

I knew a woman roughly 35-37 years old, divorced, still gorgeous inside and out, but never moved on to find new love. I would always wonder why? How could someone so full of life and love just come to a halt with their life?
There was an old quote that I saw while browsing Twitter that read: "'We often hold on to past seasons because there is an object or thing that we are still attached to and we want to hold on to every bit of it, even if it hurts us.' - Unknown." I started thinking about how I have always prided myself on being someone that can "swim up out of shit quick", and most recently my partner referred to my resilience as my superpower.
In the midst of my rambling thoughts, I reflected on the many people around me who don't have or have yet to tap into their ability to let go and heal.
I thought, maybe some don't see the benefits of letting go. Maybe it's easier to stay stuck in a familiar place, in a familiar feeling. Perhaps there is a feeling of guilt or shame surrounding letting go. I recalled the times where I have felt stuck, and I realized I couldn't let go because I had created a sort of identity around my pain at that time; I was the heartbroken girl and tying myself to that image kept me in misery, unable to heal, and my life stagnant. There are many reasons why a person may have difficulty letting go, but for sanity's sake it must be done.
If you can't let go, you can't unlock the powers that come from healing. Let me explain:
I remember being two months out of a relationship that had run its course and I began to see how much great things started happening for me, things I was stressed out about during my relationship such as finding an internship, finding work, paying bills I was behind on, and shit, trying to avoid becoming homeless in a new city. Ending that relationship allowed me to begin healing and then some of my blessings began to pour in. Unfortunately I ended up going back to that relationship because I had not fully let go, and sure enough, more drama and disaster entered my life (enough for me to write a damn book!).
Fast forward to almost a year after completely letting go of that situation and I'm no longer in survival mode, am flourishing, and most importantly my soul is at peace. Applying the lessons I learned throughout my healing process created the woman I am today; I would not have healed if I had not first let go. It may be hard to accept but we can't take everyone on our journey, and honestly, everyone doesn't deserve to come along for the ride.
Constant reminiscing about what things could've been, should've been, or would've been leaves no room to think about what is...and we need to be present in order to heal.
I believe we all may go through a period where we have trouble letting go, so here's a few tips to help with letting go:
- Stay Present: Focus on the here and now, not the future or the past.
- Write A Release Letter: Address the letter to whatever or whomever you need to let go of, and burn it to symbolize release; let that be the end of your attachment to it, and when/if you relapse, remember that you have released it.
- Forgive Yourself: Know that you did the best you could with where you were, and who you were, in your life at that time; don't be hard on yourself.
- Self-Reflect And Accept Your Part: We play a part in almost everything that happens to us; if you haven't figured out the part you played, self-reflect through journaling or meditating to help you figure it out, accept, and move forward.
- Accept The End: The hardest part is fully accepting that whatever it is has come to an end; forget the second chances and the what if stories you've created and accept that the chapter has closed. Focusing on a new beginning will help with this.
Sometimes we can't let go because we're unsure of what lies ahead. Uncertainty is only scary when it's attached to fear and negativity. But when you decide to heal, you look forward to the uncertainty that the future brings.
Letting go allows lessons to be learned and incites discernment to be practiced going forth.
During the times that I feel stuck, I find strength in this simple phrase that helps me let go and heal like Wolverine: You Only Live Once. There's so much strength in remembering that I only get to do this thing called life one time.
So for everyone time you're stuck in sorrow, pity, or constant reminiscing, remember that you don't get that moment back! Life is simply too short to be stuck and unhappy. Remember that when a chapter in a book ends, it's just the end of that chapter, it's not the end of the story. The story goes on. If you can't think of any other reason to let go that shit go and heal, remember that your story must go on.
Did you know that xoNecole has a podcast? Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to join us for weekly convos over cocktails (without the early morning hangover.)
