Tour Marketing Maven Domonique Shante's Earthy ATL Abode
In xoNecole's Dope Abodes, we tour the living spaces of millennial women, where they dwell, how they live, and the things they choose to adorn and share their spaces with.
The stay-at-home struggle isn't nearly as stressful when you actually like where you live, which is exactly why Atlanta-based plant mom Domonique Shante has carefully curated a simple sanctuary that meets her needs in all the best ways.
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Before the pandemic, Domonique invited xoNecole into her dope abode for an exclusive home tour where she gave us all the details on how to make your home a hub for creativity, which, according to this marketing manager starts with making your space your own. "I wanted to slowly put together a more eclectic feel. Because when I first moved in, it was very minimalistic and everything was cream. I liked that but it's not super practical to keep that up and it just got kind of boring after a while."
"I started l switching things up and putting things in different random places," Dominique explained, "Like my 'Brainstorm Boulevard' sign––I found that a marketing trade show––and I just threw that in there."
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As the creator of the Livre Cafe, an online book club community with a focus on Black literature and art, the budding horticulturist says that she often retreats to her creative corner whenever she's feeling inspired. A dedicated plant mom, artist, and book enthusiast, Domonique shared that because she wears so many creative hats, it was important that her dwelling keep that same energy. She told xoNecole, "It's a very open space, like a blank canvas. I get to do whatever I want with it."
We talked more with Domonique about her museum of books, why every home needs a creative corner, and how she keeps more than 15 house plants alive and thriving at the same damn time. Here's what we learned:
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Book Club
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Reading represents a large part of Domonique's identity. As an avid reader, she has a goal to read at least 30 books a year. That passion was partially what led to her founding her company, Livre Cafe. The other part? A lack of representation. "I've always been a reader. I've always loved reading. And it got to the point where I would go out, I would buy books, I would see what's popular, what should I read next. And it was all either white artists or white writers or white adjacent. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna just put it put together a blog so everybody can have at least a syllabus or somewhere to refer to you if they want it to read Black stories by Black people."
Her love of Black literature also lends itself to a lot of her apartment's decor choices. "I like to use my favorite things as decorations. I like plants as decorations. I love to even use books as decorations, and I change things around a lot. So, I strategically placed certain books in certain places just as representations of who I think I am."
Nature Feels
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The 29-year-old considers her 15 plants her babies and named them all, sometimes after writers she loves. From the fiddle-leaf fig named Malachi to the snake plant and pearl plant named Audre Lorde and James Baldwin respectively, her creativity drips even from the leaves of the unique decorations that line her place.
For anyone who desires to hone their green thumb, Domonique offered this sage advice: "The easiest way to become a plant mom is to buy two plants, learn what your plants are, and learn how to take care of them. Once you master the plant that you have, or the plants if you want two––I always say get two to start––but once you master the ones you have, then you become more comfortable and you can get more."
Around The Globe
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Domonique incorporates tangible memories she brings back from her travels into her space as well. She noted an eclectic cushion she got from Morocco as well as bookends she brought from her time in Wales and Amsterdam as standout decor pieces that add color and texture to her home while adding a one-of-kind piece of history.
The Creative Nook
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The living room of Domonique's two-bedroom apartment is one of her favorite spaces for a couple of reasons. Not only is it the focal point of her plant haven and extensive book sanctuary, it also doubles as her own creative space. "When I tell you this is my favorite spot in the house, this is my favorite spot," Domonique explained. "I haven't painted in a long time but I used to, that used to be part of my routine. I would come home, sit down for a minute, read, and then try to finish a painting. I still have three unfinished paintings over there that I haven't touched."
The Connecticut native's weapon of choice is acrylic on canvas, something she fell into because of the matriarch of her family. "My grandmother was an artist, so I used to paint with her and then I stopped. I don't really know why. She would buy me all these supplies and I just didn't do it. And it wasn't until actually after she died and she left me a bunch of her supplies, I brought them back home from Connecticut and I was like, 'I want to paint something.' And I just started painting after that."
Tuned-In
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"My newest thing is my record player. I love it. My first record is a comedy record by Jimmy Walker. I'm a huge Good Times fan. So that's like one of my favorite things in my house right now other than my plants."
Click through the gallery below to tour her dope abode, as well as some of the intimate details that make her apartment feel like home:
For more of Domonique, follow her here!
Featured image by Terrence Porter for xoNecole.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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A Therapist Breaks Down The Internet's Fixation On The Black Cat-Golden Retriever Dynamic
In the realm of love and relationships, there's a growing interest in the idea of opposites attracting. This concept is gaining traction on platforms like TikTok, where users explore how different personality types interact in romantic partnerships. One popular comparison is between the "golden retriever" and "black cat" archetypes.
According to Urban Dictionary, the golden retriever, typically portrayed by men, embodies a relaxed and friendly demeanor, making relationship maintenance seem effortless. These individuals are described as easygoing, patient, loyal, socially adept, and optimistic. On TikTok, many women are intrigued by the prospect of finding partners with these qualities.
In contrast, the black cat, often represented by women, leans towards introversion and independence. They're mysterious, quiet, and introspective, preferring to be pursued rather than doing "the chasing" in relationships.
@annakrstna Replying to @BeckyAmi part II coming soon❤️ #femmefatale #blackcat #blackcatenergy #dating #marriage #datingadvice #princesstreatment #feminine #feminineenergy #relationship #sprinklesprinkle #celebrity #femininenergy #love
This dichotomy reflects the anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics in psychology (pursuer-distancer cycle), where one partner seeks closeness (golden retriever) while the other values autonomy (black cat).
