Stop Doing Most Of The Work In Your (Dating) Relationship
A few months ago, a musician friend of mine and I were discussing our ideas of what a perfect song is. One of the songs that I gave him was Michael Jackson's "Workin' Day and Night". You've got me working, working day and night. I'm so tired, tired now. Lawd, y'all. Some of us can totally relate. I know that, once upon a time, I definitely could.
Listen, doing a lot of work in a marriage is its own article. Today, though, I wanna tackle the topic of those who may find themselves workin' day and night for a man when it comes to dating. And by "dating", I mean anyone who you aren't living with or engaged to (because those bring forth other dynamics too). The season of dating is about getting to know someone better. It's about seeing how well you both gel. It's about getting some insight and clarity on if you desire the same things or not—including one another.
That said, if during this season, you're the one who is putting forth most of the effort in order to make it all work or last, something is very wrong with that. For one thing, relationships are supposed to be based on mutuality (more in a sec). Secondly, when someone is really into you, you shouldn't find yourself worn out from dating them anyway.
If you've read enough of my content on here, you know that I think a lot of answers are found in asking certain questions. And so, if you know that you do way too much in your relationships, here are five foundational questions that, hopefully, can help you to get down to the root of why.
1. Who Taught You to Act That Way?
I will definitely raise my hand in this class and say that I used to be the kind of person who did, at least, 70 percent of the work to keep my relationships afloat. If it wasn't emotionally, it was financially. If it wasn't financially, it was when it came to literally moving things forward. After a lot of self-work, pondering, journaling and unpacking, I think several factors played a role. For one thing, I watched my mother "carry" her second husband in a lot of ways. The insecurities in that relationship taught me how to be codependent and/or controlling. Nothing much more than that. Also, I'm a survivor of childhood abuse. Pick a category.
When you're young, you're innocent. And so, when love isn't given to you in a healthy or consistent way, you tend to think it's your job to do any and everything to compensate.
SMDH. Ever heard the saying "hurt people hurt people"? Yeah, oftentimes what happens is they attract people who are wounded too. That was my next issue. I have some great qualities; I also used to have some really broken areas. The same thing went for the men who I was drawn to. So did some of the people who I considered to be my friends at the time. And so, what was modeled to me, pretty much from every angle, is that love required being always doing the absolute most. By yourself. IT. DOES. NOT.
So yeah, y'all. If you're someone who finds yourself doing most of the work in your relationship, most of the time, the first thing that I recommend you do is pull out your journal and do some self-love journaling. While you're doing that, remember that the very root of the word "relationship" is relate. To relate is to "establish a connection". A connection is something that is a bond—and a genuine and solid one consists of mutual interest and effort. If you can't honestly say that this is the case for you, why is that? Your "why" can be the start of many breakthroughs. If you allow yourself to revisit your past and answer some potentially difficult questions, that is.
2. Is It a Pattern of Yours?
A poet by the name of Tuli Kupferberg once said, "When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." Lord, ain't that the freakin' truth. The reason why this point is super valid is because, while some of us sometimes do most of the work in their relationships with multiple people, others realize that this only happened once or rarely. The reality is that sometimes, we get so caught up with—or is it consumed by?—a guy that we think that we can't love them—or give to them—enough.
Unlike a lot of people who felt this way, got hurt and now think that anyone who lives like this is toxic—or delusional—AF, I personally don't agree.
Giving your all in a relationship isn't a problem. Giving too soon, giving to someone who doesn't reciprocate, giving without some sort of real commitment being established? That is where all of the challenges typically tend to arise. You are precious. Someone who gets to receive you in abundance needs to treat you as such. What comes with that is them offering up a pretty even exchange. Not you wishing that they would. Them doing things in a way where you see evidence that they do.
If that is not the case for you because you have no idea what reciprocity even looks like, first, let me extend a virtual hug your way. Take it from me, when you are used to doing relationships a certain kind of way, it can be hard to break the pattern—not because you don't know that you deserve so much more. It's because you are simply used to receiving so much less. The best way to pinpoint if this is the problem is to reflect on (at least) your past three relationships.
