Here's Why Riviera Maya Needs To Be Your Next Girls' Trip
Fundamentally speaking, January is viewed as a fresh start. It's the beginning of a new year which by extension makes it the closing of an old one. And with it comes the mantra of breathing out the old and breathing in the new. People adopt lifestyle changes they previously had on pause, forgive themselves for past inadequacies, and strive to become better than they were. It's a common theme but it becomes more pronounced because of the way January glitters with such promise. For those of us truly intentional with it, January is the perfect excuse to set the tone for the kind of year you wish to have.
That desire rang especially true for the creative minds behind Aunt Jackie's Curls and Coils first-ever travel-sized collection and new collection of deep conditioning treatment masques Butter Fusions (coming to a store near you soon). In addition to unveiling two product lines, the Aunt Jackie's team saw it befitting to use the start of the new year and new decade in a refreshing way by living it up resort-style at El Dorado Seaside Suites in the beautiful Riviera Maya, Mexico.
To commemorate the product launch, Aunt Jackie's, led by Erika Pope, Charisma Lowe, and Kayla Walker, invited 12 black and brown hair influencers, as well as media including Brande Victorian (Madame Noire/HelloBeauitful), Arielle Hermanson (BETHer), Venesa Croger (Refinery29/R29 Unbothered), and myself.
Dubbed "The Curl's Trip", together we embarked as "curlfriends" on a plethora of curated resort experiences made possible by the all-inclusive El Dorado Seaside Suites. From community service to a catamaran ride, we lived! And here's everything we did.
The Location
A room with a view.
Before delving into our Mexico itinerary, let's give a little background about the city and resort. In between the popular tourist destinations of Cancun and Tulum is the less-stated vacation destination of Riviera Maya. Located along the Yucatan peninsula and nestled on an underground river, the beautiful Riviera Maya was once comprised of sleepy fishing villages. These days, the magical place has transformed into a must-visit Mexican hot spot for explorers, scuba divers, nature lovers, and those looking to tap into beachy resort vibes. With their white sand beaches that feel like a pillowy cloud underneath your feet, palm trees, and never-ending sun, Riviera Maya, Mexico has something to offer anyone wanting a slice of paradise.
The Resort
Venesa Croger and I swinging in El Dorado.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
I've never been one to ride the resort wave, but El Dorado Seaside Suites has me singing a different tune. It was all-inclusive, the drinks weren't watered down, the waitstaff were eager for you to have as many drinks as possible, the food from the restaurants were delicious, as well as the room service. As a whole, El Dorado Seaside Suites are separated into two different sections that are very distinct in what they provide as far as Mexican hospitality. The original section gives you island life vibes with the lush palm trees, the seemingly endless expanse of white sand beach, and the architecture that screams Mexico. The Infinity, the resort's latest add-on, is where we stayed. Its building is all-oceanfront with swim-up suits connecting to balcony pools right outside of your room on every floor. The water is cool, inviting, and acts as the perfect backdrop for luxury and equanimity.
Paradise found.
Nakesa Smith, Felicia Leatherwood, and Shaniqua Garrett strutting their stuff on the white-sand beach.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Shaniya (@sincerely_niya) looking easy, breezy, beautiful.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Community Service
L-R: Mendez (@mendezisthatyou), Shalini (@shalinitin_srivastava), me, Erika Pope, Tiffany (@iam.tiffany.renee), and Mesha Thomas.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Volunteering is a small but major way to give back to a world that has been good to you. Aunt Jackie's put together a community service day with Centro de Atención Integral Playa del Carmen, a special education school catering to children and adults with disabilities. With the center, the ladies and I came together to complete two beautification projects. One was planting a garden and the other was painting a mural. It was so rewarding to enrich people's lives who live in a country that had been so good to us. It has also inspired me to volunteer more in my own community in the year ahead.
@iam.tiffany.renee & @mendezisthatyou
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
@dayelasoul & @justlikejackie working hard on the mural.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Hairstylist Mesha Thomas
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Chelsea Zan @chelseazan
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Shalini hard at work clearing the area for the garden.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
The finished product.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
L-R: Nia Vox @niavox, @theglamtwinz, @mendezisthatyou, and Angeliah @ange_liah
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Catamaran Tour
The ladies behind this immersive experience: Kayla Walker, Charisma Lowe, and Erika Pope.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Picture this, a catamaran tour sailing on the ocean for three hours with light bites, margaritas, and trap music. Maroma Adventure Restaurant Hotel & Marina had us feeling like it was our birthday as we took turns driving the boat with the captain's bottle of tequila and got sore knees trying to be like Megan. It was the ultimate turn up on the sea and we were riding the wave.
