For decades, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith were the epitomai of Black love due to what looked like a successful marriage, a beautiful family, and their constant support of one another. Social media was filled with #couplegoals memes of the actors and even J. Cole said he wanted “that Jada and that Will love” in his song “No Role Modelz.”
But like most celebrity couples, they were plagued with rumors like having an open marriage. However, over the last few years, the public perception of their marriage changed. The couple individually became more vocal about their relationship thanks to Jada’s popular Facebook Watch series Red Table Talk and Will’s self-titled memoir and the once pedestal that fans put them on was knocked from under their feet and they began to face back-to-back criticism.
The first shocking moment was when Jada admitted she had an “entanglement” with singer August Alsina after he revealed their relationship in an interview with Angela Yee. Jada continued to face backlash for other comments she said about her and Will’s relationship on her show. And then it was Will’s turn. The King Richard star’s memoir made several revelations about his and Jada’s relationship that many fans were becoming exhausted by them and there was even a petition started to stop the couple from sharing so many intimate details about their lives.
The #couplegoals memes quickly became jokes about their relationship. However, the couple still received support from others who applauded them for their authenticity. No relationship is perfect and after 25 years of marriage, it should be no surprise that they have dealt with a lot of ups and downs.
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But one takeaway from their nontraditional marriage is that they each allow the other person to have the freedom to be and do what they want. They also love each other no matter what, giving a new meaning to the viral clip “I’mma stick beside him/her.”
Here’s everything Will and Jada said about their marriage.
In an interview with Gayle King for 'CBS This Morning,' Will dismissed the notion that there was infidelity in their marriage.
"There's never been infidelity in our marriage. Never. Jada and I talk about everything, and we have never surprised one another with anything ever," he clarified to Gayle.
Jada dispelled rumors about having an open marriage.
"Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE...for us??? Here is how I will change my statement...Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship...this means we have a GROWN one."
The “Fresh Prince” opened up about their unconventional marriage and unconditional love for one another in an interview with GQ.
"The pursuit of truth is the only way to be happy in this lifetime. And we sort of came to the agreement that authenticity was the release from the shackles of fame and public scrutiny."
"Jada never believed in conventional marriage. Jada had family members that had an unconventional relationship. So she grew up in a way that was very different than how I grew up. There were significant endless discussions about what is relational perfection? What is the perfect way to interact as a couple? And for the large part of our relationship, monogamy was what we chose, not thinking of monogamy as the only relational perfection."
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"We have given each other trust and freedom, with the belief that everybody has to find their own way. And marriage for us can't be a prison. And I don't suggest our road for anybody. I don't suggest this road for anybody. But the experiences that the freedoms that we've given one another and the unconditional support, to me, is the highest definition of love," he said via GQ.
Jada also spoke of not wanting a conventional marriage.
“I knew that I was not built for conventional marriage. Even the word ‘wife’: it’s a golden cage, swallow the key. Even before I was married, I was like, ‘That’ll kill me.’ And it damn near did!”
“Will is my life partner and I could not ask for a better one. I adore him, I never want people to think it was Will I didn’t want to marry,” she told the outlet. “But I can assure you that some of the most powerful women in the world feel caged and tied, because of the sacrifices they have to make to be in that position. So I wanted to talk about how we really feel about marriage.” via The Guardian.
In an interview with Oprah, Will discussed the importance of him and Jada finding happiness on their own.
“People only think of things in terms of sex… But the goal [of our marriage] is not a sexual goal. It’s spiritual. We are going to love each other no matter what.”
“To this day, if we start talking, it’s four hours. It’s four hours if we exchange a sentence. It’s the center of why we’ve been able to sustain and, you know, and why we’re still together, not choking the life out of each other. It’s like the ability to work through issues. I’ve just never met another person that I connect with in conversation more blissfully and productively than Jada.”
“We never actually like officially separated. Right? What happened was that we realized that it was a fantasy illusion that we could make each other happy. And we agreed that she had to make herself happy and I had to make myself happy. And then we were gonna present ourselves back to the relationship already happy. Versus demanding the other person fill our empty cup.”
