No doubt about it. We over here at xoNecole are true fans of The Lip Bar founder Melissa Butler. So much in fact that we did a feature on her (see "How Lip Bar Founder Melissa Butler Went From 'Shark Tank' Rejection To The Shelves Of Major Retailers"). I also enjoyed a TED Talk that she did around this time last year on beauty and body image. As she was sharing about how easy it is to succumb to the pressures of other people's standards of what is beautiful, I thought about two things that a lot of us, as women, continue to struggle with—our body size (and type) and cellulite.
Isn't it something that, even though the current average size of women in the United States is between 16-18 and between 80-90 percent of us have cellulite, there are still so many of us who are either embarrassed or straight-up pissed by these realities? Even though curves and cushion are two things that make us look like grown ass women, oftentimes we want to find any and every way to get rid of what makes us…us?
As far as cellulite goes, I'm between a 10-12 and I have it on my thighs, right beneath my buttocks. Although I must admit that when I'm binging on junk, that's when it shows up most, even when I was smaller and pretty athletic, a dimple here and there would show up. I stopped stressin' about it once I read what cellulite actually is. Long story short, it's when the layer of fat that is right beneath our connective tissue starts to poke through the tissue itself.
Cellulite has grades of "severity". The first is also known as "orange peel skin" (because that's what it basically looks like), the second is cottage cheese skin and the third is called the "mattress"; it's when there are 10 or more depressions in any given area. As far as what causes cellulite, weight gain, hormonal shifts, age (due to a lack of collagen) and good old-fashioned genetics are all factors. Know what else is? Diet.
It's that last point that I'm gonna touch on today. If your cellulite is getting on your very last nerve, before you sign up for something like laser treatment or a procedure like carboxytherapy, see if you can soften the appearance of your dimples by simply altering your diet a bit.
Best: Bananas
I like bananas. Admittedly, I don't eat them a lot because I want to get to them before they get all brown and slimy. If you totally feel where I'm coming from, a cool hack is to wrap the stems in plastic wrap. When you do that, it helps to keep the ethylene gas from speeding up the ripening process. Anyway, bananas are good for you because they are loaded with potassium, manganese, fiber and vitamins B6 and C. Bananas also aid in improving digestion, keep blood sugar levels balanced, are packed with antioxidants, improve kidney health and can reduce muscle soreness after working out.
The reason why they are a smart fruit to eat if you're trying to prevent or reduce the appearance of cellulite is they also have zinc in them. Zinc is a mineral that improves the appearance of your skin overall. Another bonus with bananas is, thanks to the potassium that they contain, blood flow throughout your body increases whenever you eat them. The more flow that you have, the less of a chance that cellulite gets to form.
Best: Cilantro and Parsley
When it comes to things like cilantro and parsley, a lot of us don't think about their benefits beyond adding a little taste to a dish or garnishing our plates. But cilantro is good for you because it's an herb that fights inflammation, contains anti-cancer properties and protects skin from UV ray damage. Parsley is a winner because it's packed with antioxidants that supports bone health, strengthens your heart and has the carotenoids lutein, beta carotene, and zeaxanthin to protect your vision.
Add more cilantro to your meals in order to remove heavy metals that typically hide in fat cells and prevent normal tissue formation. Add more parsley because the vitamins A, C and E in it will smooth out the appearance of the cellulite that you may have while flushing your system of toxins that may have stored up.
Best: Avocado
If you adore avocados but you're sick of how short their shelf life are, I recently read that Krogers are starting to sell some that last longer (do some research on that; sometimes what's too good to be true is just that). Either way, avocados are a fruit (technically a berry) that have vitamins B5, B6, C, E and K. Avocados also contain folate and potassium (more than bananas) in them. It's the kind of fruit that has oleic acid to reduce inflammation and promote brain health, monounsaturated fatty acids to keep your heart healthy, avocatin B to prevent and reduce (leukemia) cancer cells and even properties that help to prevent food poisoning.
As we get older, our skin becomes thinner and less elastic. Something that can give our skin a bit more of a youthful appearance are foods that are rich in essential fatty acids (EFA). Avocados have a lot of these acids. The more tone our skin is, the less noticeable our cellulite will be.
