"I know that I'm capable of giving a woman everything she deserves and needs."
Interviewed by Soraya Joseph. Originally posted Sep 29, 2014.
There doesn't seem to be much room for reconciliation between former cavs player Daniel Gibson and R&B siner Keyshia Cole, however the self-proclaimed hopeless romantic takes full responsibility for the infidelities with his ex wife. In an exclusive interview, he detailed the depression he went through after losing his wife and family, his fast from all things negative (including alcohol), his ideal woman, as well as how he will go about things a little differently in his next relationship.
Peep the interview below:
You mentioned social media and you feeling like it impacted your relationship to Keyshia for the worst. Can you explain that a little bit?
With social media, it makes everybody accessible. And so, when you have a problem, usually you keep it in the house. You talk about it and you deal with it. You figure it out. And you grow from it. With the addition of social media into everybody's relationships, if they're going to social media [to receive] advice from people who really don't know what's going on in the relationship... you got all of these negative influences and voices in your head.
And I think that's kind of what happened a lot of times with me and Keyshia. Like there were times where something would come out about me- being though we might have been separated at the time- but something would come out and she would just believe it right away. And she would go straight to social media and go to talking about it. I wouldn't even have had an opportunity to have a conversation with her about it. And that's what I mean. Once you open up that door- if you two aren't tight and aware that there are people out here who will waste their last breath to see y'all not together, I think your relationship is headed for destruction.
Basically, I look at love these days like war. It's just being attacked from so many different angles. If you're not in it with a soldier, somebody that's on your side, then, yeah, y'all will end up on opposite sides. It's real out here.
[Tweet "There are people out here who will waste their last breath to see your relationship fail."]
Have you ever cheated while in your relationship? I believe I read somewhere that you never did and that was just a misunderstanding with how the media blew it up. So have you always been faithful in your marriage?
No, that's not a fact. There was an incident in the inside of our relationship where I was unfaithful to Keyshia. We tried to work it out like most people do.
But that wasn't even- when that happened between me and Keyshia- that wasn't even publicized. Everything else was publicized between the two of us but that was something that we tried to work through.
And it was just very difficult to do so, I'm assuming?
Well yeah. I just think that some people can forgive and some people can understand that some people make mistakes, whatever the case may be. I, for one, think that cheating should never happen. And I'm not going to get up here and try to make an excuse for how she might have acted or my pride or my ego or any of that because I did a lot of self-evaluation after me and her relationship and I know what I want out of life [now]. I know what I want out of a woman. I know that I'm capable of giving a woman everything she deserves and needs. I just think sometimes things happen. And I don't think God makes mistakes and everything happens for a reason and we all grow the way we should grow.
[Tweet "I don't think God makes mistakes and we all grow the way we should grow."]
So as crazy as it sounds, I think everything that happened to me, it happened for a reason. Because out of it all, it showed me what I really want. How to cherish and respect and all of the things I might have neglected or I might have not done well in my last situation, I've learned through the depression I went through after losing Keyshia and I felt like [I lost] my son too in the sense that I couldn't be with him every day. That whole thing took me into a deep depression. And in that depression I kind of found out a lot of things about myself.
[Depression] is definitely something I sympathize with. Anybody now, knowing where I came from and where I was, anybody I hear that is possibly dealing with something- I feel inclined to speak to them and tell them that in time - because it does take time - things will get better in the right place.
So besides time, what else would you say helped you out of your depression?
I would say without a shadow of a doubt, my guiding light was my son. You know, I was always trying to feel sorry for myself or whatever the case may be. It wasn't [just] me and Keyshia's relationship. I come from a poverty-stricken - you know, my family- grew up in a very tough situation. And some of my people are still going through the same thing. And I lost a lot of family members around the same time. So I got hit with a lot at once.
So [Daniel Jr.] was definitely my guiding light through it all but it was also faith. And like I mentioned earlier, a lot of my poetry healed me too. It gave me somewhere to vent, somewhere to talk. And somewhere to actually get it out... it kind of low key saved me.
I kind of fasted from everything bad and negative in my life. Like no drinking. No sex. No fast foods. I pretty much just fast[ed] from all of those things. I kind of got into a lot of this stuff and being able to be open and transparent with a lot of the mistakes that I made in my life and in my relationship.
You said you don't too much believe in divorce. Would you say since the last time you said that to now that you've accepted the idea of [divorce] or are you working through it now?
I think people got that quote wrong. When I said I didn't believe in divorce, I meant that I didn't believe in being the one to facilitate it. I would never- if I say 'I do,' and whatever happens in the middle of that, I'm going to try and work it out. Now, if in fact, my spouse decides that she is unhappy, you can't force happiness. You can't force a situation because then you'll just be unhappy. Yeah, I would go through with it and I will still be a father to my son and a friend to her, if she ever needs it. But that's what I meant when I said I didn't believe in divorce. I would never be the one to go to the courts and tell them that I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
[easy-tweet tweet="You can't force happiness because then you'll just be unhappy. "]
So going forward, I'm sure a lot of ladies want to know as well, what do you look for in a woman?
