10 Creative Questions To Ask On A First Date
As cuffing season kicks off, many people are finalizing their rosters and securing their bae slots. If you're a little late to the party, cuffing season is the timeframe during the winter months where you're "off the market". During cuffing season, you could agree to be in an official relationship, or a situationship – it's completely based on your preference. The premise is simple though: it's cold outside, let's cuddle up!
Whether you're aiming to be "boo'd up" with your official bae or your cuffing season recruit, now is the time to get your date nights in before settling on your final pick. And if you typically struggle with date night questions, here are a few creative first date questions to get the conversation started!
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10 Creative First Date Questions
Is your work fulfilling?
This is a creative spin to the "what do you do?" question. The answer to this question, if responded to elaborately, can tell you where they work, what they do, and what their professional passions are. It also has the potential to lend insight into their ambition and future professional plans, without having to ask the predictable "what's your five-year plan?" question.
What’s the last book you read?
Typically, the books we read tell us about our interests or our fantasies. I'm either diving head first into self-help or inspirational books because that's what my spirit needs, or I'm drinking wine and reading a raunchy sex novel because celibacy is hard. Either way, what I read correlates directly to my interests – or my struggles. Allowing your date night partner to share more about what books are currently on their roster, can lead to a few good follow-up questions about what interested them to read the book, and what lessons they may have learned from it, bringing you a little deeper into their world. And if nothing else, it may give you an idea of the next book you should pick up.
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What are your thoughts on rape culture?
This is a question I know we all want to shy away from. The usual rule-of-thumb for first date questions is to avoid political conversations, but with the current start of our culture, this may be a very necessary question to ask. This can provoke a lot of interesting thought, or fuel an intense debate, however, it's not just about assessing political views as it is about personal safety. What someone feels about rape culture can highlight misogyny, sexism, and loads of other red flags. But, confrontational conversations don't have to be all bad, this question – if approached correctly – can serve as a great opportunity to educate each other.
Do you have a passport?
Now I'm not saying that most people travel with their cuffing season boos, but I am saying, if you want to travel with your cuffing season boo, this question is imperative. You can't take an impromptu #baecation if bae isn't ready when it's time. There may be a valid reason why they don't have a passport, and that may be a conversation worth having. But if you're adamant about exploring different countries, be sure to find out if potential bae is too.
How do you define happiness? Would you say you’ve mastered it?
So often in relationships we place the burden of our happiness on our partners. This question attempts to identify if this potential boo, falls into that same habit. Understanding someone's idea of happiness and if they've manifested it (or are at least trying to), can set the tone for the joy you may – or may not – experience with each other. It'll also give you an in to what brings them joy and if your idea of happiness aligns with theirs.
Who are you?
There's nothing quite as fulfilling as dating someone who's self-aware. They know their quirks, their flaws, and everything in between. Someone who can define themselves within the context of their own self-discovery is well worth continuing to get to know. This question allows them to share with you, the person they've found in their own pursuit of discovery, and give them a moment of transparency for communicating to you exactly who they are.
Tip: don't have an expectation for their response. It's important that you allow your bae-candidate to authentically express themselves and whatever identities they uphold.
What is important to you?
Allow your date to open up and be candid about the important pieces of their life. I fell in love with my ex, in part, by how he spoke so lovingly about his son and how much having him changed his life. Allowing people the space to openly talk about the important parts of their lives helps shatter some walls and builds connection.
Do you live alone?
This isn't necessarily creative, but if you don't want to be snowed in with bae and two roommates, I suggest you get this question answered and out of the way.
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When’s the last time you prayed?
For me, spiritual connection is important. And while everyone is on their own journey – and at their own place of spiritual development – identifying the last time someone prayed is a huge marker to how frequently they commune with God; especially since someone's church attendance – identified by the usual "do you go to church" question – does not necessarily mean they have a relationship with God. This can also spark a conversation about faith, church, and other spiritual beliefs. Obviously, if faith isn't important to you, you can skip this one.
Among your friends, what are you best known for?
With this question, you'll learn more about the company bae keeps, and about what role they play in the clique. This can be important if you like to woo the crew, or if your single homegirls are still playing the field. Double dates "on fleek"! If you live in a small city, it'll also give you a moment to dissect their tribe and assess if that is the company you want yourself associated with.
It wouldn't behoove you to ask all these questions at once, as the date will quickly turn into a counseling session. However, asking a variety of these questions can offer insight into the person's heart and mind, and can provide the spark all first date conversations should be made of. Using these questions as a guide to incite thoughtful conversation and friendly debate (emphasis on friendly) can help weed out the f*ckboys and help ensure that your cuffing season bae is top quality.
