Did You Know Women (Can) Have Wet Dreams Too?
I don't know about y'all, but when I was around the seventh grade and the subject of guys having wet dreams (with the technical term for it being "nocturnal emissions") came up in class, pretty much all I recall being told is it starts happening around puberty. Kind of like how a girl starts her period, once a young man hits a certain stage in his adolescence, it's not uncommon for him to wake up with sperm/semen on his sheets. Since he can't control it, you might want to steer clear of his bedding (you know, if the young man is related to you). That was basically it. Over and out. So, since I'm not a man, I didn't really give the topic too much more thought beyond that.
Matter of fact, if I'm going to be completely honest, up until a couple of weeks ago, I still never cared to do much more research on the matter. For better or for worse, I've never had an—eh hem—run in with wet-dreamed-sheets, so there was no real reason to ponder the issue. That is until, while I was doing some research on another matter entirely, I noticed a health-related article that spoke on the fact that women can have wet dreams too. Whaaa? Now, you've got my attention.
What You May or May Not Already Know About Wet Dreams
Just so you can process this without immediately thinking about your little brother or even your son, let me start by saying that there is another term that is used for wet dreams; one that I never even considered before. What is it? Sleep orgasms. Yep. When a guy has a wet dream, he's pretty much partaking in an orgasm that transpires in the midst of having a dream—oftentimes it's erotic but it doesn't always have to be—of some sort. The reason why it's associated so much with males and puberty is because that is typically around the time when young men begin to have sexually-related fantasies (when they're asleep and when they're awake); however, it definitely should go on record that grown men can experience wet dreams too.
As I did more research on all of this, I also learned that wet dreams do not reduce a guy's sperm count (although it can get some of his "older sperm" out of his system), it won't shrink his penis, and it does not negatively affect a person's immune system in any way. One more thing is that it's also quite common for women to have a few wet dreams of their own.
What Is a “Female Wet Dream” All About?
Again, if you look at all of this from the perspective of being a sleep orgasm, the fact that women are able to have a wet dream makes a lot of sense. Typically, they start to happen for us when we're around the age of 21. One study revealed that as much as 40 percent of women have reported having at least one wet dream by the time they reached their 40s. As far as what triggers them for us, a great sex dream oftentimes gets the credit, although some medical professionals say that we are perfectly capable of having one, even if we don't dream at all. How can you know if a wet dream/sleep orgasm has indeed happened to you? Word on the street is that an accelerated heartbeat, combined with more-than-usual vaginal lubrication are two pretty telling indicators. Oh, and if you're wondering if there is a certain "kind" of woman who is far more likely to have them, the answer is "yes". Another study revealed that women who naturally have an open mind and curiosity about sex are likely candidates to cum in their sleep.
I'm thinking that as you're taking all of this in, it's making more and more sense why both men and women can have wet dreams. But if you're like me and you're wondering what causes our bodies to react in this way when we're actually not (at least fully) conscious, I looked that up too.
When we reach a REM state of sleep, our breathing and heart rate naturally accelerates (which is why our body temperate tends to rise in the middle of the night too). When that happens, blow flow increases throughout our system, including to our genital region. Since we're not really able to control our inhibitions like we can whenever we are awake, it's much easier for us to get sexually excited and, as a result, have a full-on orgasm. This is especially the case if you're a woman who often sleeps on your stomach because that increases the chances of experiencing clitoral stimulation.
Now, with all of this on record, let me try and address a few other things that you might be asking yourself.
If you've never had a wet dream before, no, there is nothing wrong with you. Again, around 40 percent of women reported experiencing them. This means 60 percent have not (or at least, they haven't yet).
If you're curious about whether or not sex-related dreams will automatically result in a wet dream, the answer is no. There's no real scientific basis for this, other than, just like you might not always have an orgasm via "awakened sex", the same thing goes for how your mind and body respond/react when you're sleeping.
If you've wondered why you've awakened to feeling like you've had sex—whether you "feel that way" mentally or even physically—but, for some reason, you can't seem to cum when you're conscious, this isn't abnormal either. While there are dozens of reasons why it can be challenging for women to climax, a huge one is overthinking; something that doesn't typically happen when you're catchin' z-z-z's.
If you have wet dreams often and you're actually trying to figure out how to make them stop, good luck. While you can try a mental exercise like consciously thinking about any and everything other than sex before turning in, remember that, since you can have a wet dream, even without a sex dream, there's a good chance that you could have one, regardless of what your thought patterns are.
Oh, and if you've never had a wet dream before and you want to try and experience one, having sex, reading erotic or even sex journaling can get your mind in the mood to do some exploring while you rest.
Welp. There goes one of the things that tripped me out recently. So, the next time the topic of wet dreams comes up, just remember that it's not "boy's talk". Women have them too. They are natural. They are beneficial (just like any orgasm is). And, they are definitely a perk that comes with sleeping. Sweet dreams, sis.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I think we all can agree that social media really is a double-edged sword. What I mean by that is there is just as much bad that can come out of it as good. At the end of the day, it really is about 1) having your own mind, 2) finding balance when it comes to how much time you spend online, and 3) doing your own research instead of taking random people’s opinions as the gospel (i.e., facts).
Gee, I wish more folks did all of this when it comes to if a man needs to have a large penis to sexually satisfy a woman (he does not) and if a woman who has had multiple sex partners will ultimately end up with a vagina that is too large for smaller penises to please her (a lie).
