

A Quick Guide To Your Self-Love Love Language
The first time I really learned about the five love languages was a year after a big heartbreak in my early twenties, and since then I've found myself exploring the love languages of each of my subsequent partners in an effort to be a better lover to them. At the click of a simple quiz, you'll know whether words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, or physical touch is the primary way you prefer to experience love.
When most people hear the phrase 'love languages', their first thought centers around how these five so-called languages fit into our romantic relationships. We can all think of a situation where misalignment of love languages, or inattention to them, lead to problems romantically and oftentimes failed partnerships.
What most people don't realize is that understanding your own love language is also important in understanding how you can love yourself. We get so caught up in considering someone else's love language in order to be a better partner to them, that we don't always use our own love language to practice self-love for ourselves. But how can you love someone else right if you aren't loving yourself?
Check out some practical ways to practice self-love and self-care based on your own specific love language.
1.Words of Affirmation
The premise of loving someone who enjoys words of affirmation is using language to affirm, encourage, and appreciate your partner, so this translates well into self-love. One way is to write yourself a love letter. That's right, a love letter! When's the last time you sat down and thought about all the things you love about yourself? Try putting that in the format of a list or a literal love letter, an ode to you featuring all the reasons you love being you. Another way to affirm yourself for all you do daily is by creating a gratitude jar. Get a mason jar or a sturdy container and some index cards, and then each day write down something you're currently grateful for. Then, at the end of each month go back, read each card, and experience the feels all over again.
2.Acts of Service
If your love language is acts of service, you want to focus on ways to alleviate responsibility and burden. But how is that possible when you're doing it for yourself? How about paying for a cleaning service to tidy up your home, so you can kick up your feet and relax, or just focus on another errand you have. Typically do your laundry on your own? This time, take your laundry to be cleaned and folded professionally so that it's one less chore on your to-do list. This category is all about help and so figuring out how to best help yourself is the key. Something as simple as giving yourself a break and finishing work early to enjoy a glass of wine is an act of service to your well-being that you will for sure be grateful for.
3.Quality Time
Introverts rejoice! This version of quality time finally involves spending time with just yourself. While with partners, we stress the value of uninterrupted time together, we don't always keep the same energy when it comes to "me-time." If QT is your thing, carve out time during the week to take yourself on a date. Go to your favorite restaurant, catch a movie (post-COVID), or pack some snacks and a blanket, and treat yourself to a picnic. And make sure you get cute and dressed up in the same way you would if you were headed out with a boo; you deserve to see you at your best as well.
And remember, this doesn't have to require spending money or even leaving the house. Just close your laptop, put down your cell phone, and spend intentional time doing something that makes you happy. Bake something tasty, drink a glass of wine and journal, or just lay on the couch and read a good book. All that matters is you are taking a moment to enjoy quality time with the best person you know, you!
4.Receiving Gifts
Treat yourself, and then treat yourself some more. There is nothing wrong with enjoying getting thoughtful gifts from people who care about you, and that includes receiving gifts from you. This type of self-care can be buying yourself those shoes you've been eyeing, ordering some flowers for yourself to brighten up your workspace, or getting that new dining set you have been contemplating for months. The kind of gift doesn't matter, as long as it has meaning and importance to you. But also, if you have the means to take yourself on a mini shopping spree and splurge on a few things, I support that as well.
5.Physical Touch
It's time to love up on yourself a little bit here. Stop what you're doing right now and give yourself a nice long hug, because you deserve it. Squeeze tight and let go only when you've had enough. One way to get your daily dose of self-love in this category is by purchasing a massage gun and giving yourself a body massage. You can focus in on all those areas that have been giving you trouble, and if your co-love language is acts of service or receiving gifts, go on ahead and buy yourself a massage package to get even more physical touch. For my sensual ladies, what better way to love up on yourself than some self-pleasure? Grab one of your favorite toys and make a night of making yourself feel good.
Nobody can touch you like you can.
For more inspiration, self-care, and healing tips, check out xoNecole's Wellness section here.
Featured image by Shutterstock.
Originally published September 6, 2020
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Robin D. Thomas is a brunch loving, Brooklyn born and raised Licensed Social Worker currently working in the Bronx. When she's not writing about all things wellness, entertainment and love, you can find her eating her way through different cities and tending to her plants. Connect with her on IG and Twitter at @_MissRobin or on her Instagram wellness page @thisnoirethat.
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Get To Know 'Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story' Star India Amarteifio
Actress India Amarteifio has enchanted audiences with her captivating performance of a young Queen Charlotte in Netflix's latest hit Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
The limited series, a prequel to Bridgerton, follows the young queen as her marriage to King George of England causes a societal shift. Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story debuted on Netflix earlier this month to rave reviews from fans and critics alike.
The show had left many in awe of the stars' portrayal of each character and its riveting storylines, so much so that it excelled in the streaming platform's top ten charts landing at number one when it premiered.
Since then, Amarteifio and her castmates have been trending on social media for various reasons. The list includes many sharing their remarks regarding the love story between Queen Charlotte and King George and social media users wanting to know more about the actors and actresses.
