

No doubt about it. We over here at xoNecole are true fans of The Lip Bar founder Melissa Butler. So much in fact that we did a feature on her (see "How Lip Bar Founder Melissa Butler Went From 'Shark Tank' Rejection To The Shelves Of Major Retailers"). I also enjoyed a TED Talk that she did around this time last year on beauty and body image. As she was sharing about how easy it is to succumb to the pressures of other people's standards of what is beautiful, I thought about two things that a lot of us, as women, continue to struggle with—our body size (and type) and cellulite.
Isn't it something that, even though the current average size of women in the United States is between 16-18 and between 80-90 percent of us have cellulite, there are still so many of us who are either embarrassed or straight-up pissed by these realities? Even though curves and cushion are two things that make us look like grown ass women, oftentimes we want to find any and every way to get rid of what makes us…us?
As far as cellulite goes, I'm between a 10-12 and I have it on my thighs, right beneath my buttocks. Although I must admit that when I'm binging on junk, that's when it shows up most, even when I was smaller and pretty athletic, a dimple here and there would show up. I stopped stressin' about it once I read what cellulite actually is. Long story short, it's when the layer of fat that is right beneath our connective tissue starts to poke through the tissue itself.
Cellulite has grades of "severity". The first is also known as "orange peel skin" (because that's what it basically looks like), the second is cottage cheese skin and the third is called the "mattress"; it's when there are 10 or more depressions in any given area. As far as what causes cellulite, weight gain, hormonal shifts, age (due to a lack of collagen) and good old-fashioned genetics are all factors. Know what else is? Diet.
It's that last point that I'm gonna touch on today. If your cellulite is getting on your very last nerve, before you sign up for something like laser treatment or a procedure like carboxytherapy, see if you can soften the appearance of your dimples by simply altering your diet a bit.
Best: Bananas
I like bananas. Admittedly, I don't eat them a lot because I want to get to them before they get all brown and slimy. If you totally feel where I'm coming from, a cool hack is to wrap the stems in plastic wrap. When you do that, it helps to keep the ethylene gas from speeding up the ripening process. Anyway, bananas are good for you because they are loaded with potassium, manganese, fiber and vitamins B6 and C. Bananas also aid in improving digestion, keep blood sugar levels balanced, are packed with antioxidants, improve kidney health and can reduce muscle soreness after working out.
The reason why they are a smart fruit to eat if you're trying to prevent or reduce the appearance of cellulite is they also have zinc in them. Zinc is a mineral that improves the appearance of your skin overall. Another bonus with bananas is, thanks to the potassium that they contain, blood flow throughout your body increases whenever you eat them. The more flow that you have, the less of a chance that cellulite gets to form.
Best: Cilantro and Parsley
When it comes to things like cilantro and parsley, a lot of us don't think about their benefits beyond adding a little taste to a dish or garnishing our plates. But cilantro is good for you because it's an herb that fights inflammation, contains anti-cancer properties and protects skin from UV ray damage. Parsley is a winner because it's packed with antioxidants that supports bone health, strengthens your heart and has the carotenoids lutein, beta carotene, and zeaxanthin to protect your vision.
Add more cilantro to your meals in order to remove heavy metals that typically hide in fat cells and prevent normal tissue formation. Add more parsley because the vitamins A, C and E in it will smooth out the appearance of the cellulite that you may have while flushing your system of toxins that may have stored up.
Best: Avocado
If you adore avocados but you're sick of how short their shelf life are, I recently read that Krogers are starting to sell some that last longer (do some research on that; sometimes what's too good to be true is just that). Either way, avocados are a fruit (technically a berry) that have vitamins B5, B6, C, E and K. Avocados also contain folate and potassium (more than bananas) in them. It's the kind of fruit that has oleic acid to reduce inflammation and promote brain health, monounsaturated fatty acids to keep your heart healthy, avocatin B to prevent and reduce (leukemia) cancer cells and even properties that help to prevent food poisoning.
