

10 Hacks To Get Your Marriage Back On Track
A few weeks ago, one of my clients asked me if I had watched a movie that has racked up about a billion (give or take) Oscar nods this year—A Marriage Story. I think because, as a marriage life coach, I feel like I see the movie, on repeat, every week, it didn't "move me" quite as much as it probably did a lot of other people. Still, I totally get why my divorced client—along with a friend of mine who said she cried while watching it—was a bit shook. The writing is extremely realistic. It also helps to prove a particular belief on marriage that I have. It's the belief that "big things" are not what typically rock a marriage to its core. No, it's usually very small things that go ignored or resentfully unaddressed that end up snowballing way out of control.
That is why I'm a huge fan of recommending marriage hacks to couples. Aside from seasonal therapy (which I also highly recommend; it's like a routine oil change for your relationship), it's one of the best ways to keep little issues from eventually becoming gigantic problems. It's also one way to hopefully avoid becoming the real-life version of one of this year's most popular films.
1. Write a Marriage Mission Statement
If you go to Wikipedia to see how it defines a mission statement, this is a part of what it will say—"A mission statement is a short statement of why an organization exists, what its overall goal is, identifying the goal of its operations…" And yes, while a lot of mission statements are penned for businesses, I personally am a huge fan of them also being written for personal reasons. Ask any married couple who's passed the newlywed phase and they will vouch for the fact that it's the kind of union that also needs clarity on why the relationship exists, what the overall goals are and what needs to be done in order to reach those ambitions. If right now, it feels like, although you and your spouse are "in it to win it", you're not really sure what that means or how to get where you want to go, take out a couple of hours one weekend to write a mission statement together. Then post it somewhere where you both can see it. This very simple marriage hack could be what brings clarity to the purpose of and desires for your relationship.
2. Go on a Positivity Fast
If someone were to ask you right now to mention seven things that totally irk you about your partner, I'm willing to bet the money that I will get from writing this article that you can rattle those things right off. Yet isn't it interesting that, if someone were to also ask you to share 10 things that you adore about your spouse, chances are, it would probably take a lot more time? A part of the reason why a lot of us roll that way is due to something known as a "negativity bias". It basically means that our brains have a tendency to not only take in negative stimuli more easily but we oftentimes dwell on it too.
One way to "reprogram" yourself is to be intentional about focusing on the positive. One way to do this in your marriage is to tell yourself (and your partner) that you are going to go three, five or seven days without saying anything negative. Instead, you are only going to state positive words towards and about them.
The affirmations will make your spouse feel loved, respected and appreciated. Plus, putting good energy into your relationship will help you to see your marriage from a "glass half full" rather than a "glass half empty" perspective. And that always will work in your favor.
3. DIY a Hotel Bed
People who know me know that I am good for hooking a married couple up with a hotel room, free of charge. Although it's been a minute since I've had hotel sex (le sigh), I still have my memories and there is something about a hotel bed that makes coitus extra bomb! But man, when I went to book a Valentine's Day reservation recently, the rooms in Nashville were averaging between $350-400 a night. Geeze. That has given me the idea to also start doing DIY hotel room gift baskets. Basically, they're baskets with high thread-count sheets, new pillows, some essential oils and possibly a pillow mattress cover, if needed.
Listen, while incorporating a sex jar can help you to save money so that you can engage in a lil' bit of hotel copulation, if times are tight right now, one way to make sex extra hot is to DIY your own hotel bed. A change of bedding and a few candles can do miracles. You'd betta believe it.
4. Do a Project Together
One of my closest male friends calls me a "king maker". Out of all of the affirmations that I've received, that one definitely ranks up in the top three because he told me that it means that I like to do my part to help men to win. He's right. That's why I consider myself to be a complementarian which basically means that I believe that men and women were created equally yet differently, in part, in order to complement one another and bring balance to each other's lives. So, if you're a single woman who desires to be married someday, please make sure that the man you choose shows clear signs of being a "queen maker"—that you both are invested in building each other up in as many ways as possible.
If you're already married, one way to do this kind of building is for you and your spouse to pick a project that you can do together. It can be something around the house. It can be taking a class or course together. Or, it could be putting together an annual bucket list and seeing how many things you can check off of it come Christmas. Sometimes, life is so crazy, that couples forget that they are there to help to share the load, dream together, and use each other's resources to accomplish certain goals and aspirations. The more two people function as a team, the more bonded they tend to be.
5. Forgive. ASAP.
Something that I tell single and engaged people often is, if you're not good at forgiving someone (including yourself), you are going to suck at marriage. Keeping this in mind, while it might be an "ouch" moment for some, when you think about the root cause of a lot of divorces out here, many of them stem from unforgivingness. In fact, I believe that one of the reasons why a lot of people struggle so much with marriage is because they have too much pride, fear and/or ego to accept that someone else is just as human and flawed as they are. The reason why I say that is because, it's real interesting how much we want to be forgiven for what we do (or don't do), but the moment someone else desires the same empathy, compassion and pardon, we emotionally shut down.
