How I Found The Courage To Keep Chasing My Dreams And How You Can Too
"Don't die with your dreams."
It's a simple statement, but one I really needed to hear. After attending the live taping for The Hey, Girl Podcast's finale episode, I realized I'm not living my dream life. I have a decent job, my own place, and a great social life, but something is missing. That something? I'm doing what I'm supposed to, not what I want to do. However, shifting gears to have a more fulfilling life would require faith, taking risks, and being vulnerable—all things I struggle with. And I know I'm not the only one.
Some of us are settling for our life because we're afraid to try and fail. We're so scared to seem lost, directionless, or uncertain. We don't want to be judged or fear being misunderstood when we attempt to explain our lack of fulfillment to family and friends. We fear seeming "too old" to not have it "all together." We may also feel inclined to listen when the little voice in our head tells us we don't have what it takes to achieve our dreams or we don't deserve the joy and fulfillment that comes from walking in our purpose.
While these feelings and fears are valid, they don't reflect the reality of our situation. These feelings and fears are often rooted in stories that protect us from being vulnerable but keep us further away from our dreams.
We have to find the courage to tell ourselves a new story. One that affirms that we're exactly where we need to be and this part of life that feelings confusing, scary and uncertain is a necessary part of the journey.
Here's how we find the courage to do that:
Forgive yourself for not trying sooner.
As we get older, we may feel more pressured to settle down and play it safe when making big decisions. We may tell ourselves that we should have taken risks sooner and that it's too late in the game to attempt something new. It's hard to imagine new possibilities when we keep judging ourselves for choices we made in the past. We can wonder why the 25-year-old version of ourselves didn't make different decisions, but we can't change the past, and living with regret makes it hard for us to access our dreams. Forgiving yourself and being compassionate with yourself will allow you to access the confidence you need to be successful.
Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Reading and following the success stories of those we admire is a huge source of motivation. It can inspire us to dream big and imagine how different our lives could be if we took a risk. Unfortunately, it can also scare us into staying stuck because we'll fall into the comparison trap. We'll scroll through Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn and feel inadequate because people are further along than us. We may get discouraged when we discover people have access to funds, people, and opportunities that can help them excel faster than we can.
The truth is we don't know every detail of their story. We don't know what they've sacrificed or how scared they were when they started. What we do know is that they didn't give up. They found the courage to keep going despite their challenges, and we have the power to do the same.
Don't be controlled by what other people think.
It's natural to care about other people's thoughts because we're human. We thrive off being included and feeling connected. But we can't allow ourselves to be controlled by what other people think. Someone will always have thoughts about our decisions and desires. But we can't let the opinions of others keep us stuck and fearful. There is a difference between what we want and what others think we can, and should, have. Even people who love and care about us may attempt to limit us based on their fears and perceptions of who we're meant to be. But they don't have the final say over our lives, nor were they given our vision.
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Have faith the pieces will come together.
One of my favorite lines in Paul Coelho's The Alchemist is, "when you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you achieve it." When we begin pursuing our dreams and taking steps to walk in our purpose, opportunities and experiences will open up to help us on our journey. To notice these opportunities, we have to lean into abundance. Shifting to an abundance mindset is hard when you've become accustomed to living in scarcity. There is enough money, help, opportunities, time, and resources to make our dreams a reality.
Lean into the unknown.
When we don't know the answer or something seems uncertain, we sense that moving forward would put us in danger. We figure the more we know, the less daunting the process will be and the more successful we'll be in the end. But that's not true. We can't control or plan for everything. Where we've been conditioned to see danger, we could begin to see possibility. There is a lot of joy in the unknown. Sometimes we'll need to have faith in ourselves and trust that we have what it takes to be okay wherever we land.
You have to stick with it even when it sucks.
You can't skip the hard days. Sometimes we want to reach our dreams without struggling. As soon as something undesirable happens, we question the entire process and wonder if we've made a mistake. But experiencing lows is part of the journey. It won't always be easy, even when you want something and you're meant to have something. You can take a break, rest, and give yourself space to reassess the plan. But remember, "if the plan doesn't work, change the plan, not the goal."
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Make time for your dreams.
Sometimes we're so busy using our time, energy, intellect, and creativity as conduits to other people's dreams that we forget to make time for our own. We'll feel productive, but we won't feel fulfilled. We have to stop hiding behind other people's happiness and make time to create our own.
Be vulnerable.
One of the hardest things to do is ask for help. But when you have big dreams, you need a big network. You need a community of people that loves, supports, and encourages you. You also need people that share similar interests and goals. Don't be afraid to share that you're struggling and need help. Asking for help can be scary because it creates opportunities for people to judge you and question your ability to succeed, but those people likely weren’t rooting for you to begin with. People who love and support you won’t view you asking for help as a sign of incompetence.
Finding the courage to chase your dreams when you feel like you’ve waited too long is hard. But telling yourself that you’ve “waited too long” is keeping you stuck and unfulfilled. The person you are in five years will thank you for starting today. The choice is yours. But remember, “don’t die with your dreams.”
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This Black Woman-Owned Creative Agency Shows Us The Art Of Rebranding
Rebranding is an intricate process and very important to the success of businesses that want to change. However, before a business owner makes this decision, they should determine whether it's a rebrand or an evolution.
That's where people like Lola Adewuya come in. Lola is the founder and CEO of The Brand Doula, a brand development studio with a multidisciplinary approach to branding, social media, marketing, and design.
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Beyoncé Doubles Down On Not Releasing Visuals For 'Renaissance' Or 'Cowboy Carter': 'The Music Is Enough'
While many people are still unpacking the CMAs shutting out Beyoncé'sCowboy Carteralbum, her cover story for GQ's October issue is now taking center stage. Beyoncé is shown rocking the big hair we've come to love in her country era, giving us queen realness as always.
In the interview, the multifaceted singer spoke about the two albums in the trilogy, Renaissance and Cowboy Carter, as well as her family. She also opened up about her exciting business ventures, such as her haircare brand Cécred and the launch of her whiskey, SirDavis, and why it's crucial for her to be more than just the face of her brands.
"There’s a huge contrast between the business journeys of men and women. Men often have the luxury of being perceived as the strategists, the brains behind their ventures. They’re given the space to focus on the product, the team, the business plan. Women, on the other hand, especially those in the limelight, are frequently pigeonholed into being the face of the brand or the marketing tool. It’s important to me to continue to take the same approach I have taken with my music and apply my learnings to my businesses," she said.
"I am here to change that old narrative. I’m here to focus on the quality. We took our time, and we did our research, and we have earned respect for our brand. I try to choose integrity over shortcuts. I’ve learned that true success isn’t about leaning on a name; it’s about crafting something genuine, something that can hold its own. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being revolutionary."
I know that's right Bey! Check out the highlights below:
On her daughter Blue Ivy being a creative.
I build my work schedule around my family. I try to only tour when my kids are out of school. I always dreamt of a life where I could see the world with my family and expose them to different languages, architecture, and lifestyles.
Raising three kids isn’t easy. The older they get, the more they become their own individuals with unique needs, hobbies, and social lives. My twins are God-sent. Parenting constantly teaches you about yourself. It takes a lot of prayer and patience. I love it. It’s grounding and fulfilling.
My kids come with me everywhere I go. They come to my office after school, and they are in the studio with me. They are in dance rehearsals. It’s natural that they would learn my choreography.
Blue is an artist. She has great taste in music and fashion. She is a fantastic editor, painter, and actress. She has been creating characters since she was three. She’s a natural, but I did not want Blue onstage. Blue wanted it for herself. She took it seriously and she earned it. And most importantly, she had fun! We all watched her grow more and more every night before our eyes.
On her decision to not provide visuals for "Renaissance" and "Cowboy Carter" albums.
I thought it was important that during a time where all we see is visuals, that the world can focus on the voice. The music is so rich in history and instrumentation. It takes months to digest, research, and understand. The music needed space to breathe on its own. Sometimes a visual can be a distraction from the quality of the voice and the music. The years of hard work and detail put into an album that takes over four years! The music is enough. The fans from all over the world became the visual. We all got the visual on tour. We then got more visuals from my film.
On being proud of the work she put into "Cowboy Carter."
I am proud of what I have been able to do, but I also recognize the sacrifices—mine and my family’s. There was a time when I was pushing myself to meet unrealistic deadlines, while not taking the time to enjoy the benefits of why I was working so hard. There aren’t many of us from the late ’90s who were taught to focus on mental health. Back then, I had little boundaries, and said yes to everything. But I’ve paid my dues a hundred times over. I have worked harder than anyone I know. And now I work smarter. In the end, the biggest reward is personal joy. Has what I created pushed others to think freely and believe in the impossible? If the answer to that question is yes, then that is the gift.
On legacy being her biggest motivator in business.
I get excited about love, legacy, and longevity. Do I love what I am trying to create for the love of it? I am discovering that legacy is the common denominator in all the businesses that I have done.
On protecting her family and her peace.
We live in a world of access. We have access to so much information—some facts, and some complete bullshit disguised as truth. Our children can FaceTime and see their friends at any given moment. My husband and I? We used calling cards and Skype when we were falling in love. I couldn’t afford the international hotel bills, so I literally would get international calling cards to call him. Just recently, I heard an AI song that sounded so much like me it scared me. It’s impossible to truly know what’s real and what’s not.
One thing I’ve worked extremely hard on is making sure my kids can have as much normalcy and privacy as possible, ensuring my personal life isn’t turned into a brand. It’s very easy for celebrities to turn our lives into performance art. I have made an extreme effort to stay true to my boundaries and protect myself and my family. No amount of money is worth my peace.
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