker than most.
Freckling.
You might be thinking that I'm making this one up, but we can thank our Caucasian brothers and sisters for this one. The best way to explain it is, it's our version of "cuffing season". Just like a lot of white people get freckles by spending too much time in the summer sun, only to have the freckles fade by fall, freckling is a hot-n-heavy fling that comes with an expiration date — and a return date. That's right, just like freckles come and go, so do those who partake in freckling.
How to Avoid This: If you ask someone what their dating history is (on the first or second date), you can get a feel for if they are commitment-phobes or not. If they are (and you want something serious and lasting), already file them as "not the one for me". That way, it'll be difficult for them to boo-up with you for three months at a time…every six months or so. And if they do, you'll already know not to let them be a repeat offender.
Gatsbying.
Just when you thought you heard it all, right? On the surface, this one probably doesn't make much sense. But if you're a fan of the book or movie The Great Gatsby, you know that the character Jay was the king of overkill when it came to trying to impress the object of his affection. The modern-day twist of this would probably be The Bachelor (kinda). Fantasy dates that cause you to think you're falling in love with a person when really what you're in love with is the high-class ambiance.
Hmph, there's even a digital version of this where someone has a crush on you and try to make you want them by making their IG look like they are independently-wealthy travelers who want to insert you into their life.
How to Avoid This: I'm not gonna knock an over-the-top date. But try and balance those out with more simplified ones like picnics or hanging out in a coffee shop. That gives you a chance to see if he's got substance behind his finance, presentation, and social media shots.
Stashing.
STASHING IS THE WORST. The absolute worst. If you're currently seeing someone who constantly calls, texts and takes you out (and it's been this way for a few months now), but when you ask them about their friends and family, they change the subject and/or when you hop onto their social media pages, there's not an ounce of evidence that they are seeing someone — in fact, they seem to represent the epitome of singleness — this is called "stashing".
What they're actually doing is compartmentalizing you. Sure, you are a part of their life, but they are intentional about keeping you from the rest of it. Why? Usually, it's either because they don't plan on things going to another level OR they are seeing others on the side. Or both.
How to Avoid This: After a month or so of dating and chatting, suggest inviting some of your friends and their friends to meet each other. Present it as casual; like it's no biggie. If they give you push back, inquire why. First, it'll give you insight into if they even want to make you a part of their world and two, it will let you know what you should do about it.
Life's too short to be stashed away somewhere. Or to settle for any of these dating trends. Choose wisely, y'all.
Featured image by Getty Images.
- Signs You're Dating The Same Guy Over & Over Again - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Top 2022 Dating Trends To Look Out For - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Three Dating Tendencies Styles Limiting Dating Potential - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, & Wellness ›
- Current Design Trends That Will Date Your Home | Real Estate | US ... ›
- How to Keep Up With Social Media News & Trends ›
- What Is Love Bombing? It's Another Trend In Dating You'll Want To ... ›
- Thinking Kitchen Remodel? Avoid These 8 Trends ›
- 'Pokemoning': the new dating trend that is legit so grim | Her.ie ›
- Pigging: What It Is and How to Avoid This New Dating Trend - VIVA ... ›
- 9 Annoying Dating Trends You Need to Know in 2018 - Allure ›
- Flexting, Fauxbae'ing, and Other New Dating Trends to Avoid | Brit + ... ›
- Flexting, Fauxbae'ing, and Other New Dating Trends to Avoid | Brit + ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
From Heartbreak To Healing: The Multifaceted Journey Of Nazanin Mandi
Nazanin Mandi is never out of options.
About a year ago, the 37-year-old life coach and actress was navigating life after divorce and determined to experience homeownership for the first time as a single woman. She’d been married to the R&B singer Miguel for three years, following a long-term relationship that started when she was 18 years old. But, in 2022, she filed for divorce. It was certainly the most public change she made but, in reality, it was just one of many decisions to refocus and reach her full potential in recent years.
“During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been,” she says in an xoNecole exclusive.
Still, as Mandi worked to get to know herself and her needs during this new phase of life, she realized the home she’d purchased wasn’t a good fit. Overwhelmed by the echoing of her voice in the spacious home, she had a breakdown and called her cousin, who immediately suggested she lease the home and live somewhere else. “I woke up in my house, and I was like, ‘This is not it for me,” she says. “All those years, I had been accustomed to living a certain way [and] in a certain house, so I bought myself a house like [my old home]. But my family was not the same. Waking up in that house by myself, it highlighted the divorce. I was like, ‘Oh, no, we can’t do this. This is not it.’ My life has changed, so my choices need to change.” At that moment, Mandi became open to the idea that there wasn’t one set way to achieve ownership on her own.
“I feel so much better. I’m in a smaller place. My best friend lives a minute from me and I can walk to her house,” she tells me during a Zoom interview from her home one recent afternoon in early February. In the past two years, she hasn’t just been advising other people on varying circumstances, she’s also been healing herself.
"During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been."
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If supporters began following Nazanin Mandi because of her conventional beauty or the contagious, bright, white smile she often wears in many of her photos, that’s likely not the reason they’ve stuck around. Instead, she’s amassed a following based on her transparency about her own anxiety and depression, along with the encouraging messages of self-acceptance, gratitude, ambition, and humility that are often sprinkled into her social media posts.
In an era where looking at Instagram photos of models can often lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, Nazanin Mandi is determined to be more than eye candy. She’s food for her follower’s souls, too.