Best: Cranberry Juice
Now before you get all excited about this one, just remember that Ocean Spray cocktail is not gonna get you the benefits that I'm about to share. To reap these rewards, you need to go over to the health food aisle and get that 100 percent unsweetened juice kind. Drinking it isn't exactly a cakewalk but still, if you make a point to consume a few glasses a week, cranberry juice is able to reduce the free radicals that are in your system, kill the bacteria that causes UTIs (urinary tract infections), support post-menopausal health, help prevent tooth decay from forming and decrease kidney decalcification.
Cranberry juice is really good for cellulite because the properties in it are able to emulsify fat deposits so that they are able to flush out of your system easier and quicker.
Best: Buckwheat
While it might not be the kind of food that you regularly pick up at your local grocery store, treat yourself to some homemade buckwheat pancakes every once in a while. They'll do your body good because buckwheat is the kind of seed (yep, there is actually no wheat in buckwheat) that contains antioxidants and fiber. Buckwheat is gluten-free, loaded with protein and 12 different amino acids and is able to strengthen your heart and protect your body from getting cancer.
On the cellulite tip, buckwheat is good for you because one of the amino acids that it contains is lysine. The cool thing about lysine is it helps to repair damaged skin tissue while also giving your collagen levels a boost.
Best: Dark Chocolate
How awesome is this? Not only does dark chocolate contain antioxidants, iron, magnesium, zinc, selenium, copper and manganese; not only is it able to lower your blood pressure; not only can it reduce your risk of heart disease and protect your skin from sun damage, dark chocolate is just one more food that fights cellulite. So long as you're eating a bar that's made up of no less than 75 percent cocoa, the antioxidants in it will break down the fat that leads to the dimples. As a bonus, the caffeine in dark chocolate is able to dehydrate fat cells so that cellulite is harder for you to see.
Worst: Cheese
As much as I enjoy cheese, the older that I get, the less I consume it. Mostly because of the mucus that it produces in my system. But now that I know it's a cellulite trigger, that's even more of a reason to push the extra slice of pizza back. Processed cheese is high in sodium which can lead to water retention and bloating that can make cellulite more obvious in appearance. Plus, pretty much any kind of cheese (other than cottage cheese or perhaps feta) are huge sources of saturated fat; that can lead to slow blood circulation and that can ultimately result in the breakdown of connective tissue which can definitely result in more cellulite.
Worst: White Bread and Bagels
You might've heard that you shouldn't eat anything that's made out of white flour. If you never really knew why it's such a no-no, it's because it's a refined carbohydrate. When we eat this kind of carb, it breaks down into sugar and then glucose. When that happens, the collagen in our system can become damaged and that can make cellulite more apparent.
If you love nothing more in the mornings than a bagel, at least try and cut back on how many you eat. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad news, bagels are one of the biggest sources of salt around. Matter of fact, some contain as much as 600 milligrams of sodium per serving before putting a single thing on them. Salt leads to water retention and water retention can create a more dimply appearance.
Worst: Barbeque Sauce
OK, I'm pretty sure that you didn't think that barbeque sauce was one of the healthiest condiments on the planet, but I'd be surprised if you thought it was a top-tier cellulite causer either. It is, though. Why? Basically, it's because it's loaded with the unhealthy combo of salt and sugar; more sugar than salt. How much more? I'll put it to you this way—two measly tablespoons of sauce equates to 15 grams of sugar; most of the sugar is fructose corn syrup. Yuck.
If you can't imagine eaten certain dishes without it, at least consider making your own with some honey or molasses. Asian plum sauce is pretty good too. Just remember, the less barbeque sauce you eat, the less cellulite you'll probably have. Some chicken or ribs with plum sauce and less dimples seems like a pretty good trade off, if you ask me.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Final Mercury Retrograde Of 2024 Is Here—How This Bold Energy Will Shift Your Perspective
The final Mercury retrograde of the year arrives this month, and this is an opportunity to close one chapter and prepare for a new one. Mercury retrogrades are the time of the year when you take a step back, assess where your life currently is, and be a little more flexible with how things are playing out for you. When Mercury is in retrograde, miscommunications and misdirections are more likely; however, this isn’t the time to fear where you are headed; it’s more about looking at things from a different perspective right now.