As we get older, our skin becomes thinner and less elastic. Something that can give our skin a bit more of a youthful appearance are foods that are rich in essential fatty acids (EFA). Avocados have a lot of these acids. The more tone our skin is, the less noticeable our cellulite will be.
Best: Cranberry Juice
Now before you get all excited about this one, just remember that Ocean Spray cocktail is not gonna get you the benefits that I'm about to share. To reap these rewards, you need to go over to the health food aisle and get that 100 percent unsweetened juice kind. Drinking it isn't exactly a cakewalk but still, if you make a point to consume a few glasses a week, cranberry juice is able to reduce the free radicals that are in your system, kill the bacteria that causes UTIs (urinary tract infections), support post-menopausal health, help prevent tooth decay from forming and decrease kidney decalcification.
Cranberry juice is really good for cellulite because the properties in it are able to emulsify fat deposits so that they are able to flush out of your system easier and quicker.
Best: Buckwheat
While it might not be the kind of food that you regularly pick up at your local grocery store, treat yourself to some homemade buckwheat pancakes every once in a while. They'll do your body good because buckwheat is the kind of seed (yep, there is actually no wheat in buckwheat) that contains antioxidants and fiber. Buckwheat is gluten-free, loaded with protein and 12 different amino acids and is able to strengthen your heart and protect your body from getting cancer.
On the cellulite tip, buckwheat is good for you because one of the amino acids that it contains is lysine. The cool thing about lysine is it helps to repair damaged skin tissue while also giving your collagen levels a boost.
Best: Dark Chocolate
How awesome is this? Not only does dark chocolate contain antioxidants, iron, magnesium, zinc, selenium, copper and manganese; not only is it able to lower your blood pressure; not only can it reduce your risk of heart disease and protect your skin from sun damage, dark chocolate is just one more food that fights cellulite. So long as you're eating a bar that's made up of no less than 75 percent cocoa, the antioxidants in it will break down the fat that leads to the dimples. As a bonus, the caffeine in dark chocolate is able to dehydrate fat cells so that cellulite is harder for you to see.
Worst: Cheese
As much as I enjoy cheese, the older that I get, the less I consume it. Mostly because of the mucus that it produces in my system. But now that I know it's a cellulite trigger, that's even more of a reason to push the extra slice of pizza back. Processed cheese is high in sodium which can lead to water retention and bloating that can make cellulite more obvious in appearance. Plus, pretty much any kind of cheese (other than cottage cheese or perhaps feta) are huge sources of saturated fat; that can lead to slow blood circulation and that can ultimately result in the breakdown of connective tissue which can definitely result in more cellulite.
Worst: White Bread and Bagels
You might've heard that you shouldn't eat anything that's made out of white flour. If you never really knew why it's such a no-no, it's because it's a refined carbohydrate. When we eat this kind of carb, it breaks down into sugar and then glucose. When that happens, the collagen in our system can become damaged and that can make cellulite more apparent.
If you love nothing more in the mornings than a bagel, at least try and cut back on how many you eat. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, bagels are one of the biggest sources of salt around. Matter of fact, some contain as much as 600 milligrams of sodium per serving before putting a single thing on them. Salt leads to water retention and water retention can create a more dimply appearance.
Worst: Barbeque Sauce
OK, I'm pretty sure that you didn't think that barbeque sauce was one of the healthiest condiments on the planet, but I'd be surprised if you thought it was a top-tier cellulite causer either. It is, though. Why? Basically, it's because it's loaded with the unhealthy combo of salt and sugar; more sugar than salt. How much more? I'll put it to you this way—two measly tablespoons of sauce equates to 15 grams of sugar; most of the sugar is fructose corn syrup. Yuck.
If you can't imagine eaten certain dishes without it, at least consider making your own with some honey or molasses. Asian plum sauce is pretty good too. Just remember, the less barbeque sauce you eat, the less cellulite you'll probably have. Some chicken or ribs with plum sauce and less dimples seems like a pretty good trade off, if you ask me.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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