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“The problem is that when you come [broken] like that, the cup actually has a hole in the bottom. So you pour all your good love in there and it goes out onto the floor… You got two broken people and that’s what we’re doing. We just decided that you have to figure out how to be happy, you know? And it was a little bit more contentious from my side. I was like, ‘You know what, you go figure it out. You go figure out if you can be happy and just prove to me it’s even possible.’ I’ma do me and you do you.”
“The simple idea [of loving in freedom] is, you love in freedom with everybody except your partner, right? Your kids are gonna go off to college and you’re going to wait for them to come back and they might not be able to come back this Christmas, and you know, you let them go. Your friends–there’s a certain fluidity in your interactions, right? It’s…it’s friendship versus marital prison." via The Oprah Conversation on AppleTV+.
Jada talked about needing freedom in her marriage to Will.
“I just felt like, I needed more freedom. And freedom in the sense of like … the public wants you to be a certain way, your family needs you in a certain way, your partner needs you to be something. And for me, that just was never … I’m really a free spirit at heart, I really am. And I always have been. And I just felt like my life had got constricted into this little box and it was strangling me, basically.” viaEntertainment Tonight.
Jada further explained her views on open marriage and why she and I Will aren't in one.
“Open marriage? Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing.”
“The statement I made in regard to, 'Will can do whatever he wants,' has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist. Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should 'behave'? Do we believe that all the expectations, conditions, and underlying threats of “you better act right or else” keep one honest and true? Do we believe that we can have meaningful relationships with people who have not defined nor live by the integrity of his or her higher self? What of unconditional love? Or does love look like, feel like, and operate as enslavement? Do we believe that the more control we put on someone the safer we are? What of TRUST and LOVE?”
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“Should we be married to individuals who can not be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we can not entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us???Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.” via Facebook April 2013
Will’s memoir gave insight into the time they were separated.
“Our time apart had helped us both to discover the power of loving in freedom. We are simultaneously one hundred percent bound together, and one hundred percent free. We agreed that we are both imperfect people, doing our best to figure out how to be in this world joyfully.”
Jada opened up about trust in their relationship.
"You gotta trust who you're with, and at the end of the day, I'm not here to be anybody's watcher. I'm not his watcher. He's a grown man. I trust that the man that Will is is a man of integrity. HE's got all the freedom in the world, and as long as Will can look at himself in the mirror and be OK, I'm good." via The Howard Stern Show.
Will explained why he and Jada don’t consider themselves married anymore.
"We don't even say we're married anymore. We refer to ourselves as 'life partners,' where you get into that space where you realize you are literally with somebody for the rest of your life. There's no deal breakers. There's nothing she could do—ever—nothing that would break our relationship. She has my support till death, and it feels so good to get to that space." via Rap Radar’s podcast
Jada spoke on rumors surrounding their marriage.
"I've heard all the things—their marriage is not real, he's gay, she's gay, they swing. But at the end of the day, people have to believe what they have to believe. I'll tell you what, it's too hard to be in a pretend marriage. Life's too short for that one." via Atlanta’s Q100 radio
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Will spoke on the fake concept of marriage.
“I remember the day I retired. I literally said to Jada ‘That’s it. I retire. I retire from trying to make you happy. I need you to go make yourself happy and just prove to me that it’s even possible.’”
“We cracked the hell up. We started talking about [how] we came into this fake romantic concept that somehow when we got married that we would become one. And, what we realized is that we were two completely separate people on two completely separate individual journeys and that we were choosing to walk our separate journeys together. But her happiness was her responsibility and my happiness was my responsibility.” via Instagram.
Jada believed she would never get married.
"I never thought about being married or having a family. I didn't know anything about that because I came from a single mom so I always thought I'd be a single mom and have a career. Then I found this beautiful man, Will. I got married to him and I got my bonus son Trey and then I got Jaden and I got Willow and I was able to create, for myself, something I never had—which means family." via Vh1's Dear Mama Event
Both Will and Jada explained their views on monogamy.