If you were the one showing up more for all of them—why were you so drawn to that individual, what ways did they show up for you at all and what ultimately caused everything to come to an end? Once you recognize your patterns, you can start putting together a plan to break them. Starting with not getting in too deep with ANYONE who is not responding to the effort that you put into the situation, right out of the gate.
3. Is Going Above and Beyond More About Fear or Control?
This point right here is a really good one. Some of the people who modeled doing-the-absolute-most-in-a-relationship, I know that it was all about fear. Fear of what? Fear of abandonment. Fear of remaining alone. Fear of failure. When it comes to relationships, doing things out of fear really isn't the best idea or strategy. I mean, even the Bible says that "perfect love casts out fear". Know what else it says? It says that "fear is torment" (I John 4:18). That'll preach.
Putting yourself in the position where you choose to constantly go above and beyond for someone who shows—through words and/or deeds—that they have absolutely no interest in doing the same? I don't know too many more things that are mentally and emotionally more tormenting than that. And again, because Scripture says that the opposite of love isn't really hate but fear, if fear is motivating you to do most of the work, isn't that already a huge—HUGE—red flag?
As far as control goes, a motto that I made up that I personally go by, now more than ever, is "love is a gift, not a bribe." Some folks out here? They like to play the constant victim, acting like all that they do in relationships is based on genuine altruism when it's really about trying to control another person—or at least the narrative. Look at me. I did all of this for so-and-so and they did give me what I wanted in return? Uh-huh. Listen, did you do, whatever it is that you did, because you truly cared about them or because you wanted to guilt them into feeling obligated to reciprocate? That can be an "ouch," I know, yet it needs to be put out there.
Love shouldn't be about fear. It shouldn't be about control either. If you are doing so much because you want to manipulate someone into owing you, not only is that toxic, you'll still ultimately find yourself becoming resentful because, deep down, you know that what you're doing isn't right. Or fair. And building in that kind of space can cultivate a kind of karma that you may not truly be prepared for.
4. Do You Get That Men Really Do What They WANT to Do?
While I'm not the kind of woman who thinks that "real men chase women down" (that's another article for another time), what I am very much sure of is the fact that men do what they want to do. They will make time for it. They will prepare for it. And when they are really interested, they will show all the way out. Not because they've got anything to prove—it's simply that they are just that invested.
And here's the thing. Some of us will go on and on about wanting a man who leads the relationship and yet, because we're fearful and/or controlling and/or IMPATIENT, we don't even give them a chance to do just that. Y'all, it took me more years than it ever should have to accept the reality that sometimes, my "overdoing it" was actually emasculating the object of my affection and devotion at the time.
While I thought that the more I did, the more convinced he would be to give in return, oftentimes it either made him feel uncomfortable or even incapable of giving me what I needed. And because I listened to more of my girlfriends say stuff along the lines of, "Girl, there is nothing wrong with you, he's just a jerk," instead of heeding my guy friends when they would say things like, "You do know if he truly wanted to, he would…right," I remained exhausted and disillusioned, far more and longer than I ever should have.
My takeaway point here isn't that you should be entitled (entitled people are the absolute worst) and selfish. It's that you should resolve within yourself that if you feel like you need to fill someone's cup to the point where they feel like they can't breathe because they are damn near drowning (let alone do anything for you in return), scale back a bit. Give him the chance to put some time, effort and energy in. He just might surprise you (if he's interested in you, he definitely will!).
5. How About Getting Still…and Knowing Your Worth?
There's a woman I used to know named Molly Secours who once said something to me that has remained with me since it came out of her mouth. One time, when we were discussing the season and stage that we were currently in, she said, "I dunno. I'm just being still and seeing what comes to me." That'll preach a billion life—and time—saving sermons because a lot of women—single and married—will be out here, straight up pissed, and it's because they feel like their partner isn't showing up for them when they're not getting still enough to let them or they don't take the time to do less so that they can remind their own selves what they are truly deserving of.
