These Two Sex-Positive Single Moms Created A Podcast For Unapologetic Mothers
There's always a bit of magic when two strong black women join together with a common goal to not only empower others but push the envelope while filling a void for women of color. For friends Erica Dickerson and Jamilah "Milah" Mapp, that meant redefining the narrative of single motherhood and providing a platform for women who don't necessarily fit the traditional cookie-baking, PTA-mom mold. Through their weekly podcast, Good Moms, Bad Choices, the two do just that, featuring expert and celebrity guests (one of their latest was singer Melonie Fiona) to talk hot topics including sex, dating, social media, and cannabis.
"I've always been a fan of podcasts, and I started looking for those that were more about parenthood and single motherhood," Dickerson recalled during an interview with xoNecole. "As a woman of color—as a black woman— there were just none that I felt like I could relate to. A lot of them were hosted by white women who I felt like didn't understand my experience as a single black mother. We just started recording something and it has grown from there."
Dickerson, a global beauty director at Beautyblender by day, and Mapp, an esthetician with her own mobile business, found common ground not only being single moms of daughters who are the same age, but also being self-starters who have even strengthened their friendship on the show. They've now built a community of more than 30,000 followers on their Instagram alone and reach millions of listeners everywhere.
"We're good moms that sometimes make bad choices, and we learn. We needed something that was going to let the audience [know] quickly what they're about to get themselves into," Mapp said. "Jamilah and I are really trying to change the landscape—the negative connotation of what single motherhood looks like," Dickerson added.
"We're good moms that sometimes make bad choices, and we learn. We needed something that was going to let the audience [know] quickly what they're about to get themselves into. Jamilah and I are really trying to change the landscape—the negative connotation of what single motherhood looks like."
Many single moms of color face stigmas and comparisons to archaic stereotypes that range from bitter mean workaholic mom to lazy money-hungry baby mama. Dickerson and Mapp want to turn those stereotypes on their heads and give women a chance to unapologetically connect and share, building their own tribe based on their unique and diverse parenting experiences and needs—uncensored and raw.
"It's a range of things—a lot of life experiences on a day-to-day basis—so there's no telling really what you're going to get. Episodes range from parenting to personal experiences," Mapp said.
"As two single parents, we're navigating this dating world out here in Los Angeles, so we talk a lot about dating and a lot about sex," Dickerson added. "We definitely advocate for our listeners to not be afraid to talk about taboo topics with their kids. If you're going to listen to our podcast at work, put your headphones in because we do curse a lot. It's realness and we really don't filter anything—our experiences as women and mothers."
"If you're going to listen to our podcast at work, put your headphones in because we do curse a lot. It's realness and we really don't filter anything—our experiences as women and mothers."
One hot topic that always sparks intrigue and debate is the consumption of weed, and it's something the ladies have no qualms in supporting or discussing. "We both are cannabis users and obviously, in L.A., that's legal. It's a bit more normal, per se, and that's something that we normalize in our households. When we talk about cannabis with our parents who want to smoke, [some have] been shamed by their family or they have guilt. They think, 'Oh my God, am I a bad parent because I'm smoking weed?'" Dickerson said.
"Jamilah and I always tell them, 'This is your life. You don't need to ask for permission. Do what you have to do and stop asking for everyone's opinion.' And [the cannabis topic] is just one example. There are a lot of opinions out there [about motherhood and parenting], but I always say, this is your life—this is your child's life. As long as your child is healthy and you're not putting them in danger, that's your business."
Single moms are also often at the whim of very stifling family and societal criticism on issues like what to wear when pregnant, where and how to give birth, when to date, and disciplinary practices—leading to quite a bit of mom-shaming. Black mothers are often passed down insights on what they should and should not do based on habits of the past.
"I think we come from a society that, you know, has this premade equation of what parenthood looks like, but the truth is, that [equation] is not necessarily [accurate for all of us]," Mapp said. "We've been socialized in a lot of ways. There's this box moms have to fit into, and if you don't, you're shamed. They'll say, 'You're somebody's mother, why are you wearing that?' 'Oh, you went out twice this week? Why are you doing that?'"
Dickerson stresses the importance of mothers trusting themselves a bit more and making confident decisions based on intuition and personal preference. "When you get pregnant, that's when it really starts—like the precursor to opinions. Everyone has an opinion about what you should do as a pregnant woman, how you should prepare, how your child is going to be before they're even here. I think that right there was my first [indication of having] to go with my intuition. I learned the hard way because my first big lesson was not trusting myself on how I wanted to give birth. It all went downhill because I listened to everybody else's opinion."
Dickerson and Mapp also encourage women to set their own path and enjoy journeys of womanhood along with motherhood—on their own terms.
