We Spoke To 7 Daddy-Daughter Duos About What Being A #GirlDad Truly Means
#GirlDad became bigger than ever earlier this year with the tragic death of Kobe Bryant and his 13-year-old daughter Gigi. He left a wife and three other daughters behind, but he didn't carry the title of 'Girl Dad' simply because he had daughters. He was a dedicated mentor, a confidant, and a present father to his girls. Months later, his example has pushed us to really think about what the hashtag really means.
Historically, Black and Brown communities' relation to fatherhood hasn't been the greatest, BUT there are great fathers who break the stereotype and deserve to have a light shined on them. We spoke with solid daddy-daughter duos about the true weight that role carries.
Like the late legend, these dads are setting the standard for Girl Dads and showing us what it truly means.
Courtesy of Dontaira Terrell
Dad: Don Terrell
66, Retired from General Motors after 40+ years of service
"The greatest reward of being a Girl Dad and raising four daughters has been watching them grow and matriculate into womanhood. From little-league softball games, Sweet 16s to graduations, and beyond, I was there for every milestone and will continue to do so. Supporting each of them in their endeavors and empowering them along the way has been my greatest reward.
Time flies and watching them learn and absorb knowledge, wisdom, and understanding to become intelligent spiritually grounded women, or as I call them 'Queen Warriors,' is my legacy and has been my greatest achievement as a father.
Unknowingly, in nurturing and championing their well-being, it helped me in many ways throughout my fatherhood journey and this pathway called life. My wife and I didn't have any sons, and people always reminded us of this, but it didn't matter to me because my girls are my everything. I know they will carry the lessons I've taught them from an early age across generations."
Daughter: Dontaira Terrell
34, Editorial Director
"Five years ago, I lost my mother after a sudden car crash while leaving work, which left her hospitalized for 14 months until she eventually succumbed to her injuries. Throughout this entire experience, I gained a deeper appreciation, a greater sense of gratitude and pride that I was chosen to be my dad's baby girl.
I consider my dad as a hero in his own right. When doctors assured him that pulling the life-support plug on his wife of 40 years was the only way to go, he relentlessly stood his ground and insisted it was not an option. With strength and sincerity, he stated, 'You may have seen a thousand cases like this, but my wife is rare. I don't have a thousand wives, and my four daughters don't have a thousand mothers.'
At that moment, my dad taught me the essence of unconditional love and the power to fight for what is precious to you. He is the ideal example and blueprint of my future husband and a true testament of self-sacrificing love. I believe parents should inspire to aspire, and in my quest to build and continue the family legacy, it is exactly what I hope to achieve.
He's the best grandad to his grandchildren, listener, provider, and mentor. But most importantly, he is always there. He is a constant force in my life that I can depend on, no matter what. From our Saturday morning daddy-daughter adventures growing up to our family dinners and road trips, I am grateful for that foundation that has shaped me into who I am today and the woman I am still becoming."
Courtesy of Christina Singh
Dad: Satro Singh
57, District Manager
"The greatest reward of being a Girl Dad is having joy in watching my daughter grow up. I coached and raised my daughter to be great at everything she puts her mind to. I remind her daily to be a strong woman and to have a kind heart, even if the world is unkind to her. Her accomplishments and resilience makes me a proud #GirlDad."
Daughter: Christina Singh
30, Teacher
"I am proud to be my dad's daughter because I've observed his strength and flexibility to provide for our family. Since I was a young child, my dad worked multiple jobs to make sure my family was taken care of. As I got older, I became more appreciative of the sacrifices he had to make in order for our family to persevere. I am forever grateful and will always thank him for being the true definition of a dad."
Hala Maroc
Dad: Nagy
65, Auditor
"Having a girl is definitely a big reward. Being a father presented me [with] whole different experiences and perspectives I could never get before that as a man. It even allowed me to understand and learn about the strength of a women.
As a father, having to experience mixed emotions (especially when my daughter started to develop her own path and career) was a growing process. Imagine experiencing nonstop happiness and anxiety in all the same exact moments.
She has a different path than the one I know or the one I imagined for her. Especially when it is a path full of challenges, that she refuses to give up on... I can't hold her hand but that makes me love and admire her even more.
I'm a joyful dad to a joyful daughter. That's all I can ask for!"
Daughter: Hala Maroc
28, Personality/ Wellness Advocate- TheBadassBootcamp.com
"I've always been a Daddy's girl. Anyone who knows my Dad would say he's a REAL ONE. I get my comedic timing, young spirit, and lack of patience from him.
He always taught me to be independent and to just go for it. But thinking back, there have been a few times when I really thought I was doing big things and had my big girl pants on... come to find out, he was secretly holding my hand the whole time!