Mercury enters Sagittarius on November 2, will be retrograde from Nov. 25 until Dec. 15, and will be in this sign until Jan. 8, 2025. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold and outspoken but, in retrograde, can come across as impulsive and brash. Thinking before speaking is important right now, and so is considering your values and interests before committing to something new. Since Sagittarius rules long-distance travel, this isn’t the best time to plan a new trip or to rush the ones already in place.
Consider where you want to be, and take your time getting there.
What to Expect from Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
A little more than a week after Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, Mars goes retrograde in Leo. With these important transits happening in fire signs, energy can be misdirected right now. It’s about looking at the full picture and not overwhelming yourself with too many options or interests. Take your passions and align them with your heart and willpower, without confusing inspiration with ego. Emotions are running high, yet this activation is creating a breakthrough in personal development before the year ends.
Read below to see how this Mercury retrograde transit will be for you. Read for your sun sign and rising sign.
Your Sun Sign and Rising Sign Horoscopes for Mercury Retrograde in Sagittarius
ARIES
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and you are focused on the bigger picture right now, Aries. With Mercury retrograde in your 9th house of adventure over the next few weeks, this is the time to expect the unexpected and to go at your own pace. Don’t rush the clarity that is meant to bloom for you right now, and take things one day at a time.
Even if you don’t have all the answers you need right now, there are still some important truths and insights to gain. You are in the process of reinventing yourself and your life, and the universe is helping you get the space in order to do so. If you are traveling over the next few weeks, remember to be flexible and to go over plans thoroughly.
TAURUS
Mercury goes retrograde, and you enter a time of change and rebirth, Taurus. This transit, for you, is an opportunity to gain balance, perspective, and empowerment. Your commitments and close partnerships are being addressed right now, and you are seeing where your needs are being met and where they aren’t. You are on a journey of letting go and allowing more, and this is the time to focus on being more flexible rather than controlling outcomes.
This retrograde could also be affecting your shared finances and earnings, and this is a good time to take another look at the money coming in and the money going out and make sure things are in order here. Trust your intuition right now, Taurus.
GEMINI
Mercury goes retrograde in your sister sign, Sagittarius, and you are ready for a fresh perspective in love. This retrograde will highlight your 7th house of partnership, connection, romance, and inner harmony, and your heart is figuring things out right now. Confusion or disagreements are more likely within your relationship dynamics, and this is the time to address what your partnerships need.
If you have been feeling out of balance when it comes to love, then this is the time to get things back on track.
This Mercury retrograde is helping you gain a new perspective and reminds you that you deserve the love you are looking for. Use this time to forgive, grow, and use better judgment regarding matters of the heart and the relationships you are building in your life right now.
Coveteur
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde transit for you is a chance to gain some renewed clarity regarding your health, well-being, and work life. You could be feeling more pressure to perform and have it all together on the job, and there is a need to delegate, let go, and take care of your health more right now, Cancer.
This transit will highlight where some cracks are seeping, where you may need to build stronger foundations and healthier daily routines, and also how you can manage a better work/life balance. Your daily lifestyle may feel a little more difficult to find consistency in right now, and this is because new avenues and perspectives are waiting for you to grab ahold of. Overall, use this time to listen to your inner voice and do more of what feels right for you and your body.
LEO
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and this transit highlights your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, and happiness, Leo. This retrograde is an opportunity for you to address what and who makes you happy and how you can show up more for these fortunate experiences in your life. You are looking at if you’ve been making your happiness as much of a priority as it should be this year and also taking a look at what sources help you align with that energy altogether.
This time is about being a little bit more flexible, doing things differently, and being open to a new perspective. Relationship developments are also providing your heart more clarity right now, and you are balancing your needs with the needs of your partnerships and creative ventures.
VIRGO
Your ruling planet Mercury goes retrograde before the year ends, and this is helping you rebuild your foundations, Virgo. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your life that has to do with your home, history, family, and emotional stability- and you are getting a new grasp on things here.
Where you have been planting your seeds and building for your future are coming up for review during this time, and you are gaining clarity on which of these foundations is stable enough to continue to build upon. You could be feeling less secure than you would like to right now, and this change of pace is helping you reassess your goals and figure out what is worth it for you and the legacy you want to live.