Featured image by Shutterstock
'Black Girl Magic' Poet Mahogany L. Browne Talks Banned Books And The Power Of The Creative Pivot
You know you’re dealing with a truly talented and profound voice of a generation when the powers that be attempt to silence it. As a poet, educator, and cultural curator, Mahogany L. Browne has carved out a powerful space in the world of literature and beyond.
From penning the viral poem, “Black Girl Magic,” to writing Woke: A Young Poet’s Call To Justice (a book once banned from a Boston school library), to becoming the 2024 Paterson Poetry Prize winner and a poet-in-residence at Lincoln Center—her path exemplifies resilience, reinvention, and unapologetic artistry. She's published more than 40 works and paid the bills with her craft, a divine dream for many creatives seeking release, autonomy, and freedom in a tough economic climate.
A Goddard College graduate, who earned an MFA from Pratt Institute and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Marymount Manhattan College, Mahogany offers unapologetic realness with a side of grace and empowerment. "I started touring locally. I started creating chat books so that those poems will go in the hands of the people who were sitting in the rooms," she shared.
"And then I started facilitating poetry workshops, so I used my chat books as curriculum. And that, in turn, allowed me to further invest in my art and show the community and people who were hiring me that it wasn't just a one-off, that it's not just, you know, a fly by night—that I am invested in this art as much as I am invested in your community, in your children's learning, in our growth."
Mahogany has a special way of moving audiences, and her superpower sparks shifts in perspective, post-performance introspection, and strengthening of community bonds, especially among Black women. (One can undeniably recognize her gift for arousal of the spirit and mind merely from her listening to her insights from the other side of a Google Hangout call. I can only imagine the soul-stirring, top-tier sensory encounter when watching her perform in person.)
In this chat with xoNecole, Mahogany reflects on sustaining a creative career, the aftermath of writing a banned book, and using poetry for both healing, community-building, and activism.
Anthony Artis
xoNecole: What are three key things that have laid the foundation for a sustainable creative career for you?
Mahogany L Browne: What has helped me is that I'm willing to go in being an expert at knowing poetry and knowing the way in which art can change the landscape of our lives, not just as a poet, but also as a poetry facilitator. How you move through classes, those things are mastered, right? So when I go into another space that's maybe tech-heavy, I don't mind learning and being, you know, a student of the wonder of how we can make this magic, work together.
Two, you’ve got to know how to pivot. Sometimes we say, ‘Alright, this is what my life is going to be. I'm going to be a New York Times best-selling author. I'm going to, you know, have an album that's Grammy-nominated. And then, say you get dropped from your record label. That doesn't mean you can't make an album anymore. You can also still create an album that can be submitted to the Grammys. So, what does a pivot look like as an artist who doesn't have an institution behind them? Pivot being a student of the wonder.
Relationships also really help. How do I serve the community? And in turn, that tells me how the community can show up. For me, I have long-standing ties with a community that will outlast my one life. So, what does it mean to create space where these relationships can develop, can be nurtured, can be rooted, can be cultivated? Creating space—it happens through relationships.
xoN: With today’s economic challenges, what does your current creative process look like, and what are you working on?
MB: I’m always thinking five years ahead. I just reviewed the pages for two children’s books and recently released a YA novel. I’m drafting an adult fiction manuscript now.
Anything I create is founded with the root of poetry, but it can exist in captions. It can exist in commercials. It can exist as a musical. So that's where I’m at now.
xoN: You started performing "Black Girl Magic" in 2013, had an acclaimed performance of it via PBS and the work went on to viral success shortly after. Talk more about the inspiration. And what do you think about the continued relevance more than a decade later?
MB: I wrote it as a rally cry for the mothers who had been keeping themselves truly in harm's way by, you know, being a part of the community right after the death of their child or their loved one. They are usually mothers of victims of police brutality—and just seeing how they showed up in these community spaces, they are devout to the cause but obviously still grieving.
"I wanted this poem to be just a space of reclamation, of joy and of you, of your light, of your shine, of your brilliance, in any which way in which you fashion. Every room you enter is the room you deserve to be in. What does it mean to have a poem like that that exists?"