Some of my most vivid memories would have to be in kindergarten when I'd fall asleep halfway through doing my homework and wake up to it finished! Or at three- or four-years-old when he put me on his lap to 'drive the car' knowing I wouldn't notice his knee doing all the actual steering. Or when he used to have me go across the street to a neighborhood bakery to pick up sweets and practice counting money and one day I realized he was watching me from our fourth floor apartment window the whole time just in case and even may have called the bakery to give them a heads up ahead of time.
I find him trying to still do that in my adult life sometimes and [he] may regret raising such an independent woman who GOT THIS! But I want to reassure him that everything I've ever accomplished stems from the confidence he instilled in me along the way."
Courtesy of Jelani Addams
Dad: David Addams
63, Executive Director
"My greatest reward being a Girl Dad is watching my girl grow into her power and potential professionally and socially. As early as primary school, my daughter was empowered to speak her mind and seek her solutions.
Providing the opportunity to become a peer educator in high school with NYCLU solidified her role as a spokesperson and leader. I am so proud of what she has done about the issues she cares about and how her writing has manifested her sharp mind and fierce dedication to justice and fairness."
Daughter: Jelani Addams Rosa
30, Senior Editor
"I've always been a very proud daughter. For as long as I can remember, I've always been a Daddy's girl and loved hanging out with him and picking his brain. To this day, he's my favorite person to talk about politics and current events with, I respect his opinion and point of view so much.
I can think of so many moments where I was proud to call him my dad, but the most recent is when he was honored by the NAACP for his work in the community. I know all of the amazing ways my dad has shown up for me—30 years of nonstop unconditional support and love.
I'm always floored when I think about the fact that in between making the time to be an amazing father, he's always found the time to be an amazing person, to think about people outside of his immediate circle, and come up with concrete ways he can be part of the solution. It's always been important, but in times like this it's invaluable to have a David on your team, I'm just glad I get to call him Dad."
Courtesy of Kim Cortes
Dad: Angel Cortes
66, Retired Maintenance Worker
"My biggest reward of being a Girl Dad has been having a daughter that I could be affectionate with and loving. Someone who allowed me to loosen up and brought out a softer side I didn't know I had."
Daughter: Kim Cortes
30, Marketing Manager
"My dad has always been a hero to me. He was an immigrant from Central America who came here with a dream and hopes to create a better future for his wife and his children. After years of working and sacrifice, he finally paid off our home. He was the first homeowner in his family and did it all on a maintenance man salary."
Courtesy of Brittiany Cierra Taylor
Dad: Derek Taylor Sr.
62, Real Estate Entrepreneur
"My greatest reward being a girl dad is the sound of my daughter's laughter."
Daughter: Brittiany Cierra Taylor
33, Sr. Manager Audience Development
"I grew up a Daddy's girl and then our relationship shifted in my early twenties. I think I'm most proud of the effort I've seen him make in the last five years to be my superhero once again while we both give each other the grace to grow.
I think as a Daddy's girl, you grow up thinking your dad's a superhero and when you find out he's not perfect, you're disappointed à la Molly in Insecure. Likewise, I think he always thought I was pretty close to perfect, and when he found out I wasn't, the same.
We were in business together which adds another layer of static. Since then, he's been super patient, willing to listen (we are both stubborn), and really just focused on my happiness. I first saw this shift when I moved to New York five years ago and then two years ago when my little brother passed. In those two years, we've traveled out of the country together (my friends still call him 'trip dad'), he's taught me new sides of the family business and I've actually been staying with him since COVID."
Courtesy of Soraya Joseph
Dad: Larry Joseph
63, Truck Driver
"Daddy is always right. I'm never wrong! (laughs). If her mother and I disagreed, she was always on my side, and ran to my defense. I'm serious!
True story—before her, I was afraid to even have a girl. But when I had her, it changed my life. I even wish I had more girls, you know? Girls are so special and fragile, and you have to really spoil them. And when they respect you (in return), it makes everything more worth it.
The feeling of having a daughter is indescribable. Because with a boy, even though you show them affection, you raise them to be tough. But with the girl, it's like, women are naturally strong, but also fragile, so you're afraid to do anything so you don't hurt them.
At the end of the day, a dad always thinks the girl is for them. The boy is for mom. We're sensible with our sons, but very sensitive about our girls. And very defensive and overprotective too. With limits, of course. It's charming. Having a daughter is the greatest reward. Especially when they're getting old, and they still call you 'Daddy.'"
Daughter: Soraya Joseph
31, Digital Content Director
"When I was younger, I used to be painfully jealous and territorial of my dad's paternal-like efforts outside of my brother and me. Like, I didn't mind if he helped other people, but I didn't want him helping them 'like a dad,' if that makes sense (laughs). I'm a mess, I know."