Shaniya @sincerely_niya pictured with Arielle Hermanson.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Nakesa Smith looking like a whole meal.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
The Curlfriends of the trip looking like a whole MOOD!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Kish @kishmycurls kicking back, maxing relaxing.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Spa Retreat
The Sensations pool located in the Náay Spa.
Next came the spa day at the resort's Náay Spa. The day was to be one filled with pampering and indulging. It was kicked off with a Mayan ritual ceremony that combined elements of Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire based on the principles of Mayan principles. To them, it is the way to inner peace. We began by undergoing hydrotherapy in groups. Hydrotherapy consisted of a steam room with eucalyptus clay to open up our pores, a cold room, and then we entered the sensations pool where welcomed by waterfalls and hydrojets that targeted different areas of our bodies to soothe and relieve. After that, we entered a hot tub, then a cold tub, and then ran in and out of an ice bath. The results were amazing.
Based on your preferences, you were then ushered into the room where you'd be receiving either a massage or a facial. I opted for a 55-minute full body massage. And I must say, it was easily the best thing that my body has ever experienced in mi vida.
Afterwards, Aunt Jackie's had a glam team on deck to wash and do some of the ladies' hair and makeup. Among the team were hairstylists Shaniqua Garrett and Nakesa Smith, makeup artist Mesha Thomas, as well as hairstylist and owner of the Detangler Brush Felicia Leatherwood.
Taking part in the ancient Mayan ritual to kick off our spa day retreat.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Welcome Aunt Jackie's Curls & Coils!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Mimosas all around!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Tiffany indulging in a facial provided by the spa.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Felicia Leatherwood doing her thing!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Makeup artist Mesha Thomas beating Arielle's face.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Thank you Naay Spa!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Farewell Dinner
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
To commemorate our magical experience with the Curlfriends coming to an end, we had dinner on the rooftop on a windy night where the light from the full moon acted as our source of energy. We were treated to an immaculate dinner that included crab salad with spinach, shrimp salad with pineapple, string beans, lobster, and more. We communed over drinks, laughter, and the electric slide. It was such a powerful reminder of the incredible energy that's felt when surrounded and being poured into by dope women.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Thank you Aunt Jackie's Curls & Coils for an experience I'll always remember!
Be on the lookout for Aunt Jackie's Butter Fusions and travel-sized collections, coming in 2020!
Photography by Onye Creative Studios
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You'd Be Amazed How Much This One Thing Can Keep You Out Of Divorce Court
I truly can’t believe that it was almost five freakin’ years ago that I penned “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again” for this platform. Now that I’m in the thick of writing my third book (due out later this year) and I’m revisiting this declaration, I am standing firm on it more than ever. There are no boyfriends in the Bible. Your taxes couldn’t care less if you have a boyfriend (some of y’all will catch that later). And acting like you’re married while having a boyfriend when you’re actually not? That is so hella counterproductive — on a myriad of different levels.
Yeah, the longer I live, the more folks I counsel, and the more that I observe humanity; in general, I honestly believe that this culture and how it dates, it teaches people how to divorce, not marry. “Fall in love,” place marriage rules in the dynamic, break up…rinse, and repeat. Then, by the time you actually do say marital vows to someone (which are serious, y’all), you don’t even really mean them or get the weight of them because you’re processing them as barely a step up from whatever you and your last three boyfriends promised to each other.
It's so countercultural to talk about relationships from this angle — and that is why I am hypervigilant about doing all that I can to keep married folks from calling it quits. Because what the Bible does say is covenant-keeping is very serious (Malachi 2:16, Matthew 19:1-12, I Corinthians 7:10-11, Ephesians 5:22-33), the reality is that divorces can be costly on every level, and, reportedly, about half of people who do divorce, on some level, end up regretting it (check out “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce”). So, if we can keep the ending of marriages to a minimum (or at least try), shouldn’t we?
With all of this said, in walks something that I personally found to be pretty interesting. Apparently, after a whopping 40,000 couples were researched, with 94 percent accuracy, there is one thing that could predict if they would divorce. Or not. Are you ready to read what it is?
Did You Know There Is Such a Thing As “The Four Horsemen” in a Marriage?
GiphyIt never fails. Whenever I’m having a conversation with a couple who is seriously contemplating marriage, one thing that they will ask me is if there’s a way to ensure that they won’t get a divorce. I mean, if two people decide to not divorce, they won’t. That’s another message for another time, though. For now, what I will say is when I read about what The Gottman Institute considers to be “The Four Horsemen” of poor communication styles in a marriage, I totally got where they were coming from.
