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Shonda White
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
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<p>Hair styled in a long high ponytail. Lips painted in a popping shade of red that adds even more sexiness to her statement outfit. A black, see-through lace bodysuit paired with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/ultimate-guide-black-owned-clothing-brands/" target="_blank">streetwear</a> pants of the same color, along with a matching jacket, all accented by a gorgeous set of pearls and white heels. On this sunny winter day, the look of YouTube star <a href="https://www.instagram.com/dulcecandy/?hl=en" target="_blank">Dulce Candy Ruiz</a> fills the streets of her friendly Californian neighborhood with boldness and a fresh breeze of creativity. As she poses in the driveway of her home, Jesse, her husband and biggest supporter, masters her angles and captures the best portraits of her.</p><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-image">
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<small class="image-media media-photo-credit" placeholder="Add Photo Credit...">Courtesy of Dulce Candy Ruiz/Instagram</small></p><div style="display: none;"><img
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<p>From the outside, it looks just like a regular day in the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-women-share-their-secrets-to-acheving-a-healthy-work-life-balance/?rebelltitem=5#rebelltitem5" target="_blank">life of a YouTuber</a> who has more than a million followers on Instagram alone. Yet, when Dulce and I both sit down for an interview, I understand from the honesty and vulnerability she exudes that it was, in fact, the day everything changed. It was the day she'd <em>finally</em> gathered enough strength to steer away from the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/life-divorce-youtuber-shameless-maya-promoted-empire/" data-linked-post="2500804524" target="_blank">empire that she built</a> to spread her wings and fly to new horizons.</p><p>"We were simply outside doing this photo shoot, and I don't know what possessed me," she explains. "I wasn't expecting myself to do that, but I did. I grabbed my phone and tweeted it out: <em>I'm quitting YouTube.</em>"</p>
Making the Shift: A Bold Move to Let Go
<img class="rm-lazyloadable-image rm-shortcode" lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTkxOTE2OS9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2Njk4OTQwMX0.c-aWBq5Thb91WoMjpovTGJtoSwH3NnqrTQ6PdRzOf0g/img.jpg?width=980" id="c1e86" width="1920" height="2880" data-rm-shortcode-id="9ac89d47c8ed4731935798b58d67ef1c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Courtesy of Dulce Candy Ruiz
<p>The decision for Dulce to quit YouTube took five years. "I didn't have a lot of confidence to let go in the past because I was unclear as to what I wanted to do with my life, which is why it took me so long to redirect my energy," she confesses. "Because YouTube was a safe space for me—it provided me with a lot of stability, I knew what to expect—I kept reverting to the same old pattern and cycle."</p><p>Indeed, since 2008, Dulce has positioned herself as a major force in the beauty and fashion industry. Over time, her <a href="https://www.dulcecandy.com/" target="_blank">blog and social media posts</a>, along with her viral <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/DulceCandy87" target="_blank">YouTube videos</a>, turned her into a trusted source. Most importantly, she's been able to live off of her passion even though she was convinced that foregoing a higher level of education after high school would reduce her chances of one day becoming successful. It's not hard to imagine how much of a tough choice it was to close the book on their biggest accomplishments—let alone in current times when the world is experiencing <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/coronavirus-vaccine-news/" data-linked-post="2648872538" target="_blank">a devastating pandemic</a>.</p><p>When asked what prompted such a bold move, Dulce admits that although YouTube was her safe space, it was no longer her healthy space. Quite the contrary, it had become somewhat of a glass ceiling that was preventing her from elevating to her higher self. "I didn't see myself growing on that platform anymore. I'd reached a point where the things that used to come easy to me before, like editing videos, setting up the lighting and background, or even the content that I was producing as a whole, left me feeling restricted and became difficult to do," she recalls. "I was often making excuses and was also constantly debating whether it was the kind of life I wanted to live or not. I considered these as big signs that it was time for me to move on."<span></span></p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h5>"I believe that life is meant to be lived in a flow. When that's the case, the challenges that you come across in your journey excite you. They become a source of motivation and ultimately lead you to find happiness. On my end, these challenges were pushing me back and draining my energy. I was living in resistance."</h5><p>Intently listening to Dulce reveal the reasons that drove her out, her words confirm the assumptions that I had of her: that she is the kind of woman who is very <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/daily-routine-healthy-body-mind/" target="_blank">mindful</a> of the way she feels, and she uses that information as a compass to guide her through achieving her personal legacy. As I question her on whether or not she still believes that quitting YouTube was the right thing to do, the indubitable intonation of her voice says it all. "[Quitting YouTube] was a really liberating feeling. Once I put it out to the world—an act that I had no doubts would hold me accountable to not go back to my word—the big weight and pressure that I was bearing on my shoulders instantly lifted off, which was a confirmation that I was, indeed, taking a step in the right direction."