Although few details have been released about Amarteifio and her life, many would be surprised to know some uncovered facts about the star, unveiled recently during her promotional tour of Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
India Was a Trained Dancer
Prior to focusing on acting full-time, Amarteifio was a trained dancer.
Marie Claire magazine reports Amarteifio --who grew up in England-- attended the Richmond Academy of Dance when she was 11. The following year, Amarteifio received a scholarship for Sylvia Young Theatre School. But the star's dancing journey would ultimately be cut short when she was 12 after sustaining a hamstring tear.
Amarteifio told L'Officiel what made her fully transition into acting, in addition to her injury, was that she was "constantly" falling ill. Amarteifio shared that because she loved "the acting element through dance," becoming an actress was a "natural" switch.
"I always wanted to dance. I went to performing arts school when I was 11 to 16. Then I really badly injured myself, and it made me question the industry and the lifestyle of something so reliant on my body," she said. "I constantly was getting injured and ill, and it made me look at the reality of the life of a dancer. I always loved the acting element through dance, so I made the natural transition that way. But I always wanted to perform—acting is just more of a newish venture."
India Started Acting Really Young
Despite Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story being Amarteifio's breakout role, the star has been a part of the entertainment industry since she was a baby.
In an April interview with Vogue magazine, Amarteifio revealed that she landed her first acting opportunity alongside her mother in a commercial for Vodafone when she was eight months old. A few years later, Amarteifio would land theater jobs, including The Lion King, where she played the role of young Nala, Matilda, and Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.
"I was in a Vodafone advert with my mum when I was eight months old. I only found out about it the other day – she told me they did an open call and she just rocked up with me," she said." Growing up, I loved theatre and dance, and when I was nine, I auditioned for The Lion King in the West End. I did that for about a year, then moved on to Matilda, then Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Around that time, I got a scholarship to Sylvia Young Theatre School."
After Amarteifio's injury at 12 and fully deciding to pursue acting as a career choice, she would go on to get minor roles in Doctor Who, The Tunnel, and Sex Education.
"We had a careers evening when I was 14, and I started thinking, 'If I keep doing this, I'll have a short career.' So, I started focusing on acting and ended up getting small roles in Doctor Who, The Tunnel and Sex Education," she said.
India On Being Mixed Race And How She Related To Her Character
As the conversation shifted to how Amarteifio could relate to her Queen Charlotte character, the actress shared that because of her mixed background, she felt she could identify with the idea of not knowing where to "fit in."
Amarteifio's mother is white, while her father, who is Black. Further in the interview, Amarteifio recalled what it felt like being the "only person of color" to enter a room and compared those instances to Queen Charlotte's experiences early on in Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
"I'm mixed race. I've got a white mum and my dad is Black – born in London, but with Ghanaian ancestry – so I can relate to her in terms of not really knowing where you fit in. I know what it's like to walk into a room and have everyone look at you because you're the only person of color. There are so many scenes, especially early on in the series where Charlotte does exactly that," she stated. "In those moments, you feel alone and awkward, and it can be uncomfortable to talk about it, but by writing those scenes, Shonda's starting that conversation and showing people that they aren't alone."
India Prepared For Queen Charlotte: A Briderton Story By Watching The Crown
Earlier this month, Amarteifio opened up about how she prepped for her starring role in Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.
In an interview with Bustle, the actress disclosed that she binged-watch Netflix's The Crown to get another perspective on being a royal. Amarteifio also shared that her co-star Corey Mylchreest suggested it after they were informed that they would be doing a coronation scene.
"Corey [Mylchreest] actually recommended [that I] watch The Crown because we were doing the coronation scene [in Queen Charlotte]. In Season 1 [of The Crown], the Queen is going through a coronation, and it was interesting to see how that was done—because it's a ritual, it's a very similar experience, and to see the behind-the-scenes elements that they showed in The Crown was actually helpful," she explained.
Amarteifio also mentioned that portraying Queen Charlotte and watching The Crown helped her understand the royal family more as people.
"I definitely understand the royal family more, in the sense of knowing who people are in relation to other people—that's because when I was filming, I binge-watched The Crown. So I feel like I know them all. I know their secrets," she said. "But [Queen Charlotte] didn't give me any further insight into them because we don't delve into that. We're taking from history, but we're retelling it."
India On How The Queen Charlotte Role Impacted Her
In the same interview, Amarteifio provided details about how portraying the role of Queen Charlotte positively impacted her life.
Amarteifio stated that before taking the role of Queen Charlotte, she was often nervous to ask questions out of fear that she would "rock the boat." Still, after playing the character, the star started opening up more because she realized that even if she didn't receive any answers, it made situations much easier to handle.
"I see her as a very different entity. [But] not being embarrassed or afraid of asking questions is probably one of the things that I took away, because she asks questions and gets answers. Sometimes she doesn't get answers, but at least she tried. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit nervous to ask questions or rock the boat — but actually, it just makes things easier," she stated.
Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story is now streaming on Netflix.
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Feature image by Dominik Bindl/Getty Images