So, let’s not act like a lot of us don’t send our hair and scalp through it — and I mean, through it. That’s why, I had to totally agree with an article that I recently read by a Black female dermatologist who said that a part of the reason why our demographic struggles with thin or balding edges more than any other is due to a lot of our styling choices — or, more specifically, the fact that we don’t bring balance to many of them.
Between chemicals and dyes, wigs, weaves, heat, and protective styles that are tight as all get out, traction alopecia is something that somewhere around one-third of Black women experience on some level. And here’s the thing — if you’re out here believing that it’s normal for that to be the case, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Although there are some of us who genetically have edges that aren’t as thick as others, struggling edges, more times than not, can experience some level of restoration — so long as you catch it before scarring to your hair follicles occurs.
So, let’s get to it. If you’ve noticed lately that your edges are not thriving as much as you would want them to or you simply know that you aren’t being very proactive when it comes to providing your edges with the consistent TLC that they deserve, here are 10 things that will get them on track.
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1. Lighten Up on the Ponytails
Ponytails are cute. They are also super convenient. Problem is, if you’re pulling your hair too tight, your ponytail is constantly in the same position or you’re obsessing over edge control to slick your edges down, that can lead to some level of the traction alopecia that we just talked about or the ingredients in your edge control could end up drying your edges out.
That’s why it’s a wise move to not make a ponytail your automatic go-to every single day and that you also don’t make yourself feel like you need baby hairs all of the damn time (because trust me, you don’t. Your hairstyle will be cute regardless).
2. Switch Up Your Parts
This point right here is something that I am “preaching to the choir about” because if someone is down for a middle part, it’s me. Two challenges come with parting your hair the same way all of the time, though. For one thing, that section of your hair may start to break off due to constant styling, friction, and/or exposure to the weather elements. Secondly, if you’re parting your hair in order to lay your sides down, that pretty much does the same thing as the ponytails do.
Sometimes we don’t realize that it can be easier for the rest of our hair to be thick and long(er) if we’re not combing, brushing, and slicking it down so much. A sleek part is bomb, no doubt. If you want healthy edges, though, you’ve got to bring some variation into your hair looks.
3. Stop Clogging Up Your Edge’s Hair Follicles
The pore that each of your hair strands comes out of is called a hair follicle and when it gets clogged up, that can make it difficult for your hair to thrive. As far as what leads to a clogged follicle issue, everything from too much hair product, dead skin accumulation, sweat, sebum, bacteria, and dandruff flakes can all be the culprit. Not only that but since a lot of edge control products contain alcohol, sulfates, and heavy waxes, all of this is proof of why it’s so important that you do a gentle scalp scrub on your edges — at least on wash days. The clearer your edges’ follicles are, the better off your edges will ultimately be.
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4. Pay Attention to What You’re Washing (and Toning) Your Face With
Now here’s a hack that can save a lot of people on the edge haircare tip! A lot of times, when we’re washing our face (and then applying toner, because you do that, right?), the product that we use gets into our edges. Well, based on what chemicals are in the product, that can also start to dry them out as well. Bottom line here, be hypervigilant about trying to keep as much of your face wash (and toner) out of your edges — and if some does happen to get in there, thoroughly rinse your edges and then apply some leave-in conditioner. Just to be on the safe side.
5. Keep Your Edges Conditioned at All Times
On the heels of what I just said, it’s actually a really good idea to keep your edges well-conditioned at all times, period. That said, a product that you might want to try is Grow Your Edges Back’s Leave-In Conditioner. It’s a Black-owned organic company that makes products that are specifically designed to hydrate your edges with the leave-in being one of them. You can check out a testimonial from one of their customers here.
6. Make Sure Your Edge Controls Are “Hydrated”
One more thing about hydration. If, no matter what, you are going to slick your edges down, please make sure that your edge control is well-hydrated — and by that, I mean that it’s best to get the kind that has no alcohol and as much water in it as possible. If you have no clue of where to begin your search for those, there is a list of 10 alcohol-free edge controls here.
Also, YouTube is full of naturalistas who have reviewed some of their best and worst edge control product experiences. Just a few are located here, here, and here. And please, use a soft bristle brush for the smoothing process. Your edges are far more fragile than you probably think that they are, so that boar bristle? Yeah, keep that bad boy as far away from your edges as you possibly can, chile.
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7. Gently Massage Your Edges with Peppermint and Lemongrass
Massaging your scalp is what’s going to increase blood flow to your hair follicles so that they are able to receive the nutrients that they need so that your locks grow out healthy and strong. Not only that but a scalp massage can also help to reduce stress which sometimes plays a role in hair loss. Since your edges are technically a part of your scalp, make sure to massage them (again, gently) at least 2-3 times a week for 10-15 minutes at a time.
You can also pamper them by applying a mixture of grapeseed oil (it’s a light carrier oil that’s packed with antioxidants and vitamin E) and peppermint and lemongrass essential oils. Peppermint oil is good for your edges because it literally stimulates hair growth while lemongrass oil strengthens your hair follicles and cleanses your scalp too.
8. Detox from Creating Baby Hairs (All of the Time)
I believe I’ve shared before that I have a theory about so many of our people’s obsession with baby hairs. Whether some folks realize it or not, it might be their way of trying to look like they have “good hair.” Lawd (and it truly can’t be said enough) ALL HAIR IS GOOD HAIR, so no, your edges don’t need to be fried, dyed, and laid to the side (oftentimes, quite literally) in order for your hairstyles to be cute.
That’s actually the reason why I chose the feature picture that I did for this piece. She doesn’t have any baby hairs going on. Know what she does have, though? A head full of healthy edges. Now which would you prefer?
9. Ease Up on the Friction
Friction has never been nor will it ever be your edges’ friend. So, as much as it may pain some of you to consider it, you really do need to take breaks from what may be your favorite or automatic go-to hairstyles: wigs, weaves, or even protective styles like box braids and twists. Between the rubbing that the wigs and weaves may do and the tension that comes from the tightness of certain protective styles, if you’re always rocking these looks, while some parts of your hair may be “protected,” your edges certainly aren’t.
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10. CHILL. OUT.
Shout-out to YouTuber A N G I E B E E for her get-your-edges-back video series that you can check out here. Along with this article, her channel is a reminder that even if you apply all of these tips, a great set of edges still weren’t built in a day. Because hair tends to grow, at the most, an eighth of an inch every month, you’re going to need to be patient as your hair follicles and, ultimately your hair strands, get stronger. But if you are patient, you should see real results in 2-3 months and, nice edges? That is something that’s always worth the wait.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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