</p><p>"With that said, from the moment the simple thought of quitting crossed my mind five years ago, I knew that it was what I was supposed to do—without consulting my husband, my mother, or anybody else. Something that I learned is how important it is for us to trust our inner voice and let go of the need to seek the opinion of others."</p><p>Dulce continues, "It's mandatory to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/when-you-should-trust-your-gut-and-when-you-shouldnt/" target="_self">listen to our intuition</a> and to spend the necessary time to learn about ourselves. This is what enables us to harness the power to really discover and understand what we want to do as well as who we want to become. Because deep inside, we know."</p>
Changing the Narrative: Quitters Do Win and Winners Do Quit
<img class="rm-lazyloadable-image rm-shortcode" lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTkxOTAwNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY2NTE0OTA1OX0.vm_rC0tb8KZwOp0wvdXrRNVtGiD-0UOeOX3PGykYg3k/img.jpg?width=980" id="bec5a" width="1920" height="1086" data-rm-shortcode-id="004fc14eccd80d6678418fe985b9b5c3" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Courtesy of Dulce Candy Ruiz
<p>The more we progress as human beings, the more we grant ourselves the permission to tailor the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/oprah-wants-you-to-know-that-success-is-a-process/" data-linked-post="2589274045" target="_blank">definition of success</a> and allow success to look different on everyone. Nevertheless, it seems like no matter what we decide to equate success to, the ultimate goal remains a common one: to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/dont-be-pressed-living-life-on-your-own-terms/" data-linked-post="2539674001" target="_blank">live our best life</a>—or as Dulce beautifully calls it, "passionate living"—regardless of the consequences it may entail.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h5>"One thing I'm not going to do is to stay in a place where I don't feel fulfilled for the sake of stability. Had I stayed in the military when I was younger, I could've benefited from housing, a guaranteed paycheck at the end of every month, and a plethora of other benefits. Yet, I wasn't happy. I don't think that any kind of opportunity or amount of money is worth bringing me down, let alone costing me my peace. And so, I left."</h5><p>Now, you're probably thinking that walking away from money is way easier said than done—and you're right. I would even say that it's extremely scary. But one thing that speaking with Dulce has taught me is that it's possible.</p><p>"If you're not content with your current situation and wish to pursue your goals, do like I do," she advises, "Start by investing two hours of your time daily to work on them. Filter out your surroundings and the things that you consume to help your vibration rise higher. Exert a lot of energy in your dreams and bringing your vision to life while still maintaining your other job, and without allowing the negative emotions it involves to tear you down. It's all about balance here [and keeping your why at the forefront of your mind]."<br></p><p>The Mexico native adds that she is now able to see and experience the world differently and can dedicate her focus to the things she enjoys and the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/monique-rodriguez-mielle-organics-interview/" target="_blank">legacy</a> she wants to leave behind. I can't help but think about American football coach Vince Lombardi's famous saying, "Quitters never win, winners never quit." What if the latter, although motivating, was a narrative rooted in falseness or, dare I say, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/stress-landed-me-in-the-hospital/" target="_blank">burnout culture</a>? What if, in the end, we all could win <em>regardless</em>?</p><p>As time goes by, women of all ages, races, and social statuses keep proving that quitting does <em>not</em> deserve the negative connotation it's always been associated with.</p><p>In other words, if it doesn't feel right, may Dulce's testimony serve as a reminder that you're allowed to let go.</p>
Owning Her Pivot and Expanding Her Impact
<img class="rm-lazyloadable-image rm-shortcode" lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTkxOTIyMy9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3OTk0ODkxN30.-m8UF3EzIuYd3202-dWKpk-lZ52SDs37DM5cfUA4NkM/img.jpg?width=980" id="3e72e" width="1920" height="2880" data-rm-shortcode-id="79271c75d7891a5d4b06c7da6b3ace9f" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Courtesy of Dulce Candy Ruiz
<p>At the time of our interview, Dulce still considers herself in transition, and she's giving herself the freedom to surrender to her creative callings and explore different avenues. She's also actively working on the development of her new brand called <a href="http://instagram.com/sweetsoul" target="_blank">Sweet Soul</a>—and from what we can see of her recent Instagram stories, a possible second book. (The first, titled <a href="https://amzn.to/2PBU3NB" target="_blank"><em>The Sweet Life: Find Passion, Embrace Fear, and Create Success on Your Own Terms</em></a>, was published in 2015 and chronicles the story of how she emigrated from Mexico to the United States, enlisted in the Army, and found her calling in beauty and fashion.) For if the butterfly has decided to desert her kingdom, something that she's not leaving behind is the garden and beautiful flowers that she's been growing for over a decade, namely her audience.</p><p>"What also drove me to quit is the fact that I do respect and care for my audience deeply. I value their time a lot and it'd be disrespectful to show up as an inauthentic version of myself that's not passionate just to stick to what I've been doing."</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h5>"I want the things they'll take away from the content that I create to always elevate them, and for that to happen, my content must evolve at the same pace as I do. It shall remain in alignment with who I am. Sweet Soul, my upcoming stationery and jewelry line, will be just that. It aims to empower women through self-discovery and self-love. Both have been a defining part of my own journey, and to make helping other women learn how to truly love themselves and how to be confident enough to step into their true essence my purpose feels natural."</h5><p>Building and ensuring the success of Sweet Soul is a challenge for Dulce, though, but it's one she's excited and enthusiastic to take on. "I really feel like I'm <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/necole-kane-important-lessons-forbes/" target="_blank">starting from scratch</a> again, which I technically am. It's a new path for me, one that I've never explored before. I've never owned nor have I ever built a thriving company that sells products. From securing a design house to figuring out successful sales and social media strategies, everything is a challenge."</p><p>And it's not only that that makes her new venture challenging, there's also the eventuality that she has to rebuild everything that revolves around it, especially her connections and perhaps even her <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/kimberly-white-building-online-presence/" target="_blank">following</a>. "I'm well aware that not everyone will be interested in the things that I'm now pursuing. When you decide to initiate such a shift, everything in your life changes—your attitude, your priorities, your interests, and of course, your relationships."</p><p><span></span>In a world where individuals are constantly put in boxes, Dulce simply wishes to be seen as who she is. But if she's really to be categorized, then she's a soul-centered creator. </p><p><span></span>"My legacy doesn't necessarily have to be so huge that it shakes up the generations to come. As long as the people whom I have crossed paths with during my existence remember the way I made them feel, how I showed up in any field of my life, then that's enough for me."</p>
<p><strong></strong><strong>For more of Dulce Candy's life and her new endeavors, follow her on social media <a href="http://instagram.com/dulcecandy" target="_blank">@dulcecandy</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/sweetsoul/" target="_blank">@sweetsoul</a>.</strong></p>
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<p class=""><em>Featured image courtesy of Dulce Candy Ruiz.</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p><em>Sylvie's Love</em> was a wonderful film, serving us with an innovative and <a data-linked-post="2649667416" href="https://www.xonecole.com/sylvies-love/" target="_blank">joyful Black love story</a> just when we needed it the most, following the end of a violent year. There were so many factors to love - the glamorous retro aesthetic, the mouth-watering wardrobe, the whirlwind romance. What made it so romantic wasn't just a montage of rooftop dates, smoldering conversations, and unexpected kisses. I think we could see ourselves in the characters. Even though the movie was set in the 60s, rather than approaching their relationship as the stereotypical facades of a man and woman - sole provider and homemaker - Robert and Sylvie showed up to one another as whole human beings, each with flaws and aspirations. </p><h5>One particular part of the plot resonated with me, and I'm sure a lot of women felt similarly: Our hearts smiled at how much the leads valued another's dreams and career aspirations. </h5><p class="shortcode-media shortcode-media-rebelmouse-proxy-image">
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<small class="image-media media-photo-credit" placeholder="Add Photo Credit...">Sylvie's Love/Amazon</small>
</p><p>Sometimes this <a data-linked-post="2646282723" href="https://www.xonecole.com/signs-you-respect-spouse/" target="_blank">mutual respect</a> led to actions that caused our chagrin, like when they withheld information from each other and broke things off to avoid obstructing each other's dreams from coming to fruition. Nonetheless, the movie's portrayal of romantic affection and <a data-linked-post="2645744187" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-financial-supporter-in-your-marriage-this-is-for-you/" target="_blank">career aspirations coexisting</a> in a healthy relationship really struck a chord. When I saw <em>Sylvie's Love </em>with a gang of girls, we collectively cringed when Sylvie's husband (who awkwardly was not her true love) for part of the movie relentlessly urged her to quit her job and uncompromisingly required that she support his career over her own. </p><h5>So often women see two of our core desires juxtaposed; <a data-linked-post="2578324673" href="https://www.xonecole.com/relationship-goals-or-financial-goals-that-is-the-question/" target="_blank">personal goals compromised</a> for a lasting relationship, and goals of marriage and family sacrificed at the altar of the dream career. Like many women, I expected to delay marriage for that reason.