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Archetypes & Attachment Styles
Attachment theory suggests that early caregiving experiences shape our attachment styles, influencing how we relate to others. Anxious individuals seek reassurance, while avoidant individuals prioritize independence. However, not every instance of the black cat/golden retriever dynamic indicates underlying insecurities. Individuals can embody these personas without necessarily being insecure or exhibiting unhealthy attachment patterns.
For instance, a golden retriever's desire for closeness may come from a secure attachment style, rooted in self-worth and trust in others. Conversely, a black cat's preference for autonomy doesn't always indicate avoidance; they may simply value their independence, and it's relatively easy for them to connect and disconnect when needed. Understanding these dynamics requires personalized individual/couples assessment, ideally with a licensed therapist.
The Black Cat Golden Retriever Roles in Relationship Success
A prevailing notion in this discussion that's sparked a lot of conversation is the idea that when a woman takes on the role of the golden retriever in a relationship with a black cat partner, the dynamic is more likely to fail. (I've experienced this firsthand, even in my own past relationships, and I've seen it play out in my own life.) Conversely, when the roles are reversed, the relationship tends to thrive. But why does this happen?
Historically, men have been socialized to take on the role of the pursuer, while women are expected to be more passive recipients of romantic advances. From a biological standpoint, some researchers argue that evolutionary instincts may play a role in shaping mating behaviors. Evolutionary psychology suggests that men may be inclined to pursue potential mates to maximize their reproductive success. This perspective suggests that men may have evolved to seek out partners and compete for their attention and affection.
@annakrstna Replying to @Tina Kaur #love #dreamgirl #beauty #relationship #dating #datingadvice #femmefatale #feminineenergy #desire #obsession #darkpsychology #sprinklesprinkle #femininity #psychology #selflove
Additionally, societal expectations and cultural norms can heavily influence gender roles and relationship dynamics. From a young age, boys may be socialized to take initiative, assert themselves, and pursue their romantic interests actively. On the other hand, girls may be encouraged to adopt more passive roles, waiting for suitors to express interest or make romantic gestures.
As much as there's a lot of conversation about gendered expectations and societal norms, it's crucial to recognize that these expectations aren't universally applicable. Not all individuals adhere to traditional gender norms, and people express a wide array of behaviors and preferences in romantic relationships. Research indicates that attitudes towards pursuit and courtship have evolved over time and differ across cultures.
In today's society, there's a growing recognition of the significance of mutual consent, communication, and reciprocity in romantic relationships. Many individuals, irrespective of gender, prioritize egalitarian principles and seek partnerships founded on mutual respect, understanding, and collaborative decision-making.
The Black Cat & The Problem With 'Acting' Secure in Dating
Delving deeper, there's a growing conversation surrounding the distinction between acting secure and authentically embodying security in relationships. True security stems from a deep-rooted sense of self-assurance and a healthy understanding of one's needs and boundaries. Secure individuals don't feel compelled to mask their vulnerabilities or play games to attract a partner; they attract healthy relationships by being genuine and self-assured.
Contrastingly, attempting to mimic secure behavior without addressing underlying insecurities can lead to relational pitfalls. Pretending to be nonchalant or aloof may initially attract a partner, but it ultimately creates a façade that crumbles under the weight of emotional triggers and unresolved attachment wounds.
Authenticity and vulnerability form the bedrock of secure relationships, fostering trust and mutual understanding.
Most importantly, whether you identify as a black cat or a golden retriever in relationships, it's best to find someone who genuinely loves you for who you are. Connect with people who appreciate you instead of engaging in games or "acting secure," because even secure individuals have vulnerabilities and weaknesses. People need to see the real you to truly connect with you.
Transitioning from acting secure to being secure requires introspection and self-awareness. Here are some tangible tips to cultivate genuine security in relationships:
1. Reframe Your Beliefs About Love and Relationships:
Challenge any negative beliefs or misconceptions you may hold about love and relationships. Recognize that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and compatibility, rather than scarcity or desperation.
Cultivate a mindset of abundance, believing that there are plenty of opportunities for meaningful connections and fulfilling partnerships; you just have to be the person you want to attract and refrain from entertaining anything less.
2. Develop Self-Confidence:
Invest in building your self-confidence and self-worth independent of external validation or romantic relationships. Foster a sense of independence and autonomy in your life. Develop interests, goals, and aspirations that are separate from your romantic relationships, and invest in your personal growth and development. Engage in activities and hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment, and don’t abandon those hobbies just because you met someone new or you’re in a new relationship.
3. Set Realistic Expectations:
Avoid placing unrealistic expectations on yourself or your partner in relationships. Recognize that no relationship is perfect, and both partners will inevitably experience challenges and setbacks. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on building a strong foundation of mutual respect, understanding, and communication. Embrace the ups and downs of relationships as opportunities for growth and learning.
4. Emotional Regulation:
Develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing emotions and navigating conflict constructively. Prioritize self-care and cultivate resilience in the face of challenges.
5. Practice Patience and Acceptance:
Understand that finding a compatible partner and building a fulfilling relationship takes time and patience. Avoid rushing into relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone. Trust in the process and have faith that the right person will come into your life at the right time. Practice acceptance of yourself and others, recognizing that everyone has their own journey and timeline when it comes to love and relationships.
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Featured image by Amber N Ford/Getty Images