Are relationships about giving? Absolutely. Do they require effort? No doubt about it. Yet never forget that, in order to truly relate to someone else, there needs to be investing done on both sides. And while sometimes this may mean that one puts in more work than the other, this shouldn't be a constant.
Both individuals need to show up—or it's not the kind of relationship that is headed anywhere good. And it's definitely not the kind that a good woman is deserving of.
Again, as someone who used to relate to all of what I just said, I promise you that relationships become so much richer and fuller when you stop doing all of the work. You're calmer. You're clearer. And your connections are so much better. Stop "pulling a Michael Jackson" for that man. Let him catch some of the slack.
That's what relationships—healthy relationships—are truly all about, sis.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
These 12 Things Will Breathe New Life Into Your Bedroom This Year
If I’ve said it once, I promise that I’ve said it a billion times over at this point. After (officially) working with couples for almost 20 years, although I’ve just about heard it all, if one thing is steadily rising as the reason for why people are seriously dissatisfied in their relationship, BOREDOM is screaming loud and clear.
When you stop to really think about it, that makes sense since boring means things like “tedious repetition” and “weary sameness” — and when you apply that to sex? Eww…who wants that? Not one damn person on planet earth, chile.
So, since we’re right at the beginning of another new year, in the hopes that you can avoid that seven-letter word that can cause so many yawns and, if you’re not careful, also a lot of potential harm, here are 12 relatively simple ways that you and your partner can keep things fresh instead of boring in 2024.
1. Change Up Your Decor Themes Twice a Year
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I know it’s not just me who feels like hotel sex is automatically hotter than sex at home, more times than not. Aside from the fact that hotel beds are top-tier, another reason is that a change of scenery can do wonders when it comes to adding some spice to your relationship — especially if you’ve been with the same person for a while now.
It’s not just in our heads either. There’s actual research to support that being in new(er) environments activates the part of our brain that puts us in a better mood. That’s why, whenever married couples tell me that their sex life is in a bit of a rut, one of the first things that I’ll recommend is they switch up the décor of their bedroom. If you do this twice a year (a spring and summer theme followed by a fall and winter one), it can help you to feel more excited about going into your bedroom every night — and who knows what that could “trigger” in the best way possible?
2. Plan a Sexcation Twice a Year Too
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It really is kind of wild that, almost five years ago, I wrote “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” for the site. I try to bring sexcations up as much as possible, yet if you’ve never heard of one before, it’s a vacation that only has sex in mind. See it as a honeymoon 2.0, if you will. That said, one of my favorite things about sexcations is you don’t need a ton of money to make them happen because this isn’t about embracing a new country or city — the only sightseeing you will be doing is when it comes to your partner’s body which means you can go to a hotel up the street and your goal will still be reached.
And just what makes a sexcation special? A lot of couples say that they’re not able to have a lot of “wall climbing sex” because life, well, LIFES, and that makes it super challenging. So, planning some time when nothing but sex is on the menu… helps them reignite the spark that may have died down a bit. Try and have one no less than twice a year. Four times? Even better.
3. Prioritize Morning Sex (at Least) Once a Week
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If you’re married and you wonder how much sex is “normal” for your kind of relationship, reportedly, 25 percent of people in your demographic copulate once a week and 16 percent 2-3 times a week. Interestingly enough, the happiest couples also have sex no less than once a week. That’s why, what I recommend to my clients is to prioritize no less than once a week, although two is ideal — because listen, if you can spend almost three hours a day on social media, you can figure out how to devote 30 minutes to intimacy with your partner (we make time for what matters to us; full stop). And one of those times? Make it morning sex.
Morning sex reduces stress. Morning sex improves your mood. There are even studies that say morning sex will give you better orgasms because certain sex hormones are at their peak during the a.m. hours. Not to mention that any kind of sex helps to bond you (further) to your partner.