<br/></h5><p>Though I grew up around great couples, I wasn't raised to prioritize finding a husband; I was raised to be a high achiever. I never dreaded going home and being assaulted with annoying questions about my love life. More often, I was urged by my family to take risks, reach my highest potential, and pursue my dreams wholeheartedly with no compromises. I was strongly discouraged from planning my future around a relationship because my possibilities would decrease drastically after signing a marriage certificate. I received a lot of cautionary tales filled with regret and grief over dreams that didn't survive marriage. </p><p>While the advice was earnest and well-intentioned, I internalized a creeping fear belief that when I chose to get married, I'd lose my autonomy and my life would be at the mercy of my husband's will; there was no telling what I'd be asked to <a data-linked-post="2646138240" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-differences-between-compromise-and-sacrifice-in-a-relationship/" target="_blank">sacrifice</a>.</p>
The Fear of Losing Myself in Marriage
<p>I met <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/i-swiped-right-and-met-the-love-of-my-life-on-tinder/" data-linked-post="2500787885" target="_blank">the love of my life</a> in college and was approaching marriage at the age of 23 - a far cry from the recommended 30. While I knew it was right and healthy, I still carried nervousness about how marriage would <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-up-with-the-whole-married-but-living-apart-trend/" data-linked-post="2640705703" target="_blank">impact my individuality</a>. While my now-husband exhibited all the behaviors of a supportive partner who was invested in my fulfillment, I still had trouble shaking that irrational fear that once I said "I do," a switch would flip and I would lose my path. These concerns all came to a head when I made a very out-of-the-blue, rushed decision to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/going-back-to-school-after-30/" data-linked-post="2641661898" target="_blank">go to graduate school</a>, which was totally unmanageable on top of the <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/paying-for-your-own-wedding-heres-how-we-did-it/" data-linked-post="2637114634" target="_blank">wedding planning</a>, working full-time, and other commitments. </p><h5>I stressed myself out, putting myself on a rigorous three-month study plan for entrance exams that would realistically require my full-time attention. </h5><p>Noticing my exhaustion and dismay during a season that should've been filled with happy anticipation, a friend asked me why I was in such a rush. In that revealing conversation, I realized that I felt like I needed to get my career train in motion before my wedding day. I believed that if my goals were well underway before marriage - applications submitted and deposits paid - then I'd know they could safely translate into my marriage instead of getting erased.</p><img
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<p>Following that revelation, I brought my concerns to my fiance. It was such a healing conversation in which he reassured me that his commitment to me included my goals and aspirations. It was easy to believe him because he had the track record to support that claim. Through college and after, he was a huge influence in me identifying my passion for writing and building the courage to pursue it. He was always so encouraging anytime I got published and genuinely present when I brought him into my world of enthusiasm about literature, my favorite editors, and the authors I love.</p><h5>Before I knew I wanted to write, his own discipline about cultivating his authentic talents and pursuing his calling really inspired me to find what sparks my own passion.</h5><p>Now that we are married, I'm more driven than I've ever been. Having <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/whats-your-signs-love-language-a-how-to-guide-to-gain-the-key-to-their-heart/" data-linked-post="2632933769" target="_blank">a loving partner</a> and home happen to make the "grind" a lot easier. Someone to cheer you on, help you get up when your alarm goes off, take charge of dinner when you're working late, give you the space to move toward your target, and hold you accountable for acting according to your values. </p><p>The one piece of advice I remember receiving about how to find a good relationship was from my mom. She earnestly advised me to hold off on committing to marriage until I found someone who valued my desires as much as theirs. </p><p>I'm lucky to say I found that.</p><p><em>Read more sex and love content on xoNecole </em><a href="https://www.xonecole.com/Love-Sex-and-Relationships---Home-Page/" target="_self"><em>here</em></a><em>.</em></p>From Your Site Articles
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<p>When you find yourself counting down the number of days you can <a data-linked-post="2648800374" href="https://www.xonecole.com/manage-remote-work-burnout/" target="_blank">take PTO</a> or how you can finesse calling off to start looking for another position in your first 90 days, you may be suffering from a case of saying "yes" to the wrong job. Here's an example: During the pandemic, Jorden Patterson, a freelancer in the Midwest, landed the perfect job. After being <a data-linked-post="2645785830" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-to-do-when-you-get-laid-off/" target="_blank">laid off</a> from her previous gig at an insurance company and spending months surviving off <a data-linked-post="2645670723" href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-apply-unemployment-benefits/" target="_blank">unemployment checks</a>, she happily accepted a call center position.