As I got older, I grew to admire my father's ability to impart wisdom and advice onto others and make himself readily available to the figuratively fatherless.
Once, I even witnessed my dad be late for work, because while having brunch at our favorite diner, a young waiter actually sat down mid-shift at our table, completely caught up in a convo with my dad. They spoke for nearly an hour, while I downed three more mimosas at the bar. Because of this, I've dubbed my dad 'the real-life Uncle Phil', since a lot of my friends and my brother's friends enjoy their conversations with him and seek his guidance. To this day, I get a 'What's your dad's number again?' text or a 'Can you ask your dad...' text from friends wanting his take on everything from buying their first car to general life advice.
In the end, I've learned that my father is a better father-figure than most men are fathers. While the younger me used to scold him for his friendliness, the older me loves and is in awe of it. Besides, at the end of the day, everyone knows girls are daddies' worlds. So, if he is a good father-figure, imagine being his actual daughter. He goes harder!"
Featured image courtesy of Soraya Joseph
Jazmine A. Ortiz is a creative born and raised in Bushwick, Brooklyn and currently living in Staten Island, NY. She started in the entertainment industry in 2012 and now works as a Lifestyle Editor where she explores everything from mental health to vegan foodie trends. For more on what she's doing in the digital space follow her on Instagram at @liddle_bitt.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Listen, You're Totally Missing Out If You've Never Tried 'Yoga Sex' Before
Deflecting. If there’s one thing that irks me to absolutely no end, it’s when someone tries to avoid personal accountability — or even just a direct question — by deflecting. Take some people, who are barely in their 50s, who try to tell me that they are basically in a sexless marriage due to their age.
Chile, please. Reportedly, over 40 percent of people between the ages of 60-85 are sexually active (I personally think it’s much higher than that), and more than half between the ages of 57-75 (and one-third between the ages of 75-85) participate in oral sex. Matter of fact, a great example of all of this is TikTok sensation (and her husband) Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith who’s been married 43 years and talks about intimacy with her man every chance she gets. And you know what? I adore seeing it (check out “Marriage Tips with Social Media Creator Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith”)!
And just what does all of this have to do with today’s topic? Well, while talking to two of my clients not too long ago — people who are also well into their 60s — about the fact that they try to get it in at least twice a week (see what I mean? And that doesn’t include oral), when I asked them what their secret was, the wife said, without hesitation, “Simple. We do yoga sex.”
It’s pretty redundant for me to say that I write about sex a lot, which means that I research it too; however, I’ve got to admit that although I know that certain positions can make engaging in copulation easier, it never crossed my mind that there was something known as yoga sex. Yet, as the couple broke it down to me, I found myself becoming more and more intrigued. And that caused me to do some looking around so that I could share the wealth.
Because if your sex life is already bomb as hell, things are slowing down a bit, and you need a bit of “oomph” to fuel the fire again or, deep down, you know that you’re deflecting when it comes to your sex life and you want to change that — yoga sex could be the answer to all of your sexual needs. Read on to see what I mean.
Let’s Review Some Overall Benefits of Yoga, in General, First
GiphyThe gym? It’s never been something that has tickled my fancy, not even a little bit. Oh, but as my metabolism is slowing down and I can tell that I’m deep in the throes of perimenopause (CHILE), I’ve accepted that I need to be more intentional about exercise than ever. And since you can find just about anything that you’re looking for on the internet, I’ve found myself taking a real liking to yoga.
As far as health-related and direct physical benefits go, there are many:
- Yoga helps to reduce stress
- Yoga helps to decrease bodily inflammation
- Yoga helps to boost your immunity
- Yoga strengthens your body
- Yoga increases flexibility
- Yoga gives you more balance and improves your posture
- Yoga elevates your mental health
And that really is just the tip of the iceberg! Since you can get all of this from apps that offer classes for free (you can get a list of some of them here, or you can put “yoga classes” in the search field of YouTube as well), which means that you can do yoga from the comfort and convenience of your own home, why wouldn’t you want to at least give it a shot? Especially if, as you’re about to see, you can incorporate sex into yoga too?
So, What’s This “Yoga Sex” Thing All About?
GiphyIf you actually took the list of benefits that I just provided seriously, it should make all the sense in the world why yoga would help to improve people’s sex lives. If you’re less stressed, it’s easier to orgasm. If you have less bodily inflammation, sex is more comfortable. If you have a solid immune system, you’re in a better mood for sex. If your body is stronger, you will have more stamina during sex. The more flexible you are, the more sex positions you can try. The better your posture is, the easier it is to breathe deeply (which also increases your chances of climaxing). And if your mental health is in a great state, the more satisfying sex will be for you overall.
