December is a month that's always super crazy to me when it comes to how I process time. The reason why is because, no matter what has transpired in the months leading up to it, once the final month of the calendar year pops up, I'm always caught off guard. Something tells me that a lot of you can totally relate—especially since we're literally just days away from Christmas Day.
Whether you're the consummate last-minute shopper or you're struggling a bit to figure out what to do this year because money is tighter than it's been in a while, I've got a few ideas on gifts that you can make for the special man in your life that are sweet, thoughtful and that you can put together for under $20 (before tax and wrapping paper). Hopefully, this will give you one less thing to stress out about before Christmas comes.
1. Date Calendar
I believe I've shared in an article on this platform before that, to this day, one of my favorite DIY gift ideas comes from a husband, who, on one of his wife's birthdays, he gave her an annual calendar. It wasn't just any ole' calendar, though. He actually went through every single month and pre-planned dates for them to go on. He also included a handwritten letter about how, no matter what life would bring their way, she would always be his top priority. How thoughtful, romantic and—one of my personal favorite words—proactive was that?
You could do the same thing by picking up a calendar and pre-planning some dates. For the record, it doesn't always have to be something that's over the time; you can have some dates right from the comfort and convenience of your own home (check out "10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)"). Shoot, you could really put a smile on your man's face and throw in a few sex datestoo.If you really wanna DIY it, you can make your own Instagram calendar (check that out here), create your dates in the form of a journal calendar (some easy instructions for that are located right here) or, you can even make a pencil holder type of calendar for his desk (tips on how to do that are here).
2. Personalized Candle
Two things I've come to learn that a lot of men like are flowers and candles. So yeah, if you and your partner happen to be apart this Christmas and you know that he enjoys a fresh bouquet from time to time, having one delivered could definitely put a smile on his face. Or, if he enjoys coming home, turning on some music, opening up a bottle of wine and lighting a few candles, a sentimental approach would be to carve your initials (you know, like how kids used to do on trees back in the day) or a short 'n sweet message onto one. All you need to do this is a linoleum cutter, a metallic pen and some tape. Oh, and a (tall) candle, of course. If you want to take a stab at this, you can get some step-by-step instructions here.
3. Beard Oil & Aftershave
There is something that is oh so sexy about a man who rocks a well-manicured beard. But something that a lot of us—and by "us", I mean women—don't really think about is a great beard goes well beyond a shape-up. Self-care products like beard oil are necessary too. So, why not make your man some to put into his Christmas stocking?
All you need is a carrier oil and essential oil, along with the right kind of storage bottle and you're good to go. If you'd like a CliffsNotes read on which oils are able to accomplish what (as far as facial hair is concerned), Wise Beards has a cool article entitled, "7 Do It Yourself Beard Oil Recipes—The Ultimate DIY Guide". If you'd like to accompany the beard oil with some homemade aftershave, I found some great recipes for that here, here, and here. (Arts and crafts stores typically sell bottles to package items like this in, by the way.)
4. Customized Gift Basket
Sometimes, when funds are low and I want to do something thoughtful for an individual in my life, I'll go to an arts and crafts store to pick up a basket, some cellophane, some tissue paper and a bow and then fill the basket up with random stuff. Maybe some homemade muffins or cookies. Some homemade spices or infused sugar blends. I've even been known to make body washes and lotions too. It really depends on what kind of theme that I want the gift basket to be.
Well, another cool DIY Christmas idea is to make a gift basket for your partner. It can have a food theme, an office theme, a car theme, a sports theme, a self-care theme, a sex theme—it's totally up to you. For instance, on the self-care tip, you can put in some travel-size toiletries, a beard brush, some shaving razors, some DIY massage oil and a new nail kit.
5. Wallet Cards
Who hasn't heard of a love (or sex) coupon book? A masculine twist to those is to make wallet cards instead. It's the exact same thing, only you print your "free for one massage" or "free for your favorite kind of movie night" on a card that fits conveniently into his wallet, so that he can carry his coupons wherever he goes. Click here to print off some that are already designed with messages on them. Also, if you want to laminate the cards so that they'll last longer, t here's a YouTube video that can show you how to do it without an actual laminating machine here.
6. Sex Box
There's a young Black couple on YouTube that I check out from time to time (mostly because I remember when the guy was a playboy online and now he's all in love 'n stuff; it's cute). Their channel is called Cey & Jai. Anyway, Jai recently got Cey a PS5 for his birthday and ever since, pretty much not one video goes by, where she doesn't slay something slick about wishing that she never got it…because he is always on it.
If you can totally relate, I recently saw a "fix" for that—a DIY sex box. What you do is create controller pieces and add duel-adhesive foam stickers to them so that they end up having a 3D effect. Then you write sexy messages on the back; you know, things that will make your man want to put the game down and play with you for a while. If this has piqued your interest, you can get the deets on how to make your own sex box here.
7. Throw Blanket
Who doesn't like to cuddle up with their boo under a comfy blanket during this time of the year? Well, even if you're not a master knitter or crocheter, you can still make one for your partner. How? By doing something that is known as finger knitting. Basically, you get yourself some Bernat Alize Blanket EZ Yarn, download some instructions (some are here) and you're all set.
The long-short of it is this works because, since there are already loops in the yarn, you can use your fingers to connect the loops rather than applying an actual needle (how cool is that?). Just select your man's favorite colors and then, once you're done, put his favorite scent (on you) on it. It'll easily become one of his favorite presents of all time.
8. Lipstick Art
Here's an idea that is super easy while being both cute and sexy too. If you want a subtle way for your boo to think of you while sitting in his office, why not give him some lipstick art? All you're literally doing is choosing different shades of lipstick, kissing a piece of blank paper and then framing the final result once you're done. Then you can put a personal message either in the corner or on the back of the frame. You can get an idea of what the final result would look like by going here.
9. Personalized Coasters and Cup Sleeve
What if you want to get something for your significant other that is more on the practical side of things? How about some customized coasters and a couple of personalized cup sleeves for his favorite drinks—hot and cold? A site called Thinking Closet can walk you through a whopping 30 different DIY coaster ideas (check it out here). Some felt and Velcro can help you to make the cutest cup sleeves (DIY instructions are here).
10. DIY Bedroom Board Game
I write way too much about sex on this platform to not end this DIY Christmas gift idea piece with some kind of gift that will get the fires burning in your bedroom. If you and your man enjoy unplugging and doing something as simple as playing a board game sometimes, The Dating Divas offers up some helpful tips on how to make your own (right here). Just make sure that you've got a mistletoe, a Santa hat and a prize for the winner close by. It's sure to be a naughty with a side of nice night once he opens this up. Merry Christmas, y'all!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at email@example.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
An author by the name of Alexandra Katehakis once said this about orgasms: “Great spiritual teachers throughout the ages have stated that orgasm is the closest some people come to a spiritual experience because of the momentary loss of self. Why is this true? Because with spiritual sex, you move beyond orgasm into a connection with yourself, your partner, and the divine — recognizing them all as one.”
If it’s counterintuitive to what you’ve ever thought about orgasms, believe it or not, there are even pastors who have said that climaxing is the closest comprehension of heaven on this side of it: it is an extreme kind of bliss that is indescribable and is best experienced between two people who share a sacrificial kind of love for one another.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?Giphy
Question: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?Giphy
Before we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an OrgasmGiphy
As a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for YouGiphy
Now that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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