</p><p>Her <a data-linked-post="2645622826" href="https://www.xonecole.com/thrive-as-job-seeker-in-todays-market/" target="_blank">interview process</a> went at the speed of lightning, and she got a call back before she could even get home. When she attended her training on the first day of work, she realized that she made a mistake. "What the trainer shared about the position was not what the recruiter told me in the interview," says Jorden. "Before lunchtime, I knew that the job wasn't for me and I had to have an <a data-linked-post="2639199720" href="https://www.xonecole.com/job-hunting-tips-from-a-serial-job-hopper/" target="_blank">exit plan</a>."</p><p><div class="adRUPTad medrectangle" data-adunit="medrectangle"></div><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><h5>Jorden is one of the 49 percent of U.S. workers who are not in love with their job <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2019/10/25/more-than-half-of-us-workers-are-unhappy-in-their-jobs-heres-why-and-what-needs-to-be-done-now/?sh=383b8c9e2024" target="_blank">according to <em>Forbes</em></a>. People feel stuck in a company or a position that may pay their bills but doesn't feed their passion to work.</h5><p>Whether you are <a data-linked-post="2649690364" href="https://www.xonecole.com/jobs-in-high-demand/" target="_blank">looking for a job</a> to fulfill a sense of purpose or just crave a dope work environment until your next professional adventure, you deserve to be at a company that you don't have to resent later.</p><p>Here are six warning signs that will help you avoid a work nightmare and steer you toward the job of your dreams:</p><h3>1. The Job Hired You Very Quickly</h3><p>Beware of a company that's thirsty to fill a position via a short process. The <a href="https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog.gohire.io/top-100-hiring-statistics-for-2020/amp/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">average hiring turnaround</a> time is 27.5 days because recruiters value finding quality talent. A fast hire may show that the company is looking to fill a role with a warm body by any means necessary. Being placed in a role faster than you can blink can cause anxiety and stress because it is possible that you can inherit problems that haven't been resolved (i.e. lack of processes, distrustful work environment, minimal training; the list can go on!).</p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><h3>2. They've Gotten Trash Reviews From Previous Employees</h3><p>If you can browse on Indeed.com or Glassdoor on any given day and see more negative employee feedback than positive, you've got yourself a doozie. Researching employee experiences can give you an idea of the company culture and how management treats its employees. While some reviews may have a <a href="https://www.reviewtrackers.com/blog/online-review-bias/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">little bias or exaggeration,</a> the volume of bad reviews might tell you everything you need to know.</p><h3>3. There's A Misalignment Of Values</h3><p>As Drake eloquently told us, "Know yourself, <a data-linked-post="2592944612" href="https://www.xonecole.com/know-your-worth/" target="_blank">know your worth</a>." Quiet as it's kept, what a company stands for can play a part in whether a job is a good fit for you or not. Employees who are satisfied with their company's values <a href="https://cultureiq.com/blog/company-culture-employee-engagement-statistics/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">report 20 percent</a> higher alignment with work culture. If you find yourself not feeling a company's values, you have to examine your own to make sure the stars are aligned for employment there.</p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><h3>4. The Company Lied In The Job Description</h3><p>It's been proven time and time again that a job description may not always match the actual duties. If you find yourself often frustrated, bored, or confused in your role, the reality of the job just might not fit what you dreamed it would be. It is important to work in a position that fulfills your expectations so that you can bring your best self to work. Anything less can cause you not perform well and could damage your professional reputation if you don't do well at work. </p><h3>5. You Don't Have Support From Your Supervisors Or Coworkers </h3><p><a href="https://www.google.com/amp/s/blog.accessperks.com/employee-engagement-loyalty-statistics-the-ultimate-collection%3fhs_amp=true" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">Research shows</a> that 44 percent of women feel unsupported at work. If you hit the ground running with no guidance from your boss or coworkers, that may be a sign that your company is not setting you up for success. Observe who trains you, how they train you, and how confident you feel in the role when (or if) you get any training at all. </p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><h3>6. It's Not The Company, It's The Job</h3><p>Let's face it - sometimes, it's not the workplace or you. It's the gig itself, sis. </p><p>Jorden says that while she thought she was hired too quickly and wanted to skedaddle from her role, she realized that though she liked the company, she just disliked her position.</p><p>"After a few weeks on the job, I saw other roles that I got excited about," says Jorden. "My exit plan to leave the company turned into my blueprint to <a data-linked-post="2644815736" href="https://www.xonecole.com/prepare-for-your-new-promotion/" target="_blank">get a promotion</a> to something that I think is a better fit."</p><p>Recognize the difference between being unhappy with the duties in your job description and being unhappy with a company. If promotion opportunities are available and you match the company's culture and vibe, stick it out to see if you can get another role. Otherwise, take the red flag for what it is and move on to the next job that's a better fit for your skills, aspirations, and experiences. Period.</p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><p><strong>Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the <a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">xoTribe Members Community</a> today!</strong></p><p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em></p>