Science totally has my back on debunking both of those things (more on that in a bit). Know what else does? A particular type of sex method that is becoming more popular by the day. One that just might convince you to, as they used to say back in the day, focus less on the “size of the wave” and ride out the “motion of the ocean” instead.
It’s called shallowing. Here’s what it’s all about.
What Is Shallowing?
GiphyIf there’s one thing that I wish folks would say more thoroughly when it comes to women and orgasms, it’s that when it comes to75 percent of women not being able to orgasm from only intercourse, the accurate statement is they struggle with achieving a vaginal orgasm without the assistance of some type of clitoral stimulation. Yeah, we’ve really got to remember that very few things in this life are a complete monolith — orgasms included (check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”).
In fact, it was while I was reading up on pairing — a word that is used for when clitoral stimulation transpires during penetration — that I decided to do some deep-diving into shallowing (because it was mentioned inone of the articles that I read).And what is it? Shallowing is when a penis, finger, tongue, or sex toy of some sort is used in order to ever so slightly penetrate the vaginal opening of a woman.
And why is shallowing not just a current sex trend but something that every woman on this planet should try? It’s because of what I’ve said, more than once, on this platform: it focuses on the most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina, which isthe first two inches of her vaginal opening.
When the emphasis is placed there, not only does it increase your chances of experiencing “the big O,” but it can also build up anticipation, which can intensify your orgasms too — yes, shallowing can also be seen as a form of edging.
Another thing that’s cool about shallowing is — and it really and truly can’t be said enough — something that makes vaginal and blended orgasms easier to achieve for some women really has little to do with the size of a man’s package or even his technique; it’s straight up anatomy. Yep, the closer that a woman’s clitoris is to her vaginal opening, the easier it is for a penis to stimulate both. So, science makes it possible for vaginal orgasms to be easier for some women than others.
At the same time, shallowing can make it possible for more women who want to see what a vaginal orgasm actually feels like (because it’s easier for the head of the penis to stimulate the opening of the vagina while the shaft can rub up against your clitoris; based on the position that you are in, of course — the missionary with some pillows propped under the lower part of your back is ideal for this).
Now that you see what shallowing actually is, do you get why I said that penis size doesn’t matter when it comes to doing it — and getting the kind of orgasms that you want? Contrary to popular belief, your vagina is only around four inches. In fact, some health experts say that it ranges between 2-4”. Anything larger, your body literally has to stretch out to accommodate; this includes penises and babies. So, if your vagina is “making room” for more than four inches, why in the world do you think you need a 10-inch man? Yeah…exactly. It really is time to get over the silliness. The average penis continues to be 5.5”. Makes sense when you take it all in (no pun intended).
Aight, so now that you know what shallowing is all about, let me try and hard sell you on why it’s a sex technique that you should try as soon as tonight (if you possibly can).
1. It takes the pressure off of you and your partner.
I’ve been working with couples for almost 20 years at this point. This means that the topic of sex comes up quite a bit. And if there’s one thing that continues to be an issue is inconsistent orgasms (check out “Why Do Orgasms So Often Seem Like A ‘Hit-Or-Miss’ Experience For Women?”).
Listen, no matter how many articles you read or sex positions you try, if you’re anxious, stressed out, or overthinking, it’s gonna get in the way of you experiencing high peaks of pleasure on a consistent basis. Since shallowing is something that can easily be done even in foreplay (via fingering and/ororal sex) if you get that first “release” off, that makes it easier to just sit back and enjoy the ones that (hopefully) are to follow.
2. It teaches you more about your vagina.
A part of the reason why I keep repeating certain facts about vaginas in these articles is that it’s amazing how little certain things are discussed en masse — like the size of the vaginal tube. And since shallowing helps you to stimulate the nerve endings at the entrance of your va-jay-jay along with your G-spot (which is housed a little ways from your opening), shallowing is a great way to explore that area of your body as you figure out what truly works for you and…what doesn’t.
3. It’s the perfect merging of foreplay and intercourse.
When you really stop to think about it, shallowing is like the bridge between foreplay and intercourse because you can use so many different things to do it. So, if you want to experiment with a new sex toy or you want a bit more time to “warm up the engine” before full-on penetration begins, shallowing is one of the most sexually arousing compromises there is.
4. It can help to increase your partner’s stamina.
A few years back, I penned an article for the site entitled, “We’ve Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity.” Listen, even though I onceread a GQ article that said that over 60 percent of the people they polled were fine with intercourse lasting no longer than 5-10 minutes — that poll doesn’t speak for all of us, chile.
So, if you would like your man to build up to going longer, shallowing can help to make that happen. Since he’s barely putting beyond the tip in, he can learn how to be in you for longer periods of time without being, well, in you.
5. It helps you to appreciate whatever “package” he has.
Again — and it really can’t be said enough — if shallowing is all about exploring the mere entrance of your vagina, you don’t need a man with BDE (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”) or honestly, even anything close to it.
I mean, even though, reportedly, the size that the average woman says gives her the most orgasms is eight inches — I bet those women have never really tried shallowing before. 10”, 8”, or the average 5.5” can certainly get the job done. And well.
6. It feels A-MAZ-ING.
Okay,so now that you know about shallowing, I promise that if you put the word into your favorite search engine, you’re either gonna see articles on golfing (LOL) or sex, especially as of late. That’s because more couples are trying it out and getting mind-blowing results from it. So, if you’re looking for something new to try, give shallowing a shot.
Hey, anything that’s designed to stimulate your most intense vaginal nerve endings has got to be something for the record books. I mean, how could it not be? Lawd.
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