The most enjoyable part of sex for me is getting my pussy ate. It’s a widely known fact that eating pussy is the most reliable way to make a person with a vulva orgasm. According to a 2017 study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, only 18% of vulva owners can orgasm solely through penetration. To climax, the rest need clitoral stimulation, and eating pussy puts the clitoris in the spotlight.
But what if the person you're with doesn't know what they're doing down there? Like with any sexual act, eating pussy can be taught. From incorporating toys to trying different positions, to using your tongue in unique ways, there are many examples of how to improve your oral sex technique. However, I believe the best tips for eating pussies come from people who have them.
So I asked around for tips from real women on how to have amazing cunnilingus. This is what the women I talked to had to say.
1. "Start slowly unless I indicate otherwise."
Kateryna Hushylo/ Getty Images2. "Oral health matters. I have patients who frequently have yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis because their partners have terrible oral care."
3. "Eat it like a very ripe mango (like when it’s a 'lil mushy) but more softly and only with your lips and tongue."
4. "Lift the [clitoral] hood! Start slow, don’t be too aggressive. The clitoris [says] please and thank you."
5. "Don't go straight for the clitoris. Warm her up. Kiss the lips like they are on her face; lots of tongue and saliva. Suck everything; lips, clit...all the things."
6. "Circle your tongue at the opening of the vagina. Slowly, like [you're] looking for something— get lost, King."
7. "Trigger points are apparently on the mons [pubis]... I was shook and I don't know what she did, but babayyyy."
8. "If you not suffocating a little bit and gotta come up for air, you not doing it right."
9. "Never underestimate the power of slipping a finger or two inside her (thoroughly cleaned) to help with the fun."
10. "Be tf soft! Soften that tongue, them lips, that finger, all that shit. Make it soft!"
Volodymyr Bushmelov /Getty Images
11. "Every vulva you meet enjoys a different way to be a tasty treat. So ask your partner if you truly don’t know which way to go. Beginner tips: suck the clit, the vagina, and lick the lips. Oh, and make it juicy. Nobody likes dry lips."
12. "Please be patient! The climax will not be instantaneous and typically will not happen expeditiously. In addition, if she says she’s almost there… DO NOT change that motion/sensation/stroke/whatever…'cause then you gotta start again to build [it] up.:
13. "Build up before going down on her. Don’t go all in. Slow down. Use your hands. Tell me I taste good, encourage me, grab my belly, my thighs, move what you gotta move out the way, and do it with honor. Don’t stuff her like a chicken. Tell her to come hither."
14. "Listen to your partner, and pay attention to not just words but what the body responds to. Ask questions like 'What do you like?' 'What feels good?' Also, eat it like it’s your last meal."
15. "For the love of everything that is good, please flatten your tongue!"
16. "When I say, 'Ooh, right there. Don’t stop.' That means wherever your mouth is, don’t stop licking right there."
17. "Ask. What. She. Likes. Can’t fail if you ask the teacher for the answers."
18. "Wipe her off with a warm towel when she’s done."
19. "The best combo is to lick and suck slightly like you would spaghetti noodles. Put the clit in your mouth, roll it around your tongue clockwise, rinse and repeat…"
20. "Enthusiasm is key! Be aware of your partner’s pleasure responses and wetness. When you hear moans—do more of that. Lick, slurp, suck, kiss. Enjoy yourself while enjoying your partner enjoy you."
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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