Forgiveness isn't easy. Whew, not at all. But some of the healthiest people with the longest-running marriages will tell you that if you want your marriage to thrive, accepting the humanness of your partner, not holding grudges and learning to let stuff go are some of the best ways to do that.
The Bible even co-signs—"When angry, do not sin; do not ever let your wrath (your exasperation, your fury or indignation) last until the sun goes down." (Ephesians 4:26—AMPC) Another way to look at this is, "Forgive others as quickly as you expect God to forgive you." (A writer named Sylvia Grace once said that.) If the Word ain't your thing, a great quote by author Bryan H. McGill says, "There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love." Show your partner how much you love them by forgiving them. It really is one of marriage's superpowers and the key to not only saying "until death parts us" but actually meaning it.
6. Recreate Your First Date
Romance is important to the health and well-being of a relationship; especially a marriage. This definition of the word is a big reason why—"to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness". No one wants to feel like their spouse isn't "wooing them" anymore, simply because they are "officially" together. If it's been a while since you and your partner have done something to make you blush or him grin, a simple way to bring the romance back is to recreate your first date. No matter how elaborate or simple it was, there is always something super sweet about revisiting the moments when you both first saw a spark (or a potential one) between the two of you.
7. Participate in a 7-Day Climax Mission
There are a lot of married people who've told me that the longer they are with their spouse, the better their sex life becomes. To me, that makes total sense because even the King James Version of the Bible uses the word "know" to define sexual intimacy (the New King James Version of Genesis 4:1 is a good example of this). The more you get to know someone and they get to know you, the more pleasurable the relationship can be. And, the more two people get to know one another, the better they become at figuring out what turns their partner on and what doesn't; what will make them climax and what won't.
That's why, whenever I'm dealing with a sexually frustrated spouse who tells me that it's been a while since they've had an orgasm, one eyebrow—if not both—goes up. "Have they ever made you cum?" is usually my first question. If the answer is "yes", then I tell them that if it happened before, it can happen again. Next, I suggest that they go on a 7-day climax mission—and yep, it's just what you think it is. The reason why I've penned articles like "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex" is because, while it would be cool if all sex sessions could be like 90s R&B songs, not everyone has time for all night long sex, all of the time. But you know what you can make time for? Getting your partner off. And if you've been paying even 50 percent of attention to their body, that is something that you can make time to pull off every day, for a week straight—easily. If doing this doesn't make the two of you happier and ultimately bring the two of you closer together, I promise you that I don't know what will!
8. Go on a Road Trip
There are some couples I know who've been married for years and can count on one hand how many times they've taken a romantic trip together (including their honeymoon). That's sad, y'all. Spending quality time away with your boo should not be seen as a luxury; it should definitely be treated as a necessity, especially since there are studies to support the fact that traveling together causes couples to feel closer to one another. Not only that but one article I read stated that couples who go on vacations feel like they have similar goals and desires, that they are able to handle their differences better and that they have more fun together too.
Even if you're not ballin' and you can't get away on a cruise or even catch a flight to another state any time soon, at least try and fit a road trip in a couple of times a year. The time alone in the car, coupled with spending a few days being totally off of life's grid can be just what you need to breathe new life and romance into your union.
9. Pray and/or Meditate Together
I recently read an article that stated some of the health benefits that come from praying. Some of them include the fact that praying makes you more positive, reduces stress, gives you stronger coping mechanisms, increases your ability to forgive, and even adds years to your life. The reason why I'm bringing this up is because, whenever I deal with a couple that's in trouble, there are usually two things that they are not doing—praying and having sex. When you see all of the good things that come out of doing both (for the sex point, check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important"), why wouldn't you want to incorporate them into your relationship as much as possible?
On the prayer tip, it can be having prayer together in the morning or before turning in at night. Or, if prayer isn't your thing, consider taking out 10-15 minutes to meditate together instead. I once read an article that provided 100 physiological benefits of meditation. If you take it a step further and turn it into an orgasmic meditation exercise, you might find that prayer and/or meditation are the hacks that could be totally life-saving when it comes to your relationship.
10. Cuddle
One more hack, y'all and it's an easy one. When's the last time that you and yours cuddled? I don't mean getting close as a lead into foreplay. I mean just sitting on the couch while being draped over one another or curling up in each other's arms while engaging in some pillow talk? Yeah, don't sleep on cuddling. It's proven to lower inflammation, ease chronic pain, boost immunity, relieve anxiety and improve one's quality of sleep. Also, since cuddling is a surefire way to boost the "love hormone" known as oxytocin (which can instantly make you feel closer to your partner), it's the kind of activity that can cause your mind, body and spirit to feel connected to your partner in a very sweet, sentimental and intimate kind of way. Try it tonight. Watch how it benefits your union—how a simple thing like experiencing a long hug from your life partner can totally get your marriage back on track.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What's Up With The Whole 'Married But Living Apart' Trend?
