10 Female Founders On What Productivity Means To Them
Just a few months ago, I packed everything that I loved (including my dog) in my Honda Civic, and traveled 22 hours from Texas to California to pursue a new venture for my business. Since making the move, I've been introduced to new opportunities, but I've also been exposed to a lot of distractions. Sometimes when you're on a new journey, it's easy to become preoccupied with unnecessary things and lose track of what truly deserves your attention and energy. In return, this can cause your productivity level to decrease. It seems like in a blink of an eye, the worst happens.
Whether you're bossing up as a business owner or in the corporate world, your level of productivity can easily dictate whether or not you're successful. Being productive isn't something you can just pop up and be a beast at immediately. Mastering productivity happens over time and requires a change in mindset and lifestyle. It's something you have to intentionally practice every day.
Recently, I connected with a few business owners on what productivity means to them and how they maintain a high level of productivity. Keep reading to learn from these bosses and snag some inspo that you can use in your own life!
Let your past and shortcomings be fuel for the future.
Image via Sky Landish
Sky Landish, Founder, StripN'Fitness:
Being productive means continuously hustling daily for the things that add up to the big picture in your mind.
"I feel as though the largest two challenges surrounding my definition of productivity is the motivation that facilitates your hustle and the vision that keeps that picture in your mind clear yet attainable. We constantly have to reinvent motivation because it can quickly expire. A vision of your picture--your end goal--can be clouded with small setbacks and financial or personal struggles such as breakups or costly bills. When I was 23 years old, I was homeless, struggling to finish college, working a full-time job, unhealthy, unhappy, and had recently been cheated on. There was a moment where I didn't know what to do. However, I somehow found my motivation in the anger of being treated less than by another human being and it led me to hustle harder, to start working out, and to share more on social media. I saw my bigger picture in my ability to take the worst situations and make them a positive light. That alone allowed me to build on me, what I wanted out of life, and how I could create the dopest future for myself.
"A productive workday for me includes waking up at 9 a.m, creating the vibe for my ladies who are signed up for my 'Transform Your Eating & Exercise' program in our Facebook group, and responding to their questions.
"After that, I answer any emails from brands for influencer collaborations, negotiate, and sign any contracts. I then go to my beauty room and tape content for my social media platform, then head to the gym to do my daily workout. Once I'm done, I go to my collaborative office space that I share with my fiancé, and we typically discuss whatever calendar updates, bookings, or other things that are coming up. We usually end the day with dinner together, and I head home to catch up on news or trending topics for the day."
Let technology aid in your productivity.
Image via Alexis Davis
Alexis Davis, Founder, The Content Plug:
There are only so many hours in a day, so having systems and using your time efficiently is vital for entrepreneurs and businesses of every size.
"It takes a certain mindset to perform at your best each and every day. For one, I strongly believe that getting started early helps me have a productive 16 hours. I like to begin my day by checking emails and responding to items that need immediate attention. I double-check my calendar to see what meetings I have planned for the day and ensure that I have my agendas and notes prepared well before my meetings are set to begin. Scrambling at the last minute will only pull me away from focusing on other important tasks.
"Managing my to-do list on Trello helps me significantly as I am able to put dates and times on tasks instead of feeling like I need to accomplish everything in one day.
"Since I am a social media manager, I spend a lot of time on the various platforms looking at discussions or trends to see if there are any conversations I can appropriately jump into on behalf of my clients and to keep an eye on current events. Ironically, looking at pages that have nothing to do with my clients can get distracting, and I have to have a bit of self-control.
"Finally, getting a full eight hours of sleep helps tremendously. I was once a person that could stay up all night and run on a few hours of sleep, but [that will] catch up to you and does not help you or your productivity in the long run! For me, a productive month ends with happy clients, new proposals delivered to potential clients, at least one new invitation to speak on a panel or teach a class, a short to-do list, and little to no emails."
It's OK to pivot.
Image via Psyche Terry
Psyche Terry, Co-founder, UI Global Brands:
Being productive means to be moving but not in the same place and to have energy but not in the same area. It's about forward motion even if it's not the original direction but you're still moving, learning, and being challenged. It's about growth rather than standing still.