"Just because you're a mother doesn't mean that you're no longer an individual—a woman who has goals, who is having sex, who is putting herself first," Dickerson said. "I think a lot of times in motherhood we think that we can no longer put ourselves first, and that's a huge mistake because you really can't be a good mother if you're not taking care of yourself."
For the two hosts, embracing every facet of their own femininity, living their best lives for themselves and their children, and tapping into their motherly instincts is key. Finding balance between the three is something that is ongoing and fluid, and it doesn't have to be perfect.
"I think for both of us, in this journey that we've had, we've got to have the attitude like, 'Look, we know what we're doing,'" Mapp said. "When you're confident in what you're doing and you know you're doing the right thing for your child, all the other things fall to the wayside. We encourage that for our audience, too. There's no black-and-white instructional on how to be a parent to your child, and being a single parent doesn't define you. You, as a single parent, have the ability to be multifaceted."
"There's no black-and-white instructional on how to be a parent to your child, and being a single parent doesn't define you. You, as a single parent, have the ability to be multifaceted."
Dickerson echoed those sentiments and believes that she and Mapp's lives as mothers and empowered women venturing into a new decade are ever-changing and evolving.
"[We won't] be single forever," Dickerson added with a laugh. "I'm totally enjoying my singleness right now, but you know, if someone comes along, I'm open. I just feel women are in an exciting time. We're more empowered than ever, and we're so happy to be part of that."
You can catch Erica and Jamilah on Good Moms, Bad Choices via any major streaming platform.
Featured image courtesy of Good Moms, Bad Choices.
Originally published on November 4, 2019
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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The Power Of Your Big 3: Understanding The Astrological Significance You Hold
Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
Astrology has become even more mainstream and a phenomenon than it ever has in the past. We have gone beyond the, “What’s your sign?” and have moved into “What’s your big 3?” seemingly overnight, and rightly so due to the significance of knowing these important details. Your Big 3 in Astrology represents your sun sign, your moon sign, and your rising sign.
This trifecta is thought to be one of the most significant details of your birth chart and gives you and others more of a full-picture look at who you are beyond just your sun sign.
What Does Your Big 3 In Astrology Say About You?
Knowing your big 3 is important, especially if you are someone who has never really resonated with your sun sign. You read about what it means to be an Aries, but may not align with what you see or your experience with other Aries. Meanwhile, the whole time, you have a Libra rising, the complete opposite sign of Aries, and this is why you have always seen yourself as a more laid-back and less confrontational Aries.
Elements hold a key role in your birth chart and having a big 3 where the elements are all compatible or the same often signifies someone who knows who they are and is comfortable in their skin. Whereas someone with a different element for each part of their big 3 may have challenges with identity or defining who they are or how they want to present themselves. It’s a different type of perspective when looking into your big 3, and it helps you see where your strengths and needs are in life, and how to tap more into this potential.
Your Big 3 In Astrology Explained
Your big 3 can help you navigate life by understanding which part of you comes out more in different circumstances. At home, you are most like your moon sign, when you are out and about, you are most like your rising sign. Whether you are at home or out and about, your goals, purpose, and interests are most like your sun sign.
You can find out what your big 3 is by looking up a ‘Birth Chart Calculator’ on your search engine, typing in your birthday details (you will need to know your birth date, location, and the exact time you were born), and generating your birth chart.
Read below for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
YOUR SUN SIGN
Your sun sign represents the core of you and what motivates you to shine and be your best self. This is your personality, goals, purpose, identity, ego, interests, direction, and where you light up in life.
FIRE SUN (Aries Sun, Leo Sun, Sagittarius Sun)
If you are an Aries sun, a Leo sun, or a Sagittarius sun, you are outgoing, confident, fearless, and in tune with yourself and your personal goals and desires in life. You go after the things you want, and you are not afraid to take up space. You are someone who prefers to be more independent, and you are often in more leadership roles in life.
EARTH SUN (Taurus Sun, Virgo Sun, Capricorn Sun)
If you are a Taurus sun, a Virgo sun, or a Capricorn sun, you are grounded, dependable, loyal, hard-working, and logical. You prefer the finer things in life but also work hard to get where you are. You are someone others feel they can rely on, and you are often a support for other people in your life. You are very connected to the material sides of life, and have a gift for manifesting.
AIR SUN (Gemini Sun, Libra Sun, Aquarius Sun)
If you are a Gemini sun, a Libra sun, or an Aquarius sun, you are light-hearted, free-flowing, intelligent, and communicative. You speak what is on your mind, and you love to connect and communicate with others. People know you for the things you say and your out-of-the-box ideas, and you are someone who is open-minded and provides a safe space for people to be authentically themselves.