Coveteur
LIBRA
Mercury goes retrograde in Sagittarius, and the focus turns towards your communication channels, Libra. Mercury retro is already a more chaotic time when it comes to communication, and with this retrograde also happening in your 3rd house of insight and communication, you may feel this heaviness a little more right now.
This transit, for you, is about taking your time getting your message across, being patient while traveling and running errands, and giving yourself space to gain some new clarity.
Meditation, journaling, and talking to someone who can support you are therapeutic, and know that your voice deserves to be heard. You are looking at ways you can take up more space and show up in the world without letting your insecurities keep you away from true connection, vulnerability, and understanding.
SCORPIO
This Mercury retrograde is happening in your 2nd house of income, values, assets, and self-confidence, and you are taking a step back to assess your current reality, especially financially, Scorpio. This is a good time to go over your spending habits and earnings, to find greater balance here, and to think about some of your financial goals moving forward.
Look at your resources, skills, and talents, and make sure what you are receiving is equal to or greater than what you have been giving. Less is more right now, and this isn’t the best time to overspend or overindulge, as you need more time to grasp your current stance on things, and how to increase your overall wealth and abundance.
SAGITTARIUS
With this Mercury retrograde happening in your sign, it’s hitting a little closer to home for you, Sagittarius. This is a good time to refine your goals and direction in life and how you want to show up right now. You deserve to be able to change your mind when you need to, and you are thinking about some of the things you have done and what you want to do moving forward.
Miscommunications are more likely while Mercury is in retrograde, but you can use this as a source of empowerment, knowing that you are living in your truth and allowing yourself room to grow in the process. Remember to be a little kinder to yourself during this transit and to give yourself the grace you need right now.
Coveteur
CAPRICORN
This Mercury retrograde for you, Capricorn, is about rest and taking care of your emotional world. You are being given the opportunity to spend more time alone, to gather your strength, and to heal before you enter the new year. A lot has happened, and there have been many changes in your world this year. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find acceptance and closure.
You are in a preparation stage right now, and things can feel a little more lonesome in this energy, but with a different perspective, you can see just how much of this space your heart truly needs right now. The past is coming up for you to see things in a new light, and you are ready to gain some renewed insight, closure, and healing.
AQUARIUS
This Mercury retrograde highlights your friendships, community, and your hopes and dreams, Aquarius. You are being reminded of the importance of connection, but more significantly, of good connections. You are looking at who and what surrounds you right now and gaining clarity on whether this energy matches who you are and the things that you stand for.
Your social circle and the people around you are shifting as the power dynamics do, and you are finding your place and purpose amidst this change. It’s about identifying who and what makes you feel good and aligning things in your life to bring in more of that energy. Don’t be discouraged right now; find your people and ask for support.
PISCES
Your career and ambitions are the focus during this Mercury retrograde, Pisces. You have a lot to address here, and you are gathering your skills and talents and reminding yourself that you are worthy of your dreams. Miscommunications and setbacks are more likely within your professional world, but they are here to ask you if what you are striving for, is really what you need right now.
You are thinking a lot about how you show up in the world, what you want to be known for, and what successes you still want to obtain. This isn’t the time to let anyone’s idea or vision of you define who you are; rather, define that for yourself. Show up as you want to be seen, and don’t count yourself out right now, Pisces.
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The Holiday Bedroom Debate: Sleeping Together, Apart, Or Not At All?
I can’t speak for everyone, but my grandmother has strict rules around who can share a bed at her house. No one will ever be “shacking up” under her roof, so for me and her other grandchildren, that means leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend at home or footing the bill for a hotel during an already costly holiday season. Even for family members who have more liberal house rules, sharing a home with my parents will ensure a silent night for us all.
The holidays bring joy, connection, and quality time with loved ones—but they can also put a damper on intimacy for couples. It’s hard to get your jingle bells rocked when you have family sleeping under the same roof. Family visits and hosting obligations often disrupt intimacy, raising questions like: Should we have sex when relatives are in the next room? Should we follow traditional family rules about sleeping arrangements? How can we even find the time to have sex? And how do we balance respecting traditions with honoring our relationship?
Navigating these dynamics can be particularly challenging when we factor in cultural, familial, and sometimes religious expectations. Sharing space with family doesn’t have to send you into a dry spell. Here’s a guide to maintaining intimacy and harmony during holiday gatherings so that presents aren’t the only thing getting unwrapped this Christmas.