Since being recruited to model while dining at an In-N-Out at 10 years old, Mandi has worked in many areas of entertainment. The Valencia, California native has modeled for brands such as Olay, Savage X Fenty, and Good American. As a teen, she sang at Carnegie Hall and auditioned for season 1 of American Idol, making it all the way to Hollywood before producers disqualified her for lying about her age. (Mandi was 15 at the time, and contestants had to be at least 16 years old.) Mandi has acted, too, including appearing on Disney’s That’s So Raven as a teenager and on the BET+ series Games People Play and the Prime series Á La Carte in more recent years.
In recent years, though, she’s also expanded her professional goals outside of entertainment, too. After becoming a certified life coach in 2020, Mandi launched the membership platform You Bloome in 2022 with the hopes of providing wellness services to others, including her self-published gratitude journal. “I wish I had access to something like You Bloome earlier in my own life,” she writes on the company’s website. The actress, who has been forthcoming about her struggles with anxiety and depression, has never had a life coach, but credits therapy as a tool that “really, really saved me and it laid the foundation to who I am becoming.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
"I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself."
While she’s always had a nurturing personality, Mandi says her interest in becoming a life coach was inspired by the women who would message her for advice on social media. “I would answer them back. It really sparked a fire within myself to help people,” she says.
You Bloome currently has three membership tiers, ranging in price from $2.99 to $39.99 per month. The highest tier offers a motivational text message twice a week, two live, group coaching sessions per month, and more. “We get emotional. We cry. We laugh. It’s really beautiful. I’ve built close relationships with my members through this. It’s been inspiring both ways,” Mandi says of the sessions. Still, the founder says she hopes to take on more motivational and keynote speaking opportunities in the future with the hopes of impacting as many people as possible.
And, she’s hoping to do all of this while continuing to explore a career as an entertainer.
At this point in her life, Mandi says she’s gained enough perspective on modeling, music, and acting to realize what she wants to prioritize moving forward. “We are going full force with acting,” she says, noting her goal is “to book a series regular or a film that impacts my career and the world.” She plans to continue to model, too, but has no desire to pursue music.
“I don’t want any part of that because I know what that life entails,” she says. “I don’t want to tour. I don’t want to do any of that. That is not where my heart is at.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If you ask Mandi, she’ll tell you she feels most comfortable in front of a camera, but she’ll also admit that she’s recently experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when thinking about her acting career. “I think it’s a fear of not succeeding,” she says. If anything, she adds, she’s harder on herself now than she’s ever been. “There were distractions before. There’s no distractions now,” she says. “I’m putting pressure on myself for no reason.”
This is where the life coach’s own personal healing comes into play. Mandi says she’s learning recently that “slow progress is still big progress at the end of the day.”
“Currently, I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself,” she adds.
Still, one of Mandi’s strengths is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to limit herself to just one passion. From working as a life coach to pursuing acting, she has given herself grace to explore all other dreams.
“We can be allowed to be many different things in this lifetime,” she says. “As people, our identities are allowed to expand. Don’t put us in a fucking box. I cannot live that way anymore.”
For more of Nazanin, follow her on Instagram @nazaninmandi.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Solmaz Saberi
'Raising Kanan''s Hailey Kilgore Talks Seeing Herself In Jukebox & Broadway Background
Hailey Kilgore, who has brought the character Jukebox to life on Power Book III: Raising Kanan for the past three seasons, was working hard in show business long before landing the role on coveted Starz franchise. She's already a Tony- and Grammy-nominated talent whose credits include the Jennifer Hudson-led Aretha Franklin biopic Respect and the Tony-winning revival of Once on This Island.
Hailey may play a teen on the Mekai Curtis-centered series but she's been training in singing, acting, and performance since the tender age of 9—that's 16 years now. If you take a look at her social media profiles, it will almost make you do a double take as her real personality couldn't be further from what's depicted on the show—proving just how talented she really is. The Broadway veteran, who is gearing up to release her first album, is what many would describe a girl's girl wearing loads of sequins, gowns, and serving face!
This will prompt you to dig a little deeper to find out more about the girl who is a multi-hyphenate and earned two major nominations before even making it on the big screen.
Getty Images
xoNecole caught up Hailey as season 3 came to an end and was surprised to learn that although they may be completely different people, her real life is mirroring what's going on with Jukebox in Raising Kanan. "I really made the epiphany season 3." She continued, "[Jukebox] just wants to be seen. She works so hard, she's a really sweet girl. She has a beautiful spirit and she just wants people to see her—to see how hard she works. I feel that right now. I'm like, please just see me. I know you love Jukebox...but there's a super cool girl in here and she's got a lot to say. A lot to contribute to the world artistically."
She even delved more into her background, telling us about the extensive training and hard work she's put in to get to this point. "I started training when I was 9. I trained in acting, singing, and performance." She further explained, "I did my first job when I was 12, so I've been doing this for awhile. Performing is what I love. I've always said I wanted to be Beyoncé when I grew up...I'm really blessed to have the resume and the background that I do."
The latest season of Power Book III: Raising Kanan has come to a close but in true fashion, Hailey is still hard at work. Her first single "Drama Queen" is out now and her debut album will be released on May 3. It's safe to say that Hailey is having her moment. One can't deny that she's worked hard for it and we can't wait to see what's next!
Watch the full interview below.
Hailey Kilgore AKA Jukebox on 'Raising Kanan' Talks Broadway Background
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images