"A couple of years ago in my business, we were doing themost! We had two LLCs under one company---one was apparel and the other was beauty. I was still in motion with both so [I was] not as productive with my beauty business because of the time that I was spending on the apparel brand. This wasn't a line--it was a whole company! I put a lot of time, energy, effort, and talent into it, but ultimately it was distracting from my other brand.
"Great business mentors are part of my success story. Enrolling in the Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses program was most productive for us as a company because it helped me to identify the best path for us while truly looking at the final outcome.
"Once I considered the end result, it forced me to choose the most productive route and avoid distractions. My definition of a productive workday is constantly changing.
"I would define a productive workday as anything that helps me get closer to my end result. [It's] if I'm able to move, whether the movement is positive or negative, to get closer to that end result that I have stated for myself. This also includes self-care, rest, and being conscious of my personal well-being. To do that, I have to breathe and reflect in self-care. To me, that's the true definition because if you end up burned out at the end, then what's the point?"
Every second counts.
Image via Instagram/getfitwithmassi
Masiel Encarnación, Weight-loss coach & Founder, The ConFITence Blueprint:
Being productive means being efficient and wasting as little time as possible.
"Instagram used to be a major distraction when I first started my business. First, I followed too many influencers in the health and wellness space which clouded my creativity and focus. Scrolling through a feed full of others in your space to be 'inspired' is actually a sure-fire way to always be in second place. I had to quickly learn that being an influencer and being a profitable business owner were not always the same thing.
"The way I overcame this was to unfollow almost everyone in my space unless I knew them personally and focus on my company's framework and mission.
"Secondly, I love connecting with my community, and in the last 6 years, I've built a very engaged following. However, at one point, I constantly felt pulled into 100 different directions with requests from all over the place. My desire to be accessible and immediately responsive to hundreds of DMs (and emails) in real time was unrealistic and a huge stressor. Once I changed my mindset, prioritized revenue-generating activities, and set better business boundaries around my availability and response time, I was able to be more efficient.
"For me, a productive workday begins with self-care and non-work activities. I create, meditate, write, read, journal, exercise, eat breakfast, and then dive into work after I've already poured into myself. Work happens between the hours of 9 a.m.-9 p.m."
The small wins add up.
Image via Kaylen Zahara
Kaylen Zahara, Founder, AmazedByKay Consulting:
Productivity is knowing each day you performed a micro task that targets executing your macro goal.
"The biggest distraction for me as a founder and content creator is analysis paralysis along with a pinch of procrastination. As the boss, you have no one to micromanage you but yourself, so there are times when my moods can get the best of my mornings. The fear within will nudge me to put things off for later in the day. Before you know it, it's a new day and my to-do list has barely been tended to. On days my moods aren't in charge, my fear of failure is, and I convince myself that if I spend more hours being analytical, that contributes to productivity, therefore I can't be hard on myself after all, right? If you can relate, the best way to eliminate these habits and comfort zones are to look in the mirror and be honest. Realize you are just afraid of your best version of yourself.
"To rise to success, you have to sit with that fear and be friends with it, quiet the noise, and reprogram your subconscious to believe you are capable. Remind your conscience of your why.
"Here's what a productive workweek looks like: 5 a.m. wake-up times to set intentions for the day, 45 minutes of daily exercise, therapy sessions, deal-closing, accomplishing the biggest to smallest tasks, and assisting my team to meet their needs and to ensure overall brand success."
Being aligned with your team is important.
Image via Jasmine Shells
Jasmine Shells, Co-Founder & CEO, Five to Nine:
Productivity means to be in a state of flow and to accomplish the tasks I set for myself to complete.
"As a startup founder, things always pop up onto your radar that tend to divert your attention from the goals you set for the day. It's inevitable. Those things typically disrupt the flow completely. So I started looking at my to-do list in an aggregate week view versus a daily view. It provides me with more flexibility to accomplish my goals and to allow room for those things that pop up. For low-priority tasks, I easily prioritize them later in the week without any associated guilt.
"I've noticed that weekly to-do lists give me what feels like more control over my schedule and my mindset by creating a more realistic working environment for what startup life looks like.
"A productive workday or workweek from my perspective is alignment between my team members. We have work that is interdependent and collaborative, so keeping us all on the same page while moving a million miles an hour is a constant focus. This, to me, is the ultimate productivity goal."
Understand that success takes a village.