So, if you’re not much of a morning person or you tend to get up on the wrong side of the bed more than you’d like, forget the coffee and get your partner to spend a few more moments with you. It’ll do your mind, body, and spirit far better than any java ever could!
4. Put "Sex Fish Bowls" on Your Nightstands
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What in the world is a “sex fish bowl”? It’s simply an empty fish bowl where you put your sexual wants, needs, and fantasies into. It’s also something that I incorporate with a lot of my clients when they want to take their sex life up a notch. I recommend that they each put a fish bowl on their nightstand and that they immediately fill the other person's with no more than 10 sexual requests.
Once a week, at some random time, they each get to say “Go fish” and pull something out. Then, they discuss what’s on the piece of paper and why it’s important to them to have it fulfilled. It opens up the lines of sexual communication, helps them to learn more about each other sexually, and it also helps to bring more “new energy” into their sexual space. I also suggest they throw in new pieces of paper as different ideas come to mind. Not one client has regretted “going fishing,” so try it. It might just be the “sex hack” you’ve been looking for all this time.
5. Keep Fresh Flowers in Your Space
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Sure, flowers are pretty to look at, but there are also studies to support the fact that their scent is good for your overall health and well-being; especially your emotional health. Lavender is calming. Rose is an aphrodisiac. Lilies can make you feel happier. Peonies reduce head tension. Jasmine is a sexy scent that can also put you into a meditative state. Not only that, but there’s even a Rutgers University study that says that men receiving flowers actually makes them feel happier and more open to interacting with women socially.
So, how can you not take all of this in and not see why it would be a wise move to put some fresh flowers somewhere in your bedroom on a weekly basis? It’s a simple thing that can make a pretty significant impact, if you ask me, chile.
6. Install Some Blackout Curtains
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Even though science says that the best time of day to have sex is within the first 45 minutes that you wake up (another “win” for morning sex), there are plenty of surveys out here that say, women, especially, prefer to have sex in the dark. Your first thought might be that it has something to do with body image issues — and for some, that would be correct. Others find that it’s easier to let their imagination run wild if they are not relying on their sense of sight. If you can relate to any of this, don’t rely on the moon to determine when you can get in it.
Because I work from home, I am good for taking a nap (if not a couple of ‘em based on how my client sessions went…SMDH) in the middle of the day. And it’s easy to do because I have blackout curtains in my bedroom. Invest in the right ones, and I promise you won’t know if it’s 7 a.m. or 7 p.m. Cop some and thank me later.
7. Buy Each Other Something Sexy Once a Month
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If you’ve been considering going into 2024 with a subscription box or some other type of service, I recently read it’s something that 33 percent of shoppers actually rely on. This means that they won’t be going away any time soon. So, if you want to add some extra…extra-ness to your bedroom, why not sign up for a sex-themed subscription service? Vice published an article this past September (here) that featured some popular sex toy subscriptions. Adore Me (here) has a lingerie subscription service that I can personally vouch for (as far as how cute a lot of their stuff is).
You can also put “lingerie subscription services” in the search field of your favorite search engine to see what other companies have to offer. Or, you can make it a point to buy or order something on the sex-related tip for your partner once a month on your own. It’ll get you all hot ‘n bothered to find something. It’ll get him all hot ‘n bothered to know something sexy is on the way (and vice versa).
8. Hold “Sex Meetings” OUTSIDE of the Bedroom
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Some of y’all love to treat your bedroom like an office or conference room. What in the world? Like, I don’t get why you would find the same space where you argue, talk about money, and debate about your in-laws to be very sexy. That’s why I am a firm believer that you should only use that space for sex and sleep. I’m actually gonna expound on that more at the end of this.
For now, let me just say that a lot of people are sexually dissatisfied (one report said that as much as 50 percent of young women are), and while there are several layers as to why that is probably the case, at the risk of y’all taking this the nasty way…closed mouths don’t get fed. In other words, if you’re not speaking up and articulating your needs (or that your needs have changed — check out “How To Get More Of What You Need In The Bedroom”), how do you expect them to get met? Contrary to whatever rom-coms may tell you, no one is a mind-reader.