And what are they? According to the institute, it’s criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Although the reality is that pretty much all humans struggle with these on some level, let me briefly explain what it means to be excessive with them.
- An overly critical person gives unsolicited advice that the person on the receiving end either doesn’t want or doesn’t find to be helpful at all. Still, the critical person gives it because they always seem to think that they know best — including when it comes to timing.
- A person who speaks with some level of contempt usually hits below the belt or is super disrespectful in their delivery. They don’t mind being very sarcastic, dismissive, mocking others, or calling them names (bookmark this one).
- A person who is hella defensive usually struggles with not taking what they dish out, they can’t receive advice unless it’s connected to praise, and they absolutely suck at personal accountability, which is why they deflect, make excuses, and justify their actions a lot.
- Stonewallers are individuals who hold grudges, are passive-aggressive, and refuse to communicate. Of the four, this one is typically seen as the most immature course of action.
And when you take all of these in and then factor in that poor communication (because if you argue a lot, your communication skills need work) continues to be one of the leading causes of divorce (although I do find it interesting that, as far as sources of conflict go, career choices then parenting styles and then the divvying up of household chores lead the pack), whether you want to get married, are newly married or have been married for a while now, keeping those four horsemen in mind, along with being real with yourself about where you succumb to communicating that way, all of this is definitely worth taking special note of.
Okay, but those are four things and the title of this article says that ONE thing, in particular, can help you to avoid divorce most of all. What is it? Well, as far as which one of the four is the most damning, many experts say that it’s contempt. I get why. I mean, who wants to be intimate with someone, on any level, if they are mean as hell? After all, no one signs up to be another person’s emotional punching bag. Marriage is supposed to be an emotional safe space; not a battlefield.
However, according to the married couple John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., the greatest predictor of divorce is something else (although the four horsemen are definitely a huge part of what can prevent what I’m about to say next from transpiring).
The One Thing That Just Might “Divorce-Proof” Your Marriage
GiphySo what could actually keep you out of divorce court if you take and then apply it seriously? The Gottmans call it “turning towards” your partner. And just what does that mean? In a nutshell, it’s being intentional about making sure that your partner feels both seen and heard.
Honestly, one of the best ways that you can do that is through your body language (check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”) because it’s already pretty rude for your partner to try and express how they feel and you turn your back towards them or even switch your energy away from them. No one wants to be dismissed like that. However, turning towards your partner means more than just that.
Turning towards your partner is all about fully engaging them. I’ll give you some examples:
When you’re turning towards your partner, you are applying compassion. For instance, if they had a hard day at work and they express to you what’s going on, you’re not so quick to give advice or criticize; instead, you acknowledge what they said and respond with things like, “I can see how that would make you feel. Anything I can do?”
When you’re turning towards your partner, you are open to what they are saying, even about you, that you might not like. For example, if they bring something up that you do that bothers them or hurts their feelings, you don’t get defensive or pull that “You do it too” mess; instead, you take the approach of, “Will you explain to me how that affects you to the point where you are upset by it?” and then you LISTEN FULLY (meaning without interruption) to their response.
When you’re turning towards your partner, you take the stance that Dr. Phil has become well-known for saying: “Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?” You get that because your marriage isn’t just about you, you are willing to compromise, be flexible, and do what’s ultimately best for the relationship instead of only focusing on things going your way.
These are merely three examples of what it means to “turn towards” your partner, and according to the Gottmans, whenever you do that, you have an 86 percent chance of staying together instead of a 33 percent chance if you don’t.
And just how can you become a master at turning towards your partner if this is a concept that is completely new to you? Good question. When two people make the decision to share their lives, this means that they are choosing to meet each other’s needs. The only way that you can know what those are is by asking — not assuming, not presuming…asking. And then, once you know, discuss with your partner if you are meeting their needs in a way where they feel like their needs are actually being met.
And what does that mean? Listen, I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a session with a spouse who has told me that they are a good husband or wife, and then, when I ask their partner if they agree, all hell breaks loose. Yeah, you can’t be in a relationship with someone and have the only vote on whether you are good for them or not; they definitely get a say. And if you’re serious about “turning towards” your spouse, you’ll want to hear what they have to say about if you are both good to and for them — in both the big and smaller things.
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At the end of the day, if you want to avoid divorcing at all costs (and here’s hoping that you do), turning towards your partner is about expressing empathy. It’s about facing them, figuratively and literally, so that you can better understand them, support them, and share in their needs with them. Because when you sign up for marriage, that’s a huge part of what it means to be a married person.
Marriage: Riding through life together. Avoiding the four horsemen at all costs. Turning towards each other. Daily.
Amen.
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