Image via KaDeadra McNealy
KaDeadra McNealy, Founder, Millennial Nail Bar:
As a founder, being productive is understanding what skill set isn't my strongest and reaching out to other female founders for recommendations.
"When Millennial Nail Bar (MNB) first launched, I truly thought I could do it all. From creating the website, running the social media accounts, and partaking in pitch competitions---all while searching for potential investors. I remember speaking with a fellow woman founder who not only explained how important it is to lose the grip on 'your baby' and onboard a team, but how to properly select the individual who can help you accomplish the company's goals.
"Every week, I look over the prior week and/or month's goals. This might include eliminating or continuing current tactics or understanding where the ball was dropped and how to prevent it from happening again."
Planning must meet consistency.
Image via Dawn Myers, Esq
Dawn Myers, Esq., Founder, The Most:
Peak productivity means meeting specific metrics for my organizations as efficiently and effectively as possible.
"In the past, I have been guilty of sacrificing sleep and pulling egregiously long workdays. I was moving the ball forward, but I wasn't working smart, and I was careening toward burnout. It took me a while to realize that the easy way is the smart way. I come from a professional background that glorifies backbreaking work hours, so it took some time to stop feeling guilty about delegating. I thought I was being lean by doing it all myself instead of hiring contractors and virtual assistants. I know now that delegating allows me to focus on the highest-impact activities which result in the highest impact gains. Also, delegating has forced me to build a team, put repeatable processes and training documents into place, and strengthen my management skills. I'm happier and less overwhelmed, and my company runs much more smoothly than it did when I kept a firm grip on every single task.
"Productivity is what happens when planning meets consistency. With the time freed up by delegating low-impact tasks, I've been able to embed small but mighty habits into my routine like blocking off an hour each day for investor outreach or fitting in a morning workout to power me through the rest of my day. Having the space to make consistent, measurable progress has been transformative. Measurability is the key here. Make sure that you associate goals with attainable daily and weekly metrics.
"A successful, productive week for me starts on Sunday night. I have an alarm set on my phone for 7 p.m. to skim my calendar and plan in any high-priority tasks for the week. Less is more. I aim to complete no more than I can fit on a sticky note each day (I use ruled notepads so I can't cheat by using smaller script). If I delegate effectively, adhere to healthy habits, and manage a few high-impact tasks every single day, I am guaranteed to see stunning progress month over month."
Make conscious decisions to take care of yourself first.
Image via Gabrielle Deculus
Gabrielle Deculus, Founder, Business Rules for Women:
Being productive means moving the needle forward, productivity ultimately equates to accomplishing my goals and accomplishing my goals yields success.
"To be honest, mental health has been a challenge, and I work on it daily. There have been times when I struggled with productivity because of it, specifically because of personal life events and work-related experiences. Without having proper support as a founder, you will be impacted and distracted in a multitude of ways. The bottom line is things will happen, but how will you handle it? This is why I actively invest in my mental health and why I started Business Rules for Women. Being ambitious and in business can be lonely, and I have had to deal with a lot on my own.
"Within the last year, I have made conscious decisions to go to therapy, actively develop stronger relationships with my business friends, and share as much as possible with others. We learn when we teach, and we grow when we are vulnerable and willing to listen.
"The past several months, I have been continuously working on producing a much-needed 3-day conference for ambitious women happening April 3-5 here in New Orleans. I truly believe in fully utilizing my time, which means my days are filled with setting timers to meet deadlines, holding several meetings each day, and communicating with my team to ensure things are constantly moving."
Multitasking is a trap.
Image via Dorian Morris
Dorian Morris, Founder, Undefined Beauty:
Productivity is about taking it step-by-step, building brick-by-brick and not trying to boil the ocean while also recognizing multitasking is actually the ultimate productivity killer.
"As the solo bootstrapping founder of Undefined Beauty, there's never enough time in the day to tackle the constantly growing to-do list and capitalize on opportunities, especially in the dynamic and ever-evolving cannabis and CBD space. It can get overwhelming but I find chunking--breaking big tasks into small steps--makes it easier and less anxiety-provoking to GSD (aka get stuff done).
"It takes focus and removing unnecessary, derailing distractions like social media and resisting the urge to multitask, which makes each task actually take longer. I also celebrate small wins along the way to maintain momentum.