10 Communication Mistakes Many Married Couples Make
What Should You Do If You Feel Like You Married The Wrong Person?
Feature image by Shutterstock
- How Sex Changes After Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 15 Sex Hacks For Better Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Writing Love Letters Is A Surefire Way To Revive Your Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Friendship Hacks, Better Friendships - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How to be happy alone: 7 tips to get your life back on track - Hack ... ›
- Life After Foreclosure: 5 Hacks To Get Back On Track ›
- 18 no-nonsense tips to (finally) get your life together - Hack Spirit ›
- Domestic Spying: Tracking your loved one's cell may give you peace ... ›
- Love Hacks for Couples Game -Fun Valentine Gift For ... - Amazon.com ›
- 10 Relationship Shake Ups To Get Your Love Life Back On Track ... ›
- Relationship Hacks: How to Get Your Love Life Back on Track, Fast ›
- 5 Lifestyle Hacks To Get Unstuck And Back On Track — YFS Magazine ›
- How to Get The Spark Back in The Bedroom - SHE'SAID ›
- 10 Best Couples Therapy Hacks and Tricks, According to a Marriage ... ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
Photo Assistant: Avery Mulally
Digital Tech: Kim Tran
Video by Third and Sunset
DP & Editor: Sam Akinyele
2nd Camera: Skylar Smith
Camera Assistant: Charles Belcher
Stylist: Casey Billingsley
Hairstylist: DaVonte Blanton
Makeup Artist: Drini Marie
Production Assistants: Gade De Santana, Apu Gomes
Powered by: European Wax Center
Big Sean Reminds Fans To Take Care Of Themselves Amid Mental Health Awareness Month
Rapper Sean "Big Sean" Anderson is inspiring his fans to prioritize self-care through a timely reminder conveyed in a tweet.
This message comes when the 35-year-old's passion for mental health is at an all-time high. Over the years, Anderson has openly discussed his mental health struggles in various interviews, and his music, especially in his last album, "Detroit 2," released in 2020.
Anderson's drive to inform those about the importance of one's well-being ran so deep that the "Wolves" lyricist, alongside his mother, Myra Anderson, would create a nonprofit organization called the Sean Anderson Foundation to provide "academic and wellness resources" for the youth. To date, the father of one continues to demonstrate his commitment to raising awareness about mental health by intentionally sharing his recent tweet during Mental Health Awareness Month
\u201cTo everybody stressed the fuck out or overwhelmed cause y\u2019all busy\u2026 just remember, It\u2019s much more stressful when things ARENT happening versus stress bc they are. Ok, back to work\u2026 but take care of you too \ud83e\udd32\ud83c\udffe\u2728\u201d— Sean Don (@Sean Don) 1684455884
Big Sean On Why It's Important To Take Care of Oneself
In the May tweet, Anderson offered advice to many individuals that may feel "stressed" or "overwhelmed" due to their busy schedules.
The "Body Language" emcee told his millions of followers that although their work-life balance may be a bit hectic, it is essential to take care of themselves during those moments and to think about the stress they would have endured without those work responsibilities. Anderson wrote,
"To everybody stressed the f--k out or overwhelmed cause y'all busy… just remember, It's much more stressful when things AREN'T happening versus stress bc they are. Ok, back to work… but take care of you too."
Big Sean On His Past Mental Health Struggles
This isn't the first time Anderson has spoken about caring for oneself.
During a past interview with People magazine, the "I Know" rapper revealed when he realized that he had to step back to recuperate. In a 2020 discussion, Anderson disclosed that his mental health started declining because he failed to take a break and was constantly creating scenarios about certain situations, ultimately leading to his anxiety and depression.
"You just have to pace yourself and take a break before you need a break. It gets very real, especially with a person like me. I live inside my head so much," he said. "I go over scenarios and I go over two or three things at the same time, and that creates an overwhelming feeling and a lot of anxiety, which leads to depression, which leads to all these things."
Anderson would add that after finding the tools, including therapy, to combat his depression and anxiety, he's learned "how to pace" himself during his low moments "as opposed to before" when he didn't have the proper guidance.
"I had to learn how to pace myself. Not to say I still don't go through those things, I definitely do. It's just, now I know how to deal with them. I know how to get through them easier and I know what it is [I'm dealing with]," he stated. "As opposed to before, when I was confused on why I was feeling like that, because nobody ever talked to me about it."
Anderson wrapped up his remarks by encouraging others to prioritize themselves and their mental health because when he finally did it, he started "feeling better" and "looking better."
"I'm putting myself as a priority and that really, really speaks volumes. When you do that, you start looking better, and you start feeling better, and being better in everything you do. So, it's important," he said.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images For Activision