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Celebrity News
Tracee Ellis Ross Talks Giving Our Bodies Compassion & We Should All Lean Into Her Message
11 April
<p>Our obsession with picture-perfect bodies ages over decades. Truth be told: we have always equated <a data-linked-post="2618329578" href="https://www.xonecole.com/karrueche-tran-talks-new-movie-brown-sugar-collection-love-hate-relationship-with-social-media/" target="_blank">self-worth</a> with size. As for me and my house, I have never felt comfortable in my body and as the lockdown went on and on, I found myself longing for the body I had in years past. Even then, I thought I was <a data-linked-post="2583834451" href="https://www.xonecole.com/fat-and-flourishing-embracing-weight-gain-taught-me-self-love/" target="_blank">fat</a>. I realized in those moments that my lifetime relationship with my body was toxic.</p><p><span></span>Not to mention, all the memes in 2020 about <a data-linked-post="2650472032" href="https://www.xonecole.com/megan-thee-stallion-hottie-bootcamp/" target="_blank">quarantine weight</a>. From the quarantine 15 to eating your month's worth of favorite snacks in one day, the innanets had us all feeling guilty for living and adapting to our new normal. As much as we wanted our unusual standards to disappear once 2021 arrived, that's not what transpired. It high key feels like we are basically in an extended version of 2020 with all that is happening in the world.</p><p><div class="adRUPTad medrectangle" data-adunit="medrectangle"></div><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><p>Our favorite auntie and all-around icon, <a data-linked-post="2648184124" href="https://www.xonecole.com/tracee-ellis-ross-loneliness/" target="_blank">Tracee Ellis Ross</a>, reminded us of this when she recently posted a video recounting all that we have endured since the beginning of the lockdown. More importantly, she discusses her own <a data-linked-post="2649781767" href="https://www.xonecole.com/tracee-ellis-ross-fitness/" target="_blank">struggles with her body</a> and how she had to adjust her expectations while extending grace.</p><blockquote>"I don't know about you guys, but after the insanity of the year that we have been through, over a year now that is, you know, it's still creeping along, I didn't like transform my body, exercise like a crazy woman and turn into a vegan. And, and as a result, you know, my body feels different. </blockquote><h5>"I sat more than I'm used to. I didn't do the same amount of cardio. I wasn't in the gym because of the circumstances of what we were all living in and are all living in. There was like this funnel that was like funneling joy into very small spaces."</h5><div id="6c7ae" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e5aa9a5cc4a1bbd00ed91f3cfc6ec0a4"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CNanRZslnel/" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
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</div></blockquote></div><p>The <em>Black-ish</em> star continues to say that joy is a major part of well-being and humanity. It's what makes us feel good. It sparks spontaneity and connection and those beautiful feelings were instantly funneled into our little individual spaces. We totally agreed with Tracee when she professed that most of the things that were in that little funnel were food and drinks because it brought us solace and comfort. The moment she started judging herself for making certain choices, she started asking, "What am I doing?" Which reminded her of a friend who had a contentious relationship with her body after having her first child and decided to write her body a "thank you" note.<br></p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><blockquote><span></span>"I realized that the softness that I'm experiencing in my body, a little bit of extra weight--all of us have our own version of that--is actually something to say, thank you for that. The softness that my body has been incredibly wise--that thank you for keeping me safe during COVID or if I was a body that got COVID keeping me healthy through and fighting through a virus--that with all the sharpness and harshness and violence and fear that has been around that perhaps the softness of my body is a blessing that it has been able to nurture me in a way that my mind could not...</blockquote><h5>"I really encourage and invite all of us to just receive the wisdom of our bodies right now and allow the softness, the weight--whatever that looks like and be grateful. Like, I feel like I've made it through this year. And in some ways I've gotten deeper. In some ways I've gotten bigger in some ways. I am forever changed in some ways... I don't think that my physical body is the most important thing to come out of this very difficult time... I think it is--this is a time for us to offer compassion everywhere to our bodies and to each other."