Will: “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural and you’re going to be attracted to people. And if it came down to it, then one would say to the other: ‘Look, I need to have sex with somebody. Now, I’m not going to if you don’t approve of it.’… In our marriage vows, we didn’t say ‘forsaking all others.’ We said, ‘you will never hear I did something afterwards.’ Because if that happens the relationship is destroyed.” via U.K. magazine Reveal, July 2008
Jada: “We always have people that we’re attracted to that we talk about. That don’t stop just because you’re married. Somebody’s always gonna catch your eye. That’s real. Somebody’s gonna always be prettier than me, and somebody’s always gonna be more in awe of him than me, and he gonna be like *in Will’s voice* ‘yo, she really like me’ (laughter), but as far as somebody being right for us… is there somebody right for a nice night? Maybe. But somebody that can sustain our life and sustain what we’ve built together, absolutely not!” via WJLB Morning Show, June 2010
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Jada called Will her best friend.
"He's been by my side through some of the most difficult parts of my life. And so that's something you can never take away. A lot of other things, you never know, other things might change...but one thing is for sure: I love him deeply and he is my best friend." viaHuffPost Live
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That’s basically why I enjoy doing my due diligence when it comes to researching as much as I can about them and then sharing my discoveries with cyberspace. For instance, some current statistics on climaxing include the fact that over 80 percent of women do not orgasm from intercourse alone (that number looks to have increased a bit; some say it’s due to the constant use of vibrators…hmm); almost 60 percent of women have faked an orgasm; on average, it takes a woman 14 minutes to climax with a partner while only eight minutes whenever a woman masturbates; 43 percent of women have had multiple orgasms (40 percent say that weed consumption helped to make that possible), and between 5-10 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm before.
Know what else I discovered while reading up on the topic? That there’s a certain age demographic who experiences the best that orgasms have to offer. And honestly, the answer just might surprise you.
Drum Roll, Please…
GiphyOkay, so let’s get right down to it, shall we? I will say that, before I reveal what a pretty popular survey shared about orgasms and age, I do think that we need to keep in mind that the study surrounds the quality and not so much the quantity of climaxing. In other words, the operative word here is “best” which means “the highest quality” orgasm. That said, what age seems to experience the most of those?
36. Well, technically, it’s 36 and up.
Are you shocked, or does that make complete and total sense to you? Personally, reflecting on that age reminded me of an article that I once read on Fast Company’s website entitled, “How none of us are really adults until we turn 36.” It’s a relatively quick read about how someone came to the conclusion that after speaking with a whopping 500,000 people and coming to the ultimate conclusion that the 20s are about taking their training wheels off — the early 30s through 35 are about achieving professional success and 36 “is the age where there is a chance to review core beliefs, expand our horizons and feel empowered about our future.”
If this is indeed the case, then our sex life — and more specifically, our orgasms — peaking around this same time seems on par…right? Fascinating.
Here’s Why It’s That Age for the Win
GiphyThe thing that I really appreciate about surveys like this is it proves what I say to some of the couples who I work with when they try and act like having an active, consistent, and highly creative sex life has some sort of expiration date on it like a carton of milk. Y’all have no idea how many sexless married people will try and deflect from their issues by acting like only folks who are a step up from having their driver’s license want to have sex at least a couple of times a week — when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Thankfully, I know quite a few married couples who have a really healthy and active sex life, and there is much intel, even outside of this survey, that reveals that sex and wine have quite a bit in common when it comes to the “it just gets better with time” saying.
Matter of fact, something else that the survey revealed is women who fit into the demographic of 23 and younger and 23-36 not only don’t have the best quality orgasms (overall), but they also experience them the least often.
Why is that? There are actually a few determining factors.
For starters, there’s a greater chance that the older women are, the more likely it is that they are married or in long-term relationships, and there is also plenty of data out here to support the fact that serious relationships typically come with better sex lives attached to them.
Another reason is that as women mature, they are able to figure out what their sexual wants and needs are and how to better articulate them. In other words, they don’t play around when it comes to their sexual satisfaction; they are bold about speaking up.
Something else that plays a very valid role is the fact that sexual maturity oftentimes brings along with it a heightened level of sexual confidence (check out “10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem”) — and since the biggest sex organ continues to be the brain, it also makes sense that the better you feel about yourself, yes sexually, the easier it is to give and receive sexual pleasure on a myriad of different levels.
What Makes Something That’s Already Great…THE BEST?
GiphyWhile working on a different assignment, I interviewed a few married couples about what they think is the biggest mistake people make when it comes to sex. Something that several husbands and wives said was they thought that the last approach that should be taken is “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” because that can end up making you very sexually lazy…and that leads to predictability…which can lead to boredom...which can ultimately lead to resentment…and that can lead to a less-than-impressive-if-existent-at-all sex life.
One husband: “I don’t care how much praise my wife may give me after a session. My goal is to always top myself, no matter what. That has been my mindset for almost 20 years now. I keep looking for new locations, new positions, new sex items — sex only gets old to people who are lazy about it.”
One wife: “The best orgasms that I’ve had with my husband is when I’ve felt like we’re totally in sync. That requires communication, and that includes choosing the right time to discuss certain things. It also always means that you need to be more focused on pleasing your partner than what they need to do to please you…because if you both are wired that way, no one is going to come up short.”
Definitely pearls of wisdom to keep in mind if your mission is not to just have more orgasms but some of the BEST ones ever. And that brings me to a few physical hacks that women, of every age, should try.
5 Tips for Having (Even) Better Orgasms
GiphySo, what if you’re someone who has orgasms fairly often and easily, yet you’re always wondering if the quality of them could be better? If so, here are five tips:
1. Massage the lower abdominal area. There are certain sexual pressure points that you have that have nothing to do with your genitalia. One of them happens to be your lower abdominal region. As I touched on in the article, “Feelin' On These Pressure Points Will Give You The Best Sex Of Your Life,” getting massaged right underneath your belly button can relax you and intensify your orgasms at the same time (so can your partner mildly pushing down on that area prior to intimacy too).
2. Drink some milk (alternative) and saffron. If you’re looking for yet one more reason to kick traditional milk to the curb, consider your sex drive. More studies are coming out that consuming it will throw your hormones off, which could affect/infect your libido. However, if you consume a milk alternative like almond, oat, or cashew and then add some saffron to it, it could do your sex drive a lot of good. Saffron is a spice that’s loaded with antioxidants that help to calm your nerves, increase vaginal lubrication in women, and decrease erectile dysfunction in men. So yeah…drink up!
3. Make your clitoris tingle (before time). If your partner still struggles with locating your G-spot, a hack that works for many is for him to put a bit of lubrication on his index finger before putting it inside of you, facing up. Then, if he moves his finger in a “come hither” way, he should be able to feel the tiny lil’ walnut (your spot). That gets the tingling going on the inside. As far as the outside goes, Tingle to Mingle is a lubricant that many rave about. The name lets you know exactly what it sets out to do. Pick up a bottle, and please report back. #wink
4. Quickies in the a.m. Full sessions in the p.m. These days, we use the word “pregaming” for just about everything. And yes, it can apply when it comes to sex — more specifically, quickies. Why? Well, even if you’re someone who prefers all-out sex sessions, quickies can be seen as a form of edging…and edging can get you so excited about sex that it can make round two (or five) that much more pleasurable later on.
So, don’t feel like bending over while you’re brushing your teeth is robbing you of anything. You can get a quick orgasm there…one that will hold you over until you can get multiple (and longer) ones later!
5. Never underestimate morning sex. The reality is that a lot of people prefer sex at night because it’s the most convenient for them; that doesn’t mean that any of us should underestimate morning sex, though. Aside from the fact that it’s a solid de-stressor and a great way to boost energy and concentration levels, because both estrogen and testosterone levels are at their peak in the morning hours, morning sex can also intensify your orgasms on a billion different levels too.
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Welp. There you have it. No matter what those 20-somethings on TikTok may be talkin’ about, if you’re in your mid-30s (or up), chances are, you can school them on sexual satisfaction on a few levels. And now you’ve got something beyond (hopefully) your own personal experience to prove it. #winkagain
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