Don't be scared now!
Well, I'm not afraid. I'm not scared. See, I'm just, I'm really big on somebody who's into just, just being themselves. And I say that and it sounds real vague but a lot of people are real hesitant to have fun and go out and do wild stuff. I like to do stuff like- I'm very romantic. I'm a hopeless romantic. I do the flowers. I do all of that. We can lay in the bed, cuddle, watch whatever scary movies. I'm a hopeless romantic.
The big thing for me is just loyalty. You ain't gotta be the prettiest girl in the world... Just make me feel like a king. And I'll treat you like a queen in every sense of the word.
So loyalty is definitely one of the things you look for in a woman. I'm assuming she'd have to be smart as well since you're very intelligent.
Yeah, I like to have intelligent conversations about life. I want to be able to teach others something. I also want to be able to learn.
And a friend. I've thrown out the word 'relationship' in its entirety. Because I feel like you could be best friends with somebody and y'all could be kicking it and having the most enjoyable time of your lives. But the moment you both say you're in a relationship, every single thing goes out the window and everybody wants to start being jealous and you can't go here and you can't do this.
I'm throwing the word relationship out. I'm never using it again. Whoever I end up with will be my best friend. We're not going to play the relationship game.
So would you ever get married to your "best friend," or consider marriage again, period?
Yeah. That's me! I'm the type that wants a family. I want to have kids. Picket fence. All that. That's me. So yeah, definitely, I want to have somebody that I can share life with. I feel like, that's the highest level of happiness to me. When you've got somebody that's riding with you and y'all can start your little family and stuff. That's joy, that's the pinnacle of happiness when you can make your accomplishments with somebody to share.
Would you say you had that before everything went sour?
I do think that within the relationship with me and Keyshia, we had moments where it felt like that. Of course. I'd never doubt or try to make it seem like our whole relationship was just basically turmoil. It just seems like that now. But yeah, we had moments where I felt like that was my best friend and we had that connection.
I'm driven by that, that's something that I want [again]. I don't mind sitting in the bedroom. I'd rather be with a girl than go chill with the homies and play video games. They can have that. (laughs) There is a time and place for that. But I'd rather be with my woman.
[easy-tweet tweet="The pinnacle of happiness is when you can make your accomplishments with somebody to share."]
How will things be different for you when- because I'm going to speak it into existence- how will it be different for you when you decide to get married again?
Well for one, there will never be- ever be- any disloyalty. This will be my queen. This will be it for me. I wish I had this mind frame before but like I said, [dudes] go through what they go through to understand what it is they need to understand. There will be no disloyalty. There will be friendship. She'll be able to be whoever she wants to be/I won't put no chains and no cage on who it is she wants to be. And I'll support her. And I expect the same. Whatever I want to do, however I want to do it, she's going to love me. Ride with me. Support me. And we're just going to do it like that.
I feel like I'm trying to change the game up with it. When I look around, I don't see a lot of people happy. I see a lot of families falling apart, and it's a sad sight to see when you think about love, or at least the couples that are publicized... it's a lot of negativity. This being it. 'Relationships ain't nothing. Dudes ain't sh*t.' That's all you hear. So I'm trying to be a part of a whole different move.
I think a lot of people see you as a sweetheart. As a very nice guy. Even in the beginning when you and Keyshia first had your show it was always like, 'Poor guy! He seems to nice!' So I don't think there is a misunderstanding that you're a very
That show kind of like, you can't really control the cameras neither. She ain't really like that! You know what I'm saying? She just seems like (laughs) she was the worst. But she's cool.
Ok, so, with that said, what do you think is the biggest misconception people have of Keyshia Cole?
I think in her profession, she gotta be hard. She gotta be tough. Or she'll get walked over. So being as though she's been through so much, she always puts up this macho kind of front but she's a sweetheart. She's giving. She's always trying to find a way to help somebody. She's a great mother. She's a sweetheart. So that would be the biggest misconception.
That's another trait that I would like for my future [girl]. You gotta have a little attitude. Gotta be a little rough around the edges. Can't be too soft. But yeah, she's a sweetheart and not a lot of people know it. They're used to seeing her mad or angry all the time.
Do you think that there would ever be a chance that you two could work things
out? Would you be willing to?
I think it has gone too far. I think that she looks at me in a certain light. Now, if in fact, somehow, by some wild sense of the imagination. she sees me as I am now, as the man that I've become due to everything that we've been through and I've been through, then I would entertain the thought of it. Because like you said, I adore her. But I don't even look at her in that way anymore because of how she looks at me. That's why I feel like that situation would be tough. Because I'm at such a different level, like I've moved up. I grew.
We made a lifetime investment into our child. So I feel like we owe it to him to at least be cool. And I wish her nothing but the best. Like, I want somebody to make her happy. Like, I'm that dude. I want to see somebody come through and do what they're supposed to do.
I definitely can appreciate Daniel's honesty. Wishing the both of them the best.