</h5><p>What a powerful, healthy way to reconnect with our bodies. I remember when I <a data-linked-post="2517017619" href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-boss-girls-guide-to-therapy/" target="_blank">started therapy</a>, one of the topics I was the most uncomfortable broaching was my relationship with my body. My therapist told me that <a data-linked-post="2651152526" href="https://www.xonecole.com/reconnect-with-your-body/" target="_blank">one way to reconnect</a> with parts of me that I don't love is by talking to those very parts. Y'all know I looked at her like she was crazy, right? What do I look like caressing my belly and talking to it? It's safe to say I told my therapist I would think about it. </p><p>Two days later, I was scrolling on Instagram and saw Lizzo caressing and talking to her belly. </p><div id="9e5c3" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="96f6ac9569d4672fd5071ba2464b018e"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/CKzlbG7FfAR/" data-instgrm-captioned="" data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0;
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</div></blockquote></div><p>She said in her caption:</p><blockquote>"I started talking to my belly this year. Blowing her kisses and showering her with praises. I used to want to cut my stomach off, I hated it so much. But it's literally ME. I am learning to radically love every part of myself. Even if it means talking to myself every morning."</blockquote><p>Both women serve as powerful reminders to love yourself, your whole self. But especially the parts of us that our hardest to love.</p><p><div class="ad-tag">
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</div></p><h4>Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/st/SignUp" target="_self">here</a> to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.</h4><p><em>Featured image via Tracee Ellis Ross/Instagram</em></p>
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<p>In 2018, <a href="https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/women/reports/2018/05/10/450577/health-care-system-racial-disparities-maternal-mortality/" target="_blank">The Center for American Progress</a> reported that African-American women are three to four times more likely to die from childbirth than non-Hispanic white women, and socioeconomic status, education, and other factors do not protect against this disparity. Celebrities like <a href="https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/culture/story/beyonce-opens-pregnancy-complications-twins-62480855" target="_blank">Beyonce</a> and <a data-linked-post="2526423237" href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-maternal-mortality/" target="_blank">Serena Williams</a> have also helped to bring awareness to these claims, as they both shared the trauma surrounding their emergency C-sections in their respective documentaries <em>Homecoming</em>, and <em>Being Serena</em>. </p><p>Additionally, Black mothers' anxiety surrounding childbirth has increased significantly during <a data-linked-post="2645522339" href="https://www.xonecole.com/covid-19-mindfulness-parenting-while-quarantined/" target="_blank">COVID-19</a>, due to <a href="https://www.today.com/health/pregnancy-coronavirus-hospitals-tighten-restrictions-during-global-pandemic-t176618" target="_blank">hospitals limiting the number of people that can enter the delivery room</a>, leaving many expectant moms feeling defenseless and unsupported. In tandem with that, a recent <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22239747" target="_blank">meta-analysis researching over 20 years of studies</a> revealed Black patients were 22 percent less likely than white patients to receive any pain medication as they were perceived to have a higher tolerance for pain, have thicker skin, and less sensitive nerve endings.</p><p>On the other side of the statistics and fears, is holistic doula, and founder of Mama Glow, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/glowmaven/?hl=en" target="_blank">Latham Thomas</a>. The Oprah Super Soul 100's Teacher established the first company to offer doula support at every stage along the childbearing continuum - including fertility doula service for women looking to conceive. Her company, which currently has over 400 doulas worldwide, has been at the helm of this resurgence of Black women reclaiming their birth experiences and seeking midwives and doulas to assist them in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/giving-birth-to-healthy-black-babies-requires-an-education-of-self/" target="_blank">various stages of their pregnancy</a>. </p><p><strong>Here's what the author shared with us the state of home births during COVID-19, how we can show up for Black moms, and self-care:</strong></p>
<p><em>Featured image via Latham Thomas/Instagram</em></p><p><em>Originally published on May 22, 2020</em></p>
The Current State Of Home Births
<p>"They're a bunch of clients who were primed for a home birth, but systemically, midwives of color have been marginalized. Dating back to the 1600s, Black slaves acted as midwives and doulas until the mid to late 1700s. When obstetrics was introduced into America, white male physicians replaced midwives, and by the 1800s, legislation was created to ban midwives from practice altogether, and in some states, midwifery is still illegal. So, they are working at their fullest capacity and because there's not so many. Our county has created legislation that's undermined the sustainability of midwives and midwifery, so, unfortunately, it's not accessible to everyone."</p>How Expectant Mothers Can Stay Encouraged
