Finding your true love hits a lil' different when you love yourself, first. Once a woman is able to let go of her insecurities, uncover her true potential, and realize the badass that she was born to be, her qualifications in a partner will probably change too.
The Me that I was five years ago may have been willing to tolerate jealousy, verbal abuse, disrespect, and infidelity; but the Me I am today sees things in a different light. True wealth is being able to look in the mirror and love the person you are looking back at you; but the truth is, self-love ain't cheap. Ciara learned this after a very public breakup with her ex-fiance, Future, that seemingly left her life in shambles.
The Beauty Marks singer recently took a seat at the Red Table and got real about what it took to put the pieces back together and define what it means to be loved in a healthy way. Here's what we learned from the episode:
Being Loved By Her Dad Taught Her How She Should Be Loved
We love how we are loved, so it's important that our children see us cared for at the highest capacity. They say that a woman's first love is her daddy, and that relationship can play a huge role in what type of partner she seeks in the future. Ciara said that seeing her parents in a loving relationship molded her perception of what commitment should look like, but throughout her chaotic relationship with her former fiance, she grew to see a lot of inconsistencies. She explained:
"I grew up with my mom and my dad being together, the idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby. And then all of a sudden you're living your life in front of the world, it's a whole other layer."
Ciara eventually decided that enough was enough when she realized that the love of her ex was nothing like what she had witnessed growing up:
"My dad's love is what saved me, because I was like my dad wouldn't do this to my mom."
The Day She Decided To End Her Engagement
Alexa, play "When A Woman's Fed Up", cause whew, chile. Ciara spoke a word right here. On the episode, Ciara also detailed the moment when she decided to ditch her engagement ring in Ibiza and reclaim her identity.
"I remember one time I was working on the elliptical machine and I was not sure about, do I stay, which direction do I go, what is the right thing to do and it's like, it's easy to do this, but is the easy thing the right thing?"
Ciara told the hosts that her biggest motivating factor for ending her relationship with Future at the time was the pair of big brown eyes looking up at her:
"Future was like my teddy bear, so I was like, we gonna go, we gonna do this thing together. His first trip was to Ibiza. I just was like, I'm going to commit. If I chose not to commit, I was going to fall apart. I'm really afraid of losing myself. I don't like crying all the time, I don't like being sad, so I'm like how do I get out of this?"
Her Breakup Almost Led To A Breakdown
Like any breakup, CiCi explained that her split from Future was a hard pill to swallow. Along with the fear of seeming like a failure in front of the world, Ciara was also weighed down by the sadness of becoming a single mother after growing up in a loving, two-parent household. Although it wasn't an ideal situation for the entertainer, she was forced to smile in public while she cried in private:
"I would have moments, I'd be in the shower, crying. I'd be crying because I am not in the happiest place and it hurts what I'm going through."
When it rains, it pours. And even if the sun doesn't shine quite when you want it to, know that a rainbow is on the way, sis. Without the pain of her tumultuous breakup, Ciara explained that she wouldn't know how to recognize true love when she saw it.
"If I wouldn't have gone through those things, I may not have appreciated the man I have in my life, I may not have appreciated when it is really going good and everything's falling in place. You need those roller coaster rides."
She & Russell Chose To Be Friends, First
Russell and Ciara are the rich auntie and uncle that we all aspire to be, but Ciara revealed that their romance all began with a friendship:
"When Russ came into our lives, Future was ten months old. It was different, I had never had that feeling in my life. It was calm. He's consistent. Whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son and to love me is to love my son, we come together. It's dope, it's a different level of love."
Ciara shared that as well as being there for Baby Future's first steps, Russell also proved to be the support system she never knew she needed.
"When we talked we connected in every way, his conversation was different, the way he looked at life was different, the energy with my son just felt right, and the consistency. He was consistent. That consistency is so crucial. He was like open arms, I got you. Whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son. To love me is to love my son. We come together. It's dope. It's a different level of love."
Her Biggest Fear
While some of us fear snakes, spiders, and all things creepy and crawly, Ciara said that the boogeyman that keeps her up at night is much different. She told Jada, Adrienne, and Willow that her biggest fear is losing the one thing we can never get back: time.
"The one thing I fear in life is wasting my life, wasting my time. I really fear that because you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that's just not healthy, not going to get any better. I realized I have to start making different decisions, period. Knowing what you don't want is really important. It creates clarity."
Baby #3...Or Nah?
Russell Wilson participating in his daughter's ballet class is the best thing you've seen all day, and according to Ciara, we can look forward to more of these adorable antics in the future. She explained:
"If you ask Russell, we have five more kids to make. I do look forward to having another baby. I hope I can have at least two more. I love my family. I love my kids, I love being a mom. It's like my why in my life. I feel like I'm really doing something even more because of them. The music and stuff is amazing, but gosh, when I look at those babies I say thank you, god, I love being a mom."
You can watch Ciara's full interview below:
Featured image Instagram/@RedTableTalk.