And the first time I did the poem, the Weeping that occurred, right? It was like this blood-letting of sorts. The next time I performed it, I'm moved to tears because I'm seeing how it's affecting other women who have just been waiting to hear, ‘You belong. You deserve. You are good. We see you. Thank you, despite everything that they said to make you regret being born in this beautiful brown, dark-skinned, light-skinned, but Black body.’
Black women are the backbone—period. Point blank. And so, that that poem became a necessity, not just to the fortitude of Black women in the community, but like you know, in service of healing the Black women.
xoN: One of your books was banned at a school in Boston, and it was later reinstated due to parental and activist support. What was that experience like?
MB: Well, I think it happened because they were racist. That's it. Point blank. The reversal of it was empowering, right? I realized, oh, I thought we just had to sit here and be on a banned book list. But no, parents are actually the leaders of this charge.
So to see that, the parents said, ‘Nah, we're not gonna let you take this book out of my baby’s school just because it's a Black kid on the front saying, ‘Woke’ and they're talking about being a global citizen. They're talking about accountability. They're talking about accessibility. They're talking about allyship, and you don't want them to have compassion or empathy or have even an understanding, right? So no, we rebuke that, and we want this book here anyway.’ To see that happen in that way. I was, like, reaffirmed. Absolutely.
xoN: You recently organized the Black Girl Magic Ball at the Lincoln Center in New York. Honorees included author and entrepreneur Rachel Cargle and National Black Theater CEO Sade Lythcott. What impact did it have and what expanded legacy do you hope to leave with your creative works?
MB: I was really interested in not celebrating just the book, but celebrating the community that made the book possible. And so I gave out five awards to women doing that thing, like, what does it mean to be a Black girl in this world?
I just thought it was gonna be an amazing time. Everybody's gonna dress up—we're gonna celebrate each other. And boom, I then realized that it responded to like a gaping hole. There was a missing thing for Black girls of all walks of life, all ages, right?
"It's very intergenerational. That was intentional to come together and celebrate just being us."
You have all these instances where just being you is either the butt of a joke or it's diminished and not worthy of a specific title in these larger institutions. So what does it mean to just to be loved up on and celebrated?
It felt like a self-care project at first. You know, for the first couple of years, folks were coming and they were getting that sisterhood. They were getting that tribe work that they were missing in their everyday lives.
I love the Black Girl Magic Ball because we got us. If I go out with a bang, they'll remember that Mahogany worked her a** off to make sure all the Black girls everywhere knew that she was the light. We are the blueprint.
For more information on Mahogany L. Browne, her work, and her future projects, visit her website or follow her on IG @mobrowne.
Featured image by Anthony Artis
2025 BET Awards: Ciara Lists Her Dating Non-negotiables, Jordin Sparks Talks Love & More
Last night was "culture's biggest night" in Black entertainment and all the stars came out. Hosted by Kevin Hart, the BET awards celebrated 25 years and reflected on the network's success by giving viewers a taste of nostalgia.
The network's beloved 2000s show, 106 & Park took over the stage along with the show's former hosts, including Free, Terrence J, Julissa Bermudez and Mr. 106 & Park himself, Bow Wow, who performed his hits.
Other artists who performed during that segment was Ashanti, Mýa, Keyshia Cole, Amerie, and T.I. The night continued with three icon awards presented to Jamie Foxx, Mariah Carey, and Kirk Franklin.
Prior to the show, xoNecole took to the red carpet and interviewed some of our favorite people. See who we caught up with below.
Ciara
Ciara stopped by to share her dating non-negotiables and the mother of four wasn't holding anything back.
Jordin Sparks
Jordin Sparks walked the carpet with her husband, Dana Isaiah, and together they shared how they stay connected.
Teedra Moses
Teedra Moses dished on whether she thinks she's Phylicia Rashad's doppelgänger.
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Feature image Rob Latour/ Shutterstock