<p>"While there is a one support person rule that some hospitals have enacted, there are many things that a doula can assist you [with] via Zoom during childbirth. And if you're a single mom or single by choice, you can still bring your doula to act as your one support person. </p><p>"This is a challenging time, but it's also an exciting time in how you can prepare yourself in this process. It shouldn't be about being afraid but feeling empowered; I really want Black women to know that reclaim joy, I know tons of people who are having amazing births at this time. We can't allow fear to seep into our consciousness."</p><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXc4gPn4Zl/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXc4gPn4Zl/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div> <div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"></div></div></a><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXc4gPn4Zl/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;" target="_blank">A post shared by Latham Thomas (@glowmaven)</a> on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-05-12T14:49:28+00:00">May 12, 2019 at 7:49am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><h5>"It shouldn't be about being afraid but feeling empowered; I really want Black women to know that reclaim joy, I know tons of people who are having amazing births at this time. We can't allow fear to seep into our consciousness."</h5>
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For Moms Who Can’t Afford A Doula
<p>"There are doulas everywhere that do community-based work, and they will work with people regardless of the rate. This is a part of our scope of service at Mama Glow; it's my duty to put you in contact with someone who can help you even if I can't. We also have new doula trainees, and those doula services are much less expensive."</p>How We Can Support New Moms During This Time
<p>"When thinking about Black mothers and how we are as a culture, we're with our people. We don't do this alone, we're a community that raises our children together, and not having that village surrounding us right now can impact new moms mentally. They're struggling; they don't have the support. There's no one cooking for you, holding the baby while you shower - we need to show up for them.</p> <p>"I'd suggest sending them gift cards for groceries and having daily Zoom calls to check in on them so that the mom sees people every day, so if she has markers for postpartum depression, they're being seen. They should also consider reaching out to a licensed healthcare partner, as many therapists are offering that service online, with a sliding scale so they can work with you from home."</p><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B21xMhJnmzg/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B21xMhJnmzg/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div> <div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"> <div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;"> View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div> <div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div> <div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"> <div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div> <div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div> <div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center; margin-bottom: 24px;"> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 224px;"></div> <div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 144px;"></div></div></a><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B21xMhJnmzg/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none;" target="_blank">A post shared by Latham Thomas (@glowmaven)</a> on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-09-25T16:01:09+00:00">Sep 25, 2019 at 9:01am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote> <script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script><h5>"For us, self-care is not just a frivolous thing, it's a necessity that allows us to combat things that can fry us emotionally."</h5>
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What Self-Care Should Look Like For Black Moms
<p>"I want us to figure out what <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/morning-rituals-transform-your-day/" data-linked-post="2558752039" target="_blank">self-care rituals</a> that you can practice daily so that you can design a life you don't have to escape from. You might need to declare, 'I need a nap. I'm going to take my iPad in the bathtub and watch my favorite show, or I'm going to throw on some Beyonce and twerk.' We need to explore happiness. Recently, self-care for me has been putting together my 'stop doing list' where I proclaim what I won't take in. Black mothers accumulate so much.</p><p>"As I was thinking about <a href="https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/11/us/ahmaud-arbery-mcmichael-what-we-know/index.html" target="_blank">the murder of Ahmaud Arbery</a>, I couldn't help but appreciate that my 16-year-old child son is home with me during this time. I sleep at night soundly, because I know where he is. The spikes of anxiety Black mothers face when we think about the safety of our children can destroy our nervous system. We need to think about the stress level that exacerbates our <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-men-mental-health-advocates-emotional-space/" data-linked-post="2645897927" target="_blank">mental health</a>; for us, self-care is not just a frivolous thing, it's a necessity that allows us to combat things that can fry us emotionally. I want us to practice self-preservation and self-love and use it as a model for ourselves and our children."</p><h4>For more of Latham, follow her and Mama Glow on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/glowmaven/?hl=en" target="_blank">Instagram</a>. </h4>From Your Site Articles
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