"A productive workday involves balancing the strategic versus tactical tasks--putting out today's fires while also planting seeds for future growth and opportunities. It's definitely a journey that's part art and part science, but that's what makes entrepreneurship fun."
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Featured Image courtesy of Dawn Myers, Esq
Brittani Hunter is a proud PVAMU alumni and the founder of The Mogul Millennial, a business and career platform for Black Millennials. Meet Brittani on Twitter and on the Gram at @BrittaniLHunter and @mogulmillennial.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?
A hill that I am forever going to die on is nothing, and no one (including your spouse or your kids) should come before your purpose — ever. The reason why I say that is because your purpose is literally why you exist. And so, aside from the Creator who assigned you to one, there is nothing and no one greater.
And because of that, you should be laser-focused on surrounding yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will help you to manifest “the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.” (one definition of purpose) as it relates to you specifically and then you should be intentional, both daily and consistently, about manifesting “an intended or desired result; end; aim; goal” (another definition of purpose) when it comes to elevating in that very space.
In order for all of this to happen, you definitely, without question, need to surround yourself with purposeful relationships: relationships that exist, largely in part, to help you reach certain intended aims and desired results. And in order for that to happen, you’ve got to be highly selective about who those people are — and it needs to go well beneath the surface of merely having certain things in common or enjoying someone’s company.
Keeping all of this in mind, let’s explore what it means to have purposeful relationships and why you are doing yourself a serious detriment if you don’t prioritize having them in your life. Ready?
What Is Your Purpose?
GiphyI once read an article that said that only 25 percent of people actually know what their purpose is (a lot of other articles say that it’s actually lower than that!). To me, that’s alarming because, again, since purpose is literally why each of us are here, it’s important to prioritize discovering what your own purpose is all about. It’s basically what Oprah Winfrey once said: “Your real job is to figure out what it is that you are called to do” because, once you know that, it helps you to know what direction your life should actually take — including when it comes to your relationships.
And so, before getting into anything else — what is your purpose? If you’re unsure, a “purpose hack” that I recommend is to think about what you were put on this planet to do. If you can explain it in three words or phrases, you’re probably right on the money.
For instance, my purpose is “marriage, sex, and the Sabbath” — all are biblical covenant principles (that folks, en masse, are totally flippant about), and all are things that I study, research, and talk about on a daily basis and all are things that I have been told, consistently, that I seem to have supernatural insights on. You know, in Hebrew and African culture, names speak to purpose, and I discovered in my 30s, from an Israeli, that my name is Hebrew and it means “Mine; Belonging to Me,” which basically means that my name even means “covenant” (Ezekiel 16:1-14).
And you know what? Even if I didn’t get paid to write, public speak, and life coach on those three things, I would still do it because, for me, those topics come so naturally to me that they are like breathing; even when I’m tired, it still feels like a huge life source.
Okay, so what do you feel this way about? If you’re still unsure, there is a leadership website that features over 132 questions that you can ask yourself here. Also, if you go to your favorite search engine and put “find my purpose quiz” in the search field, there are all sorts of (free) tests that you can take. You might also want to see a life coach for some clarity because we are trained to ask certain questions that can lead you to some pretty profound “ah-ha moments.”
Whatever path you decide to take, it is super important, critical even, that you know what your purpose is. So many people waste valuable time, effort, and energy, not just on the wrong career path but with the wrong partners and in the wrong friendships because they have absolutely no clue.
NOTHING Should EVER Come Before Purpose Fulfillment
GiphyAlthough I touched on this in the intro, before getting into how you can know if you’re in truly purpose-filled relationships, since this revelation may immediately cause you to do some reassessing and reprioritizing as far as certain folks are concerned, I need to speak to the part of you who may feel guilty about shifting and realigning, perhaps even after reading all of this. Yeah, please hear and hear me good when I say that you are doing yourself the ultimate disservice if you are out here living your life without fulfilling your purpose in the process.
So, what are some signs that you are, indeed, in a state of purpose fulfillment:
- Your gifts and talents are being utilized.
- You feel a sense of holistic wholeness and calm.
- Even on the hard days, you enjoy many moments within it.
- Others are directly benefitting from what you do.
- No one is doing, what you are doing, quite like you are doing it.
- You are constantly feeling challenged, inspired, and motivated.