Okay, but there’s more. Some studies actually reveal that women who participate in yoga on a regular basis are more easily aroused, lubricate more, and experience less bodily discomfort — and get this, especially if they are over the age of 45. One study even went so far as to reveal that 75 percent of women who did yoga consistently said that they were more satisfied with their sex life than before yoga became a part of their lifestyle. Impressive…impressive indeed.
So, what makes “yoga sex” a thing? Well, it’s basically when people bring standard yoga positions into their sex life. Meaning, it’s not about learning positions that will make you stronger and more flexible in the bedroom beforehand; no, yoga sex is about literally doing yoga while having sex.
For instance, say that your goal for sex is to experience deeper penetration from your partner. A position that you might want to try is the cobra pose (here) where you first get on your stomach and then lift the upper half of your body with your hands while keeping your arms straight. If your partner straddles you, it frees their body up to penetrate you while also stimulating your neck and shoulders with his hands and mouth.
Or, if you like the missionary position yet you want to give it a bit of an upgrade, the bridge pose (here) can make that happen because it’s all about being on your back and then lifting the lower half of your body while your feet are planted on the ground (or your bed if your core is strong and your partner is helping to hold you up). Word on the street is this is a top-tier cunnilingus position. Report back. #wink
Maybe you’ve always wanted to experience a cervical orgasm. Getting on your back and throwing your legs over your head, and then being penetrated is one of the best ways to achieve this goal; that position is called the plow pose (here).
Now that I’ve broken yoga sex down a bit, do you see the potential that it holds? Do you also see how taking up some yoga, outside of sex, could better prep you for yoga sex?
If all of this has piqued your interest, first let me say that there are other traditional yoga positions that would be great for sex too like the forward bend and reclining butterfly (here) or the happy baby and cat-cow (here) — and honestly, that’s only the beginning because, the more confident you become, the more positions you’ll probably want to experiment with. The really awesome thing is, when it comes to yoga sex, positions aren’t the only thing that you can explore; there are different types of yoga sex too. Let’s touch on that briefly as well.
Did You Know That There Are Different Kinds of Yoga Sex?
GiphySo, what do I mean by different types of yoga sex? Great question.
Tantric yoga: This type of yoga focuses on the more spiritual side of intimacy. It does this by incorporating practices that help with meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), flexibility and deep breathing.
Orgasmic yoga:If you want to control your pelvis more, strengthen your core, and become an expert when it comes to breathwork, then orgasmic yoga will be more your speed (for the record, from what I’ve read, belly dancing actually qualifies as a form of orgasmic yoga. Just an FYI).
Kink yoga: If BDSM is your thing, then this is the kind of yoga that you’ve been looking for. The main aim here is to use yoga to get you to become more flexible and more mindful during sex.
When it comes to all three of these, if you live in a major city, there’s a pretty good chance that you can find a class that specializes in them. Otherwise, YouTube has some introductions to all of these too.
3 Tips for Yoga Sex Beginners
GiphyAnd what if yoga sex is something you’re down with yet you’re not sure how to start? Well, here are a few tips that can make even trying yoga sex tonight a more pleasurable experience.
1. Decide on positions beforehand. Good foreplay isn’t just about what you do 15 minutes before intercourse; it’s about getting each other’s minds “right” long before that. So, put your partner in the mood by emailing or texting pictures of some positions you’d like to try. It will get his mind in the mood and his imagination going; it’ll also give you some time to practice (just sayin’).
2. Create a “yoga-like” atmosphere. Listen, one of the key principles of yoga is cultivating an environment for mindfulness and peace. So, if you’re trying to do this with the television on, the kids yelling downstairs, or with your mind on a billion different things, it’s not going to work. You need quiet. You also need a lot of room. You need scents (like lavender, jasmine, vanilla, neroli, or sandalwood) that make you feel calm and relaxed. And you need soft lighting; it brings about a sense of tranquility. What about sounds? Instrumental or nature ones are probably gonna work best because they won’t break your concentration.
3. Always meditate (together) first. You’re kinda gonna miss the whole point of yoga sex if you just walk into your bedroom and immediately get into the downward dog. Remember that mindfulness, peacefulness, and pacing oneself are all benefits of yoga — and meditation is what achieves all of this. Plus, meditation is proven to control anxiety, bring about self-awareness, and even give you a greater attention space. So, before any foreplay even begins, sit on the floor across from your partner, look into each other’s eyes, and breathe, deeply, in and out together, for at least 3-5 minutes. It will bring forth an energy that will make yoga sex — and orgasming — truly incomparable…that’s what my clients tell me anyway. #wink
____
It really is so time out for bringing ageism into sex. If the body is able and the spirit is willing, you can be out here rivaling the 20-somethings. Yoga sex is just one option that cosigns on this — and has the data to prove it, chile. Enjoy!
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Featured image by Delmaine Donson/Getty Images