The 6 Sex Toys & Pleasure Accessories Every Couple Needs
Last year, while on a sister trip to Paris, my sister and I found ourselves gagging at what we found in the local sex shops after watching a midnight show at the Moulin Rouge.
I was amazed at the number of options available. One of the stores we went in was the size of a department store - think Macy's in Herald Square in New York but full of dildos, sleeves and all of the dominatrix-esque lingerie you've ever seen. As a souvenir, I purchased my first bullet at a whopping $6. What's the point of window shopping at a store like that? My boyfriend and I tried it one night and I was instantly hooked! It became a regular part of our sexual trysts. But not everyone is open to the idea of bringing a third party into their bedroom.
If you've been in a relationship for some time, things can get to be routine. You become so comfortable with each other that the bedroom department can get bland. Who has time to waste for that?! I'm trying to be like Rihanna - sex with me should be amazing! When it comes to intimate time with your mate, I believe in complete freedom. There should be no inhibitions. Using a toy or two to switch things up and add an extra layer of pleasure can do wonders for you and your relationship. So let your hair and walls (pun intended) down with these added trinkets:
Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit
This can be part of your red light special. Great for dual stimulation, it's a g-spot pleasure from the shaft and has the added bonus of a pressure wave and touch-free clitoral stimulation. Lather this up with lube and create an even greater experience. One reviewer commented that this toy did such a good job, she needed new sheets. For all of my Amazon lovers, it's a good price at only $51. Who said Amazon was only good for toys for the kids?!
Purchase this here.
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Brenda Alexander is a West Philly native with a love of the 3 W's: writing, wine and Whitney Houston. When she's not working or overanalyzing life, you can catch her praising Jesus with a bomb Gospel playlist or annoying those who love her as she listens to Christmas music all year round (her fascination with the holiday even produced a Christmas book). Her work has been featured on Mayvenn's Real Beautiful blog and CurlyNikki . Follow her excursions via Instagram @trulybrenda_
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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Let Go Of These 4 Dating Habits For A Healthier Relationship In 2024
Many people will agree that 2023 was a hot mess in the dating streets.
I have heard and read countless stories of women who were in years-long situationships or found out that their partner lived a different life than what they initially portrayed, not to mention the endless amount of ghosting stories were on the rise. As a result, 2023 left a lot of women emotionally and mentally exhausted when it came to dating. Some women even decided to throw away dating and relationships altogether due to their experiences.
Dating and relationships may not be a walk in the park, but I do believe that healthy relationships and positive dating experiences can still take place in 2024. Despite the toxic conversations taking place on podcasts, Instagram Lives, and other social media platforms, I do believe that there are both men and women who desire healthy love and dating experiences. Unfortunately, social media does not do a good job of broadcasting the platforms that are having healthy conversations around dating and relationships or highlighting the folks who genuinely desire it.
It is no secret that dating altogether has caused many folks to experience major insecurities, become depressed, or even hopeless in this area. If dating in 2023 has had a negative impact on your mental health, please do not rush into dating in 2024. Take the necessary time to process, heal, and get therapy if needed. Experiencing heartbreak is never something to take lightly. Therefore, take as much time as you need to heal and grow into a better version of yourself.
As we step into 2024, some individuals are still hopeful and emotionally healthy when it comes to dating and relationships. If you are one of those people who desire to experience a healthy and fulfilling relationship, it is crucial that you bid farewell to certain unhealthy dating habits from 2023.
1.Shifting from a scarcity mindset:
The pervasive belief in a limited dating pool has led some to settle for less than they deserve. Embracing a scarcity mindset often results in accepting the bare minimum, enduring minimal effort, and tolerating poor communication from a partner. Break free from this mindset, and avoid investing time in someone who only provides breadcrumbs of attention. Elevate your standards and seek a connection based on mutual respect and effort.
2.Avoiding situationships at all costs:
While we hoped to leave this behind in 2023, the temptation to engage in situationships may still linger, especially when physical attraction and a strong desire for a relationship are involved. However, it's essential to distinguish between genuine interest in a committed relationship and mere entertainment. Don't let the desperation for companionship hinder your path to finding a meaningful connection in 2024. Be intentional about pursuing relationships that align with your desire for commitment and shared goals.
When it comes to asking intentional questions while dating, one of the best tips I can offer is to inquire about what the individual is looking for and then patiently ‘watch’ for their response. It's common for excitement to arise, especially when someone expresses a desire for a relationship. However, it's equally important to pay attention to their actions. Consider words as an opportunity to open a door for a more thorough evaluation of what someone's actions truly confirm.
3.Having flexibility with your "type":
Debates often arise when it comes to being flexible with one's dating preferences. Reflect on whether your rigid adherence to a specific "type" has contributed positively to your dating experiences. Consider reevaluating height requirements, job titles, salary, and other superficial criteria that might limit your opportunities for genuine connections. While I am not suggesting that your standards are wrong, it may be worth considering if your current ‘type’ or ‘list’ is playing a role in why you're single.
In this reflective time, be sure to hold onto core values and beliefs as your non-negotiables and date from that stance. However, do not forget to be open-minded in other aspects to enhance opportunities for genuine connections.
4.Understanding silence won't bring satisfaction:
Effective communication is crucial, reducing confusion and unmet expectations. My therapist once emphasized the unfairness of expecting someone to meet your unknown expectations. In dating, being unapologetic about your needs is essential. While compromise is a must, sharing your values, like communication style, faith, and dating expectations, is vital.
When you're clear and honest about your needs, you give the other person an opportunity to make an effort to meet them. They may not be perfect, but the goal is to evaluate genuine effort. Muting yourself in dating can lead to accumulating resentment, heartbreak, and disempowerment in your interactions.
Remember, incorporating these changes doesn't guarantee an immediate relationship, but it positions you for a healthier one when the time is right. Here's to anticipating a relationship filled with health and devoid of unnecessary struggles in 2024. Cheers to a year of growth and meaningful connections!
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