- You can connect what you do to a profound sense of spiritual elevation.
- You are becoming a better, not worse, person.
- Money is merely a bonus.
- You feel fulfilled.
Fulfill: to carry out, or bring to realization, as a prophecy or promise; to perform or do, as duty; obey or follow, as commands; to satisfy (requirements, obligations, etc.); to bring to an end; finish or complete, as a period of time; to develop the full potential of (usually used reflexively)
Synonyms: accomplished, satisfied, pleased, crowned, gratified, realized, perfected
- Feeling fulfilled has so many layers to it.
- Being fulfilled has a spiritual element to it (prophecy, promise).
- Being fulfilled means that you are being led to execute certain things.
- Being fulfilled means you are here to complete something.
- Being fulfilled means that your full potential is to be developed.
- Being fulfilled brings a sense of accomplishment, gratification, and supreme realization.
And when you break all of this down and then really let it set in — how in the world could — or should — you let anyone or anything come before all of this? You shouldn’t. Yet, because this isn’t taught, nearly enough, folks end up (for example) miserable in marriages because they didn’t choose someone who complements their purpose. People end up on roller coaster rides in their friendships because they are not connected to those who complement their purpose. People never really learn who to hold on to and who to release because they don’t get how important it is to stick with who complements their purpose and to let go of who…doesn’t.
And just what do I mean by that? I’m so glad that you asked.
Who in Your Life Complements Your Purpose?
GiphyAn article that I wrote for the platform a few years back that people will sometimes still write me about to this day is “If He's Right For You, He Will COMPLEMENT Your Life.” A part of what inspired it is a verse in Scripture. The Classic Amplified Version of Genesis 2:18 says, “Now the Lord God said, It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.” Yeah, it’s kind of a message for another time how, nowhere in this, does it say that God would give Adam someone to “fall in love with;” it says that he would bring him HELP in the form of his COMPLEMENT. Nothing’s wrong with love, yet some of y’all are hinging too much on Disney and rom-coms and not enough on who complements you. Like I said…another time.
Okay, yet even beyond your life partner, what does it mean for someone to complement you? If someone is your complement, they are able to bring forth some sort of completion in your life. Not in the Jerry Maguire (film) “You complete me” kind of way (that’s basically an inside job) — more like in the “You help me to bring certain things together in order to COMPLETE things” instead of “You are so much work to deal with that you are taking time, effort, energy, and resources away from me being able to COMPLETE things.” Make sense?
I’ll give you a personal example (not with graphic details, but enough). There was someone, back in the day, who used to really try to be my friend. Another matter for another time? I’m not big on that. Life and discernment have taught me that if you’re “trying hard,” you usually have an agenda. Friendships should happen…organically. Anyway, one day, out of the blue, she decided that we fell out (LOL). I know this because she told someone we mutually share without ever talking to me. Fast forward to now, and we both have platforms; ones that couldn’t be more different.
I mean, what she talks about is so diametrically opposed to what I do, and because she is so opinionated to the point that no one else can really get a word in unless it’s to praise or applaud her — I already know that we would’ve had a lot of conflict. So much time would’ve been spent via her trying to get me to see things her way that I wouldn’t be focused on what I am called to do…over here. She’s simply not my complement; not as far as my close inner circle is concerned. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that it’s a good idea to see folks for who and what they are so that you know where to place them in your life.
So yeah, if you’ve got people in your life who contradict your purpose, challenge you about your purpose, try and gaslight you out of your purpose — they do not complement it.
Now let’s see and raise this point.
Who in Your Life Helps to Elevate Your Purpose?
GiphyA couple of weeks ago, my godchildren’s mom treated me to a trip where she spoke at a moth. What is that? Long story short, people from all over the country get to share a 10-minute story, based on various themes, before audiences. If they go over 10 minutes, they’re kind of “Apollo-ed off” (the real ones know what I mean by that). Anyway, the main reason why she wanted me to come was because she wanted to publicly thank me for planting a seed into the platform that she has now, which is advocacy for Black and brown people in country music. My role? Telling her to start a podcast for it in the first place (because she was wearing me out talking about country music history all of the time!). I stayed on her for a couple of years, and she finally followed through. Since then, it has taken off in ways that she never imagined, and now there is a major resurgence in her career. Love to see it!