My suggestion? Hold sex meetings once a month. Not in your bedroom either. Send a text to your man that you want to have a sex talk, have a sexy dinner (takeout with candles is fine) with him, and discuss what you thoroughly enjoy about sex with him, what you currently need more of, and then give him the floor to do the same. It’s important to always remember that sex is the ultimate form of communication — however, if you think that you and your partner can figure out how to master physical pleasure without any form of verbal discussion? Like Vanessa Williams’s character said in that Tyler Perry movie that she was in, “Good luck with your struggle.” Real talk.
9. Commit to Some Sexual Reflexology
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If you’re not a “foot person,” this might be one that you’ll pass on. On the other hand, if you’re like me and feet don’t phase you one way or another, or if you’re like a guy I knew in college who had a bona fide foot fetish, this might especially pique your interest. Sexual reflexology is the practice of touching specific pressure points (mostly feet, hands, and ears) that will help to arouse you and your partner’s genital regions. On the surface, it might sound like a regular erotic massage (check out “You And Your Partner Should Definitely Be Giving Each Other 'Sex Massages'”); however, it’s not because it’s the specific areas — again, feet, hands, and ears — that need to be the focal point as far as applying pressure goes.
Anyway, if this interests you, MindBodyGreen has some tips that can get you started via their article, “How Foot Reflexology Can Help You Have Great Sex (Yes, Really).” As a bonus, reflexology is very soothing and relaxing. It’s a form of “sex pamper play,” if you will.
10. Try a New Sex Position a Month
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If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. While I get the overall point, anything in excess can backfire. And when it comes to that particular frame of mind, doing the same ole’, same ole’ just because it “works”? That can cause you to become pretty lazy if you’re not careful. And when it comes to sex, specifically, a lazy partner and/or experience can get pretty old after a while.
One thing that can get you a leg up from this ever happening is if you and your partner are intentional about learning/trying (at least) one new sex position a month. He can bring six to the table, and you can do the same. You might be surprised by how a simple turn of a leg or a different angle of your pelvis can introduce you to a level of intensity that “what ain’t broke” never would’ve gotten you to. To get you started off, a site called Royal Intimacy has 100 positions (including illustrations) that you can check out here. Enjoy!
11. Have “Naked Dates”
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Something that just might be your “something new” for today is the word gymnophobia. It’s a person who has a phobia when it comes to nudity. And while this may not be an issue in your home, if you or your partner barely ever see each other naked (hell, even during sex because it’s always in the dark), I’m gonna strongly encourage you to have more naked dates in the new year. Have an at-home movie night — naked. Share a pint of ice cream together — naked. Play a board game together — naked.
Even though you’ve probably heard how you and your vagina can benefit from sleeping without any clothes on, there’s also research that says being naked, period, can improve your body image, make you happier and, yes, build more intimacy and trust with your partner. A naked date is inexpensive and hella sexy. How can you not be sold on that?
12. Finally Use Your Bedroom for What It’s for: Sex and Sleep ONLY
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This is gonna be a full circle moment because you know how I said at the top of this that hotels are great for sex? Another reason is because who goes on a vacation with the agenda of doing work? You know you want to relax, and so you take that frame of mind into the room. Your bedroom needs to be treated in a similar fashion because, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a trillion times that interior designers say that bedrooms should ONLY be for sex and sleep. This means no laptops to finish up projects. This means no scrolling IG and TikTok for hours on end. If you can get that television up outta there, do that too. There really needs to be a place in your world that looks and feels like it is an oasis, a sanctuary and den of intimacy for you, your partner, and no one or nothing else.
So, as we close out one year and prepare to enter into another, breathe new life into your bedroom by not turning it into a multipurpose room. SEX AND SLEEP ONLY. Watch how it changes intimacy for the better. I can almost promise you that. #wink
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