Grandma Says “No Shacking Up!” and Other Common Challenges
So we know that many families with conservative values may not want unmarried couples sleeping in bed together. They may not even like the idea of married couples having sex while family is visiting. Danielle Simpson-Baker, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, explains that “limited privacy, cultural or family-imposed rules, and differing expectations about behavior in shared spaces can lead to disconnection.”
Stress from hosting or visiting family, paired with packed schedules, can exacerbate these feelings and leave little time for you to connect with your loved one. Stress on its own is a known libido killer, but when paired with complicated family dynamics, you can be sure that sex will be a low priority. Who has time anyway? We’re hosting!
For unmarried couples, family norms often add an extra layer of complexity. Catherine Drysdale, a Sex and Relationship Coach, notes, “The holidays can disrupt intimacy in all the usual ways—shared bedrooms, squeaky beds, and not-so-subtle interruptions. Add in the pressure to appear as the perfect couple in front of relatives, and emotional and physical connection often takes a backseat.” Put all of this together, and you have the perfect recipe for low desire and anxiety around sex.
Couples may also be nervous that family will hear them if they decide to do more than just kiss under the mistletoe. The supposed embarrassment alone can keep lovers from even attempting to be intimate, even if they really want to.
How To Navigate? Communicate and Set Expectations
Communication is lubrication, so having an open dialogue with your partner before the holidays is essential.
Discuss potential discomforts and agree on boundaries. “Ask questions like: Are we okay abstaining from sex for a few days? How do we feel about sharing a bed if it’s against family rules?” advises Simpson-Baker. Being on the same page means you can present a united front to family when the time comes and avoid any conflict.
Drysdale suggests creating a “yes/no/maybe” list to clarify comfort levels. “The goal is to avoid surprises or misunderstandings once you’re there,” she explains. Setting an intention for the trip—whether it’s prioritizing family harmony or finding small moments to connect—can also help. No matter what people may think, sex is important! It’s okay to prioritize intimacy, even during the holidays.
Respect Family Rules While Honoring Your Relationship
While it is important to communicate with your partner before settling in with family, balancing their expectations with yours can be a delicate, but necessary, dance. Simpson-Baker emphasizes the importance of balance: “Minor compromises—like sleeping separately—don’t define the strength of your relationship. At the same time, if certain boundaries feel overly restrictive, couples can advocate for themselves respectfully.” This is where being a united front comes in. Getting clear on what feels acceptable to you and your partner ahead of time will help these tough conversations go a bit smoother.
It may also help to talk to your family before the holiday celebrations begin. Gwen Walsh, a Sex Educator and Consultant, shares a personal example: “I communicated with my mom why it was important to me to sleep in the same bed as my partner. I asked her to give me an opportunity to earn her trust. After a long conversation, she agreed to compromise.” While this approach isn’t guaranteed to work in every situation, it highlights the value of respectful communication.
Creative Ways To Maintain Intimacy While Visiting Family
When family doesn’t budge or if you just decide it is not that big of a deal, there are still ways to prioritize intimacy. If privacy for physical intimacy isn’t possible, focus on emotional and non-sexual forms of connection. Simpson-Baker suggests small gestures like “squeezing each other’s hand under the table or sharing a quiet conversation at night.” Small gestures still matter and can help couples maintain a sense of normalcy.
Sexologist Natassia Miller also highlights the importance of daily rituals. “Prioritize non-sexual touch. A long hug or a six-second kiss can maintain your connection and decrease stress levels,” she advises. These small daily rituals can also serve as a form of extended foreplay, setting you up for an explosive connection when the holidays are done.
The Bigger Picture
While holiday dynamics can feel overwhelming, it’s important to remember that these moments are temporary. Whether you’re sneaking in a private conversation during a walk or laughing together over a family tradition, small acts of connection can sustain your relationship through the chaos.
Ultimately, as Walsh puts it, “Your partnership exists in its own unique context. Lead with empathy, honesty, and respect, and you’ll find a way to navigate even the most challenging family dynamics.”
This holiday season, embrace the opportunity to grow together as a couple while navigating the complexities of family dynamics. With thoughtful communication, creativity, and a united front, you can honor your relationship and still enjoy the festive chaos of the holidays.
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