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Zoe Hunter is the writer, speaker, and creator behind the women empowerment brand DEAR QUEENS. She uses vulnerability, storytelling, and spiritual development to empower women toward healthy decision-making. Stay connected to Zoe's work by visiting DEARQUEENS.com or following her on Twitter @zDEARQUEENS.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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I Took Three Months Off From Work In The Name Of Radical Self-Preservation
In the fourth quarter of 2023, I finally did it. I pulled the plug! To be honest, it was a long time coming. I spent years juggling all of the balls in my life, and on October 2, 2023, I dropped every one of them and fell into surrender mode.
I couldn’t take it anymore - work, family, relationships, politics, death, the ramifications of COVID-19, and my fears creeping in. I had either put off dealing with these things, or I simply didn’t want to acknowledge them. Instead, my time, energy, and focus were on everyone and everything beside me. I pushed myself to the limit; then everything started to consume me. Burnout was swallowing me whole, you feel me?
All of this forced me to do some much-needed introspection which I turned into my self-proclaimed, "Fade to Black Season."
What is a “Fade to Black Season,” you may ask?
It’s a call to rest.
It’s a call to reset.
It’s a call to retreat into a deep, quiet space.
It’s radical self-preservation.
Deciding to step back from everything was not an easy decision for me. I contemplated taking a break from everything for many years until I couldn’t put it off anymore. If I didn’t take this time off, I knew I wouldn’t be able to truly show up for the life that I claimed that I wanted for myself.
I know I’m not the only one who has felt this immense weight on their shoulders. Why? Because I’m a Black woman. According to Every Level Leadership, 88% of Black women sometimes often, or always have experienced burnout. And let’s be honest here - Black women work harder than any other group. We are the backbone of our jobs, families, and community. Because of this, we must incorporate rest as an integral part of our well-being. In case there’s some pushback, I’ll leave this quote here for you to marinate on:
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” - Zora Neale Hurston
The reality is that with piles of work and life obligations, many of us are walking time bombs. And, for me, two weeks of PTO/vacation wasn’t enough time needed to balance myself, so I took three months off. If you feel called to do so, let this be your inspiration to take your own “Fade to Black Season.”
Here’s what I did.
- Shadow Work: I became best friends with my journal and illuminated the things I hid from myself to heal. Shadow work consists of the things you don’t like about yourself, your conscious and unconscious fears, and other negative emotions that exist due to past experiences and trauma.
- Trigger Warning: During this time, I let my triggers become my wisest teacher. I asked myself why various experiences, news, or communications resulted in negativity. I observed them, listened, and learned why they took up so much space in my life. Then, I allowed myself to choose to be open to a different outcome or feeling moving forward.
- Get Back To Pleasure: I re-centered my pleasure. I had to remind myself of what turned me on. I allowed myself to take life slowly, engage my senses, and play. I signed up for every tantra workshop, went to art museums in the middle of the day, took movement classes, and went to dance parties. I moved all the stagnant energy out of my body.
- Let Others Lift You Up: I let my people love on me. I let my loved ones take care of me. This wasn’t easy. I was used to being everyone’s support system and soft space to land. However, in my time of need, I finally let my tribe show up and show out for me. My only regret is not letting them do this sooner.
- Social Media Break: I broke up with social media during this time. Reclaiming my time and attention was an integral factor in calming my nervous system. I put blockers on my phone, and when I felt the urge to swipe and scroll, I took a walk or picked up a book.
- Redefine Your Life: After doing this type of work, I knew that I would never be the same. In this new space, boundaries and balance are prioritized, and everything else has to fall in line. I now have the mental/emotional space and capacity to do my best work!
Best of all, during this time, I found God in myself, and I loved her, fiercely.
My “Fade To Black" Season allowed me to grieve in peace, rest, tap into unrelenting joy, and simply be. At this point, me and peace got a good thing going on. Nothing else will be tolerated!
For those of you who are nervous about taking the first step, use The Dufree Foundation’s DIY Sabbatical Guide to help you plan, prep, and prepare yourself for your sabbatical - this is something I wish I had done before I leaped. Consider going on a Divine Pause Retreat to learn tips and tricks to avoid mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual burnout.
For those who work in social impact, apply for The Durfee Sabbatical program, which offers $60,000 and a three-month sabbatical, so nonprofit leaders can be a lever for whole systems change.
The choice to take a sabbatical is up to you! Just remember to prioritize yourself and never pour from an empty cup.
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