You know, confession time: It took me a long time to fully rest in the fact that another huge part of my personal purpose is to be a “doula” for people. Yes, I am one in the traditional sense. However, the Most High has also used me, so many times over, to help people with “creative pregnancies” (Romans 8:22-29 — Message) — to get them to see them, to help protect them, and then to provide support in the execution of them. And on this side of really getting that, it’s an honor.
Anyway, it wouldn’t make sense to write on this topic and not also mention that when you are in purposeful relationships, you should also be seeing some sort of elevation as a direct result of being connected to those individuals. It doesn’t always, automatically or necessarily have to be monetary yet— yes, you need to be growing, thriving, flourishing because they are in your life. So should your purpose.
It’s kind of like something that I recently heard the comedian Earthquake say on Drink Champs. He was talking about splitting assets in relationships and he basically said that if you help him to acquire more since being with someone and there’s a break-up, sharing makes sense. At the same time, if you leave with the same amount that you came in with, why is anyone else owed anything? My favorite line in his narrative: “We didn’t prosper.” Boy, if that ain’t a way to end stuff: WE DIDN’T PROSPER. LOL.
To prosper is to be successful. To prosper is to flourish. To prosper is to thrive. And I promise you that if you are linked up with people who are a complement to your purpose — whether it be personal or professional, romantic or platonic — you are going to see some prospering going on. Things are gonna multiply. You’re gonna produce some newness. Progress, yielding, and advancing are gonna be a given.
Hmph. Don’t get me started on how some of y’all need to “relationally demote” some of your own familial relationships because they are some of the greatest enemies of you fulfilling your purpose. STRAIGHT UP.
Closing out this point by saying — no YELLING — that when you are in purposeful relationships, one way to know is, one way or another, your purpose is gonna elevate. Now, think about your relational dynamics as they currently stand. Is that what's happening? Are you sure?
Why You Should Prioritize “Purpose People” Above All Others
GiphyWhen it comes to relationship-related stuff, something else that time and maturity will (hopefully) teach you is there is a ton of space between “friend” and “enemy.” What I mean by that is, even if you realize that someone doesn’t need to be in your inner intimate circle or even that they shouldn’t be deserving of the official title “friend” (check out “Allow These Things To Happen Before Calling Someone 'Friend'”), that doesn’t mean they can’t be a cool acquaintance, a seasonal connection or simply someone who you enjoy getting drinks with from time to time. Y’all, some people can be pleasant additions without being highly prioritized. Always remember that.
Who should you prioritize, though? Your purposeful relationships. Now that you know more about what those people look and act like, it should be a given that your spouse would qualify because surely you wouldn’t choose a partner who doesn’t complement your purpose…CORRECT? And, of course, your kids would fall into this as well because two people in purpose create children with purpose…RIGHT? And then there’s the rest of the folks in your world who make you manifest your purpose clearer and easier.
Me personally? I know exactly who those individuals are for me. They’re the ones who can call me at 4 a.m. They’re the ones who can get money even when it’s a bit inconvenient for me to give it (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). They’re the ones who I am happy to lend my gifts and talents to. Why? Because they would do the same for me. How can I be so sure? It’s because we have both agreed that we are in each other’s lives, in part, to make sure that our individual purposes are indeed fulfilled — and whatever it takes to make that happen…so be it. We’re in this thing until manifestation transpires. And those are the kind of people who deserve to come above all else. Truly and fully. And they do — without hesitation or reservation. To this day, I’ve never regretted it.
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The late and oh-so-great Dr. Myles Munroe’s purpose was largely about helping others figure out their own purpose. That’s why he used to say things like, “Purpose is when you know and understand what you were born to accomplish,” “We were placed on earth to fulfill a purpose, which gives meaning to our lives; you were sent to the world to make an impact and a difference,” and “Your purpose can be fulfilled only during the time you are given on earth to accomplish it.”
And you know what? It would be a shame to have wasted so much of your time trying to make relationships work and last that never really were supposed to, all because they have nothing to do with you fulfilling your purpose, and you never realized that therein was the supreme disconnect.
It can’t be said enough: purpose is why you’re here. So, make sure that you’ve got relationships that help you to live your best life — IN PURPOSE…until you complete it.
Amen? Selah.
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