WATER SUN (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Sun, Pisces Sun)
If you are a Cancer sun, a Scorpio sun, or a Pisces sun, you are thoughtful, generous, emotional, loving, and compassionate. You care deeply about the people you love, and you are always there for others. You may be more emotional than most, and this is due to your strong intuition and open heart. You are creative, inspiring, and motivated towards connection in life.
YOUR MOON SIGN
Your moon sign represents your emotions. This is the way you express yourself emotionally, how you process your emotions, what you need in love, what makes you feel safe and nurtured, your desires, intuition, your inner world, and what’s going on beneath the surface.
FIRE MOON (Aries Moon, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Moon)
If you are an Aries moon, a Leo moon, or a Sagittarius moon, you are someone who is not afraid to communicate your emotions or how you are feeling, and you can feel your emotions from a mile away. You are confident in yourself and are someone who stands up for what you feel is right. You have a strong need to be seen and heard in your relationships, and a certain type of understanding is needed for you to emotionally thrive. You may have some challenges with anger or high energy and are working through emotional impulses in this lifetime.
EARTH MOON (Taurus Moon, Virgo Moon, Capricorn Moon)
If you are a Taurus moon, a Virgo moon, or a Capricorn moon, you are someone who is emotionally grounded, safe, comforting, and logical. You aren’t overly emotional and may not show your emotions to people much at all, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have them. You think before you speak, and you process your emotions before acting on them, and you tend to be more down-to-earth and understanding when it comes to other people’s emotional worlds as well. You are someone people go to when they need someone to talk to you as you are a very good listener.
AIR MOON (Gemini Moon, Libra Moon, Aquarius Moon)
If you are a Gemini moon, a Libra moon, or an Aquarius moon, you are someone who is fun, outgoing, and emotionally open-minded. You don’t like heavy emotions or too much emotional drama, and you tend to be more go-with-the-flow in this area of your life. Good conversation and mutual understanding are very important to you in your relationships and you want funny banter and inspiration in your connections with others.
WATER MOON (Cancer Moon, Scorpio Moon, Pisces Moon)
If you are a Cancer moon, a Scorpio moon, or a Pisces moon, you are someone who lives by their heart and values your emotional world deeply. You crave a deep type of intimacy in your partnerships and you need a partner who is going to give you that type of emotional connection. You are more private with your emotional world and you tend to hold a lot in, but this can often lead to sudden outbursts as well. Overall, you are the definition of emotion and others learn a lot from you on what it means to love and to feel.
YOUR ASCENDANT (RISING SIGN)
Your ascendant sign represents your perception and the energy you put out into the world. This is the way you come across to others, the way you express yourself, your physical traits and aesthetics, how you manifest, society, and what you expect from the world around you.
FIRE ASCENDANT (Aries Rising, Leo Rising, Sagittarius Rising)
If you are an Aries rising, a Leo rising, or a Sagittarius rising, you come across to others as confident, bold, and stylish. You are known for the way you look or the way you present yourself, and you are usually adorned in bright colors or wearing something that others take a lot of notice of. You are someone who walks into a room, and all eyes are on you, and you love that. You want to be on the move and on the go, and you love to show up in the world exactly as you are today. You see the world with a lot of possibilities and like it's yours to have fun and enjoy yourself in.
EARTH ASCENDANT (Taurus Rising, Virgo Rising, Capricorn Rising)
If you are a Taurus rising, a Virgo rising, or a Capricorn rising, you come across to others as responsible, beautiful, natural, and dependable. You are a hard worker, and you may be known for your career or the work that you do. You are someone who walks into a room and people feel an immediate sense of comfort and like you are someone they can trust. You have strong values and goals, and you are someone who knows what they want. People love to be around your down-to-earth energy, and you make others feel safe and grounded.
AIR ASCENDANT (Gemini Rising, Libra Rising, Aquarius Rising)
If you are a Gemini rising, a Libra rising, or an Aquarius rising, you come across to others as outgoing, friendly, and talkative. You see the world as a place to learn, connect, and be inspired, and you are on a quest for knowledge and understanding. You connect with people from all walks of life, and you tend to have a pretty open-minded and unique friend group. You care a lot about your style and aesthetic and always strive to be authentically you wherever you are. You can talk to people for hours and are often meeting new people and making new friends wherever you go.
WATER ASCENDANT (Cancer Rising, Scorpio Rising, Pisces Rising)
If you are a Cancer rising, a Scorpio rising, or a Pisces rising, you navigate life through the lens of your emotions, and you are deeply connected to the undercurrents of life. You are ruled by your emotions, and this side of you is not something you can keep hidden away easily. You get emotional when you think about society and others at large, and you want to be known for the kind and sincere person you are. When you walk into a room, you feel other people's energy right away and are highly empathic and intuitive.
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Featured image by We Are/Getty Images