Here's Why You Should Be More Intentional About Developing Work Friendships
It was in 2010 when I realized that establishing work friendships was important. I had started working at my second internship which was—at that point in my life—the closest to full-time work I had experienced. The office was preparing to launch a major initiative that my coworker and I were hired to coordinate. Both of us were college students. Neither of us had any experience doing something like this.
While he and I grew closer, I found myself retreating to an older black woman to help me process and handle the hardships of the project: the poor instruction, the lack of guidance, the dysfunctional leadership, and ultimately, the challenges on the day of. She became a sounding board for me during difficult times, and when I decided it was time for me to move on, she was there as well; supporting me boldly and covering for me as my attitude became reflective of my unhappiness.
Despite the popular belief that work is no place to make friends, I have always believed in the power of work friendships. I thought that, if nothing else, those friendships could certainly help pass the time. They could make the darkest day a little brighter and add humor to the dullest work meetings.
But it wasn't until I experienced the love of an older black woman in a toxic workspace that I realized that work friendships were not only important for my enjoyment of a role but that they are critical to my progress and success as a young professional black woman. Here's why:
Building Positive Relationships At Work
Find your "work auntie", find your champion.
That's what I call them—work aunties. A term of endearment for only the most well-intentioned, supportive, nurturing female co-workers.
At every job that I'd had for more than a year, there's been an older black woman (or two) who's been willing to go to war for—and with—me. Women who knew how to support me in the throes of a trying work culture. Women whose prayers have revived and re-centered me when I was preparing to jump off the deep end.
They will lift you up time and time again.
They've helped me navigate difficult breakups and made themselves available to me during mid-work breakdowns. They've told me about myself when my personal life was impeding on my work performance—and would cover me just the same when I couldn't muster up the strength to focus on improving it.
Wonderful black (and some, white) women who affirmed me when impostor syndrome and self-doubt set in. Women who knew my worth and made sure others knew it as well. Women who petitioned for me for promotions, special projects, and raises. Women who didn't have to do any of that but chose to anyway.
See, as a young 20-something-year-old, those relationships were critical to my professional growth—especially as a woman of color. And that shared responsibility of love and support in the workplace wasn't foreign to me either.
In return, you can be a bomb af "work niece".
Offering love and support to the women who felt stuck and unfulfilled. I added a bit of laughter and intercession to the women who spent all day supporting others. I provided a millennial perspective to those who had children my age and added a drop of understanding to their parenthood.
There's so much untapped value in cultivating tight-knit friendships in the place you spend most of your waking hours. There's comfort in being able to confide in people who know exactly what you mean when you discuss colleagues, the demands of your job, or the toxic work culture. There's beauty in being able to walk into a co-worker's office, close their door, and cry to keep yourself from quitting. Beyond just professional benefits—references, a network, and growth opportunities—there's this inconceivable beauty created by forging meaningful friendships with co-workers.
Developing positive work relationships is the gift that keeps on giving if you allow it.
While I've never started a job hoping to make friends, some of the most meaningful friendships I've had have been cultivated through work. They've been nurtured by break room vent sessions; honored by "I'm running late, cover for me" text messages; and protected by "let's get this done together" project collaborations.
We've formed prayer groups during our lunch hour and started walking groups for the sake of mental health and physical fitness. We've celebrated each other's promotions and supported each other's personal work.
And while I know work relationships like this are rare, I also know that they are possible. I merely suggest that, instead of shying away from them, women begin to pursue and embrace them. I pray that women find work aunties and become them, too. And largely, I hope that these relationships begin to help you just as much as they've helped me.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
3 Compelling Reasons To Make Friends With Women You Work With
5 Ways To Get Taken More Seriously At Work
What Happened When I Tried Being More Assertive At Work
9 Lessons I Learned After Working 9 Internships
Featured image by Shutterstock.
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage