Do You Go From 0-10 Quickly? Here Are 10 Hacks To Calm TF Down.
We've all got a temper in us somewhere. Anyone who says otherwise is just lying (to themselves). Yet I'm gonna be real with y'all — there are two of my friends (who happen to both be Leos…hmm) who can go from zero to a thousand in under a minute sometimes. When I asked them what gets them so heated, they both said that they tend to suppress for a while and then, once they've had enough, they just…SNAP.
One day, we'll get into how and why internalizing one's emotions isn't really the best thing to do (for a myriad of reasons). For now, I just thought it would be a good idea to offer up some helpful hacks, if you happen to also be someone who can pop off, kinda with the quickness, yet you know you need to find some proven ways to calm yourself down — for the sake of all parties involved.
1. Do Some Square Breathing
I don't care if it's your boss, your spouse, or your child, if someone has you so triggered that you feel like you're absolutely about to lose it, you can never go wrong by utilizing a technique known as square breathing (another name for it is box breathing). Many health professionals consider it to be a very powerful way to release internalized stress so that you can calm down faster. The steps are pretty simple:
- First — while sitting fully upright, slowly exhale through your mouth.
- Next — slowly and deeply inhale through your nose for a count of four, counting also slowly and making sure to fill your lungs with air.
- Third — hold your breath for a count of four.
- Fourth — slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of four.
- Finally — deeply inhale for a count of four. Rinse and repeat. Three times, if possible.
Why is this is such an effective way to calm yourself down? Because this type of breathing exercise helps to lower your blood pressure, soothe your nervous system, and help your mind and body to feel more relaxed overall. Shoot, at the very least, it certainly couldn't hurt to give it a shot. Right?
2. Listen to Some Binaural Beats
Something that I personally find to be pretty cool is binaural beats. It's kind of a long story but the short of it is if you listen to two tones that are each at a different frequency, your brain will create a third one all on its own. And why is that beneficial? Well, word on the street is hearing that third tone can put your brain into the same state as meditation would/does. As a direct result, it can help to reduce anxiety, make you feel more relaxed, and put you into a more positive mental state. If this is something that you would like to test out for yourself, YouTube has a slew of videos that feature them. Just go to the site and put "binaural beats" in the search field.
3. Eat Some Berries or Kiwi
A delicious approach to calming yourself down is to snack on some raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries, and/or some kiwi. As far as berries go, they are packed with Vitamin C which is able to combat stress, along with zinc, which can lower feelings of anxiety and depression. Kiwi is cool because there are studies that cite that eating two of them, on a daily basis, can fight depression-related symptoms and put you into a better mood.
4. Put on Some Patchouli
When I first learned that patchouli essential oil had a calming effect, I was thrilled because I really like the sweet musky scent that it has. Because the properties in it have such a good reputation for providing a relaxing feel, if you do feel like you're about to go ham, try putting some on your thumb and index finger and then pushing slightly (for about 10 seconds or so) on the top of your ears, in between your index finger and thumb on your other hand or right in between your shoulder blades.
All three of these areas are pressure points that help to reduce stress. That way, along with the aromatherapy that patchouli provides, the combo should be able to get you right.
5. Go for a Walk. Outdoors.
There are a billion reasons why consistent exercise is good for you. One of them is the fact that when you get your heart pumping, it helps to release endorphins. This is a great thing because they are natural hormones that are secreted through your brain and nervous system that help to literally reduce stress, calm depression-related symptoms, and even boost your self-esteem. As an added bonus, the sun is full of Vitamin D and since it's a nutrient that also relieves depression and anxiety, you simply can't go wrong with taking a brisk walk or light jog outdoors.
6. Repeat a Favorite Quote (on Being Calm)
There is power in words. There's no debating that. That's why, another cool calm down hack is to verbally recite a quote on being calm, the moment you feel like you are anything but. The reason why you should say "it" out loud is that it can help to "drown out" your emotions so that you feel more empowered in your sense of calm. As a result, it will be easier for you to respond rather than react — if you need to say or do anything at all. One that I really like is, "Being still does not mean 'don't move.' It means 'move in peace.'" An author by the name of E'yen A. Gardner once said that.
7. Hold a Hand. Get a Hug.
While it might be your natural inclination to "pull into yourself" when you are upset or frustrated, that's actually a good time to hold someone else's hand or ask for a hug. Something that hugs are proven to do is lower your cortisol levels which is your natural stress hormone. Also, physical affection can trigger oxytocin in your system which will make you feel more loving and less angry.
Actually, I wanted to advise having a quickie in moments like these as the subject title for this particular tip because it's hard to stay angry while you're having sex; but if you can't make that happen, a hand or a hug will work (almost) just as well.
8. Take a Nap
Listen, something that I will absolutely do with the quickness is take me a nap. If you're able to get in a 20-minute power one, not only can it strengthen your immunity, boost your energy levels and improve your productivity, taking a moment to get "off of the grid" of whatever has you so fired up can result in you waking up to, at least a slightly different perspective, so that you can approach the matter more from logic than emotion — which is always a good thing. (By the way, if you don't have time to nap, meditating for 5-10 minutes is a great alternative. Check out "7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It)".)
9. Color. Scribble. Write.
If you don't already own an adult coloring book, treat yourself and get one (there's a link to some African ones here. There's an article about another Black female-owned line of some here). While coloring is typically seen as a child's activity, the reality is it has a way of calming your nervous system and even inspiring you to do some problem-solving (much in the way that playing video games do, believe it or not). Scribbling? I mean, have you ever pulled out a tablet and pen and just scribbled with all of the strength that you have? There is something very surprisingly rewarding about it. As far as writing/journaling goes, writing down your feelings is a way of validating your emotions and sometimes bringing clarity to all that's going on. Plus, journaling can help to boost your immune system and brainpower in the process. So, definitely pull out some paper if you're going from 0-10 with the quickness.
10. “Disconnect”
Relax. Relate. Release. One of the best ways to do all of this is to disconnect from the noise and just get quiet for a moment. By "noise," I mean anything that taps you into a lot of chatter, along with the people who are around you (including those who are just a phone call away). Based on where you (physically) are, you might only be able to do this for five minutes or so but if you go somewhere that is dead silent (like your car) or even if you listen to some ASMR videos of rain, waves or the wind (YouTube has a lot of those as well), it can help you to gain your bearings so that you can function from a place of peace rather than intense stress — which is beneficial on every level. Every time.
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
Courtesy
I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
Courtesy
That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
Courtesy
So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
Courtesy
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy